“I understand,” Joy said.
“Joy,” called her mother from the kitchen. “Can you girls help me with scraping and rinsing the dishes?”
“Just a minute, Ma,” Joy responded.
“I…“
“Is something the matter?” Neil asked, coming up behind Audra.
“Yeah, thanks to you she feels sick and wants to go home.”
“What? I…?”
“No, please, on the contrary,” Audra said. “I’ve enjoyed our conversation.”
“Are you really leaving?” he asked.
She nodded. “I’m afraid so.”
“Then allow me to drive you,” he said.
Audra immediately looked at Joy whose eyes questioned her in return. She sensed that Joy was concerned for Audra but would be just as relieved if she didn’t have to drive her back across the city.
“That would be fine, just let me get my bag,” Audra said.
“I’ll get it for you, Elise,” Joy said.
“Let me get your overcoat,” Neil said.
He came back with it and helped her into it. Joy came back with her bag and draped the dress across Audra’s arms.
“I put your heels in the bag,” she said.
Neil shouldered her bag, and Audra picked up her clutch.
Mrs. McCreary came from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dish towel.
“Elise, I…?”
“I apologize, Mrs. McCreary,” Audra said. “Thank you so much for the amazing meal and your wonderful hospitality. I’m just not feeling well.”
Mrs. McCreary looked at Joy who shrugged slightly.
“Well, that’s fine, Elise. I’m sorry you have to go. I hope you’ll come back again sometime.”
“Oh, undoubtedly,” Audra said. Just not when you have twenty-seven people in the house.
She said her goodbyes and ‘lovely-to-meet-you’ to everyone, and she and Neil departed.
They found his vehicle, luckily, behind the many vehicles in the McCreary’s make-shift parking lot.
“So, what’s this really about?” Neil asked.
“I don’t know,” Audra sighed. “I think it was just overwhelming.”
He laughed. “Yes, a holiday with the Hugh McCreary’s can be that way.”
“I grew up as an only child,” she said.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
She smiled. “I never really missed having brothers or sisters, and, of course, I was ever the center of attention. But growing up agnostic our Christmas holidays were a bit strange anyway.” What a lame thing to say, she thought. She was quite sure that non-religious people had amazing holiday get-togethers, too. She had just never been part of one.
“Not even a night of Yuletide revelry?”
“No,” she laughed. “Definitely not that.”
“My. You must have grown up in a very austere household.” She just turned to look out the window. “All the more reason to make this one special.”
She turned and gave him a wan smile. “Maybe next year,” she said.
“I’d offer to take you to a frat party,” he said, “but if you think you’re overwhelmed with my family….”
“Yeah, no,” she said.
“Well, how about just a quiet drink somewhere?” he asked.
She looked at him. “Really, not tonight,” she said. “I wasn’t faking. I seriously don’t feel well.”
“Fair enough,” he said, “how about Sunday evening, then?”
She didn’t want to be rude, so she gave him the satisfaction of thinking she would go with him, knowing she could cancel later. “Alright,” she said.
“Good,” he said, pulling up to her apartment complex. “Since I know where you live, I’ll pick you up at six. We can have a bite to eat first, and then I’ll take you to one of my favorite places along the wharf.”
She smiled thinly. They both got out, but she grabbed her bag.
“It’s okay,” she said. “I’ll be all right. I’ll see you on Sunday.”
“You’re sure?” he asked, looking up at the apartments above them.
“I’m sure. Thanks so much for the ride, and please apologize to your family again for me. I’ll give Joy a call.”
She couldn’t get up the stairs and get her door open fast enough. She set down her bag, locked the door, and then leaned against it. She felt herself reviving a bit as soon as the door was shut behind her.
She opened the drapes so she could see the lights of the city, pulled down her bed, and reclined across it. She squeezed her eyes closed. She hadn’t thought it would be this incredibly difficult. Now that she was alone and could think, she realized that the way she felt had much less to do with all the people and the chaos as it was the strain of lying. She kept creating and practicing a back story, but Neil’s “are they real” question about her eyes was a curveball she hadn’t expected. And then her father’s family name. What had she told him? O’Rourke. That was it.
What will be next? she wondered. How much more will I have to invent? Will I have to keep Cliff’s Notes about my life? She began to wonder what it would be like at work. How much can I dodge there? Why does it all have to be so damn difficult?
Where is Lucas? She realized how much strength he had given her and how undaunted she felt when he was around. She wouldn’t want to feel dependent on him, yet she…. Oh, why can’t I just say it? I feel his absence so much. Isn’t that part of what a relationship is supposed to be about—someone to count on, someone to help through the difficult things? Who understands me better than Lucas?
She thought again of Neil. It was nice to have Joy as a friend. Why do I need a male friend? Yet, thinking of the way it had made her feel to look at him made her at least curious. Wouldn’t it be easier to get over Lucas if I had someone else to think about?
47
Lucas started breathing easier when he got to Redding at the base of the Siskiyou Mountains. He pulled out his map to take another look. He looked at remaining on the Interstate and going north, past Mount Shasta, and on into Oregon. However, what intrigued him was an area called the Trinity Alps. He had picked up a newspaper and saw mention of small towns along Highways 299 and 3.
