‘Oh, it’s happening. It’s really happening.’ She turned her attention back to Max. ‘Follow me. We’re going somewhere more private.’
‘Amber!’ Jim shouted after her, but she wasn’t listening any more. She was on a mission to find out the truth. To find out exactly what had been going on. The reasons why it had happened could wait. For now.
Arriving back downstairs, at the room she and Jim had been in earlier, Amber opened the door to let Max through, closing it quietly behind her.
‘Why did you let him persuade you?’
Max looked at her, his expression one that said he didn’t quite know how to deal with this.
‘Jesus, come on, Max! You can tell I know what’s going on, so don’t even bother trying to look surprised. He asked you to look for a foreign club for Ryan. Is that true?’
Max sighed, bowing his head as he dug his hands deep into his pockets. ‘Yes, Amber. It’s true. But it wasn’t that simple…’
‘You actually let him talk you into doing that?’
‘I didn’t let him talk me into anything.’
‘Has he got something against you? Is there some big secret you’re hiding that only he knows about, and if you didn’t do what he wanted…?’
‘You’re blowing this all out of proportion, Amber.’
‘I’m sorry? Did you just say I was blowing this all out of proportion? The father of my baby is about to leave the country to live thousands of miles away…’
‘And is that all he really is?’
She looked at him, frowning. ‘Again, I’m sorry?’
‘Is that all Ryan really is? The father of your baby?’
‘I don’t want him to be all those miles away, Max. I never wanted that.’
‘But you didn’t want him living just around the corner, either. Did you? Because neither of you can trust yourselves. You keep going round and round in these fucking circles, sleeping with each other then pretending you hate each other, before something happens and you’re back fucking each other like a couple of out-of-control teenagers instead of two adults who should know better. And that isn’t good for anybody, Amber. But it’s especially dangerous for Ryan. Because you know the kind of person he is. You know how vulnerable he can be; how much he can let things get to him. And what you two do to each other, it isn’t healthy. He needs stability. And, okay, when Jim first asked me to look into clubs further afield than Europe, I didn’t want to get involved, because his motives – they were different.’
‘How?’
‘You know how. He wants Ryan out of the way, out of arm’s reach. He wants him to no longer be a threat to your marriage because that’s all he sees Ryan as now. A threat.’
‘So why did you do it? If you didn’t agree with…’
‘Because I care about that kid. Yes, he’s been an idiot in the past, and it beggars belief how he’s still in one piece when I think about what could have happened to him. But I love him, Amber. I love him like a fucking son, and I knew – I knew, given everything that’s happened over the past couple of years, I knew that if you two were still around each other, it’d eventually destroy him. If he was around you all the time, but he couldn’t have you, it would destroy him.’
‘He’s stronger than that,’ Amber whispered, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand as those tears finally started to fall.
Max shook his head. ‘No, Amber. He isn’t. Sweetheart, he isn’t strong. And I can’t risk him throwing his life away. Not again. He hasn’t got that many chances left.’
She backed up against the wall, covering her mouth with her hand as those sobs started to escape.
‘Oh, Jesus, come on, kiddo…’ Max moved towards her, but she held up her other hand, shaking her head, stopping him from coming any closer. She didn’t want to be hugged or made to feel as though this was alright. Because it wasn’t. It was so far from alright. ‘Amber…’
‘We could have worked something out, Max.’
He shrugged, his hands still in his pockets. ‘Maybe. I don’t know. But I wasn’t prepared to risk it. What Jim told me, I knew it was for his own – I don’t know, call them slightly selfish reasons, but after I thought about it, after I sat down and actually thought about it, I realised it was probably the best thing for Ryan. In the long run. That’s why I agreed to contact L.A. Gamers after Jim told me Corey Reynolds was on the look-out for a big-name British player. Everyone wants their own David Beckham, huh?’
Amber looked down at the floor, at her bright-red boots, at the dark tiled floor; anywhere but at Max.
