The night blooming jasmine I planted in the Greek urn over by the door has a wonderful perfume. The other smaller pots with a mix of roses and geraniums are looking and smelling good too. And the lemon tree is positively thriving. Sitting there, it struck me how hassle-free pots are, and how I hadn’t missed my old garden anywhere near as much as I’d anticipated.
Nino rang while I was sitting out there. He’s back on this side of the Med in San Remo, and will be down here at the end of the week. Told him about the party and he said he’d try and make it but couldn’t promise. Fingers crossed he does. Have to admit I can’t wait to see him again.
27th August.
Oh bloody hell! Bella and I were having a glass of rosé on the terrace an hour ago as she filled me in with all the nitty gritty about her day and night with Jacques. Well, not ALL the nitty gritty obviously, some things are just too private to share. Katie came onto the terrace to ask if she could borrow my laptop.
‘Of course. It’s in my room,’ I said and turned back to Bella.
Twenty minutes later, a furious Katie interrupted us.
‘I don’t believe you,’ she shouted. ‘Of all the despicable things to do.’
‘What on earth have I done?’
‘You’ve been writing a blog,’ she said. ‘Discussing our private family stuff online, for anybody to read.’
She turned to Bella. ‘You should see the names she calls you, her so-called “best friend”.’
‘Hang on. What the hell are you doing reading my private stuff?’
‘You left the file “Pretending to be Shirley Valentine” open. I didn’t know it was private so I started to read it. Thought it was something you’d downloaded off the internet. When I realised what I was reading, I couldn’t believe it.’
‘It’s a private diary. Nobody else has read it. I certainly haven’t published it on the net,’ I said. ‘Didn’t it occur to you to stop when you realised what it was?’
‘You’ve never kept a diary before. Why now?’
I sighed. ‘It started as a form of therapy. My angst diary. Writing things down helped me cope with all the stress and changes in my life. It helped me find a way of dealing with... with everything.’
Later…
Damn. Wish I’d closed my laptop down. I’m so cross with Katie for reading my diary.
She’s been here for the whole of August and we still haven’t had the mother daughter talk I wanted to have with her. Was hoping this last week we’d finally talk, but doubt that is going to happen now.
28th August.
A.M.
Bella and I had a chat last night before we went to sleep. Understandably, she wanted to know what I’d said about her in the diary.
‘You can read it if you want.’
She shook her head. ‘No. Just tell me.’
I took a deep breath. ‘I just wrote down what I called you over the phone. Cow and bitch. You know how furious I was over Katie moving into your place and you not telling me immediately. Heat of the moment stuff, because I was out of my mind with worry. But you explained why and we’ve both moved on since then. You are still my best friend,’ I added, hoping she would let it go.
After all, I’ve forgiven her for holding out on me, so surely she’d forgive me for the name calling session. I can’t bear the thought of a rift developing between us.
‘Oh, is that all? Thought from the way Katie was acting it was something worse.’
Early evening.
Bella and I were busy in the kitchen, doing the last minute food stuff a quarter of an hour before people were due to arrive for the party, when Katie walked in and brought up the subject of the diary again.
I sighed. ‘Not now, please, Katie. I don’t want another row.’
‘I wanted to say sorry,’ Katie said. ‘You’re right. I shouldn’t have read it.’
‘No you shouldn’t, but at least you know how difficult it’s been for me this last year… how much did you read?’
‘Enough to realise I’ve been a bit of a cow towards you, when it was Dad who was totally to blame for you splitting up.’
‘Well, I’m glad you finally realise the truth. So, let’s forget all about it,’ I said, giving her a hug.
Seeing as she was in a conciliatory mood, I risked asking her a couple of questions. Had to be done – she’ll be leaving in a couple of days.
‘You’ve not said where you’re going to be living when you get back. Did you find a flat share? Or are you going back to Dad’s?’
‘Definitely not going back to Dad’s. Not while she’s there. Bella has said I can stay a bit longer – maybe you’ll be back by the time she throws me out?’
‘I won’t be back for another four months at least, and even then I’m not sure where I’ll be living. I’m sure Bella doesn’t want you cluttering up her flat for that long. Do you, Bella?’ I turned to her. Bella shrugged.
‘You could come back before,’ Katie said.
‘I could, but I’m not going to.’ A gap year was a gap year in my book. I know as soon as I get back, this year off will quickly become a memory as I settle down into sorting out my life at home. Within three months it will all probably feel like a distant dream. The pretend Shirley Valentine will have metamorphosed back into – well, not just plain old me hopefully, but somebody with a bit more go and zest for life.
‘I guess I’ll be flat hunting as well as job hunting then. Might even move away.’ She looked at me thoughtfully. ‘Matt says I’d easily get work down here on the boats.’
‘Oh Katie. That’s no answer. You need a proper job. A career.’ I knew I needed to have a talk with her about her future – and I knew avoiding that talk would backfire in the end. But I’d had my head firmly stuck in the proverbial sand, and now it was too late to sort things out. ‘You’d be running away.’
‘Like you.’
‘It was different for me.’
‘Yeah well, you would say that. I’ll put these on the terrace table.’ Snatching up a bowl of nuts and olives she marched out of the kitchen.
