by S. L. Finlay
“I don’t know.” He told me, “do you have a preference?”
The question made my mind reel. I could request whatever I liked I thought then I let out a little laugh. “I don’t know what I want.” I confessed.
“How about I just keep doing this then?” He asked as he begun moving his hips again. His cock was still as hard as it had ever been and I couldn’t help it, I was back to moaning under him.
“Oh god, that feels great!” I told him.
“Are you more sensitive after cumming?” Daddy asked me.
I gave a little nod with my head against the pillow as I looked up at him and answered, “oh god yes!”
“You’re wetter too.” He told me, his voice a little guttural before half whispering “so wet!”
His face was one of a man deeply enjoying himself. His eyes were closed as he pushed his cock into me. I wondered if he was going to cum soon when he stopped moving, leaned down and kissed me.
“I want you in doggy, baby girl.” He told me and I grinned before rushing to comply, getting on all fours as he stood beside the bed behind me and took me from behind, gripping my hips in his strong hands.
“Oh fuck! Daddy, that feels amazing!” I let out deep guttural moan after deep guttural moan. After he had made me cum in missionary, it wasn’t going to be much for him to make me cum in doggy. I love doggy!
Daddy was thrusting into me so hard that my wetness was running out of my pussy onto the sheets under me, but I didn’t care. I just stayed how I was and moaned. In that moment, I was only my body. I was a body getting pleasure. My mind couldn’t think and there was nothing I could do for how great this felt.
This time when the orgasm overtook me, daddy wasn’t on top of me, stopping to let me enjoy the power of my orgasm, he kept going for a few more thrusts and exploded inside me. Daddy’s orgasm made mine feel all that much more intense as both of we both pulsed from the pleasure and I moaned under him.
After we had both cum, daddy slowly pulled out of me and I stood up beside him beside the bed. I could hardly stand, but I didn’t want to stay on all fours.
Daddy kissed me then and I kissed him right back before the feeling of his cum dripping out of me overtook me and I excused myself for the bathroom.
When I came back, we lay together in my bed, daddy holding me tight.
“Was that good?” He asked me.
“Mmm hmm” I told him as I buried my face in his chest.
“Good.” Daddy told me, “I am glad. Good girl.”
My heart swooned with the sound of this words - with daddy calling me a ‘good girl’ - And we lay together in our sexy afterglow until we fell asleep.
CHAPTER TEN
For the next few days after that date with William, I was on a high.It felt like I had gotten everything I wanted. I had William, and I had Joel. I had my younger man who I could have fun with and who made me laugh and I had my older man who made me feel secure and like a princess. Both of them were amazing people, and I felt so lucky to have them in my life.
When I told Joel about my date with William, he had seemed happy. He congratulated me and told me he didn’t need to hear too many of the sexy details after he found out we had had sex. He said that if he ever met William, he wanted to be able to look the guy in the eye without any discomfort.
In the time that followed, things were able to be kept professional at work, too. We would behave better than we had before we had our date or had had sex. It was like we had gotten rid of the initial sexual tension and could just enjoy one another as colleagues when we were at work without anything else getting in the way.
When it came to date nights and setting times to see one another, I would set time to see each of them in the weeks that followed, and things seemed to be progressing naturally in a really straight forward manner without too many clashes between the three of us.
Then one day, the hitches that I had been unaware were even there started to show themselves.
One Friday after work I had made plans to go with William to see a show. Together, we set off to see the show. It was a vaudeville show which I had really enjoyed seeing with him. We had laughed and chatted for a long time after the show over a bottle of wine. We chatted animatedly about the show and how much fun it had been. When William took me home he dropped me off and I walked to my door. Usually he would walk me to my door or come in, but he had to be up early the next day so I told him it was fine, I would put myself to bed. We shared a kiss in his car and I stepped out. Walking up my garden path towards my door though, I saw a dark shape. As I got closer, I could see it was a person sitting on my door step.
“Hello?” I asked the darkness, feeling a mixture of confusion and fear. What the hell was someone doing here on my door step in the dark like this?
I froze as a large shape stood up and I stared into the darkness as Joel’s face appeared out of the dim.
I let out a laugh of relief and held my chest. “Oh god, you scared me!” I said.
“So I should.” Joel said darkly, “was that the other man?” He asked.
“The other? Wha-?” I asked, turning around as if to motion towards William’s car, although it was no longer there.
“Yes, was that your other man?” He asked.
“Well, yes. That was William.” I told him slowly, a little confused.
“Where did you go?” He asked.
“Um, to see a show.” I told him, “I think I told you about it, the vauda-”
Joel cut me off mid-sentence. “You went with him to see a show? Without telling me?” He asked.
“I, what? Why do I need to tell you?” I asked, feeling incredibly confused and beginning to get mad as it dawned on me that this wasn’t a social visit, Joel was jealous. He was here to tell me off.
“You don’t have to tell me anything.” He said, “but when we have plans, I expect you to honor them. To put me before the other guy.”