‘But we didn’t think it through one hundred percent,’ Max went on, his voice a little calmer now, a little more controlled. ‘Otherwise we would have seen this coming. And we were naïve to think nobody would find out.’
She finally looked back up. ‘I don’t know what to do, Max. I’m angry and upset and so fucking confused I can’t even get my head straight. I mean, is this – is this all my fault? Because… because I don’t know…’
‘Listen, kiddo, it isn’t all your fault, okay? This is a mess that was caused by so many different people and actions that have had knock-on effects we can’t even begin to think about. It’s just one of those things. And maybe we should have seen it coming a long time ago.’
‘You should have told me,’ she whispered, twisting her wedding ring round and round her finger as she stared down at her left hand. ‘That this was happening. You should have told me.’
‘Jim, he… he really does love you, Amber. In his own, sometimes misguided way, he loves you. And what he did here, it was because he was scared. He was desperate. He loves you, and Ryan was a threat, someone who could take you away from him, so…’
‘You should have told me.’
‘He loves you, Amber. And maybe you should hear him out.’
Her head shot up, her eyes boring into Max’s. ‘It’s because of him that Ryan is moving thousands of miles away from his son. I’m not sure I want to hear him out.’
Max threw his head back, letting out another heavy sigh. ‘You need to think about this, Amber.’
A loud rap at the door made Amber jump, and she stepped away, flinging it open to find Ronnie standing there, a look on his face that suddenly made her feel nothing but panic.
‘You really need to stop disappearing, Amber. Or at least tell someone where the hell you’re going.’
She could hear the wail of sirens in the distance, noise coming from upstairs that didn’t sound like any form of celebrating, and all of a sudden she felt sick to her stomach. Whatever was happening, she knew it wasn’t good. Ronnie’s face was telling her that much. ‘Ronnie? What’s wrong? What’s happened…? Oh, Jesus, is it Rico? Oh God, no, not Rico…’
‘Rico’s fine. Sweetheart, he’s fine. He’s with your dad… It’s Jim.’
‘Jim?’
She felt that panic rise, along with another wave of nausea she had to try and batter down.
‘He collapsed, in the Players’ Lounge. There were paramedics already in the stadium so they got to him pretty quickly, but… Amber, are you listening to me? Can you look at me, babe? Please. Look at me.’
He put his hand to her face, making her look at him. But all she could hear was the sound of blood rushing to her head, and all she could feel was that rapidly rising panic washing over her.
‘They think he might have had a heart attack…’
‘No,’ Amber whispered, shaking her head. ‘No.’ She pushed past him, running so fast along the corridor her chest hurt, but she didn’t care. She just needed to run.
‘Amber, hang on… Max, do you want to meet us at the hospital?’
‘Is he…?’
‘I don’t know. Look, I’ll make sure she’s alright, go on.’
Amber could hear faint voices in the background as she continued to run, a new-found energy coming up from somewhere that she just hadn’t had before. But it was there, and she was using it. But then, almost as though someone had just flicked a switch, it se
emed to drain out of her, and she could do nothing but lean back against the wall, watching as Ronnie ran up to her.
‘Come on. I’ll take you to the hospital.’
She looked at him, her eyes full of so many tears, but they didn’t seem to want to fall. ‘Is he…?’
‘He was awake when they put him in the ambulance, that’s all I know, Amber.’ He held out his hand, and she took it. Why couldn’t she cry? She’d just been told her husband might have had a heart attack and she couldn’t cry. She felt nothing but a numbness wash over her. This whole day felt somewhat surreal, and she closed her eyes for a second, hoping that when she opened them this would all have been a dream. But it was real. The noise and Ronnie’s hand holding hers, his voice trying to explain things to her that she could never take in right now, it was all real.
‘Do you…?’
‘I know what’s going on, yes. Ryan explained everything to me…’
‘Oh, God… Brandon. Ronnie, someone needs to tell Brandon. He’s in… he’s in Manchester… Ronnie, he needs to be told…’
‘Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay. They’re telling him, alright? They’re trying to get in touch and they’re gonna try and get him back here as soon as they can. He’ll be here, don’t worry.’