The minute he pulled onto 299 and headed west, he felt a huge weight fall off of him. He had asked about the weather into Weaverville and was told if he made it before nightfall, he would be okay.
A light snow was falling, something he had not seen in years. As the elevation rose, the snow began to stick, and soon, the landscape began to take on the appearance of an enchanted world. Snow flurries rose in puffs and swirls as his truck swished on through the mounting storm. He was glad Weaverville wasn’t far.
Soon, it was just the gray road, the peaks ahead of him, and the white envelope around him. He felt oddly lulled and strangely uplifted, almost as though the whiteness absolved him of the offenses of the past and the pain of others’ transgressions against him and Audra.
For however long this could last, he would be grateful. If he could just have the tiniest respite from grief, hatred, and recrimination, it would be a miracle.
He saw the sign for Weaverville and pulled off onto Main Street. It was just turning dusk as he arrived, and lights began to come on around him. He saw a large wood structure with lighted porticoes and was able to make out the words, Hotel Weaverville. He figured that was as good a place as any to stop for the night.
The interior was partially dark, and only one person appeared to be on duty. Lucas looked around. “Not much business on a snowy night, huh?” he said, trying to be friendly.
The man grinned. “Not on Christmas Eve anyway.”
Lucas realized his face must have shown stunned surprise as it slowly dawned on him that this was indeed Christmas Eve.
“I suppose there’s not a lot of chance of finding anything open to get something to eat?”
The man behind the registration desk smiled. “Actually, there’s a little café just down the street. It’s still early. They close
at 6, even tonight, but I’ll call them and tell them you’re coming. Just leave your bag back here with me and get on down the street.”
Lucas thanked the man profusely and walked a few doors to the café. The woman who waited on him was friendly, although she looked tired, and, he supposed, anxious to get home to her family. They served him up a hot beef sandwich with potatoes and gravy, with a slice of pie on the house, as they said it would have been tossed at closing anyway.
With a warm meal in his belly, Lucas headed back to the hotel. The man gave him his key and pointed him to his room. Lucas grinned as soon as he walked into the room. He looked around at the four poster bed and the claw-foot tub in the bathroom and thought how Audra would have loved it.
He took a hot shower and climbed into bed. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he was wide awake. Damn! he thought. Christmas Eve. How nice it would have been to snuggle up to Audra. How could I have just let them take her away? His own self-doubt, thinking that perhaps she didn’t want to see him, was what kept him away.
He wondered where she was and what she was doing. He imagined her, for a moment, as the life of some party somewhere, but as soon as he thought it, he knew it was highly unlikely. Audra was so serious, so encumbered it seemed. He wished she could have experienced that amazing whiteness today.
He would have liked to say that it could be a new beginning for him, but he didn’t even know what that meant. Essentially, his new beginning came when the chief handed him his retirement papers, but it was like he was still holding himself in tension. However, he finally felt as though the cartel was a world away—sealed away from him by the white cloak of the storm.
He liked this little town already—although he had only been to two businesses and encountered three people. Here he could be reborn.
The next morning he woke to yet another world. It had warmed up after sunrise. The storm was gone, and the snow on the ground had receded a bit. However, he could only stand and stare at what had been hidden from him during the storm…the snow-covered peaks of the Trinity Alps above the tiny town.
If he had felt cleansed yesterday, now he felt light and exhilarated. He breathed deeply of the cool, fresh air. He looked down the street and spied the convenience store and gas station to which the clerk directed him. He was grateful for hot coffee and a breakfast sandwich. He stocked up on a few things that would get him through the day until the grocery store opened the next morning.
He walked back to the hotel and picked up a newspaper. He realized he would soon have to reenter the electronic world with a smart phone and a notepad or laptop. But for now, he looked at the classifieds, barely able to hope that he would find something. His eye immediately fell on an ad for a small one-bedroom apartment…in a barn of all things. He was sorely tempted to call right then but forced himself to wait, knowing such an intrusion might be unwanted on Christmas Day.
Weaverville, he decided, just might have potential.
48
Audra and Neil had fish and chips on the Pier, and then made their way to Neil’s favorite pub where they could sit next to the windows and watch the ferries come and go. Audra wore a green cashmere sweater and skinny jeans.
“You really look great in jewel-tones,” Neil observed.
“They’re my favorite. If I can’t afford jewels, I’ll at least wear the colors,” she laughed.
“Oh, then you’ll just have to find someone who can drape you in jewels, my dear,” he said.
“All in good time,” she said.
The waiter came to take their drink orders, and Audra again ordered a winter stout.
“Ooh, a woman after my own heart,” he said and ordered one for himself, as well.
Pointing up to a different set of windows in the establishment, he asked, “Have you been to Pike’s Place Market yet?”
She shook her head. “I know it’s supposed to be fabulous and really can’t excuse not having gone yet….”
“Other than the fact that you just got here.”
“Yeah, other than that,” she said.
“Well, good. That will give me an excuse to ask you for a second date.”
She smiled and stared into her beer mug.
