by Melissa Jane
Nodding slightly to accept fault I continued, “That step was higher than the others. Studies have proven mere millimeters is enough to trick brain and foot coordination. But,” I exclaimed, pulling her away to arm’s length, “that was only two years ago. Yet, we remember it like it was yesterday.”
Biting her cheek in contemplation, she swiped at the stray tears. “I guess you’re right.”
“I am. Plus, you, Jase, and Mimi are going to be so busy you won’t have time for anyone else.” Before I could finish the sentence, realisation dawned. “You’re moving in with him! That’s why you’re practicing making the bed, and you just said ‘this next stage of your life.’”
“He asked last week, but I haven’t yet given him an answer.”
Taking her hand in mine, we sat on the edge of the bed. “He’s nothing like Vince, honey. If that’s the reason you are questioning it, then don’t. Understand that Jase is a carer and a provider. If he’s asked you to be part of his life, it’s because he loves you and he trusts you with Mimi.”
“You think I should say yes?”
“Yes, like a week ago.”
This earned a smile and another unladylike sniff. “Okay. I will accept.”
“But…on one condition,” I said light-heartedly knowing that if they were moving this fast already there was nothing stopping them. “No marriage or kids until I return home.”
***
The weather had turned miserable.
The once beautiful blue sky was now a sickening purplish gray. Heavy droplets of rain were starting to sporadically fall smashing like miniature tidal waves on the windscreen.
Leo was meant to pick me back up to take me to the airport, but I messaged to say Nicole would drop me off at his. I needed the extra time with her to ensure she was grounded before I left. Fortunately, it seemed our little chat and weeklong revelations had done just the trick. She seemed confident and assured that the future looked bright. She held my hand as we drove and chatted about nothing of importance so as to avoid the tears.
Then once we hauled the bags out of the tiny car, the tears again began to roll.
“I want to see regular updates, chat at least once a week and plenty of pictures.”
“Deal and ditto.”
Nicole pulled me into her arms and we held each other tight. “I love you so much, babe,” I muttered through a tightened throat.
“Beyond words,” she replied before setting me at arm’s length. “Now go see your man. Message when you land, okay?”
“Okay.”
With one last hug and kiss, I watched as Nicole wore her bravest of faces, biting hard on her bottom lip. Rounding the car, she shot me a sad look and gave a small wave before she climbed in and drove off. I stayed rooted to the spot until she disappeared out of sight. The smell of rain was strong, the droplets now a steady fall. Wheeling my bags up the drive to the front door, I found it to be wide open. Placing them just inside the threshold, I called out to Leo and got no reply. The house was empty. Cutting straight through to the back door, I spotted him down by the shore. It was low tide so even if I called out, he wouldn’t have heard. Kicking off my shoes, I made my way down the stairs and trudged over the loose sand that was now dimpled with tiny rain cavities.
Coming to a standstill, I watched the man who had his back to me, hands in his pockets, staring out at the ocean. I could feel myself crumbling, my resolve taking a backseat, vision blurring the gorgeous man I loved so much. Swallowing the hard, painful lump, I continued my path, the rain now falling at a steady pace. By the time I reached him, my clothes were dripping, hair clinging to my face.
“Leo,” I murmured, my strained voice sounded like a husky whisper.
His head dropped slightly at the sound of my voice. When he didn’t turn, my tears fell down my cheeks blending with the drops of rain. Taking another step, I joined him by his side. We both stared out into the vast gray ocean, its choice of colour scheme fitting for the day. The waves churned like a dark cauldron with the impending storm on the horizon, a cold chill settling in.
Silently taking my hand in his, fingers now interlaced, there was a deep-seated sadness that passed between us. Blinking furiously to shake the rain from my lashes I turned to him.
Gradually, he met my gaze and my heart shattered into a million pieces. His eyes were bloodshot, red-rimmed and tired.
“Josie,” he whispered. And just like that I was beaten. Lacking all control, my cries violently erupted from my shaking body. I couldn’t talk. I could hardly breathe. Everything became a blur.
Drawing me into his arms, he held tight, cocooning me in his love. I could feel his heart frantically beating, his hand snaking to the nape of neck holding me close. Foreheads touching, Leo gently kissed my quivering lips. It was long, lingering, and full of sadness and goodbyes. Pulling away, he inhaled deeply beckoning composure.
“It was never meant to be easy,” I stammered, the words not making sense even to my own ears. “We knew it wouldn’t be, but we still did it.” By now the rain had us both saturated, yet I barely felt it.
“I couldn’t not have, Bella, not even for a second after seeing you for the first time.”
Biting my bottom lip, the pain assaulted me, but it was nothing to how bad my heart was hurting.
“In another time and another place, Josie Marks, we will be together again.”
***
In fresh dry clothes, we sat in the warmth of Leo’s car on our way to the airport. The rain had subsided, but the sky still was an ominous black, thick clouds rolling over the Hinterland mountains threatening further downpour.
Summer was over. The summer of sunshine, crashing waves, warm salsa nights spent with Leo and the sweet taste of tequila and love were now nothing more than a memory.
