by Duncan Pile
“Who knows?” Gaspi responded. “Last time we saw her she wasn’t herself at all, so maybe she’ll understand. I dunno what Emmy will be like either, but I’m expecting the worst.”
“Well, we’ll find out as soon as they get here,” Taurnil said.
“That’s for sure,” Gaspi said with a grimace.
…
It was late mid-morning when they reached the lake. When Emmy saw the sunken ferry, she thought for a moment that Gaspi and the others had crossed and then scuppered the boat, but Lilly led them east, skirting the border of the lake. Clearly Gaspi hadn’t crossed the lake, which meant they were still on their trail. Thy rode on for several hours, and by the time they neared the lake’s eastern shore, Lilly’s excitement had reached a fever pitch.
“Is that movement I see?” Hephistole said, bringing his horse to a halt and peering at a thicket that grew near the lake shore. Emmy squinted her eyes tight against the bright sunlight, and sure enough, she could see people moving among the trees.
“How do we know it’s them?” Hephistole asked. “Perhaps Lilly could go and look.”
“It’s them,” Heath said, the certainty in his voice causing Emmy’s stomach to give a nauseating flip. Tingling with nervous energy, she glanced over at Lydia for solidarity, but the gypsy girl was staring at the trees with wide eyes and an expression that was naked with need. They rode another hundred yards before they were spotted.
“HO!” someone called from within the trees, and soon enough people were emerging from the thicket – the familiar shapes of men she knew well. There was Baard, red-bearded and big as a house, and there was Sabu, cutting a graceful silhouette as he stepped out from among the trees. Taurnil came next, tall and muscular alongside the much slighter Voltan, and there was Gaspi. Emmy wanted to be glad to see him, but the moment she laid eyes on him her heart calloused over, hardened by a degree of resentment she hadn’t even known she felt. Lydia, on the other hand, cried aloud – a shout of relief and desire. She kicked her heels into her horse’s flanks, and galloped off towards Taurnil. When she reached him, she slid from the saddle and flung herself into his arms, clinging to him as tightly as she possibly could.
Emmy felt embarrassed, conflicted and envious all at once: embarrassed because it would be obvious to Gaspi and to everyone else that she did not feel the same way Lydia did; conflicted because she didn’t want to feel resentful but there didn’t seem to be a choice in the matter; and envious because she wished she could just bury herself in Gaspi’s arms the way Lydia had with Taurnil.
“Come on,” Heath said gently, touching her briefly on the elbow in sympathy. She smiled at him weakly and followed him across the remaining stretch of ground between themselves and the other group. Loreill and Lilly sped away from their bond-mates, two bolts of light, one green and one blue, uniting in a sparkling coruscation. The air spirit, occupying the broad expanse of the sky as usual, came gliding down out of the blue in hawk form and landed on the ground next to Loreill and Lilly. Like the air spirit, the fire elemental couldn’t take its natural form without great pain in that moment, so it scurried over as a dragon and joined the other three, spurts of flame gouting from its nostrils as it joyfully tossed its head and flapped its leathery wings. Hephistole stepped off to one side and Voltan walked out from among the group to meet him. The two old friends met and held a hushed, private conversation away from everyone else. Talmo and Rimulth also separated themselves from the others, greeting each other with a tribal warrior’s handshake and clasping each other briefly in a firm embrace.
Gaspi stood with his mouth hanging open, looking from person to person as they climbed down from their horses. Emmy figured he must be very surprised. He wouldn’t have expected to see Hephistole or Heath, and the fire spirit must be a mystery to him too. He shook his head in wonder, and then focussed his attention on her. “Emmy,” he said, stepping forwards and opening his arms to give her a hug.
Emmy took a hurried step backwards, leaving him standing there with a chagrined expression on his face. He dropped his arms. Emmy could feel her cheeks reddening at the attention from the many onlookers. She didn’t want to make a scene but she couldn’t pretend everything was alright either. She felt angry at Gaspi for putting her in such an awkward position, but then she noticed his scars.
