‘Tomorrow afternoon. We’re recording a few episodes of Back of the Net on Tuesday, then I’m in the studio for the League Cup games on Wednesday night… Can I trust that between you and my dad you’ll make sure Rico’s alright?’
Ryan raised an eyebrow. ‘I think we’ll manage. Somehow.’
‘Yeah, well, my Aunty Kim’s on board, too, just in case you need her. I know my dad’s got to work, he’s got a home game midweek, and you might get waylaid… You know, I could just take him with me…’
‘Amber, Jesus, will you just calm down? Why are you suddenly so nervous of leaving him with me? This whole set-up has worked pretty well since you decided you weren’t even going to give maternity leave a try, so why are you panicking now?’
‘I’m not panicking, Ryan.’
‘Well, you’re not exactly calm, either. What’s up?’
She walked over to the window, staring out at the array of large, expensive houses, most of which were occupied by other big-name footballers and their WAGs, local celebrities, and the odd TV presenter. It wasn’t somewhere she’d ever really wanted to be, surrounded by all that glamour and extravagance. She preferred her own little home, not that far away from here. It felt more cosy, more homely. And it had been her safe haven for so many months. But would she be leaving it soon? To go back to Jim? Back to the home that carried memories, good and bad, despite the fact she’d only lived there for a matter of months.
‘Amber?’
She swung back around to face him. ‘Sorry? Did you say something?’
‘You were miles away. You alright?’
She folded her arms, looking down at the wooden floor because she didn’t think she could meet his eyes when she told him what she was about to tell him now. ‘Ryan, I…’ But she knew she owed him that. She owed him the truth, and she should look at him when she told him. She should look at him and she should feel the guilt she deserved to feel because Ryan didn’t deserve this. ‘I didn’t make you any promises, Ryan. Did I?’
He felt his stomach sink, a feeling that told him he wasn’t going to like what was coming next. ‘No. No, you didn’t.’
‘I never said this was all going to work out or that having Rico would guarantee we’d stay together.’
‘We were never really together, though, Amber. Were we?’
Her pale-blue eyes locked onto his as she shook her head, and that guilt she knew was coming swept over her like a cruel tidal wave. ‘I thought it would happen, Ryan. I really did. You have to believe that. And I do love you… I do, but… I’m in love with Jim. I’m in love with him, and I can’t change that. No matter how hard I try, and I have tried. I have. I really have. I tried so hard to move on, but, I can’t. I can’t do it.’
Ryan knew this had been coming. He wasn’t stupid; he wasn’t naïve enough to think that he’d had her forever. But a little more time would have been nice. Because, who knows what could have happened, with a little more time?
‘He’ll hurt you, Amber. Again, and again. He’ll hurt you.’
‘No.’ Amber shook her head. ‘Not this time. No.’
‘Are you really that blinkered?’
‘Don’t make this harder, Ryan.’
‘For who? You? What about me, Amber? Huh? What about me? You’re taking my son away from me…’
‘No, Ryan, I’m not. I would never do that. Never.’
‘Are you moving back in with him?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t know what’s happening now.’
‘I guess those plans to move to London have changed, then, huh?’
She looked at him. ‘I don’t know what’s happening, Ryan. Okay?’ She leaned back against the wall, pushing a hand through her hair. ‘I don’t know.’
‘You will. You’ll move back in with him. One day. And what does that mean, huh? That means my son will be brought up by Jim Allen.’ Ryan couldn’t help but let out a laugh dripping with cynicism. ‘And that’s going to take some getting used to.’
‘I’m sorry, Ryan. Really, I am. I never meant for any of this to happen…’
‘What did he promise you this time?’
She stared at him. ‘He didn’t promise me anything.’
‘So, what was it, then? A chance meeting in the corridors of Tynebridge yesterday and all of a sudden you’re back together? For the past few months you’ve done your level best to avoid being anywhere near him, Amber. What the hell changed?’
