by Cathy Glass
After some minutes Geraldine took a deep breath and, still looking straight ahead, said faintly, ‘We moved Liam’s cot downstairs last week. Andy and I are taking it in turns to sleep on the sofa in the front room so we can keep an eye on him. It’s no longer safe for him to be upstairs with his mother.’
An icy chill ran down my spine. ‘Why not?’ I asked gently.
‘Because Laura thinks he’s the devil’s child. My little grandson, the work of the devil! I ask you, Cathy, it would be laughable if she didn’t believe it.’ Her face crumpled and she wiped away fresh tears.
I’d heard many terrible disclosures in the past from abused children and I knew it was important that I hid my shock and remained outwardly calm and in control to give them the strength they needed to continue.
‘Shall we sit down?’ I suggested.
She nodded, and we crossed to the sofa, where I moved Paula to one end to make room for us. ‘Good girl,’ I said quietly to her, for she was looking worried.
Geraldine sat upright on the sofa and stared straight ahead. ‘It’s worse this time,’ she said. ‘Far worse than when Laura had Kim. She seems to be losing touch with reality, and she’s started threatening me.’
‘Laura is threatening you?’ I asked, shocked.
‘Yes. She doesn’t want me here. She resents me, but she can’t manage on her own, and Andy has to work. She rarely sleeps. She’s up most of the night and often doesn’t know where she is. She’s started having weird waking dreams, like she’s hallucinating. She wanders around. Last night I smelled burning and found her in the kitchen, making toast. It was two o’clock in the morning and she kept saying she didn’t like the toast I made, as I didn’t toast it enough. So she kept putting the same slice of toast back into the toaster until eventually it caught fire. I threw it in the sink and she became aggressive. I had to fetch Andy to put her back to bed. I try not to wake him, but she could have burned the house down.’ She took a deep breath and wiped her nose. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be. It’s all right,’ I said, touching her arm.
‘She’s started doing other irrational things and talking a lot of nonsense,’ Geraldine continued, keeping her eyes down. ‘Liam has a birthmark on his back. It’s not very big, but Laura read somewhere that in ancient times they thought birthmarks were put there by the devil, so the child belongs to the devil and does his work. It’s ridiculous, obviously, but she seems to believe it. She’s wary of him and I’m frightened she could do him harm. You won’t tell anyone, will you?’ she said, suddenly turning to me.
‘No, of course not, but Laura does need help. More than you and Andy can give her. What did the doctor say?’
‘She won’t go. She hasn’t been. Now she’s got worse she doesn’t think there is anything wrong with her. When she was just depressed she agreed to tell the doctor, but now she refuses to believe there is anything the matter with her. She says we’re ganging up on her and making it up.’
‘She was going to talk to the doctor at her six-week postnatal check-up. Did that not happen?’
‘I don’t think so. I took her to the appointment, but she wouldn’t let me in when she saw the doctor. I can’t force her to tell a doctor. And to be honest I’m worried that the same thing could happen to her as to her mother. She spent over six months in a psychiatric hospital following the birth of Laura.’
‘Oh, I see,’ I said. ‘Laura mentioned her mother had suffered from postnatal depression, but I didn’t realize it was that severe.’
‘We don’t talk about it. Laura’s parents didn’t have any more children after Laura,’ Geraldine said. ‘She and Andy weren’t going to have another one after Kim. But then it happened and we all hoped for the best. I read somewhere that because a woman has been depressed after having one baby it doesn’t mean it will happen again. But it has. And it’s getting worse.’ Geraldine shrugged with despair. ‘I thought we’d be able to cope and that I could help them through like I did last time. I’ve only done what I thought was right, Cathy, but it seems I’ve made things worse – far worse.’ Her face creased and, holding her head in her hands, she wept openly.
Now I had no hesitation in putting my arm around her shoulders and comforting her. Gone was the stern-faced, domineering mother-in-law who was firmly in charge and knew best no matter what, and in her place was a frail, broken woman, overwhelmed by the crisis unfolding in her family and not knowing what to do.