“Your face!” she said, suddenly attentive. She stepped forwards, touching his cheek.
“Emmy,” Gaspi said gently, and she looked up into eyes that were searching her own, looking for something. Understanding perhaps. Emmy felt angry all over again. She wasn’t going to give it all up just because he’d got himself injured.
“I’ll talk to you later,” she said coldly, walking around him and entering the thicket.
…
Lydia peeled herself away from Taurnil without a word and followed Emmy. Gaspi looked around at his friends in embarrassment; Baard, Sabu, Zlekic and Zaric were pretending not to have noticed anything, but Taurnil was pulling an exaggerated wince. Gaspi felt a sudden surge of anger. Why did she have to make a fool out of him like that? Heath was standing by, watching him sympathetically. Gaspi knew he should greet the druid, but he was too furious with Emmy to leave it like that. Glancing at Heath apologetically, he spun around and walked into the thicket.
Emmy was standing by the fence surrounding the blackened section of ground where the hermit’s hut used to stand. She was talking animatedly with Lydia, but stopped the moment she saw him.
“What was all that about?” Gaspi said angrily, striding up to her.
Emmy blustered ineffectually, unable to formulate her thoughts. “You lied to me!” she said eventually, thrusting her fists against her hips. Loreill and Lilly had followed them into the clearing, but at Emmy’s tone, they shot away, disappearing into the trees.
“But can’t you understand why?” Gaspi asked, barely noticing that the bond with Loreill had grown dull.
“It doesn’t make any difference,” Emmy responded.
“Of course it makes a difference,” Gaspi said, getting angrier by the moment. “Lydia was in no state to travel and someone had to stay there with her.”
“Don’t bring me into this!” Lydia said, raising her palms defensively.
“There’s no way you would have let us go if I’d told you. What choice did I have?” Gaspi said, ignoring Lydia.
“You lied to me,” Emmy repeated stubbornly. “You looked me in the eye and you lied to me.”
“Grow up Emmy!” Gaspi snapped. “There’s more at stake here than your feelings. We left Rimulth behind too and you don’t see him flying off the handle at me!”
“He’s not your girlfriend!”
“That’s all the more reason for you to understand!” Gaspi said, raising his voice. “He’s got much more reason to be angry with me than you have! You had to stay behind to look after Lydia but there was no good reason to leave him out. We should have brought him along.”
“I can’t believe you!” Emmy spat, her voice shooting up several pitches. “You feel bad for leaving Rimulth behind but you don’t feel bad for lying to your own girlfriend?”
“Now come on you two,” Hephistole implored, stepping between them. Gaspi hadn’t even noticed him entering the clearing. “Give each other some space and you can talk about this later.” Gaspi looked round the clearing and realised that everyone was watching them. Emmy must have realised the same thing at the same moment, because she burst into tears and fled from the thicket. Shooting Gaspi a reproachful look, Lydia ran after her. Nodding to Gaspi, Sabu followed after them at a distance, presumably to make sure they were safe. Gaspi stayed where he was, his chest heaving. He was too angry to care what anyone thought. How could she treat him like that? Hephistole’s hand came to rest on his shoulder, squeezing it gently, but Gaspi was far too furious to talk. He shook off the chancellor’s hand and strode across to the other side of the clearing, making his way through the trees until he was hidden from sight.
He could hear a quiet murmu
r of conversation from the clearing – they were almost certainly talking about him and Emmy. The thought made him even angrier. Letting out a roar of frustration, he spun around and slammed his fist into a tree trunk. He did it again, shouting once again as he did so, barely noticing the jarring pain that shot up his arm. He looked at his scratched and bloody fist and felt an inexplicable sense of satisfaction. He placed his hands on the trunk and rested his head against the coarse bark, breathing raggedly. Shouting and hitting things seemed to have helped a bit. His hand started to throb unpleasantly, stinging where his skin had torn and aching up through his wrist. Turning around, he leaned back against the tree trunk and let himself slide inch by inch to the ground. Slowly, his anger was replaced by a growing sense of embarrassment. Here they were on an important quest, and he was taking time out to fight with his girlfriend. It was humiliating!