She turned her head to look back out of the window, watching as Debbie climbed into her pale-pink Range Rover, Gary carefully fastening Jodi into her car seat. They were a family now. A proper family. Why couldn’t she have given that a chance?
‘What happened after I left yesterday, Amber?’
She slowly turned to face him again, but she said nothing.
‘What happened?’
‘I didn’t plan it, Ryan. I really didn’t plan it.’
‘Another one of those quick fucks up against his office door, huh? Is that what it was?’
‘Ryan, please…’
He walked over to her, his dark-blue eyes never leaving hers. ‘So, it’s okay for him to touch you, is it? It’s okay for him to fuck you, because you sure as hell didn’t want me in there.’
‘Ryan…’
‘Jesus, Amber!’ He turned away, pushing both hands through his hair. ‘Knowing it’s coming really doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.’
‘I’m sorry.’
He swung back around to face her. ‘And that makes it all okay, does it?’
She shook her head, desperately trying not to cry. What good would that do?
‘You never even gave us a chance.’
‘And if I had, would that have made this any better? No. All it would have done is make this situation ten times harder to deal with.’
‘Oh, so, you think this is the easy way, do you?’
‘You’re not being fair.’
‘Neither are you, Amber. Neither are you.’ He walked over to Rico, crouching down in front of his carry-seat, taking his tiny hand in his. ‘We made this little guy, you and me. And look at him. He’s incredible!’ Ryan stood up, walking back over to Amber. ‘Without him I really don’t know where I’d be now. And you did that, Amber. You gave me my reason for changing. You gave me Rico, and for that I am so grateful – so grateful that he’s here. Because you alone were never enough.’
Amber turned her head away from him, tears pricking the back of her eyes and she blinked hard to try and stop them from falling. ‘Things are different now, Ryan. Between me and Jim. They are so, so different.’
‘How?’
She faced him again, not caring that she was crying now. What did it matter any more? ‘I can’t tell you.’
‘He’s spouting crap, Amber. Whatever he’s told you, he’s fucking lying. Because that’s what he does.’
‘That’s not true… This isn’t some game…’
‘Isn’t it? That’s exactly what it is. And the last person Jim Allen wants to see win is me.’
Chapter Seven
‘Amber, can I have a word?’
Amber looked up from her desk in the Cloud Sports office to see Max standing there. ‘Yeah. Sure. Is something wrong? I didn’t know you were coming down here today.’
‘One of your guests on Scoreline tonight is a new player on my books so I’m here to provide a bit of moral support.’
‘Is that all?’
He fixed her with a look, smiling slightly. ‘Nothing gets past you, does it?’
She turned her attention back to her emails. ‘You’ve heard Jim and I are getting back together, then?’
‘It’s definite?’ He perched himself down on the edge of her desk.
‘Well, we haven’t sent out a press release or done a five-page spread in Hello, but it’s on the cards. Yes.’
‘And you’ve told Ryan?’
‘You know, I’ve told Ryan or you wouldn’t be here.’ She looked up at him again, chewing the end of her pen; a hab
it she’d never really grown out of. ‘Is he okay?’
‘He’s fine.’
‘Really?’
‘I’m not in the habit of lying to you, Amber. I’ve seen a new side to Ryan Fisher since he became a dad.’
Amber sat forward in her chair, the end of the pen still in her mouth. ‘We haven’t made anything public yet, Max. Me and Jim. We’re still playing it very much by ear, but, I think we’re gonna be okay this time around.’
Max raised a more-than-cynical eyebrow. ‘You think?’
‘I know.’
‘You seem very sure.’
She sat back in her seat, swinging her jean-clad legs up onto the desk. ‘He isn’t the man everyone made him out to be.’
‘Oh yeah? Care to enlighten me?’
‘You’re my agent, Max, not my therapist.’
‘And that’s another reason I’m here. You got time for another photo shoot while you’re down in the capital?’
‘What kind of photo shoot? I’m not doing Ice magazine again. Once was enough.’