I lightly rubbed her back and also took hold of Paula’s hand, for she was looking at Geraldine as though she, too, might cry. ‘It’s all right, love,’ I said gently to her.
‘I’m sorry,’ Geraldine said, raising her head. ‘I’m upsetting everyone.’
‘There’s no need to be sorry,’ I said. ‘You have a right to be upset. You’ve been carrying a huge burden.’
She wiped her eyes. ‘Thank you for taking Kim to school this morning. Was she all right?’
‘Yes. She met up with a friend. I stayed until it was time for them to go in.’
‘I couldn’t leave Laura alone this morning. She was in such a state. And Andy had to go to work.’
‘I’m happy to help any time,’ I said. ‘I can bring Kim home from school this afternoon if you wish. But I think Laura needs to see a doctor. If she won’t go to the surgery then perhaps you could arrange a home visit.’
Geraldine shrugged despondently and reached for another tissue. ‘I don’t know. I’d have to explain to the receptionist what was so urgent.’
‘The surgery staff are bound by confidentiality,’ I said. ‘Or, if you don’t want to talk to the receptionist, you could make an appointment to see the doctor yourself.’
‘That won’t be necessary,’ a voice suddenly said.
Geraldine and I started as Laura came into the room, barefoot and in her dressing gown.
‘Oh, you’re up,’ Geraldine said, shocked and immediately standing.
‘Yes. Is that allowed?’ Laura asked caustically. ‘I’ll shower and dress later.’
‘How are you?’ I asked, feeling I had to say something.
‘Very well, thank you. So there’s absolutely no need for me to see a doctor.’
And my first impression was that Laura did indeed look well and completely normal.
Chapter Eleven
Trying to Hurt Him
‘I’m gasping for a coffee. Would you like one?’ Laura asked me, lightly running her hand through her hair.
‘Yes, please, if you’re making one.’
‘I’ll do it,’ Geraldine said. ‘And I’ll check on Liam.’
With her cloak of efficiency firmly back in place, Geraldine walked swiftly from the room. Laura sighed and sank into one of the armchairs. ‘She won’t let me do a thing, it’s so frustrating. And she fusses over Liam constantly. She’s even got him sleeping downstairs with her now.’
‘I think she’s just trying to help,’ I said awkwardly.
We heard Geraldine go into the front room to check on Liam and then into the kitchen.
‘Fran sends her best wishes,’ I said. ‘She said to phone her when you have a chance.’
‘Yes, I must phone her. I keep meaning to. But you know how the time flies when you have a baby. The days just seem to disappear. I’ll put it at the top of my to-do list,’ she added with a smile.
I smiled too and we were silent for some moments, both gazing at Paula who was playing with one of Liam’s soft toys. It was difficult to know what to say. I didn’t want to make things worse by saying the wrong thing, but I was amazed at how well she looked – not at all what I’d expected after what Geraldine had just told me. Her cheeks had colour and there was no sign of her previous anxiety or depression. She seemed relaxed and, apart from being irritated by Geraldine, happy.
‘It’s a lovely day outside,’ I said, glancing towards the garden.
‘Yes. I was thinking I might collect Kim this afternoon and take Liam, if she lets me.’
‘Good idea,’ I said, ignoring he
r jibe at Geraldine. I felt uncomfortable; I’d just been sympathizing with Geraldine and now I was being asked to take Laura’s side against her. Yet Laura’s resentment at having her mother-in-law make her decisions was understandable, as she appeared rational and capable of making her own decisions.
‘See how you feel later,’ I suggested. ‘I can bring Kim home if it helps.’
‘You can help me by removing the mother-in-law from hell from my house,’ Laura said with a sigh, unable to resist another dig. ‘She’s outstayed her welcome. Do you know, I’m not even allowed to make myself tea and toast when I feel like it? I fancied some last night. Then the next minute she’s in the kitchen saying I’m going to burn the house down. Just because I overcooked the toast! I mean, Cathy, tell me who hasn’t burned toast? Then she wonders why I snap at her. I get hungry breastfeeding.’