CHAPTER 29
“Ma’am,” the attendant’s stern voice was enough to get my heart pounding. “You’re late and are the final passenger to check in.”
“I know,” I stammered, flustered because Leo was parking the car still, and I was expected to make my way down through customs where he couldn’t follow. “The rain caused some delay on the highway.”
She eyed me with a mix of indifference and annoyance. Her heavy blue eyeshadow was uneven and I had trouble focusing.
Where was Leo?
“You only have five minutes left to complete check in bypassing security. I suggest you make your way down there now.”
“I understand.” Nerves were wracking me. I couldn’t just leave. “I’m just waiting to say goodbye—”
“Say goodbye or make your flight. Your choice.” There it was again, the indifference. I shouldn’t have expected her to care. It wasn’t her life about to change. Besides, what was the rush? Once passing security, I’d have to wait another hour anyway.
Collecting my passport off the counter I backed away, her arched eyebrow and pursed lips full of judgment.
Heading back to the front of the airport I saw fresh waves of cars pull into the loading zone where Leo had dropped me off before leaving to find a park. He was nowhere in sight.
“Come on, come on, come on,” I begged, hoping his face would instantly appear.
“Ms. Josie Marks, please proceed through to security,” the voice-over sounded.
Shit!
Dialing Leo’s number it went straight through to voicemail. Hanging up without leaving a message, I paced the length of the entry knowing my window of opportunity was coming to a close.
“Paging passenger flying Qantas945 to Paris, Ms. Josie Marks. You are required through security immediately.”
“Josie!” Leo’s voice caused my heart to leap with joy. Turning, I saw him running the length of the airport having entered at the lower end door. Taking off in a sprint, I met him halfway, his arms wrapping themselves tight around me. Our hearts were beating at a rampant pace in sync with each other.
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t park for miles away.”
“They’re calling my name.”
“It has, hasn’t it?” Squeezing my eyes closed, I pushed out a wave of tears. “Leo…I don’t want to go anymore.” I choked. “I just wanna be with you.”
“Bella,” his eyes glistened. “It won’t be for long, I promise.” His thumb gently wiped a stream of tears.
“It’s too long. I don’t want to be without you.”
“You need to do this. Remember why you’re there. To paint the world beautiful again.” Remembering the loss I felt when losing my mother after she spoke those words, and now the pain of losing Leo…it was all too much.
“Final call for passenger Josie Marks. Please make your way down to security.”
“You have to go.”
Biting my bottom lip to stop the tremble, I nodded.
“Goodbye, my beautiful Josie.” Leo leaned forward, gently kissing my forehead, nose, and both cheeks before twice tenderly on the lips. Taking a step back, his hands fell away from me for the last time, his face failing to disguise his own heartache.
Four words and I was broken.
Six kisses and Leo whispered his goodbye.
***
Numb. I couldn’t feel a thing and I didn’t know if that was good or bad.
I was sitting on the plane having little time to spare after progressing through the security and customs check. I didn’t turn and look up at the viewing platform when I walked to the terminal. I couldn’t bring myself to see Leo’s face again.
Instead, as the plane’s engine roared to life and frosty air filtered above the luggage compartment, I sat in my tiny chair, numb.
I wasn’t immune to the curious stares of fellow passengers as I made my way down the aisle to my seat. My blotchy face and seemingly endless spring of tears resulted in unwanted attention.
I barely heard the pilot welcoming passengers on board and I lacked the focus to listen to emergency procedures the stewards were performing.
I was trapped in the middle between a man with a girth so wide it was encroaching on my space and a woman who was chewing loudly on her gum, unaware of others surrounding her. Unable to have my music playing, I endured the sounds of saliva churning through her mouth, my deep breathing doing little to quell the irritation.
Despite travel time being just over twenty-four hours with a stopover, all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and cry.
“Traveling alone?” The hefty man next to me smiled in greeting. He took one look at my face and his smile faltered.
Was I traveling alone? Was it not obvious?
“Yes,” I replied deadpan.
“Me too.”
Awesome.
Inhaling sharply, I closed my eyes ignoring the man who was just trying to be nice. I was aware I was coming across as a bitch, but in all honesty I just didn’t care. If I could wear a sign saying ‘Fragile. Handle with care,’ I would.
Within moments, my body was thrown back against the chair as the plane catapulted down the runway at top speed.
This was it. This was actually happening. I was leaving my home, my love, my life.
By the time the plane angled straight, the stewardess had taken to the aisles with her drink cart. Purchasing two mini bottles of wine, which only equated to two glasses, I plugged in my headphones and closed my eyes listening to the rhythmic beats of my favorite salsa and Bachata music.
Without even opening my eyes, I sipped from my stout plastic wine glass, memories of a glorious three months dancing before me.
