‘We’re gonna stop dwelling on the past now, okay? And I know we’ve tried to do that before, and all kinds of crap happened, but, things are different now. They’re different.’
She nodded slowly, closing her eyes as his mouth lowered onto hers, and once more she lost herself in his kiss, sliding her hand around the back of his neck, winding her fingers in his hair.
‘No, not here,’ she whispered, taking his hand and pulling him towards the bed.
‘Amber…’
She just smiled at him, dropping her robe. ‘You want this?’
He pushed a hand through his hair, his eyes scanning her naked body. ‘Jesus, you really don’t play fair. You know I want it.’
‘Then we do this my way.’
She sat down on the bed, swinging her legs up, hugging them to her, resting her chin on her knees.
‘Okay?’
He smiled, unfastening his shirt, sliding it off to reveal the body that Amber had fallen in love with over two decades ago. He might be older now, but he was just as sexy, just as beautiful, and just as hot as he had been back then. ‘I don’t care which way we do it, honey. I just want to do it.’
‘And who said romance was dead?’ She lay back, slowly opening her legs, smiling as she saw his expression change, his eyes only looking in one place now. ‘Come on, then, handsome. What you waiting for?’
She pulled him down between her legs, drawing them up around him, her arms up above her head as their fingers intertwined, their bodies touching. And it took just the tiniest of seconds for her skin to break out in those familiar goosebumps, every inch of her tingling as his lips started to brush over her breasts, sending a million, beautiful shivers coursing right through her.
She gasped again as his hips pressed down on hers, and her fingers tightened around his as she prepared for something she hadn’t felt in so long, too long. And even though it still felt strange, and the worry that this was hurting him in some way was probably never going to disappear completely, she still wanted it more than she’d ever wanted anything.
‘Look at me, Amber,’ he whispered, his grip on her fingers tightening as she slowly opened her eyes, gazing up into his. ‘I love you. So much.’
‘I love you, too.’
And then she felt it, that wonderful hit of something only he could give her; that beautiful, slow hit of intense pleasure mixed with white-hot pain as he pushed into her. And she took him, all of him, lifting up her hips so he fell deeper, his grip on her fingers tightening even more as he thrust harder, and she tried to slow him down. Tried to make sure he didn’t overdo it. But all she could do was let it happen; close her eyes and let every move he made inside her wash over her, until she could feel nothing but those crazy pins and needles, those tingles she welcomed start to creep up her body.
She pulled her knees up slightly, taking him as deeply as he could go, and the brief shot of pain she felt was worth it as her whole body rocked with a climax she just hadn’t been prepared for. She hadn’t wanted to cry out loud, given where they were, but she couldn’t help it as he gave that last, beautiful thrust before he too came in a barrage of cries and moans, their bodies moving together until that last wave subsided, their fingers still entwined, his face buried in her shoulder.
‘Are you okay?’ she whispered, letting go of his hand and stroking his hair.
‘Baby, you have no idea how okay I am feeling right now.’ He rolled over onto his back, the biggest grin on his face as he flung one hand behind his head. ‘I needed that, so fucking much.’
She turned onto her side, propping herself up on one elbow. ‘I can feel your heart beating from here,’ she said, running her fingers lightly over his chest.
‘Yeah, and a beating heart means I’m alive.’
‘Not if beats so hard it wears itself out.’
He turned his head to look at her, taking her hand. ‘You’ve really got to stop this, Amber. I’m fine, okay? There is nothing wrong with me, no underlying heart condition, no reason why what happened to me happened. And I have no idea how that can be, but I’m taking it, alright? I’m not worrying about the fact it may or may not happen again, because it just ain’t worth it, honey. To be always stressing out, isn’t that the worst thing we could do?’
She looked down at their joined hands, smiling slightly. ‘Yeah. I suppose you’re right.’
‘Oh, I’m always right.’
‘Really?’ she laughed, straddling him, taking hold of both his hands. ‘You’re always right?’
‘When it comes to most things, yeah.’