‘I’ll be sure to let them know.’
Amber pulled a face, still chewing on the end of her pen.
‘It’s another men’s magazine, though. And before you start, it’s not one of those where they’re asking you to get your tits out.’
‘Such an eloquent way with words you have there.’
‘It’s one of the bigger ones. One of the more classy ones.’
It was Amber’s turn to raise a surprised eyebrow. ‘I’ve just had a baby, Max, so this had better involve me wearing clothes.’
‘Can you do sexy power woman with maybe just a hint of cleavage on show?’
‘Are you kidding me here?’
‘No, I’m being deadly serious.’
She looked at him, narrowing her eyes slightly.
‘They want to do a piece on you and your rise to the top of football broadcasting.’
‘I’m at the top of football broadcasting? Nobody told me.’
‘Do you ever turn that flippancy level down?’
She sat back up, finally removing the pen from her mouth, throwing Max another look.
‘I’ll leave it with you, then,’ he sighed, standing up and slipping his phone into his top jacket pocket. ‘Oh, and Amber?’
‘What?’
‘Think carefully about what you’re doing.’
She knew that sentence was loaded with so many meanings, but she let it go. Of course people were going to question this latest decision of hers to go back to Jim, but did it matter what anyone else really thought? As long as she and Jim were together.
She picked up the pen again and returned it to her mouth, sitting back and staring out around the office she called home at Cloud Sports, grateful it was empty. She was glad of the peace. It wasn’t usually so quiet, but this morning had seen something going down at Endleigh United, one of the big London clubs – the club Jim had managed for all those years before he’d made the decision to move up north and take the manager’s job at Newcastle Red Star. So most of her colleagues had shot off down there to see what was happening. Amber had preferred to make the most of the peace and catch up with any updates via the Cloud Sports News Channel on the large, flat-screen TV on the wall beside her desk. She was due to do a spot of presenting on Cloud Sports News later that afternoon, in between filming a couple more episodes of Back of the Net and preparing for her evening stint on Scoreline. Just thinking about the amount of things she had to fit in before she got the chance to switch off and relax almost made her shudder. But at least being busy kept her mind occupied.
‘What I wouldn’t give to be that pen.’
Her stomach suddenly flipped over and she couldn’t help smiling as she heard his voice behind her, felt his hand on her shoulder, his fingers lightly stroking the back of her neck. She quickly stood up, slipping her arms around his waist, unable to stop herself from kissing his mouth, falling against him as though she hadn’t seen him in months, instead of just a couple of days ago. ‘What are you doing down here, handsome?’
‘It’s a long story.’
Amber frowned. ‘Oh yeah? Well, I’ve got time to listen.’ Sort of. She had a little bit of time, but not all that much. And now he was here she wished she had more.
‘I’ve just come from Parkfield.’ Parkfield Stadium was the home of Endleigh United. But why had Jim been down there? Shouldn’t he have been back in Newcastle, preparing for this weekend’s game? ‘They’ve sacked Ken Hollins. My replacement.’
‘Yeah, I know who Ken Hollins is, in case you’ve forgotten what I actually do for a living. So, they’ve sacked him? I know it’s sort of been on the cards for a while now… Is that what all this commotion is down at the stadium this morning?’
‘The ground’s surrounded by press and fans. Heaven knows how I managed to get in and out without anyone seeing me.’
‘Seeing you? Jim… what’s going on?’
He sat down on the edge of her desk, pulling her in between his legs, his hands on her hips. ‘They want me back.’
Amber’s frown deepened. ‘Who do?’ That was a rhetorical, not to mention stupid, question. Because she knew exactly what the answer was.
‘Endleigh United. They want me back in charge.’
‘Hang on… you’ve got a contract with Newcastle Red Star.’
‘Contracts can be broken, Amber, and you know that.’
She was confused now. ‘And, when… when did all this kick off?’