“To put you before…” I said, trailing away, “But, we didn’t have plans Joel. That’s why I went with William.”
“You forgot.” Joel said, his voice sounding sad. Wounded.
“I, forgot?” I half asked, “what did I forget?”
“You forgot that you and I were supposed to be seeing one another tonight.” He informed me.
“Were we?” I asked.
Joel’s face was hurt.
“Look, just come in, I’ll make us a drink and we can talk about it.” I said, feeling the chill of the evening and wanting so badly to just be in my house after a long week of work and study.
“No.” Joel said defiantly, not moving. “No I will not come into your house. Not when you’re choosing someone else over me.”
“Joel, you’re being silly. I didn’t choose-”
But he walked away, cutting me off before I could finish the sentence.
“Where are, where are you going?” I asked Joel’s back as he walked away and it occurred to me that I hadn’t seen his car in my drive way. He didn’t answer me and I followed him.
“I am leaving.” Joel said as he left my property and started walking up the street.
I just kept following him, “Joel, where did you park?” I asked.
Joel was ignoring me. I just kept following him, trying to get him to talk to me, to even acknowledge me, but he wouldn’t. He just kept walking. I wanted to slap him, to scream in his ears, to do anything to get his attention, but I couldn’t. I was left looking like an idiot when, finding his ute, Joel jumped in and drove away, leaving me on the side of my street, shivering in my little black dress, watching the tail lights wave goodbye.
Finally it occurred to me, it was Joel’s mother’s birthday today and we were supposed to be taking her to dinner.
I guess I wasn’t as good at juggling my calender as I thought I was.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The following day after a few phone calls to Joel were ignored or rejected, I decided to just show up at his house. He had done so the night before so I figured if I did it to hi
m, it would hopefully have a positive effect. I knew if he saw me, he wouldn’t be able to remain angry at me. I didn’t have it in me to deal with any more anger, so I showed up and I knocked on his door.
Joel answered quickly and his face grew from inquisitive (who is knocking on my door?) to happy (Mel is knocking on my door!) to mad (as he obviously remembered he was not in a good mood with me).
“What do you want?” Joel asked abruptly, and I could see he was trying to sound mad even though a big part of him was happy to see me.
“I tried to call…” I said, sounding weaker than I wanted to, “I just wanted to say sorry that I forgot your mother’s birthday, and sorry again that I double booked. I didn’t do it on purpose.”
Whether it was because I was standing in front of him and he couldn’t be mad with me as I stood so close, or because he was relieved that I had come and shown I cared about him, or because he just didn’t want to fight, there was a change in him. His face shifted from trying really hard to be mad to me to a much softer expression as he stepped aside and motioned for me to come into his home.
Without hesitation I walked into his home and headed for his kitchen, calling over my shoulder, “can I make you a coffee?”
“No.” Joel told me, his voice had humor in it. “You can’t make me a coffee. It’s my house.”
“Oh?” I asked, turning to face him, “are you going to offer me a drink then?”
Joel walked in front of me, leading his way to the kitchen. I trailed him in silence, then when he was right in front of the kettle Joel winked, pushed the button on the electric kettle down and pulled me into his arms.
“I’m sorry.” He said into my hair. I muttered the same words into his chest.
“I didn’t want to fight.” I told him and Joel gave me an “mmm…” sound before moving to kiss my lips.
We shared a brief kiss before he pulled away and told me it was okay, he had over reacted.
In typical gross partner form, I told him no, I had been in the wrong and we went on and on like this until the kettle was boiled and Joel made us both coffees and we sat down to drink them and talk it out.
I loved that I could be so honest with Joel, that I could tell him how I was feeling without judgment. I loved that I could pursue a very unconventional relationship with him. I told him all of this and Joel nodded along, as if of course these things should be a part of everyone’s relationship and were hardly worth commenting on.
But for me, they were worth commenting on. They were what made our relationship good. They were what made our relationship worth having in my life.
I looked at Joel for a long moment during a lull in the conversation and I really, fully appreciated him in that moment like I never had before.
“There are no words, Joel.” I told him, “for what I feel for you. This is amazing.”
Joel reached for my hand and gazed into my eyes as he gave me a warm smile and squeezing my hand before he told me, “I know. I feel it too!”
CHAPTER TWELVE
The only thing that seems to be consistently reliable is that time will continue to move forward. Time moved on with Joel and I, just as it marched on with William and I continuing our dance and me feeling happy with how things were going.
It wasn’t long though until Joel had another blow up. This time when I already had plans with William and he wanted me to cancel them to come and see him last moment because he had been sick and had time off work.
“I am sorry, I can’t come.” I told him over the phone, and it seemed those six little words were enough to send him mad.
“You can’t come?” He asked, incredulous.
“No. I can’t.” I told him, not really hearing the anger in his voice at the time. “I have plans with William already and don’t want to cancel.”
“You don’t want to cancel?” He asked, “where was that attitude on my mothers birthday?”
“What are - why are you doing this?” I asked, feeling like Joel had just taken a swipe at my heart.