‘I…I need to be with Jim.’ She started walking again, her pace quickening as she almost dragged Ronnie behind her, but he gripped her hand tight, slowing her down. ‘I need to be with him, Ronnie. What if he…?’ She closed her eyes as those tears finally started to fall. ‘I’ve got to get to him. I’ve got to… I’ve got to get to him.’
He pulled her into his arms, holding her tight, stroking her hair as she clung onto him. ‘Come on,’ he whispered, kissing the top of her head. ‘Let’s get out of here.’
Chapter Thirty-Five
She was out of the car before Ronnie had a chance to stop her, pushing past the waiting press and crowds who had gathered outside the hospital, all of them desperate to find out what had happened. And even though people were shouting things at her, questions she couldn’t make any sense of, she ignored them all. What could she tell them when she knew nothing herself?
They knew who she was the second she entered the hospital, voices telling her from every angle which ward Jim had been taken to, and how she remembered the information she’d been given she had no idea. Someone had offered to take her up there themselves but she was hanging around for nobody, not even Ronnie. She just kept on running, crashing through the double doors that led onto the ward she’d been told to go straight up to. It was full of people, an overwhelming noise filling the air – a sound of panic and fear and she felt her stomach twist itself up into the tightest of knots as she stood still for just one second. One second to get her bearings, to try and work out what was happening.
And then she saw it – a side room to her left. The door was wide open, the bed was surrounded by a mass of people shouting as someone pressed down on the chest of the person lying in that bed, and all Amber could do was let out the loudest of wails, a sound not unlike that of a wounded animal as she sank to the floor.
‘It’s okay, I’ve got you. Come on, babe, I’ve got you.’
Ronnie had managed to catch her before she hit the ground, but her eyes wouldn’t leave that room. She watched as someone shouted “clear,” and Jim’s body jerked upwards, a nurse beside him shaking her head as she began another set of compressions.
‘No!’ Amber howled as she tried to break free of Ronnie’s grip but he held her back, stopped her from running in there, because what good would that do? ‘No! That isn’t him, it can’t be him.’
‘What the…?’ Freddie came running around the corner, following Amber’s gaze before he looked straight at Ronnie, taking a sharp intake of breath as Ronnie shook his head.
‘No.’ Amber’s voice was almost a whisper now as she watched them shock Jim one more time, watched his body jerk up and fall back onto the bed, and in that split second her whole world came together then fell apart, shattering into a million tiny pieces, memories scattering around her brain like confetti. And then it was almost as if a strange kind of calm had taken over. As though all emotion had just been wiped clean out of her, she turned to her father, an almost stoic expression on her face. ‘Where’s Rico?’
‘He’s with Ryan, sweetheart. He’s taken him home, he’s fine.’
‘Good.’ Her voice was barely a whisper as she turned her attention back to Jim’s room, and all of a sudden there seemed to be a kind of calm taking over in there, too. She could hear the faint beeping of a machine, and the number of people gathered around his bedside had diminished somewhat.
She cocked her head as she watched a nurse lean over Jim, checking the machine beside his bed, and again she felt a strange sense of calm wash over her. But then the fear came back as the shock wore off and she looked at Ronnie. ‘What’s happening?’
‘I don’t know, babe.’
‘I want to see him.’ She turned to see a tall, kind-looking man talking to her father, and she cocked her head again as she tried to read his expression, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t see anything there that was telling her that this was okay.
‘Mrs. Allen?’
She squeezed Ronnie’s hand tightly as the doctor turned to face her.
‘Your husband, he experienced a heart attack – a pretty mild one – at the stadium. His collapse, however, was an extra concern, which is why he was brought straight up to the ward instead of being taken to A&E. He was awake, alert and responsive when he got here – he was asking for you…’
Amber felt her heart break, a pain so physical it cut to the core, and she couldn’t stop more tears from streaming down her face.