He was distracted from his thoughts by the rustle of someone pressing through the branches nearby. Whoever it was made an awful lot of noise, as if trying to let him know they were approaching.
“Gaspi?” Hephistole called tentatively. Gaspi sighed. He really didn’t want to speak to anyone right now, least of all Hephistole. He was unsure how he felt about the chancellor. The last time he’d seen him they’d fallen out pretty badly, after all. It was obvious that Hephistole had experienced a change of heart or he wouldn’t be here with Heath and the spirits, but Gaspi didn’t know exactly what that meant.
“Over here,” he said, despite his uncertainty. He’d indulged in quite enough childish behaviour for one day, and he wasn’t going to add to it by hiding in the bushes. After a few slightly more noisy footsteps, Hephistole found him behind the tree.
“May I join you?” he asked tentatively.
Gaspi paused, looking carefully at the chancellor. Gone was the fragile, stubborn individual Gaspi had last seen in Helioport. Instead Hephistole looked like…Hephistole. “Sure.”
“Thanks,” Hephistole said, taking a step towards him. Gaspi saw him glance at his bleeding hand, but he was good enough not to mention it. The chancellor lowered himself to the ground and levered his lanky frame into position against the tree trunk next to him. “Are you okay?” he asked.
Gaspi shrugged noncommittally. He was gratified Hephistole didn’t feel the need to talk about what had happened between them back in Helioport. He had much more pressing things to think about than that. All of a sudden he realised there was something else to talk about, something that was even more important to him than what was going on with Emmy. “Have you seen Jonn?” he asked, forgetting his troubles. The chancellor was the only person who might be able to tell him how his guardian was.
“No I’m sorry Gaspi. Jonn hasn’t come to see me yet. I wish I could tell you more.” Gaspi sighed. He hadn’t known Hephistole would be travelling with the girls so he hadn’t had a chance to build his hopes up, but it was disappointing nonetheless.
They sat quietly for a while until Hephistole broke the silence. “I don’t need to ask you what happened with Emea.”
“No, I guess everyone heard,” Gaspi said resentfully.
“So how do you feel?”
Gaspi paused before responding. “I’m angry and embarrassed,” he said at last.
Hephistole chuckled. “A lamentable but unavoidable part of the human condition. Why angry?”
“Because she refuses to see sense. We couldn’t have taken Lydia, and there’s no way Emmy would have left her behind.”
“Okay, and why embarrassed?”
“Because all this is so…childish. Everyone on this quest is risking their lives, and I’m busy having a shouting match with my girlfriend. This is exactly why she shouldn’t be here!”
“I thought she needed to stay behind to look after Lydia?” Hephistole probed.
“Yes, that too. And because she’s not a battle mage! Voltan understands!” he added defensively. “He didn’t want her along either.”
“I’m not trying to anger you further Gaspi. I’m just trying to understand. I’m sure you had good reasons for wanting Emea to stay behind, but she is here now, and it’s clear the spirits want you all to stay together, so you’re going to have to sort this out – if not for your own sake then for that of the quest.”
“I know,” Gaspi said wearily. “She was just being so petty about it,” he muttered, staring into the distance. “I tried to explain and she just kept repeating ‘you lied to me’, as if that’s the only thing that matters.”
“I’m not going to keep on at you about it now, but I won’t be staying with you after tonight, so I need to leave you with some advice.”
“You’re not coming with us?” Gaspi asked, disappointed. There was so much to discuss - about the quest, about how Hephistole had come around, about the elementals, about Heath. Hephistole needed to know what had happened in the hermit’s hut too. It made him even more annoyed with Emea for picking a fight – it was getting in the way of discussing what really mattered.
“No, my responsibilities lie in Helioport, and besides, Jonn will need his disguise renewing very soon, and I need to be there to do that.”
“Fair enough,” Gaspi said. Nothing was more important than helping Jonn, but that meant they had to make the most of Hephistole while he was here. “There’s so much to talk about. For starters, why’s Heath here?”