She leaned forward, kissing him slowly. ‘Well, I beg to differ, Mr. Allen, but, seeing as it’s our wedding day – sort of – I’ll let that one slide.’
He smiled at her, and once more she felt her heart jump about and those stomach flips return with a vengeance.
‘Because I love you,’ she whispered, letting him push her over onto her back, closing her eyes again as he kissed her slowly, her arms falling around him. And she never wanted to let him go. She wanted to hold on tight and never let him go. He was her world, her life; he was everything she lived for. Her forever man.
*
‘You are kidding me, aren’t you?’ Ronnie said, raising an eyebrow as Jim followed Amber down the stairs, not looking quite as groomed as he had done an hour ago, although Amber had thrown on jeans and a t-shirt now.
‘What?’ Amber asked, standing on the last stair as she straightened Jim’s shirt collar, kissing him quickly. ‘There you go, handsome.’
Jim slid a hand round to cup her bottom, giving it a tiny squeeze, and she giggled, like the infatuated teenager she’d once been with this man. If only she’d realised back then that fighting her love for him was the worst thing she could possibly do, would everything have been different? No. She had to stop thinking of ‘what ifs,’ and dwelling upon the past. They were looking forward now. All of them.
‘You are so fucking beautiful,’ Jim whispered, his mouth close to hers as he spoke, his hand squeezing her bottom again as he kissed her. ‘And I’m never gonna get tired of telling you that.’
‘I love you, so much,’ Amber groaned, letting him pull her against him, his hand slipping up under her t-shirt, just a touch, until she quickly pulled it back down. She wasn’t putting on a free show here. ‘But you’d better go now. I’ve got to get ready.’
‘It’s such a shame to put clothes on that incredible body.’
‘I could say the same about you.’
‘Well, that’s just put me off that bacon sandwich,’ Ronnie sighed, leaning back against the wall.
Amber ignored him, continuing to stroke the back of Jim’s neck, leaning in for another kiss before she, reluctantly, had to let him go.
‘I’ll see you later.’ He smiled, his hands in his pockets as he backed slowly out of the front door.
‘Yeah, you will.’ She smiled back, mouthing “I love you” one last time before she closed the door behind her.
‘Subtle,’ Ronnie said, shoving the last of his sandwich into his mouth.
‘I thought you weren’t eating that.’
‘Why? Did you want it?’
‘Yeah. I’m starving! It’s amazing how much of an appetite sex can give you.’
‘I didn’t need to hear that, kiddo,’ Freddie said, walking past on his way back into the living room.
‘None of us needed to hear that.’ But Ronnie had a smile on his face as he looked at Amber. ‘Everything okay in that department, I take it?’
‘It’s fine.’ She looked at him. ‘You didn’t hear…?’
‘I turned the radio up.’
‘Thanks.’
‘Don’t mention it.’
‘Make me one of those, will you?’
‘Make one yourself. You’re perfectly capable.’
‘Please.’ She stood up on tiptoes, kissing his nose. ‘It’s my wedding day.’
‘It’s about the fourth one you’ve had, isn’t it?’
‘You’re funn
y.’
‘I’m hilarious. Just wait ‘til you hear my speech.’
‘It had better be clean.’
‘Yeah, ‘cause you’re as pure as the driven snow.’
She smiled, playing with his shirt collar. ‘Oh, I’m a dirty, dirty girl, I know that…’
‘Jesus, Amber, do you have to?’
‘… But, there’ll be relatives of mine there that really don’t need to be subjected to filth.’
‘So you’ll be keeping your hands off your husband all day, then?’
‘Can’t promise that.’ She let go of him, almost skipping into the kitchen. ‘Now, where’s that frying pan?’
‘You can’t eat bacon!’ Debbie gasped, lifting Rico up onto the countertop and handing him a beaker of juice.
‘Erm, why not?’ Amber asked, smiling at her baby boy, who threw her the most gorgeous smile back.
‘You want to eat fried food before you get into that dress?’
‘Again, why not?’
‘Because it clings to every curve, chick.’