‘Well, you just said yourself Hollins’ job has been on the line for a while now. The club hasn’t really done all that great since I left…’
‘Big yourself up there, why don’t you.’ She couldn’t help smiling, a smile he returned and she felt her stomach dip and dive all over again. She loved this man so much it was ridiculous.
‘I got an email a few days ago, kind of giving me a heads-up on what was about to happen, but I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for sure what was going on. And then, late last night, I got a call, asking me to come down and talk to them, and… Baby, I know this seems like it’s come completely out of the blue, but it couldn’t have come at a better time in reality.’
‘How do you work that one out?’
‘We can make a fresh start down here, Amber, don’t you see? You were already thinking about moving away from the north-east anyway, and I hated that idea because I didn’t want you to leave me. I didn’t want you to be so far away I couldn’t… I couldn’t see you. But things have changed now, baby. We can make a new start here. Together. And maybe that’s just what we need.’
‘Whoa, hang on. Slow down there. They’ve offered you your old job back?’
‘More money, more power, a relocation package you wouldn’t believe. Honey, this is so perfect. It’s almost like fate has thrown this at us and I… I really think we should consider it. Seriously consider it.’
Amber couldn’t say anything. All of a sudden this whole situation had just got real, and she didn’t know what to do, or what to say.
‘Most of your work is down here now, Amber. You’re in London far more than you’re up north these days, and if I stay at Red Star we’re hardly gonna see each other. But if I take the Endleigh United job, and we make London our base…’
‘I never wanted to live in London, Jim. Not really. All that talk of moving down here, it was only because I couldn’t think of another way to distance myself from a situation I…’
He stood up, pulling her closer, kissing her quickly, but long enough to make Amber’s knees go weak. That’s how easy it was for him to draw her back under his spell. One kiss. That was all it took. ‘A new start, Amber. And don’t tell me you don’t think we need that.’
‘Do they want you straight away?’ she asked, running her fingers over his cheek, her eyes watching their every move.
‘Pretty much. You know how badly their season’s gone so far, and whether I say yes or not, Hollins is out and someone new is coming in, regardless. They can’
t afford to waste any more time.’
‘And when do they need a decision from you?’
‘As soon as possible. A couple of days, max.’
She let go of him, suddenly aware that anyone could walk in at any given moment. And the one thing she didn’t want was their rekindled relationship announced on the gossip grapevine. ‘Ryan won’t be happy.’
‘What’s Ryan got to do with it?’
‘He’s Rico’s dad, Jim. And I promised him I wouldn’t take Rico away from him. I promised him that.’
‘You aren’t taking him away from anyone, Amber.’
‘That’s not how Ryan’ll see it. He thinks any move to London is off now.’
Jim reached out and took her hand, pulling her back against him, and she didn’t fight it. Not this time. If anyone saw them, so what? It was all going to come out anyway. Eventually. And if Jim took the Endleigh United job then it was going to come out sooner rather than later.
‘Our lives are not gonna revolve around Ryan Fisher, baby. Not any more. It’s time to think about what we want now. Because we need to make it work this time, Amber. We need that. Because I don’t know how many chances we’ve got left.’
She looked at him, into those beautiful green eyes, her fingers still lightly trailing over his cheek. ‘I know,’ she whispered. The love she felt for this man was all-consuming; confusing. Unbearable, at times. But she needed him, no matter what. She needed him. And no matter what it took, she’d do it. If it meant they could finally be together.
‘What do you want to do, Jim?’
‘I want to do whatever’s best for us, Amber. And if that means taking the Endleigh United job and moving down here, then that’s what I’ll do. But only if you want that too.’
She felt his fingers slide between hers and she looked down at their joined hands, at his thumb gently rubbing her knuckles. ‘I only know I want you, Jim.’
He tilted her chin up, kissing her long and slowly, and once more she let herself become lost in him, her body falling against his like that rag doll she always became in his arms.
‘You do realise that if it had been anyone other than me who’d just walked in here, you two would be all over Twitter by now.’
Final Score Page 8