by Kaci Hart
Either way, he had known beforehand that this wasn’t going to be easy but this was ridiculous. He felt more weighed down and confused now than when he had gotten there. Maybe she was right. Were they too different? If so, why hadn’t he noticed it before? He watched as Chelsea pressed the intercom to speak to the driver.
“Please stop the car as soon as possible.”
“As you wish ma’am.” The driver responded.
The limo was silent. Ryder was at a loss for words. After the car parked, all he could do was watch as Chelsea reached for the door. He was dumbfounded and stared at her--frozen. She was leaving and he had no idea if he should try and stop her. She grasped the handle and then looked back to him before exiting the car.
“I’ve had a great time with you but it is what it is. We aren’t right for each other and it’s best that we realized this now before either of us got hurt. We played roles that don’t belong to us--pretending to be something that we are not. I’m not perfect by a longshot, that is true, but I do know what it feels like to have someone care about you. You did that for a while but it started to change recently. I just can’t have half of you.”
“So that’s it? You’re just giving up on us now? Moving on with your life like I was just a pit stop? I can’t believe that we are so different that you don’t have the energy or desire to try to make us work anymore. You really want this to be done, here and now?”
“No Ryder, I don’t. I know what I want. But it’s not my place to choose for you what you want. One day if you ever decide that you are ready to work for something other than your company, then you can give me a call. If that day ever comes I promise I will answer. What I can’t promise is how I will feel. Maybe I’ll be waiting for you and maybe I won’t. I do think this is for the best right now though. I love you Ryder. Goodbye.”
After that last statement, she closed the limo door behind her. Still in shock, Ryder watched her walk down the street before she flagged down a yellow cab and got inside. He realized how ironic the moment was. They were parked in almost the same location as the limo was on the day he had first bumped into her.
He smiled. That day he could not have possibly imagined how much she would throw his life into turmoil in the best and worst ways. Yet still just like that first time, she had gotten out of the car and had run off without him, only this time he hadn’t yelled after her. He thought it was for the best. It seemed that fate had played a tortuous game with him and when it had finished, put him right back where he started.
“To the airport sir?”
His respite from the real world was halted by the question from his driver. It held a finality that said that once he answered, he would be choosing the path he was going to take. He’d be driving away from her and towards his old life once again. He paused for a moment, truly considering what he was about to do. But he had no choice.
“Yes, straight to the airport please. I’ve got a lot of work to get done.”
***
Chelsea shut the door behind herself and walked straight into her room. She didn’t want Sasha to see her at all. She sat on the edge of her bed completely and totally numb. She’d just broken up with the only guy that she really had ever seen a future with. He was the perfect guy in almost every way except the one that mattered to her the most.
When she was younger, she remembered reading a book about the different ways that people showed and received love. The book called it a persons’ love language. She had previously thought she didn’t fall into any of them. Of course that was probably because she really didn’t believe so much in love back then. She preferred to call it being happy with someone--enjoying life with them. Love was too different for her in the past. It was problematic. Love was too all encompassing. Too controlling. Too rigid, tight, and demanding. She really didn’t see the major need for it in her life. That was until she had met him. When love took on a whole new definition for her. As she curled up in fetal position on her bed, she realized that the most important aspect of love for her was spending her time with the one she cared for. Quality time, and lots of it.
This is why I never fell in love before. It hurts a lot.
She turned over on her side. The one thing she needed from him was what he wouldn’t be able to promise her--his time. Without that, she knew that she’d continue to nag him and he’d continue to work as hard as he did. That’s who she was and he was. Eventually they would have gotten to an even worse point where neither of them would be able to stand each other and she didn’t want that. She reasoned that to herself over and over again but none of the validity of that logic made it hurt any less.
The worst thing was that he didn’t even fight for her. He didn’t seem to understand that in that final look, she was giving him one more chance to choose her. She wished he would have stopped her. That he would have told her that there was nothing in the world more important to him than her. Anything would have been better than that stoic look that he had as she got out of the car. Calm even in the face of her pain. She was hurt but as she remembered the look on his face, she was more convinced than ever that they weren’t right for each other. Her phone started to ring and after being startled for a second, she rushed to grab it, hoping he had thrown caution to the wind. She read the ID and was deflated.
“Hi mom.”
“Hi sweetheart. Are you busy?”
She wiped the tears that she did not know had been forming in her eyes.
“Not at all mom. What’s up?”
