by Rob Loveless
Cal stripped out of his sweatpants and dressed himself for the bars. To Claire’s delight, he met his sister and ex in the family room as they were getting ready to call for a car. After ten minutes, it arrived and the trio headed out.
Cal, Claire, and Andrew hopped between the few local bars in their semi-small town. Cal stuck to his usual draft beer while Claire and Andrew ordered various mixed drinks. Over their drinks, Claire filled Andrew in on the local geography and more noteworthy points of interest in the “downtown” area of their childhood neighborhood. By the time the group reached their fifth bar for the night, Cal had begun to feel himself edging past the point of tipsiness.
“Do you remember the time I stole your ID right after you turned twenty-one, and I tried to sneak in here?” Claire asked Cal as they settled themselves at the bar.
“What?” Andrew laughed as he took his seat between the siblings.
“Well, my hair used to be shorter back then,” Claire explained with a giggle.
“But not crewcut short,” Cal interjected.
“The bouncer didn’t know that,” she replied.
“He knew you didn’t have a dick.”
“Well, he didn’t seem to notice because he kept staring at my tits…which is how I got in,” Claire retorted and the group erupted in laughter.
“Ha ha, well you two seem to have an…interesting sibling relationship,” Andrew commented.
“Interesting may be an understatement,” Claire corrected.
“Never a dull moment with us,” Cal added with a chuckle as he glanced over the draft list.
“What can I get you?” the bartender asked.
“Do you guys want to do shots?” Andrew asked.
“Ugh…I probably shouldn’t,” Claire began. “But it’s the holidays, so why not?”
“It’s on me. What do you guys want?”
“Tequila,” Cal said without hesitation.
“Oh shit. We’re not playing around tonight,” Andrew chuckled before he handed his credit card to the bartender. “Three tequila shots, please.”
“Sure thing. Do you want to leave the tab open?” he asked.
“Uh, sure.”
The bartender rang the card through and then brought the shots over to the group.
“Oh, God. This is happening,” Claire remarked.
“Oh, relax, Claire. Don’t be a boring whore. It’s the holidays,” Cal teased as they picked up their shots. “Cheers.”
“Cheers,” Andrew replied as the two men took their shots.
“It’s the holidays,” Claire repeated as she braced herself for the tequila. “Holly fucking jolly.”
Claire tipped her head back as she swallowed the bitter alcohol before she began coughing. She raised a hand to her mouth as her already flushed face grew redder.
“You okay?” Andrew inquired as he patted her back gently.
“No, it went down the wrong pipe,” she explained between coughs. “I haven’t done a tequila shot since sophomore year. I forgot how much I hate it.”
Claire excused herself from the bar and hurried to the restroom.
“I better go check on her,” Andrew decided. As he stood up from the bar, his hand touched Cal’s hip and brushed against his lower back. As Andrew walked over to the restroom, the tequila continued to burn in Cal’s chest, and he dismissed the interaction that had occurred between the two men as a simple, friendly touch.
Andrew and Claire reappeared several minutes later, and his sister was ready to call it a night. Cal—the most sober of the group—ordered a car to pick them up. By the time it arrived, Claire was nodding off, feeling the exhaustive effect of alcohol. When the trio arrived home around one in the morning, Cal and Andrew had to ease her out of the car and walk her to the front door.
“Pshh, you guys. I’m fuh-ine,” Claire insisted in a slurred manner as they escorted her up the stairs.
“Be quiet, you’re gonna wake Mom and Dad,” Cal scolded.
“Whatever, they know we’re degen—degenerates,” she mumbled.
“Shh, Claire, we’re almost to your room,” Andrew said with a hiccup.
After a few moments, they got Claire into her bedroom and settled her into bed. She was out as soon as she hit the pillow and snored ever so slightly. Once Cal had tucked his little sister into bed, he left the room and was ready to go to sleep himself. However, as he arrived in the dimly lit hallway, he noticed Andrew had followed him.
“Is everything okay?” Cal asked, feeling tipsy and unsure as to why Andrew had followed him.