‘Oh bloody hell,’ I said, sighing and looking at Bella. ‘We’re back to fighting again.’
But before Bella could say anything the doorbell went, people began to arrive and it was a question of “Smile – it’s party time!”
Thankfully, Jamie and Matt were the first to arrive, followed swiftly by Eliosa and Lotta. Once they were all out on the terrace, champagne in hand, I left them to entertain themselves while I retreated back to the kitchen for a few moments to try and calm down.
I so didn’t want bad feeling between Katie and me before she left. I needed to know she was going home happy and capable of coping with things. Having a secure roof over her head was obviously paramount to this.
God, Ben has a lot to answer for. I’m going to have to ring him and suggest that between us we finance somewhere for Katie to stay, at least until I return. Then she can move in with me. It’s not fair on Bella to have to put up with Katie until then, which is what I think Katie is planning.
Making my mind up to tackle Ben the next day, I turned to go back out to the party – resolved to try and have a quiet word with Katie – but the phone rang. Caller ID told me it was Ben. Talk about perfect timing.
‘Ben. How are you? I was going to ring you first thing tomorrow about Katie. We really...’
‘I have a son,’ Ben broke in. ‘I have a son.’
The sheer exuberance in his voice stopped me. As his words sank into my brain, I found myself thinking about all the years after Katie was born. He’d adored Katie from the very beginning, but had always seen her having a brother – a pigeon pair my gran used to call it. A boy for him, a girl for me. So old-fashioned.
But it had never happened. When Katie went to school, we kinda gave up on the idea and stopped trying – saying the six or seven year gap was too big. Well, now it was almost three times as big for Katie and her half-brother. I wonder if they’ll ever be close?
‘Congratulati
ons Ben,’ I said, finding my voice. ‘You’ve always wanted a son. I hope everything is OK with both Sam and the baby.’
‘We’re calling him Eric.’
‘Nice name,’ I said diplomatically. ‘Don’t forget you already have a daughter who needs you too.’
‘Is Katie there? Can I talk to her?’
‘Sure. I’ll fetch her in a moment. We need to talk about where she lives – she can’t stay at Bella’s forever.’
‘Doesn’t need to be there at all. Her room is still here. And you’ll be home after Christmas. She can move in with you then.’
‘It’s not fair to expect Bella to give her a home. We’re her parents,’ I said crossly. ‘Surely between us we can help pay for a flat.’
‘No, I can’t afford it – especially now with a new son. Like I said, her room is still here.’
‘You know she won’t move back in with you and Samantha.’
‘Her choice. Now, can I please speak with her?’
I sighed and made my way out to the terrace where Katie was in a huddle with Matt by the Greek urn.
‘Your father would like a word,’ I said, handing her the phone and moving away.
Standing by the table pouring more champagne for Bella and Lotta, I heard Katie say, ‘Well I’m sorry if you expected me to be more excited about... Eric. To be honest I’m not really interested.’ There was a pause while she listened.
‘You’re not serious?’ Her voice had risen several octaves when she said, ‘No I bloody well won’t Dad,’ and switched off the phone, flinging it down on a nearby chair.
Later, as darkness fell and we all watched a spectacular fireworks display down on the beach, I glanced across at Katie standing wrapped in Matt’s arms. What on earth was she refusing to do so vehemently?
29th August.
Didn’t sleep well last night. Had this nightmare where I tried to steal baby Eric out of his pram and bring him home to the apartment. He was Katie’s longed-for baby brother and I had to take him home. Samantha came in and caught me and tried to grab the baby back. We screamed at each other as we both ended up with a leg and an arm, trying to pull the baby away from the other one.
Ben came in, shouted at us both, forcefully took Eric away and gently cradled him in his arms. ‘He’s my son. I’ll take care of him.’
I woke up crying my eyes out. What the hell was that all about?
31st August.
Katie was back to quiet mode this morning when I went with her to the airport. Barely spoke a word all the way there. As we sat over a coffee and croissant in the cafe after she’d checked in I said, ‘It’s been lovely having you here. You seem to have had a good time too.’
‘It’s been great. Mum,’ she hesitated. ‘When you come back, what are you going to do? Decided where you’re going to live?’
‘No idea.’ I shrugged and pulled my croissant apart. ‘Those questions are just two of several I need to find the answers for in the next couple of months. Why d’you ask?’ I thought I knew why of course, but I wanted her to put it into words.
‘I’m applying for a job in Bristol. If I get it, I’m moving down there. Actually, even if I don’t get this job, I’m going. Matt’s asked me to move in with him. He’s starting at the BRI next week.’ She glanced at me. ‘So don’t worry about me finding somewhere to live other than Bella’s. I’ll be out of there soon.’
I hadn’t been expecting that. ‘You and Matt serious then? Not just a holiday romance?’
She smiled. ‘It’s serious.’
‘I’m happy for you. He’s lovely.’ I took a deep breath. I had to say what I was about to say, whether she liked it or not.