Hephistole smiled. “Rest assured, you’ll find out what you need to know before I leave, but right now it’s important that you listen to me very carefully. Can you do that?”
“Sure,” Gaspi answered, sobered by Hephistole’s earnest plea.
“I want you to do everything you can to resolve this conflict with Emea.” Hephistole paused, perhaps expecting an objection, but Gaspi bit his lip. Hephistole nodded approvingly and continued. “The hardest conflicts to resolve are the ones where both people are convinced they are right. You think you have good reasons for what you did, but Emea clearly feels she has reason to be upset, and trust me Gaspi, she feels very hurt. I had plenty of time to speak to her in the last week or so, but when I tried to get her to see things from your perspective, her feelings were just too raw. So go easy on her, because however good your reasons were, she obviously has equally compelling cause for upset, even if the only way she can express it is ‘you lied to me’.”
Gaspi buried his chin in his chest, taking in what Hephistole was saying.
“My advice to you is not to look for a neat solution, where every loose end is tied up. Not all conflicts can be resolved that way. Sometimes you feel one way and the other person feels another, and no agreement can be found. In those cases, the only way forwards is to accept each other’s good intentions and move past it. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Gaspi furrowed his brow. He was trying, but he couldn’t quite get it straight in his head. “You’re saying not to try and win the argument? Just agree to disagree?”
“I’m saying that where understanding can’t be reached, acceptance is a good alternative.”
“I’m not sure about that,” Gaspi said. It didn’t sit right with him. One of the things he hated most in the world was being misunderstood, or blamed for things unjustly. If Emmy thought badly of him, how could he just let that lie?
“I can’t force you to see things differently, but will you promise to think on what I’ve said?”
“I can do that,” Gaspi said.
“And try to be gentle with her, even if she’s not being the same with you?”
“I’ll try,” Gaspi said.
“Then that’s all I can ask for,” Hephistole said, leaning back against the tree. Gaspi sat in silence for long moments, feeling calmer than he had since Emmy had arrived.
After a minute or so, the chancellor looked at him with a big smile on his face. “It’s amazing what a change of perspective you get just by sitting down,” he said, looking around at the shrubbery. “This must be how badgers see things you know.”
Gaspi couldn’t help laughing.
“W
hat’s so funny?” Hephistole asked with a twinkle in his eye.
“I don’t even know how to answer that question,” Gaspi said.
Hephistole chuckled and leaned back against the tree again. Gaspi glanced at him, noticing how relaxed he looked, the long lines of his enigmatic face expressing peace and contentment.
“Hephistole?”
“Yes?”
“What happened to you?” Gaspi asked. “You’re completely different from when I last saw you.”
“Do you mean how did I get into such a state in the first place, or how did I get out of it?”
“Both,” Gaspi responded.
Hephistole glanced over his shoulder, back towards the clearing. “I think we have time for this, and you deserve to know first-hand,” he said. “I started to lose the plot within a day of your return from the Measure, or more specifically the return of Everand’s body...”
Thirteen
Gaspi listened to Hephistole’s story, staggered by Heath’s intervention and the way he helped Hephistole work things through. There was so much more to the druid than he knew, and it was a great comfort to know that although Hephistole was going, they’d now have Heath and the elementals to accompany them on the quest. As he told his story, Hephistole took the opportunity to apologise for how he’d behaved towards Gaspi back in Helioport, but, seeing the change in Hephistole, Gaspi had already forgiven him for what had happened, and he found there was no bad feeling remaining to exorcise. Hephistole had been lost for a while, but he’d found his way back, and peace was easily restored between good friends.
When Hephistole had finished, they made their way back to the main group. Gaspi glanced around, looking for Emmy, and found her seated with Lydia and Rimulth on the other side of the clearing. He thought about going over, but then he caught sight of Heath. Trying to smooth things out with Emmy would have to wait. He walked over to the druid and extended his hand.
Heath grasped his in return and shook it warmly. “It does my heart good to see you again Gaspi,” he said, the stern lines of his face softened by a broad smile.