***
Even though everything had unfolded perfectly, I had worried there was a chance the night could go astray. During the planning and leading up to the ceremony I had one concern that I could not shake. Alcohol has way of turning a celebration into a disaster. Javi’s family and some of our friends like to drink socially, so I felt obliged to provide a cocktail hour and fully stocked bar. This was a party after all and I knew that I shouldn’t generalize my experiences and apply them to every guest. Hoping for some non-slurring company, I had tried to get my bridesmaids to promise me they wouldn’t drink, but none of them really made any blood oaths to abstain.
Isaac learning to swim
Javi and Isaac
Swimming with Isaac at a friend’s house in Dover, PA
Naturally I felt a little guarded, but to my complete surprise and relief not one single guest drank to the point where it upset me. I was able to enjoy dancing and speaking with the people who had chosen to drink. This was so important to me and I was genuinely pleased everyone held to my expectations.
I had assumed all drunk people transform into monsters of destruction. The uncontrollable stupidity of those who can’t walk a straight line disgusts me, but more than that it frightens me. What I have finally come to realize is that alcoholics are the extreme. I have a negative association with drinking and it is an unhealthy and extremely general way to think about it. I’ve changed though. I’ve learned. It’s okay to drink socially, in moderation, or to kick back and have a beer after a long day. It’s just about being responsible and not acting like a complete idiot. I was put in my place even more at my wedding, as a healthy middle ground was found by all. Out of all my wedding-related worries, I was shocked at how well this minor part had gone.
***
The celebration was over and after a few days the rush of pure joy was running a little thin. I wasn’t prepared for post-wedding blues. The high adrenaline and delight of the day naturally had to dwindle down, but I had no idea there was something other than that lurking in my head. The fact of the matter is my mother and father were not present at my wedding. Most people would be sad to hear that or to imagine being in a similar situation. At the time, I didn’t care. I had Isaac and Javi. What more could I ask for, right? I honestly had no idea that I had any feelings of regret.
At the next day of shooting, MTV asked me to do some pickups—a little self-reflecting on camera. This impressed upon me some feelings of wedding nostalgia and forced me to look inward. I had no choice but to let my head wander over the ugly fact that my parents were missing at one of the biggest days of my life. The more I did so, the more infuriated I became with my mother. I was pissed because I felt she had never pulled it together for me. Being a mother myself, I will never understand what could be more important than your child. Even though I do understand that addiction changes your perception of what’s important, the anger and hurt hasn’t disappeared as quickly as I would have liked. I hadn’t anticipated crying on camera because I hadn’t allowed myself to feel any emotion about the lack of blood-related family at the wedding.
It was my choice not to extend an invitation. I had decided I would rather not stick my neck out and put them in a position to let me down. I felt like neither of my parents had ever been around when I truly needed them. I thought giving them the opportunity to appear as if we had a normal relationship would have been a mistake on my part. My mom did call me as I was getting ready, but I didn’t answer. She probably wanted to come, but I wasn’t changing my decision. In that sense it must seem like I put myself in a position to be miserable and that I never gave her a chance. I just didn’t want her to appear like supermom during one of the most joyous and memorable moments of my life. Since I didn’t believe she had been there for me during all of the terrible times, why would I allow her to sneak back into my life now?
Dancing with Isaac at the wedding.
As for Raymond, I feel that he has been even less of a parent to me. My mom was more of dad to me than he ever was. I am at peace with my father not being there. He has never really been in my life, so I had no need to have him at my wedding.
Their absence didn’t go unnoticed. I was sure our family and friends were aware of the situation. Javi had even tried to convince me to change my mind. His argument was valid. I did only have one mother and this was my huge wedding day. I got that he was trying to help me avoid feeling regret down the road, but my pride intervened. I wanted to remain steadfast on my decision. Besides, Javi has a huge, loving family and their genuine support and love was the icing on the cake that day. I know they will always be there for me.
Chapter 26
Little Lincoln
“I’m gonna go into labor tonight,” I announced mid-football game.
The loud cheers dulled down in the freezing air as I held onto my stomach and read the expressions on everyone’s faces. Javi and our two new friends, Chris and Wendy, stared back blankly. How did I know? The frigid air may have been sending slight shivers down my spine, but there was another unsettling feeling lurking. It was the same feeling I had the night before I gave birth to Isaac. My baby would be arriving in this world soon.