“Yeah. Yeah, everything’s fine,” his ex said while staring. “I, uh, I just wanted to say—”
Without warning, Andrew pressed his body against Cal’s and kissed him. Caught completely off guard, Cal staggered backward and bumped into the wall with a hollow thud. Cal placed his hand on his ex’s chest and shoved him away.
“Andrew, what are you doing?” he hissed as his heart pounded and legs quivered.
“You asked if I could’ve loved you back then,” Andrew said. He once again leaned into him as he placed his hands on Cal’s hips. The two men were so close now that the tips of their noses were nearly touching. “I did love you, Cal. And I still do.”
“Andrew,” he breathed and placed his hand on his ex’s soft cheek as they pressed their foreheads together. “You’re drunk.”
“So are you.”
“I can’t. We can’t,” he reasoned as he eased himself out of Andrew’s grasp. “You’re with my sister.”
“I know.”
“It wouldn’t be right,” Cal reiterated as he stepped backward, away from temptation.
“I know,” he repeated as he stared longingly. Cal returned his gaze as the heavy thud of his heart seemed to shake his entire body. His chest rose as he took a deep breath, hoping to gain some stability. However, all Cal breathed in was desire, and on exhaling, he released any rationality he still had.
Their bodies united, and the two men kissed each other with open mouths as Cal guided them backward through the hallway and into the guest room. Andrew closed the door behind them before ripping off his shirt. As soon as the door was shut, Cal grabbed his former lover by the belt loop of his jeans, unfastened the zipper and button, and tore them away. The ember of attraction within Cal had been reignited, and his carnal flame of lust burned ferociously.
Both men stripped before collapsing upon the bed, naked and lip-locked. Cal ran his hands over every inch of Andrew’s body as a painful, yet welcoming excitement rushed through his heart. Holding his ex in his arms was just as amazing and erotic as he had remembered. Time seemed to have slipped away, and once again Cal was twenty-one, young, dumb, and in love.
He bit Andrew’s lip, nibbled his earlobe, and pecked his way down from his neck to his chest. Cal circled the tip of his tongue around his nipples, tantalizing him with a craving for more. Andrew curled his toes and moaned softly—so he would not wake anyone—as he ran his hands through Cal’s hair. The former lovers seemed to recall each other’s favorite places to be kissed, touched, and aroused as they fooled around. The house remained still and unaware of the intimacy occurring behind closed doors.
“I missed you,” Andrew said between kisses.
Cal did not respond; he couldn’t. This encounter had to be physical in nature, and remain devoid of any emotional connection. If he admitted that he too had missed Andrew, then Cal would become attached once again, which he could not allow himself to do. This was to be a one-time thing, and a final goodbye between former lovers. However, being held captive in Andrew’s warm embrace, Cal began to speculate that perhaps this was not a final goodbye. Despite what sensibility suggested, perhaps this could be a hello to a new beginning.
Cal traced his tongue down Andrew’s torso and began kissing his waist before turning his attention toward his lover’s erection. He ran his tongue around the base before he opened his jaw and took Andrew into his mouth. He replied with a pleasurable moan as Cal continued to fondle his g
roin with his tongue and lips.
After several minutes, Andrew’s body stiffened, which—from their past experiences—Cal recognized as a sign he was getting close. However, he retreated and removed Andrew’s erection from his mouth.
“You tease,” Andrew toyed.
Cal chuckled as he got up from the bed, walked over to their discarded clothing, and pulled out Andrew’s wallet. He fished through its contents until he found what he had been searching for—a condom—and held it up. Andrew bit his lip and cocked his eyebrows.
“I figured you’d have one,” Cal said before he joined his naked lover on the bed. Once he fastened the condom on, they continued to make out for a few moments before Cal entered him.