CHAPTER 30
With no regard for road safety, my cab driver whizzed in and out of Paris traffic like he was a formula one driver. If I had been half asleep when trudging my way through the Charles De Gaulle Airport with two heavy suitcases, I was certainly awake now. It was late, at least two in the morning French time, and I was in desperate need of a shower. Despite seeing my life flash before my eyes on several occasions, I wound my window down and enjoyed the city’s night lights that passed by at a furious speed. The wind was blowing my long hair but was refreshing after spending so long within the confines of a plane.
I was in awe of Paris and what I had seen so far. Obviously, it wasn’t much but I could definitely think of worse places to spend the next two years of my life. My heart sank, still sore after farewelling Leo.
A single tear fell down my cheek. I couldn’t imagine a day when it wouldn’t hurt.
I couldn’t imagine a day would go by without questioning my decision.
***
An equally tired face met mine shortly after knocking on the door to my apartment. My new roommate greeted me with a weak smile, her pajamas skewed and hair a crazy mess.
“Come in,” she said with an American accent. Taking hold of one of my suitcases she wheeled it through the door as I followed.
Small didn’t begin to describe my new lodgings. It was only a quarter the size of the place I shared with Nicole. A small window at the rear end of the room was the only connection to the outside world, two offshoot bedrooms to the left.
“I’m Cassie.” My roommate gave a small wave.
“Josie,” I replied, a little nervous about just making myself at home.
“Best you unpack in the morning,” she suggested. “Your room is there.” She pointed to the one left of hers.
“Good idea and thank you. I’m smashed.”
“I flew in yesterday and am still playing catch up. I can imagine it’s worse for you. Goodnight.” Cassie gave a tired smile and disappeared into her bedroom closing the door behind her.
Left standing alone in a foreign apartment, I did a quick study of my surroundings. The place was neat and tidy but not yet lived in. The furniture was minimal with comfort not in mind, but I figured we wouldn’t have much time to lounge around with our timetable.
Wheeling my cases in my room, I saw that it was much the same as the communal areas. Minimal and lacking comfort. Retrieving my shower bag, I made for the shower. Stripping off my clothes I let the stream of hot water rinse the last twenty-four hours of filth off me. The feeling was short-lived as the water soon lost its heat and turned ice cold.
Barely dry, I collapsed on the unfamiliar bed, phone in hand. Switching it on, the screen lit up the dark room. Only seconds later it vibrated, a name of someone special displayed.
Leo: I miss you already, Bella. Settle in and call me when you can. Love you.
As a rock formed in my throat and my tired eyes burned from salty tears, I let Leo’s words cradle me to sleep. My heart breaking in the dark of night in a foreign country.
***
“Morning, sunshine,” Cassie greeted, an entirely different person from last night. She was bright and bubbly, whereas I felt and looked worse.
“Morning,” I mumbled, accepting the bowl of cereal she handed me.
“We can go in together today for our orientation.”
“Okay.”
“They expect us to start class in two days, so best you spend time organising yourself and getting some rest. You look like crap.”
“I feel it, I can promise you.”
She studied me for a second, pausing mid-chew, eyes narrowed. She reminded me so much of Nicole.
“You left a man behind, didn’t you?”
She didn’t mean for it to, but her words stung. Not only was I emotional, but I woke feeling extra hormonal which in my current state was so not welcomed.
Feeling like my mouthful of cereal lodged itself in my throat, I coughed gently hoping I wouldn’t spray chewed food particles everywhere.
“Yes, I did.”
Nodding in empathy, she patted my hand. “Best you make the most of building a life here so that you forget your old one. Don’t let your past affect the cha
nce you have been given.”
She was right and I felt like an asshole for it. I’d been so caught up in myself that I had taken this opportunity for granted.
“Come on, we have five minutes to finish up and get out of here.”
***
I desperately wanted some time to call Leo, but already I was under time pressure having woken late and jetlagged. The city during the day looked vastly different to what it did at night. As the bus took us from our street to Lafayette, I saw the grandeur of the old buildings and it was simply breathtaking.
Despite only being in the country a day before me, Cassie seemed more than confident with her surroundings and instead of being a foreigner, she was more like a local.
“Let’s go,” she said, swinging her bag over her shoulder as the bus pulled to a stop. Following her out, we came to a standstill outside the grand building. It was late architecturally inspired with gargoyles positioned around the roof. It was typically French and I loved it.
“Here we go,” Cassie said, taking a deep breath.
Despite the exterior dating back centuries, a sliding glass door welcomed us flushing our frozen faces with a blast of hot air. It felt like heaven in what was a stark comparison to the summer I’d just left.
Taking to the wide stairs, we trudged our way up to the second floor and were greeted by a super thin, chic receptionist.
“Are you students?” she asked in a heavily accented voice. We both nodded. “Passports, merci.”
Presenting our documentation we waited for the lady to finish processing each of us.
“Here,” she said, handing back our passports. “You are last to arrive. Make your way quickly down the hall where the orientation is being held.”
Hot footing it in the direction she pointed, we traveled down a long hallway that was a deep forest green with Renaissance-style artwork adorning the walls. Feeling my heart rate spike, my palms sweaty, I realised I was actually nervous.