‘I hardly think one bacon sandwich is going to make me gain two stone in an hour.’
‘In white bread? Do you know how much that stuff bloats you?’
‘Do you know what, I’ve gone right off the idea now. I’ll just have a cup of tea.’
‘A much more sensible idea. I’ll stick the kettle on.’
Amber turned her attention back to her baby, watching as he concentrated so hard on his beaker, lifting it slowly to his mouth. She couldn’t believe how much he’d grown; how quickly time had passed. She couldn’t believe how like his dad he was – that same dark hair, those same blue eyes. That same smile. And she felt a pull on her heart that made her breathless as she remembered Ryan’s last few hours with him last night; how he’d held Rico’s hands as he’d walked him around the living room, how he’d played with him and cuddled him and cried when they’d said goodbye. And suddenly everything came flooding forward like an unexpected, violent tidal wave. And she couldn’t stop the tears from falling.
*
‘Ryan! I…’ Brandon stood in the doorway, a more-than-surprised look on his face. ‘I thought you were heading off to L.A. this morning?’
‘I am. I just… I wanted a word with your dad. Is he around?’
‘Erm, yeah… hang on.’
Ryan took a step back as Brandon pushed the door to, staring down at the ground with his hands in his pockets. The sun was shining and it was a glorious summer day in the north-east of England. The perfect day for a wedding. He just wished with all his heart that it was his. That she was walking up that aisle to be with him, not the man he’d come to see. Before he left this place for somewhere so far away.
He looked up as the front door opened again, and Jim stood there. Their eyes met and a look passed between them that Ryan couldn’t quite read.
‘You look… you look well,’ Ryan said, keeping a small distance between them.
‘Thank you. I feel well.’
Ryan broke the stare, looking back down at the ground.
‘I’m really sorry it had to come to this, Ryan,’ Jim went on, and Ryan’s eyes once more met his.
‘Yeah. So am I.’
‘In the end… you could’ve said no, you do know that, don’t you? Given everything that’s happened, you could have refused the move. Max is one of the best agents out there…’
‘Maybe it’s for the best.’
Jim said nothing for a couple of beats, his eyes staring deep into Ryan’s. ‘Is that how you really feel?’
‘I… I need to be some place that gives me a little bit of space. I can’t be around…’ He looked back down, scuffing his trainer off the front step. ‘Look after them, okay?’ He raised his head slowly, meeting Jim’s gaze one more time. ‘And love them. Please. Just… just love them. He’s my little boy, Jim, and I… I’m gonna miss him like you wouldn’t believe.’
‘I’ll take care of them both, Ryan. You know I will.’
‘Do I?’
‘Things have changed. Everything’s changed.’
‘Yeah. Everything has. Just – just look after them. Because… even though I want that to be my job, it can’t be. And that breaks my fucking heart, so, I need you to do that for me. Okay? I need you to look after them and love them.’
Jim stared at him, his eyes were warm and kind. But all that did was add to Ryan’s confusion. His mind filled with dashed hopes and a life he wanted so badly, but could never have.
‘I love her so much, Ryan. And I know you probably don’t want to hear me say that, but, it’s true. I love Amber so, so much. And I love that boy of yours, too. They’re my world now, okay? They’re my whole world. Both of them.’
Ryan had to break that stare now because those words were cutting through him like the sharpest of blades, causing a pain so raw to hit him he almost couldn’t breathe. The world he wanted belonged to somebody else, and this was the hardest thing he’d ever had to face up to.
‘I’ll look after them. I promise you that, Ryan. I promise you.’
And all Ryan could do now was hope that this promise was one Jim Allen could actually keep.
*
‘Amber! Max is here!’ Debbie shouted through from the hall. ‘Make him a cup of tea, will you? I’m going to call the hotel and make sure everything’s going to plan with the reception.’
Amber looked up as Max walked into the kitchen, his expression changing immediately the second he saw her. ‘That doesn’t look like the face of a woman who’s about to marry the man of her dreams.’
‘We’re already married. It’s a vow renewal.’