“Oh nothing at all honey. You ran across my mind just now and I felt like calling you. Probably because I’m cooking your favorite dessert right now.”
That caused Chelsea to perk up a bit. Nothing like food to make a bad day better.
“Peach cobbler with a pecan crumble crust!?”
“You don’t know your favorite dessert?”
“Oh I do. I just hope that you are making me one on the side.”
“On the side, of course honey. But I was hoping you’d come by for dinner tonight. I’m cooking all the things you like; glazed ham, mashed potatoes, extra cheesy macaroni and cheese, and corn on the cob. Your father and I wanted to throw you a little congratulatory celebration on going back to school. You deserve it so we are behind you all the way.”
“Wow mom, thanks. Now if you throw in a little vanilla bean ice cream with that cobbler, you just might get me to move back home.”
“Alright then sweetie, I was running by the store later so I will get the ice cream then, but you know your old room has been turned into your fathers ‘man cave’ so you couldn’t move back in here even if I wanted you to. Are you going to bring your boyfriend with you?”
Ryder had met her parents one time before and they got along so well. She wasn’t ready to tell them that they had broken up just yet. It had happened so recently that she didn’t even really believe it herself. She definitely wasn’t ready to share the painful truth with anyone.
“No mom. He had to go out of town.... again.”
“Goodness gracious that man travels a lot. Well, I guess that’s the cost of being as successful as he is.”
“True. Hey mom, I gotta take care of some things before tonight. See you later, ok.”
She hung up with her mother, figuring that she would tell her parents about her and Ryder either after dinner or later in the week. No sense in ruining a good meal. Her parents were big fans of Ryder since meeting him. It made sense seeing that they probably blamed him for some of the more proactive decisions she had been making in her life. The biggest of which was of course her returning to school.
It was true that she and Ryder were done. He was good for a season in her life. She realized that she never even had the chance to tell him about her going back to school. Not dance school, but college. She had wanted to keep it a secret from him until that day, when she had actually made the payment for the tuition for the upcoming semester. Being around him had made her realize that a little more direction and structure in her life
wouldn’t have necessarily been a bad thing.
Her parents had been ecstatic when she told them she was going back to school and they even promised to give her the monies that they had saved up for her in order to pay for it. She was astonished to find out that they had saved more for her than she’d realized. Enough to cover almost four years of classes as well as living expenses. The dance lessons she taught would just be for extra money. The funniest thing was that she’d be going back for business. She knew that Ryder would laugh at that if he were there.
Thinking about his laugh caused fresh tears to appear. It was times like these that she talked to God the most. Especially when she was confused.
God, why did you have to make this so hard? I know that you know what you’re doing but this isn’t fun.
She had more to pray. More to ask but for some reason, she just felt like everything was going to be okay. Like things were happening just like they were supposed to. She breathed a deep sigh to catch her breath and stop the tears that had rolled down her cheeks. Everything would be alright. That she knew. Things were going to be a little bit different for her from here on out. She wouldn’t forget who she was, but she wasn’t a child anymore and she was ready to grow up. As hurt as she was by Ryder, she silently thanked him before drifting into a much needed nap.
Chapter 10
It had been a few months since the day that Chelsea last spoke to Ryder and she had decided to spend part of the day at the park. She hadn’t dated anyone else in that time; No one had caught her attention like he did. He was one of a kind. She was proud of herself for how well she was doing in school and thought she had a real chance of making the dean’s list, which was what led to her major study session that week. Finals were approaching and she wanted to do as well as possible.
It was a good thing for her that she didn’t have to work full time anymore because she really needed the time to study. Looking at the equation in front of her, she scribbled down her answer, crossed her fingers, and turned to the back of the book to see if her answer was correct.
“Yes! Finally.”
Chelsea placed the large book on her lap and rubbed her temples with her hand. Going back to school had been harder than she remembered but she was happy she had done so because it showed how much she had really changed as a person. A year ago, she would have never imagined the detours that her life had taken but now she was in the midst of doing all the things that she should have done years ago. She figured an alternate route on a journey can be just as fulfilling as the straight path so she wasn’t upset with her past decisions either. Well maybe except for losing Ryder. That one still stung some days.
She looked upwards and closed her eyes, letting the sun shine on her face before looking around. She was sitting on one of the wooden benches at the park. She liked going there to study. Something about the hustle and bustle of people moving and going made her feel like she was a part of everyday life, yet the birds, green grass and, hopefully, sunny days helped her relax. As she surveyed the area around her, to her left about a hundred feet--she saw him. It was Ryder.