‘Yes, I did too,’ I said. ‘It’s important to eat and drink regularly when breastfeeding.’
‘She likes to give him a bottle of formula at night,’ she said, and glanced at the wall clock. ‘He’ll be awake soon for his ten o’clock feed. You don’t mind if I bring him in here to feed him, do you?’
‘No, of course not.’
‘She does,’ Laura said, again lambasting her mother-in-law. ‘She doesn’t think it’s proper to breastfeed in front of others, especially at the meal table. She told me she fed all of hers in the privacy of her bedroom. Well, good for her, I say. Times have changed. I’ll see if he is awake.’
Laura stood and began towards the living-room door as Geraldine came in carrying a tray of coffee and biscuits.
‘Where are you going?’ she asked Laura.
‘To see if Liam’s awake for his feed,’ Laura replied with attitude. ‘Is that OK?’
I felt embarrassed. Keeping her eyes down, Geraldine hurriedly set the tray on the occasional table and went down the hall after Laura. I heard their hushed voices coming from the front room in what sounded like a sharp exchange, and then a few moments later Laura returned carrying Liam in her arms. She raised her eyes in exasperation, which I pretended not to see, and she returned to her armchair.
‘Baby,’ Paula said, pointing.
‘Yes. He’s going to have his breakfast,’ I explained.
‘The second one today,’ Laura said with a smile, putting him to her breast.
I watched Paula’s face. It was a picture. As Laura fed Liam I sipped my coffee and we talked. Paula took a few steps closer to her for a better look. Laura didn’t mind. I saw the love that was in Laura’s eyes as she gazed at her son suckling contentedly. It was impossible to imagine what Geraldine had told me. Far from being wary of him as the devil’s child, Laura held him close, protectively. I’m sure she would have died for him rather than let any harm come to him, as most mothers would. Her tenderness and compassion were obvious, but why would Geraldine have made all that up?
When Liam finished suckling on one side Laura gently turned him round to finish feeding on the other side, all the time smiling down at him, full of love and kindness. Once he’d finished she winded him and then drank her now-lukewarm coffee. We continued talking, about babies, the school and fostering, which so many people are interested in and ask questions about, then I said I should be going, as I had things to do.
‘Thanks for stopping by,’ Laura said. ‘Can you see yourself out?’ Liam was fast asleep in her arms.
‘Yes, of course. Take care, and I hope to see you in the playground this afternoon.’
‘Yes.’ Paula clambered down from the sofa and we quietly left the room so we wouldn’t wake Liam. As we approached the front door Geraldine suddenly appeared from the front room. I had the feeling she’d been waiting there for me to leave.
‘If I’m not in the playground this afternoon, can you bring Kim home, please?’ she said quietly.
‘Yes, but Laura seems fine now,’ I said. ‘She’s talking about collecting Kim herself, and taking Liam.’
‘We’ll see about that,’ Geraldine said stiffly, all vulnerability gone. ‘She may seem fine now, but her moods can change very quickly. It will ease my mind to know that you will collect Kim if I’m not there.’
‘Yes, of course,’ I said. Although it seemed she’d already ruled out any possibility of Laura collecting Kim.
‘Thank you,’ Geraldine said flatly as she opened the front door.
I helped Paula out and over the step and the door closed behind us.
With Paula holding one hand, I pushed the stroller with the other and we walked slowly down the garden path and then along the street towards home. I was perplexed, worried and bemused by what had taken place and began to wonder if Geraldine was the one with issues, for I’d seen no evidence of the paranoia she’d described in Laura. Indeed, Laura had acted perfectly rationally, had talked in positive terms and seemed well balanced and the picture of health. True, she resented her mother-in-law big time, but who could blame her if she was trying to control and dominate her? But then again, why would anyone in their right mind make up such dreadful stories about their daughter-in-law? I didn’t know who or what to believe.