Light beads of sweat coated the two men’s bodies and they synchronized their movements as Cal thrust inside Andrew. They breathed heavy and released slight moans with each motion, careful not to disturb the late-night silence. After several minutes of lovemaking, a familiar, euphoric sensation tingled in his groin. Andrew could tell he was close to climaxing and began stroking his own erect penis. They panted with pleasure as the sensation of an orgasm grew until their bodies tensed, and they came in unison. Like before, Andrew made an odd, almost humorous face when he climaxed, rolling his eyes back and releasing his long, carnal moan, though somewhat hushed.
Cal’s body grew rigid as he finished, and he remained positioned over Andrew for several moments while the two men gazed deep into each other’s eyes. Finally, he and Andrew got up and cleaned themselves off, careful not to make any noise. Cal was about to pull on his boxer briefs when a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind. Andrew gave his neck a tender kiss, and chills ran up Cal’s spine as he released a soft moan. He turned around to face his lover—who was also still in the buff—and stared into his brown eyes, silently wondering what was next. Andrew answered with a tender, yet passionate kiss as he eased Cal back over to the bed. The two nestled themselves under the toasty covers as they resumed their intimacy. However, this time it was not lustful or carnal but rather, it was affectionate and gentle.
“I love you,” Andrew whispered.
“I love you too,” Cal replied without hesitation, despite his better judgment. For once, he wasn’t thinking about the rational, proper thing to say, but instead said what he felt. He and Andrew held each other close and continued to kiss until they drifted off to sleep together.
The next morning, Cal awoke with Andrew’s head resting on his furry, sculpted chest. Was this a dream? Cal could not help but recall the time, over three years ago, when the two of them had spent the night together. This time though, he had not woken up alone; he had woken up with Andrew next to him. Cal smiled with content and snuggled his lover a bit closer as he closed his eyes in an attempt to fall back to sleep.
“Cal, are you awake?” Claire inquired as she knocked on the bedroom door.
His eyes flew open as the enormity of the situation crushed Cal. He had woken up with Andrew next to him. He had woken up with his ex next to him. He had woken up with his sister’s boyfriend next to him.
“Fuck, Andrew, wake up,” Cal whispered harshly.
“Mmm, what?” Andrew groaned.
“Cal?” Claire called again.
“Shit,” Andrew breathed, lurching his naked body out of bed.
“Cal, I can hear you in there,” his sister said.
“Just a sec!” he called back and began to dress in a hurry. Cal lowered his voice and turned to his ex. “Fuck, we shouldn’t have done this.”
“We were drunk,” Andrew replied as he scrambled to pull his jeans over his thick thighs.
“Yeah, but how are we gonna explain this to Claire?” he hissed. “I don’t think being drunk will offset the fact that her brother and boyfriend just fucked.”
“You left your phone in the hallway last night. How drunk were you?” Claire teased as the bedroom door swung open abruptly. She entered the room—both men had finished dressing themselves seconds prior to Claire’s entry—and stared at Cal and Andrew. “Did you gals have a slumber party last night?”
“It was an accident,” Cal began.
“Yeah, I came in here to borrow his…uh…phone charger,” Andrew explained, “and I wound up passing out.”
“Babe, your phone charger is in our room,” Claire informed him.
“Yeah. Yeah it is,” he replied.
“So,” she began with a curious chuckle, “why didn’t you use that one?”
“I thought it was going to set my phone on fire.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I was pretty fucked up last night.”
“Claire, you were gone last night. How are you up so early and not hungover?” Cal questioned, desperate to change the topic and distract his sister.
“’Cause I’m not old like you,” she teased.
“Lucky bitch,” he joked. “You said I left my phone in the hallway?”
“Yeah,” Claire said and she held it up in her hand. “And some guy sent you a few texts. Who’s Jacob?”
“What? Uh, no one,” Cal replied and his face flushed in his anxiety.
“You’re a bad liar. He’s clearly someone; someone who wants to hang out tonight,” his sister countered.
“Don’t read my texts. Just give me my phone and get out,” he said before he snatched up his cell phone.
“Hey, don’t get mad at me because you got sloppy and dropped your phone in the hall. Just be glad it was me who found it and not Mom. You know how much she loves to pry,” Claire said before she turned her attention to Andrew. “Babe, Mom’s making breakfast.”