Max came closer, leaning back against the counter, smiling at Rico as he continued to bang his beaker on the marble work surface.
‘Rico, baby, no. Don’t do that,’ Amber sighed, turning around to switch the kettle on.
‘It’s okay, kiddo. I’ve had enough cups of tea this morning to last me a lifetime.’
She turned back to face Max, picking up Rico and taking his beaker from him, which, thankfully, didn’t seem to bother him. ‘He’s too young to realise he won’t be seeing his daddy again for a while yet,’ she said, kissing her baby boy’s forehead.
‘Ryan will be over as much as he can, Amber. You know that.’
‘Yeah,’ she whispered, smiling at Rico as he gurgled away at her, waving his arms up and down. ‘I know he will. But it isn’t the same, is it?’
‘It won’t be forever.’
‘Won’t it? He could go over there and love it. He could realise it’s what he’s always wanted, I mean, we’re talking about Ryan Fisher here.’
‘And he’s a very different Ryan Fisher to the one who arrived here a couple of years ago.’
She looked at Rico, stroking his dark hair off his face as he lay his head against her shoulder, clinging onto her t-shirt, his eyes slowly closing. ‘Yeah. A lot of things are different, Max.’
‘It’s his decision, Amber. You do know that, don’t you?’
Her eyes met his. ‘It wasn’t to begin with, though. Was it?’
‘Maybe not.’ Max looked briefly out of the window, at the sun shining down from a perfect blue sky. ‘But, in the end, he chose to go.’
‘Because he had no choice,’ Amber whispered, kissing Rico’s forehead again, cuddling him closer to her. He was a part of Ryan she would have forever, and that was something she was truly grateful for; to have a part of Ryan with her. Always.
Max turned to face her again, his expression concerned now; caring. ‘You deserve to be happy, Amber, and Ryan knows that. It’s all he really wants for you.’
‘And I want him to be happy, Max.’ She lay Rico down on the couch, watching for a second as his eyes closed properly, his hands clinging onto the toy rabbit she’d just given him. ‘And I don’t know whether he is.’
‘He will be. This change of scenery he’s about to have thrust upon him really will be good for him. He’s got a lot to get his head around when he gets over the
re – it’s a different game in a lot of respects. And then there’s a whole new lifestyle to get used to. It’s what he needs, Amber. Things to take his mind off it all.’
She couldn’t say anything. There was nothing to say, because Max was right. Everything he was saying was right. But there was a part of Amber that still wished it could all be different.
‘Now, I just popped in here to make sure my most beautiful client was all set for her big day…’ He moved closer, pulling her in for a hug, and she clung onto him. This man who’d suddenly become such a big part of her life. The only man she could trust to make sure Ryan was okay. ‘So, you enjoy yourself, do you hear me? You go out there and you renew those vows to a man who is so in love with you, it’s sickening.’
She couldn’t help but smile.
‘And when I get back from L.A., we’ll talk about some of those offers of work that keep landing on my desk, alright?’
She nodded, hugging him again. ‘Tell him… tell him I…’ She pulled away, folding her arms as she turned to look at a now-sleeping Rico, his little body curled up, his tiny fingers clinging onto that rabbit he loved so much. ‘Tell him we’re thinking about him – me and Rico. Tell him. Please. Tell him we…we love him.’
Max smiled, squeezing her hand gently. ‘I’ll tell him. I promise.’ He checked his watch. ‘Right, well, I’d better get going. I said I’d meet him at the airport in half an hour.’ He looked at her one more time. ‘You take care, kiddo. And you have the best day today, okay? I’ll see you when I get back to London.’
She leaned back against the counter as he left the kitchen, looking over at Rico again. He was still curled up, still asleep, his mop of dark hair all messed up. He was making little snuffling noises, and she couldn’t help but smile. Ryan Fisher had given her the most incredible little boy. He’d given her something she’d never thought she’d have. And it was something they were always going to share. Something which meant he would always be a part of her life, and that was a comfort. Because, all of a sudden, she was finding it really hard to let go.
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