“Doing what?” He asked, and I could really hear the anger in his voice now.
“Having an argument with me. You know I wouldn’t just ditch you when he asked me to do something. I have said no before. And I thought we were okay after your mothers birthday? You knew I had made a mistake. I didn’t do that on purpose.”
“Didn’t you?” Joel asked, “are you sure you didn’t just choose to spend time with him because he took you to a show? Something I can’t do.”
“What do you mean you can’t do it?” I asked, “you could take me to a show if you wanted.”
“No I couldn’t, I am sure I couldn’t afford it.” He said.
I stared at him for a long moment, “yes you could.”
“Maybe I wouldn’t want to go. Maybe I wouldn’t fit in there.” He told me.
I kept staring at him as I asked, “Joel, what is this really about?”
As I was giving him the invitation, he didn’t seem to have any trouble taking it. He looked told me straight, “you don’t think I am good enough for you.”
“I - what?” I asked.
“You don’t think I’m good enough for you.” He told me, this time his tone even, and he was telling me straight. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“What are you talking about? Did I say that?” I asked, feeling anger boil inside me. I knew that if anything, I had made a point of making sure Joel was always comfortable, of objecting when people seemed to be treating him like he didn’t belong and ensuring he was already afforded the dignity and respect he deserved. What was he talking about I thought I was too good for him? I worked hard to make sure this wouldn’t happen, and he knew it. How could he not understand - how could he not see - all that I did so this very problem would not come up?
“You just do. You always have.” He told me.
“You’re wrong.” I told him, “that’s not how I feel, it’s not how I’ve ever felt.”
“Isn’t it?” He asked.
“No!” I answered, almost blowing up in the process. “I didn’t feel like that at all. I wanted you to feel comfortable always, and we always did things that you wanted to do.”
Joel told me in a small voice then, “We did things that I thought you wanted to do.”
“Why would you do that?” I asked, “I just want to spend time with you. I don’t care what we do in that time.”
“But, you were excited for that show.” He told me.
“Of course I was, it was a great show!” I said.
“Well, if you were excited about something he gave you, I would want to do the same for you, wouldn’t I?” He asked, “I always wanted to make you happy.”
“You do make me happy.” I said.
“Only when I’m spending.” He shot back at me.
There was silence for a beat. Two.
“Do you just want to argue with me? Is that it?” I asked, feeling hurt and defensive. But mostly just feeling confused.
“No.” He told me, his voice sad.
“Then what do you want?” I asked, “because I am not going to just take it like this. It’s not fair.”
Joel cleared his throat and took a moment before telling me, “I want you to want me for me, not for what I can give you.”
“I already do, Joel.” I told him, “I really care about you, you’re very special to me. You know that. Don’t I say it enough?”
“But it doesn’t always feel real.” He told me.
I wasn’t sure what to say. How could I convince him that these fears were unfounded? How could I show him that my words were true, that I really did care about him and that he was special to me? How did I show him all of this without causing more issues and opening old wounds? How did we even get here from him asking me out?
“Look, I gotta go.” Joel told me.
“You have to - go?” I asked.
“Yes. Go. I can’t deal with this now.” He told me.
I felt confused, it had been Joel who ha
d seemed to want to have this argument, it was something within him that felt inadequate and unlovable which had sparked all of this, now he didn’t want to sit with the uncomfortable feelings.
“Why can’t you deal with this now?” I asked.
“I just can’t. I have to go.” He told me.
Feeling frustrated that Joel had bought this up, and had bought up all these feelings within me, I shook my head a little as if to dislodge the uncomfortable feeling that was sitting inside my scull now. It felt like my head would explode if I spent any more time thinking about this, and trying to puzzle it out.
“Sure. You can go.” I said.
“Cool.” Joel said and there was a silence that hung in the air, as if he was considering saying something before he told me, “I will talk to you later.”
Then he hung up the phone and I jerked my phone away from my head, disbelieving that we could have even had this conversation.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
I was shocked at how much Joel’s moods seemed to impact me. I knew I cared about him, and that I cared about how he felt, but was shocked to find myself in a position where what had happened between us was chewing up so much of my energy that I couldn’t concentrate when I was supposed to be studying and I couldn’t sit still.
When I tried to talk to Joel, he was always busy. Whenever I tried to get in touch with him, I got to hear all of his excuses: he was at work, or tired after work, or with his friends. I knew that he was just saying all of these things because he didn’t want to have to deal with me right then, but I let him have his excuses without causing a fuss. The last thing I wanted then was to drive him even further away.
When I was at work though, William was quick to notice that I was a bit ‘off’ and called me into his office to talk about it. He approached it as ‘boss William’ at first, then when he realized the problem was with Joel, he switched his tack to being all soft and caring and partner like and asking me what was up with Joel.
“I don’t know.” I answered honestly. “He seems to be feeling inadequate, but I don’t know what I can do to make it better. It’s just, odd. He doesn’t want to talk to me about it, or anything else, either.”