“Okay, cool. I’ll be down in a few,” he replied. Claire gave the two men one last curious glance before she shrugged and left them alone.
“So…” Cal said once Claire had gone to the kitchen and was well out of earshot.
“That could’ve been bad,” Andrew stated.
“No, this is bad. That could’ve been worse,” he corrected as he shut the bedroom door gently.
“Yeah, you’re right. So, um, who’s Jacob?” his ex wondered aloud.
“Someone I went out with a couple of times, but it wasn’t anything serious.”
“Oh, good. I mean good, ’cause otherwise this might’ve been an even worse situation.”
“Yeah. Well, I mean…like you said, we were drunk, so…”
“Yeah. We were drunk,” Andrew repeated in an effort to excuse their behavior.
“Honestly, though, I wasn’t that drunk.”
“Me neither,” Andrew admitted as he gazed at Cal with a comforting smirk.
“I’m…I’m sorry that happened,” he apologized. As his dizzy mind began to sober, the gravity of the situation weighed upon him, and suffocated him with guilt and confusion.
“I’m not,” Andrew revealed as he edged closer. “I know we were buzzed, but I meant what I said.”
He leaned in for a kiss, but Cal retreated.
“I meant what I said too,” Cal said in a lowered, shaky voice. “We can’t. It’s not right.”
“But, you said you loved me,” Andrew recalled, seeming confused as to why the two couldn’t be together.
“And so does Claire. Remember? My sister—your girlfriend.”
“So last night was a mistake?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know,” Cal sighed. “Believe me, what we did last night—I wanted it—I wanted you. But—it’s cheating—”
“You wanted me and I wanted you. If two people want each other, shouldn’t they be together?”
“Andrew, it’s the same as it was back then. We both want each other, but the timing isn’t right.”
“What do you want?” he asked, disregarding Cal’s statement.
“It doesn’t matter what I want—”
“That wasn’t my question. I asked what do you want?”
“I want to be with you,” Cal confessed in frustration.
“And I want to be with you too.”
“But we can’t be together.”
“Why not?” Andrew pressed.
“It’s not right. You know why,” Cal stated in a firm manner. He cocked his head to the side as he observed the confused expression on Andrew’s face. “Do you seriously not see how this is wrong? Jesus, do you understand how a monogamous relationship works?”
“Andrew, are you coming?” Claire called from downstairs.
“Be right there,” he called back before he answered Cal. “Yes, I get how it works. But I had secretly hoped maybe this could be a second chance for us.”
“Andrew, you have no idea how badly I’ve wanted that. But these circumstances— We’re gonna make Claire suspicious if we stay up here much longer,” Cal reasoned. “Go downstairs and let’s talk later.”
Andrew agreed and left Cal alone in the guest room with his thoughts. His body and his heart craved for Andrew’s affection, but not under those circumstances. It wasn’t right and certainly wasn’t fair for any party involved in this turbulent, everlasting affair. Cal knew he had to give his lover up. There was no way the two men could ever be together now. Even if Andrew and Claire broke up, how could he justify dating his sister’s ex—especially if Cal was the reason they broke up. Feeling stressed and guilty, he retrieved his cell phone and dialed his voice of reason.
“Hey, you,” Sophie greeted. “How’s it going?”
“Oh, you know. It’s going,” he replied.
“Okay, that’s not vague or anything. How are things going with fuckface?” she asked.
“Not good,” Cal sighed as his grip tightened on the phone.
“Oh no, what happened?”
“I slept with him,” he informed her in a hushed and hurried voice.
“Ha ha, very funny. Seriously, what’s the issue?”
“Sophie,” Cal said as a dizziness unrelated to his slight hangover crept upon him.
“Shut up. Cal, you did not,” she dismissed him, unperturbed and still convinced he was lying to her.
He remained silent, which answered any doubts.
“No, you didn’t,” Sophie gasped.
“I slept with him, Sophie,” Cal repeated gruffly.
“What—I—I don’t even know what to say.”