I was sort of upset the pregnancy was almost over. The beauty of carrying a child had been overshadowed by all of the constant stress of the past few months. I felt like I hadn’t had time to make a connection with the baby because I had been so preoccupied with trying to balance too many things—the move, custody issues over Isaac, planning a wedding. The nine months had swept by without hesitation or warning and now the major anxiety of it all was crashing down on me.
At midnight the cramping began. The signs were all the same. I told Javi I was in labor, but he dismissed it. He knew how overly worried I could be so he said I should go to sleep. Three hours later, I woke Javi up. The cramps were so strong I could no longer sleep. This was it.
Javi called and left a message for my doctor. I had been freaking out over my doctor of choice being present for the birth, even though he had promised to be available for whenever I went into labor. As Javi called the standby MTV camera girl, I crossed my fingers that my doctor would arrive at the hospital shortly after us. Isaac was still sound asleep in his bed, so I was more than grateful Javi’s mother had been staying with us in case of this sort of emergency occurred. At four in the morning, Javi and I arrived at Kent General Hospital in Dover. We had gotten there just in time, as my contractions were now five minutes apart.
Since cameras weren’t allowed in the hospital, someone from the MTV crew handed Javi a flip camera and insisted he grab some footage. He filmed what we were comfortable with, which didn’t include the actual labor. It was very stretched out, two hours longer than Isaac’s fourteen-hour birth. Thankfully, I was nowhere near as irritable as I was then.
The scene in my hospital room was the complete opposite this time. It wasn’t overcrowded or noisy. Javi was my only support and he proved to be better than a boatload of people encouraging me to push. Javi sat by my side and did his best to calm me down. I didn’t yell once or become annoyed with him at all through the slow hours leading up to the delivery.
Even though I had looked into various options, I didn’t have a specific birth plan. I only wanted pain meds if I asked for them in the moment. Finally, the doctor (who thankfully had arrived without a hitch) told me I was ready to push. Javi’s face turned pale. He looked down for a moment and then back up at me.
“I think I’m going to pass out,” he said quietly.
Three pushes later I had a new baby and (thankfully) a fully-conscious husband. I heard Javi say, “It’s a boy!” and all the worry and anxiety melted away as the doctor placed my baby in my arms. Lincoln Marshall Marroquin was born on November 16, 2013 at 4:28 p.m. He weighed a healthy eight pounds and six ounces and was twenty-one inches long. He was perfect just like Isaac.
Two days later, we were able to bring Lincoln home to his Pinterest-inspired, gender-neutral bedroom. I had put our dogs at the kennel f
or a few days to eliminate the insistent barking, so that was one potentially crazy scene out of the way. But, despite all our preparations, bringing a new baby home was chaotic. Even though Isaac had started pre-K in September, we were still adjusting to that schedule. Thankfully Javi had taken ten days off from work so I wouldn’t be alone in taking care of two children, yet our house was still a storm of disorder.
Providing undivided attention to two young children in different developmental stages, proved to be an enormous challenge. Nursing Lincoln left me with no free hands to hold Isaac’s artwork and proclaim him the next Picasso. Javi adapted to the dynamic. The transition for Isaac was my main concern but Javi put me at ease, ensuring Isaac never felt left out or ignored.
Issac and Lincoln.
Isaac, 4, laying with his baby brother Lincoln, 11 weeks old.
Isaac’s enthusiasm was adorable. At first, he seemed a little disinterested, but as time passed he learned to help burp Lincoln and became very engaged. He can’t wait until Lincoln is able to talk and play and neither can I. It means so much to me that my boys will be able to experience that special bond shared by siblings. It’s something I never had. Isaac will be the best big brother ever and I know he can’t wait to teach Lincoln all about Toy Story.
I’m excited to see how our lives together will unfold, even if that means going through some stressful custody battles to get there. In October of 2013, we had a pretrial. 2014 will hopefully bring about a healthy agreement between Jo and me. There haven’t been any new arrangements yet, so for now Jo gets Isaac Thursday through Sunday every other week and then Thursday into Friday during the alternate week. As much as I can disagree or sometimes not get along with Jo, I don’t see it being like that forever. I want us to have a healthy relationship for Isaac’s sake.