‘Would you prefer to go to my office?’ the doctor asked quietly, his expression one of concern now.
‘No,’ Amber replied, shaking her head. ‘No. Thank you. I’m not… I’m not leaving him.’ Her eyes were back on Jim, his body still, but those machines were beeping, and that had to mean something, didn’t it?
‘He went into cardiac arrest, Mrs. Allen…’
‘Amber. Please, call me Amber.’ She finally took her eyes off Jim, looking straight at the doctor. ‘I… is he… is he okay?’
‘The next few hours are critical, Amber. But, in the context of what’s happened to him, your husband’s been very lucky. He wasn’t down for long, just a couple of minutes, and he’s breathing on his own. Which is good. That’s really good. But we need to keep a very close eye on him.’
‘Is he going to live?’
‘Amber, sweetheart, the doctor’s telling you everything he knows…’
Amber ignored her dad, her eyes still fixed on the doctor. ‘Is he going to live?’
‘He’s stable. That’s all I can tell you right now. But the signs are good.’
She squeezed Ronnie’s hand again, her eyes back on Jim now. ‘Can I… can I see him?’
‘Of course. We’ve given him something to make him sleep, so he won’t be responsive, I’m afraid, but you can sit with him.’
‘Do you want me or your dad to come in with you?’ Ronnie asked.
She shook her head, her eyes not leaving Jim. ‘No, I… I want to be on my own.’ She let go of his hand without looking at him, or her dad, and followed the doctor into Jim’s room.
‘Oh, Jesus…’ she whispered, her hand covering her mouth again as she breathed in deeply, blinking back more tears. She needed to be stronger than she’d ever been now. She needed to be really strong. For both of them. ‘Will he… will he wake up himself?’
The doctor nodded. ‘He’s probably going to sleep for a while now, because we’ve given him a pretty strong sedative, but, yes. He’ll wake up, when he’s ready.’
‘Can I touch him?’
‘Of course you can.’ The doctor smiled. ‘He won’t break, I promise.’
Amber tried to smile back but she just couldn’t do it.
‘Look, I know this must all seem very scary right now, Amber, but, like
I said before, Jim’s been very lucky, considering. His early signs are good, and the fact he’s breathing on his own is extremely promising. We just need to try and find out if there’s some underlying condition that might have caused this to happen. And, if there is, then hopefully we can deal with it.’
‘Could stress have brought this on?’ she asked, her eyes focused on Jim’s chest as it slowly rose and fell.
‘Stress can play a part, yes. Has he been under any extreme stress lately?’
She felt those tears threaten again but she blinked them back, quickly wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. ‘He’s a football manager. Aren’t they always stressed?’
Her own weak attempt at humour made the doctor smile again. ‘He isn’t the first person in that profession to suffer something like this. Has work been particularly stressful for him recently?’
She shook her head. ‘No. But we… there’ve been a few things…’ She couldn’t get the words out, and she closed her eyes for a second as she felt the doctor’s hand on her shoulder giving it a friendly, gentle squeeze.
‘Stress can be a factor, Amber. But it isn’t always the main cause. Okay?’
She nodded, finally managing a smile. ‘Okay. And, thank you.’
‘You stay here as long as you like, and if you need anything, the nurses’ station is just outside. We’ll be checking him at regular intervals, so try not to worry, alright?’
She nodded again, watching as he left her alone. She sat with the man she’d thought she’d lost. And that’s what made the tears fall hard and fast, almost blinding her as she sat down beside Jim, reaching out for his hand.
She gasped quietly as she touched him, because he was warm, and even though she hadn’t really known what to expect, she hadn’t expected him to feel so warm. But just the feel of his hand in hers made her cry again, slow, silent tears falling down her cheek that she let slide, watching as they fell onto their joined hands.
She leaned over and gently kissed his forehead, stroking his dark, grey-flecked hair from his eyes. ‘You know, if you really wanted to get my attention, all you had to do was shout a bit louder. Because this – this is kind of extreme.’
Final Score Page 46