At first she didn’t recognize him. He was wearing shorts and a casual shirt. He looked attractive even in that. In fact, he looked younger. That was one of two things that made it hard for her to recognize him at first--until he looked in her direction and their eyes met. The other thing that made her overlook him was the dog. He was at the park, in shorts, playing with a dog. No way was that the Ryder who she knew. She smiled as he walked in her direction, the small dog running around his legs in circles trying to figure out why his game of catch had ended.
“Chelsea. Hi there.”
That was the voice that she remembered so well. He was still every bit as handsome and charismatic as ever. Her pulse felt rushed just talking to him again.
“Ryder. I never imagined I’d see you here. At the park.”
She motioned at the animal looking up into his face for directions.
“And with a dog no less.”
He laughed softly, and slowly took his eyes off her to kneel down and rub the dog behind his ears.
“Oh him. This little guy here is Eddie.”
“Eddie? What kind of nerd names a dog Eddie?” She chuckled, teasing him already.
“Hey, that happens to be the name of the dog on one of my favorite TV shows thank you. I figured it was a nice name and since he’s my dog, that’s his name. So that’s that.”
He looked back to Eddie, cooing.
“And you like it, don’t you boy? Yes you do. Now fetch.”
Ryder threw the ball and the dog yelped before running after it.
“So this is your dog?”
“Of course. And why do you say it like that? Am I not capable of caring for another creature?”
He wasn’t serious, she knew that. But she answered him seriously still.
“That’s not what I meant. I just never really saw you as a dog person. Or an animal person at all for that matter, but definitely not a dog person. They just require so much attention and time. I just kinda figured it was...your girlfriend’s dog or something.”
She looked at him as she asked her silent question.
“Girlfriend. Ha. No girlfriend for me right now Chelsea. My last one was more than enough to help me realize I needed to make some changes in my life so I decided before I dated again, that I needed to re-evaluate things in my life. Find out what was important, you know.”
Chelsea was relieved when he said that he was still single. Not that she was planning to put moves on him. He and she were definitely old news. She reasoned to herself that it was because she hadn’t seen him in so long but she knew that wasn’t the whole story. If she was being honest with herself, the whole time that they had been apart, she still considered him to be hers.
“And did you?”
She quizzed, looking into his eyes.
“Did you find what you needed to?”
He paused, looking hard at her before responding.
“Yes I did. So Eddie here is one of the things about me that has changed in the past few months. You know Chelsea, when I last saw you I was on my way back to Japan where I was able to smooth things over and save the client relationship but I left the company afterwards.”
Her breath caught in her throat upon hearing what he had just said. She’d never imagined in a million years that he would step away from the business that generations of his family built.
“You left your family’s company? I can’t believe that you would do something like that.”
He took the ball from Eddie, throwing it again before continuing.
“That day I told you I needed time to figure out what was right. I needed to take a break, but not just from you. From everything. I needed to find out who I was, really, and what I wanted. The only reason I went to Japan that day is because no one else could close the deal but me. When it was all done, I didn’t even fly straight back. I took two weeks just for myself. To clear my head, you know. The last thing I expected was that I would walk away from it ready to leave my father’s side but the more I thought about it, the more it just felt like the right thing to do. I don’t think in all my years that I ever gave myself a chance to be me. Except when I was with you.”
She looked at him as the last statement trailed from his lips. Seeing how much he had changed in the short time period was astounding to her. He had embraced a lot of changes since they had been together and he looked happy. That made her feel good at least. Listening to him talk, it felt like old times. Like she had never stopped loving him, and it was completely possible that she hadn’t.
“Did you hear me Chelsea?”
She hadn’t. She only realized just then that he had asked her a question. She smiled at him sheepishly.
“I’m sorry. I was thinking about something. What were you saying?”
“I was asking how you’ve been. Catching up on some reading today? Not a bad day for it if I do say so myself.”
“Yeah, jus
t doing a little light reading. Today’s topic is…”
Chelsea picked up the book and smiled, showing him the cover.
“Calculus. Can you believe that you’re looking at Ms. College here? You caught me studying for finals now actually, thank you very much.”
Ryder stepped back for a moment, looking at her sideways.
“Okay now you have me spooked. You, Chelsea Warner, are in college doing calculus?”
“What? Don’t look at me like I’m lying. You aren’t the only one that can grow you know. Besides, this started when we were together. Remember the day that we broke up and I told you I wanted to talk?”