Nursing Lincoln before the reunion show, February 2014
My friend and cast mate, Leah, is living proof that you can make one whole family out of two. She and the father of her two children, Corey, have both remarried and Leah loves that his new wife, Miranda, treats their two girls like they were her own. It’s beautiful to see Corey and Leah both happily remarried, while maintaining a healthy relationship with one another for their daughters.
That is exactly what I want. Isaac should never feel as though he is the center of the rope that Jo and I are both tugging from opposite ends. We both need to let go, so Isaac has the freedom to move from one side to the other. Hopefully soon, there won’t be sides. It’ll be a complete circle, our own unique family.
Chapter 27
The Mermaid and Dory
Astrology has depicted my personality and the branches blooming from it. The Pisces symbol’s meaning has led me to take an interest in exploring how my astrological sign relates to me. I’ve also become obsessed with another water symbol, which represents an image I have maintained and has even spawned a parody Twitter account. Oddly enough, it’s for my hair and yes, it humors me. Ariel may rock the red, but I have the long blonde hair giving Rapunzel a run for her money. The combination of exaggeratedly long, REAL hair and my astrological sign has branded me as a mythological creature of the sea.
I like to swim deeply and stay away from shallow waters. If I pop up to land, people try to take advantage of my uniqueness and sell me as a story. By now you should have guessed . . . mermaid. I’m a mermaid! Yes, you heard me correctly. As ridiculous as it may sound, I truly believe in the symbolic nature of these romantic beings.
As for astrology, Pisces are of the sea too. The two fish represent quite a lot about me. I’m past the daily horoscope check. My interest goes much deeper than that. Sometimes the horoscopes are so on point and sometimes they are so very off, but the Pisces sign and what it stands for is what I believe in because it so accurately reflects who I am.
Pisces are afraid of ridicule. Pisces are misfortunate beings. We are open to change. The sign represents how I’ve adapted to every fishhook thrown in my direction. The Pisces attitude and personality has matched up to mine like a mitten passed down from generation to generation. Like fish in the sea, I’ve learned to adapt to survive.
As I keep on growing, the next step is more education. I’ll be able to pursue a real passion for a career and attend a college. Broadcast journalism has been calling me ever since I began doing voiceovers for MTV and increasingly became more active in creating podcasts. I want to be active, pursue my own reports, and perhaps not shy away from television. We’ll see. First, I have to get a Bachelor’s degree. I applied to Delaware State and hope to focus on Radio/TV/Film as a major. I want to be in front of the camera because it’s not only comfortable but something I want to explore more.
Hope for the future and the current sunshine in my present has brought upon a joyful spirit. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. All positive vibes and happiness are here. I’m done living under the scrutiny of people who want to see me fail. I’ve done my best, even if that doesn’t meet everyone’s standards.
Sure, I’ll still keep the mermaid hair but I’m letting go of the tail and scales. They’re too flashy for my taste anyway. I can swim freely without having anyone tugging me back—unless it’s Ellen DeGeneres. If Ellen would ever give me the honor to step on her set, I’d follow Dory around the ocean forever.
Just keep swimming!
Isaac and Lincoln
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Kailyn Lowry:
Above all, I’d like to first thank the two best little human beings on the planet. Isaac and Lincoln, you both are my heart. Thank you to every single person in my life who has shown complete resilience and stood by me even when I didn’t deserve it. To MTV and the Teen Mom crew, I am so appreciative of the opportunity you have bestowed upon me. The blessings and support I have received over the years are due to your patience and kindness toward me. Thank you all so much.
Adrienne Wennner:
My unconventional thanks goes out to my lifelong hero, The Edge. You’ve always inspired me to reach for perfection within all of my aspirations and to be extraordinary every day. To my two unaware counterparts from the West, Mike McCready and Eddie Vedder, this is for you. Also, thank you to my chosen family for your unconditional support, love, and enthusiasm.
AUTHOR BIO
Kailyn Lowry is a cast member of 16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom 2. She lives in Dover, Delaware with her husband Javi, her sons, Isaac and Lincoln, and their two dogs, Bear and Gizmo. Kail loves spending time with her family, decorating her home via DIY Pinterest projects, and soaking up the sun on the beach.
Adrienne Wenner is a writer, photographer, and rock ’n’ roll soul residing in Brooklyn. She is a Hofstra University graduate with a B.A. in journalism and fine arts. When Adrienne isn’t scribbling stories down, she can be found at the front row of a U2 or Pearl Jam show.
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