“What do you do?” she asked.
“I’m in my senior year at Seattle U, so I’m not doing anything right now except resting up for my last semester.”
“Oh, wow. What are you studying?” she asked.
“Religion,” he said.
“What? I thought Joy said you were an atheist.”
“I am. The Jesuits have taught me well.”
She looked at him, not understanding.
He laughed. “Actually, I, too, am studying Cultural Anthropology like Joy, but my predilections are a bit different.”
Audra shook her head. “Only you could talk about religion and make it sound dirty.”
He threw back his head and laughed this time. “You are sharp, Miss Woodrow. I like you.”
“So what exactly are your ‘predilections?’”
“I’m studying ancient Irish tribal religions and how they have evolved throughout the ages.”
“Ancient Irish tribal religions? You mean Celts and Druids?”
Now, he stopped laughing. “Are you reading my mind, Audra? How do you know about it?”
She shrugged. “When most of the girls in my classes were into Goth, I was into Druid.
“Into?”
“Well, not into. I read a lot about it and actually did a lot of Druid art.”
“Druid art?”
“Depictions of them. And I was fascinated by the find at La Téne…although that’s not Irish. Most of my art incorporates La Téne designs.”
His eyes nearly bugged out of his head. “I’ve never talked to any woman who knew even the remotest thing about any of it, and you start throwing out references to La Téne like it was in the Westlake Mall.”
Now, it was her turn to laugh. She had surprised herself. So much tragedy in so little time had wiped so much from her mind. She had forgotten there had been life before tragedy.
“I’d love to see it,” he said.
“My art? Unfortunately, it’s a world away from here. I didn’t bring any of it with me. Well, I do have my digital design portfolio that I did in college, but only one of those pieces incorporates anything La Téne.”
He just sat there with those bedroom eyes and his ginger eyelashes while she basked under his admiring gaze.
“So, what did you mean about the Jesuits teaching you well?”
“Well, the Jesuits are the pinnacle of Catholic scholarship. When they take on students, they teach them how to think for themselves, and it doesn’t upset them in the slightest if that thinking takes you outside of Catholicism. I prefer to express it as beyond Catholicism—not implying better, simply more.”
“‘More things in Heaven and Earth…’” she began.
“…than are dreamt of in your philosophy,” he finished. “Exactly.”
They finished their first beers and ordered seconds. Then, they spent the rest of the afternoon discussing philosophy.
“Hey,” he said. “That fish and chips wore off long ago. Shall we do dinner?”
“We could.”
“How about I take you to my favorite seafood restaurant?”
“More seafood? I could really get to like this place.”
He laughed. “Other than my mother’s prime rib, you’ll never have to touch a bit of red meat again if you don’t want to.”
“I’m not much of a beef eater, that’s for sure, but your mother’s prime rib was divine.”
“She’s been perfecting it for a long time,” he said.
They left the pub and drove along the pier. Soon, he headed the nose of the car into a lane where she could see they were pulling up behind a number of cars. Audra squinted through the haloed lights and the gathering darkness beyond.
“Is this the ferry terminal?” she asked.
“It is. I figured it was a safe be
t that if you hadn’t been to Pike’s Place yet that you hadn’t been on the ferry yet either.”
Her eyes grew wide. “I thought we were going somewhere for seafood.”
“We are,” he said, “to a lovely little fishing village called Gig Harbor on the other side of the Sound.”
“Wow! How long does it take?”
“Once we get on, it’s just about an hour to cross. We will disembark in Bremerton, then drive to Gig Harbor, which is about thirty minutes from Bremerton.”
“So, given it’s five o’clock now, we’ll be in Gig Harbor by seven. That will give us nearly four hours to eat dinner. The last ferry back is at 11:40.”
“How fun!”
After a brief wait, they entered the ferry and parked, then went to the upper deck. He bought coffees, and when the horn indicated their immediate departure, he guided her out to the railing where they watched the shoreline and fabulous lights of Seattle reflecting into the water. As they rounded the bend and lost site of Seattle, they retreated to the warmth of indoor deck.
“Are you cold,” he asked.
“I’m okay now,” she said, having donned the leather jacket that she had brought with her.
“Ah, darn. I thought I would get to put my arm around you.”
“That’s okay,” she said, not knowing a polite way to either encourage or deflect.
They sat side by side, drinking their cooling coffees and chatting about a lot of things that came to mind. Audra was glad that they had found common interests so the focus was off of her and her personal life.
They got off the ferry in Bremerton, just as Neil had said. Other than rain and lights and then a long stretch of darkness broken only by oncoming headlights, Audra saw little. But as they came into Gig Harbor, Neil made a point of driving along the shoreline so she could see all the fishing boats. A few minutes later they were in the downtown area where they parked and walked to the restaurant.
“It’s an Italian seafood restaurant,” he said. “They have the most amazing angel-hair pasta with mussels, pesto, and sun-dried tomatoes.”
The whole thing was another first for Audra. She had never dined in courses. Wine flowed freely, and it was an evening long event. She had noticed that he stopped drinking the wine after the first hour which she admired, knowing that he was driving.
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