‘Katie, promise me you’ll keep in touch – even if it’s only a text, or an e-mail, once a week. I don’t think I could cope with you running away again, not contacting me. I need to know you’re all right. I’d prefer a phone call of course, but I know you’ll be busy living your own life… which is fine.’ I hesitated. ‘And if you’re not fine, I need to know that, so I can help. Dad too.’
She pulled a face at that. ‘I think Dad’s got another child to worry about now.’
‘He always wanted you to have a brother,’ I said quietly. ‘It just didn’t happen for us.’
‘Yeah well, I wish it hadn’t happened now.’ She finished her coffee. ‘You know what he had the nerve to ask me when he phoned at the party?’
I shook my head. ‘No. I did wonder why you were so upset.’
‘He wants me to be Eric’s godmother. I mean, Mum, how could he even think I’d consider it when he knows how I feel about the way he’s treated us. Not to mention how much I hate Samantha.’
Her flight was called at that moment, and I walked up the steps to the Departure Lounge doors with her. A quick hug, ‘I’ll be fine Mum. I’ll phone you when I get to Bristol, I promise. You take care too,’ and she was gone.
That short chat in the airport was the closest we came to having the talk I’d wanted all month.
Saw Jamie’s Porsche parked near the apartment when I got home. Gave him a quick text saying I was home and would he like to raise a glass of wine to our respective children, wishing them both luck in Bristol?
Didn’t hear back, and an hour later his car had gone. Probably someone else’s car – posh sports cars are everywhere down here.
SEPTEMBER
I like this time of year. The beginning of September always feels optimistic to me – like a new year is starting, rather than winding down to the end. Think it’s left over from the way a new school year starts at this time.
Because it’s not just a new term. It’s a whole new beginning. There’s all the excitement of making new friends, new subjects to study, new stationery to write on and, like a proper New Year, dreams and resolutions are drawn up for the next four months.
Normally too, I feel really energised to do things – but this year I… well, I think the word “pressurised” has taken over. I keep talking to the wishing fairies in the kitchen, hoping they will somehow come up with some solutions, but so far they’ve failed to come up with anything.
Other than to remind me that for me personally, my Shirley Valentine year is going well – it’s other people’s lives that are the problem. Putting on the pressure. Oh well, short of giving up on my gap year and returning home immediately, there’s not a lot I can do to influence things at the moment.
2nd September.
Managed to write one feature and organise the research for several other short ones this week, and pitched ideas to various magazines. OB tells me Jessica’s Jaunts is gaining more fans and more responses from readers, but I’m going to need to earn more now I’m officially a single woman. My redundancy money coupled with the house money is going to need a boost when I get back on the mortgage carousel next year.
It’s been bothering me about where to live when I go back. Only thing I know for sure is I don’t want to be in the same area as Ben and Samantha. Can’t bear the thought of bumping into them and baby Eric in the supermarket.
3rd September.
Jamie rang me today. Apparently he’d been out water-skiing with friends in Nice the morning I’d texted him. He was back home before he read my message. Couldn’t have been his car I’d seen.
‘No problem. Have you heard how things are in Bristol?’ I asked. ‘Katie rang to tell me she’d arrived safely and that she’d got an interview for the job she wanted. Since then though, I haven’t heard anything.’
‘I don’t hear much from Matt either,’ Jamie said. ‘But they both seem to be enjoying life – and being in love.’
There was a bit of a pause after he’d finished speaking, and to me it felt awkward. ‘Jamie, are you not happy with them being together?’
‘To be honest, I wish Katie had been able to find her own place rather than move in with Matt so quickly.’
Didn’t quite know what to say to this as I felt the same. ‘They did seem very happy together here,’ I finally said. ‘Fingers crossed for
them.’
4th September.
Nino phoned this morning. Apologised for not making the party last week and invited me to lunch in Cannes. He’s there helping prepare the yacht for the Cannes Boat Show. Apparently, as it’s the manufacturers’ latest model, they’ve asked for it to be their showboat this year. He apologised for not being able to pick me up, but he doesn’t have any transport for the moment.
Looking forward to seeing him again. Eliosa says she thinks things are coming to a head between him, Paola and Giovani. Can’t imagine what the fallout is going to be like.
Eliosa has definitely got her old spirit for life back. Her arm has healed beautifully and she’s always just going to or coming back from some do or other when I see her. I bumped into her today on her way out for coffee with a friend.
She looked so stylish in her cropped white trousers, silky pale green top and ballerina flats. All topped off with a large floppy brimmed straw hat and big sunglasses. Wish I could look that stylish. She’s got to be what,fifteen even twenty years older than me, but she still turns heads.
‘You look amazing,’ I told her. ‘Is husband number five on the horizon?’ I couldn’t resist teasing.
She shook her head. ‘I don’t think so. I like this one too much to marry him,’ she said seriously. And she was gone on a wave of Chanel No.5.
Ah, so she has met someone new. Wonder when I’ll get to meet him.
Right, I’m off to Cannes.
5th September.
Nino was waiting as promised when I stepped off the bus in Cannes. I’d forgotten how handsome and Italian looking he is, and I have to admit my heart lurched a little lot when I saw him standing there.
A couple of Gallic cheek kisses and we were crossing the road towards the large pizza restaurant overlooking the harbour.
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