Once I’d settled Paula for her nap I took out my books, but I didn’t get very far with my research or writing. My thoughts kept returning to number 53 and the awful atmosphere that must pervade there, especially when Laura and her mother-in-law were there alone. Did they try to talk civilly to each other, or did they continuously argue or avoid each other by occupying different rooms? What a dreadful atmosphere for Kim to come home to, though perhaps they made an effort when she was there. I wondered what Andy, Laura’s husband and Geraldine’s son, made of it all. He must have felt as though he was caught between a rock and a hard place, with his mother and wife feuding. Surely he would take the necessary action, either by ensuring that Laura saw a doctor, if what Geraldine had said was true, or if it wasn’t then sending his mother home? Laura had needed help when she’d been depressed, but if Geraldine was now trying to create that need then it really fell to Andy to sort out the mess, difficult though it may be.
I was half expecting to see Laura in the playground that afternoon, as she’d seemed confident that she would be collecting Kim, but she didn’t arrive. Then, as the Klaxon sounded for the end of school, I realized that Geraldine wasn’t in the playground either. I moved closer to the door where the children would come out and watched carefully for Kim. Adrian’s class was out first and then Kim’s. When she emerged I went over to her.
‘Your gran asked me to collect you,’ I said.
‘Is Mum all right?’ Kim asked, immediately concerned.
‘Yes. I saw her and your brother this morning,’ I said with a cheery smile. It was all I could say, as clearly I didn’t know what had happened in the interim.
On the walk back home Kim baby-talked to Paula, which I guessed she did to her brother. It was sweet and Paula loved the attention. Then Kim told us about her class’s project on the Vikings. Their teacher had asked them all to take in as many cardboard boxes as they could the next day, as they were going to make a big model of a Viking boat, big enough for all the class to sit in and row.
‘That sounds great,’ I said. ‘How exciting.’ Children’s learning is so much fun now.
‘I’ll have to go to the shop if we haven’t got any boxes big enough,’ Kim said thoughtfully.
‘Do you still go shopping for your mum sometimes?’ I asked.
‘Not really. Gran’s there now.’
I would have liked to hear Kim’s views on what was going on at home, but it wasn’t appropriate for me to question her. We continued towards her house with Adrian joining in the talk about Viking boat building and Paula trying her best to say ‘Vi-King’, making it sound like a person.
I intended to walk Kim right up to her front door, but Geraldine must have been watching out for us, for as we stopped at her garden gate the front door opened and Geraldine appeared. Kim said goodbye to us and ran up the path. Geraldine gave a perfunctory wave of thanks and as soon as K
im was inside she closed the door, so I had no idea how Laura was.
We continued home and the evening passed as most school nights do, with the children playing while I made dinner, followed by Adrian’s homework, some television and then the children’s bath and bedtime routines. But Laura wasn’t far from my thoughts, and I wondered how their evening was progressing. That night, as Adrian and I hummed Brahms’s ‘Lullaby’, my thoughts turned to Shelley and Darrel. I hoped she’d let me know how her visit to her old foster carer, Carol, had gone, and whether she’d plucked up the courage to audition for the choir. But even if I never heard from her again I would still remember them both, as I was sure Adrian would.
I was in bed by ten-thirty and asleep before eleven, but then I was jolted wide awake by the telephone ringing. I grabbed the handset from my bedside cabinet with my heart thumping loudly and my mouth going dry, convinced a tragedy had befallen a loved one. It was the only reason I could think of for someone calling at this time, and with my husband, John, working abroad, the chances of it being bad news seemed dramatically increased.
‘Yes? Hello?’ I said, my voice shaking.
‘Cathy? Is that you?’
‘Laura?’
‘Yes, you sound different. Hope you don’t mind, but I thought I’d phone you for a chat.’
I looked at my bedside clock; it was 11.40. I heaved myself up the pillow and tried to calm my racing heart.