He begged for my mercy, pledging his love to her. He loved my fucking wife. The man, who I took along for the ride, because he was my friend and had nowhere to go after he graduated college with a business degree. His pleading words were drowned by my blinding rage as I kicked the shit out of him. I had met Cassidy in my third year of college. I had fucked my way through so many girls that by the time we met, I was craving something else. We dated for a year and got married. Then we had the kids. She was it for me. I wanted a wife and family. I wanted what I didn’t have growing up. Cassidy called 9-1-1. Carter was a bloody mess and she was scared I would kill him. She was pleading that it wasn’t her fault, that I neglected her, that I spent endless hours at work that I only cared about work. She missed the fact that I did everything for her and our kids. I knew I had to work hard, and then I would be the boss and I could be around more.
She didn’t understand my vision, though, and instead of being a supportive wife, she began fucking my best friend and playing the lonely-wife card. There was no ‘sorry,’ only ‘this is your damn doing.’
When the police arrived and asked for a statement, Carter kept his mouth shut. He was a businessman, and he knew it would bring Socialite under scrutiny if he said the truth, so he lied to cover up what had happened. After all, he owned half of the empire I built. We continued to work together, but our relationship was strained to say the least. I managed to bury that day in the back of my mind until now. I chose to fuck around as much as humanly possible, hoping to fuck Cassidy and that day out of my system. I reverted back to my college behavior and made a vow to never fall for another woman again. Somehow, Eden Jenkins slithered her way into my life and under my skin. I have to tamp that shit down. I’m never going to get married or fall in love again.
And that is final.
I don’t understand what happened. As tears stream down my eyes, I can’t get behind the closed doors of the bedroom fast enough. If Grant wasn’t sleeping, I would pack our bags and leave now. Falling back on the bed, my tears are flowing freely. Dixon felt so good. When we’re together, time falls away and I feel like I’m in heaven. Sex has never been that way for me before. My past sexual experience was compromised of a few kisses in high school. Then I left my house and got into all kinds of trouble. Blythe saved me. I gave him my virginity and my love. He just never cherished me.
Dixon, Dixon. He had me completely undone. My body became sexually ravenous around him. I don’t recognize myself, or the need exploding from me, when he touches me. I love it. I want to savor his touch. It feels so special, but we didn’t even get to have sex tonight. He couldn’t get away from me fast enough. I spent years in a vicious cycle of self-loathing, convincing myself I wasn’t experienced enough and that’s why Blythe looked to other women.
With Dixon, I began to believe it was fate that brought us together again. That day in the museum he admitted how badly he wanted me and the way we had sex … well, I thought he was different. Special. I knew of his reputation. I wasn’t stupid. But I’ll be damned if I don’t want to be the girl who changed him. I hate to admit it because it’s painful, and I was clearly so wrong. His behavior tonight proved that not only is he not a friend, but he used me and threw me away. He took something that, to me, felt beautiful and precious and reduced it to something cheap and vulgar. I’m beginning to think I’m cursed.
At least tomorrow is Sunday. Grant and I will pack our things and leave for a hotel. I don’t have a choice.
I haven’t slept all night. I’m a fucking mess. I screwed up and even worse. I need to get out of here. If it weren’t for a message from Washington, saying that the team is meeting early Monday morning, I would feel like my asshole of a father that got up and left when the going got tough. I will need to make arrangements for the kids to go with their mother for the next few days. I’m glad to be leaving. I need space from Eden. I need to get my head on straight.
It’s 7:00 a.m. when I walk into the kitchen and see Ma sitting at the table, holding a cup of coffee in her hand.
“Good morning,” I say and head to the cappuccino machine.
“Mornin’,” she replies but doesn’t say much else, which is odd. She usually likes to talk.
“Dixon, why is Eden in her room packing up her things so early?” she asks in a by-the-way tone. There is nothing by-the-way about it though. I press the button on the cappuccino machine and freeze. Shit, she’s leaving. I should have figured she would.
“I don’t know,” I lie.
“Dixon … talk now,” Ma says and it’s not a request.
I rub my hand at my temples. “I may have gotten carried away with her last night,” I begin.
“I would think that is a good thing,” Ma responds.
What?
“Why would you say that? She isn’t just anyone, Ma. She is Jaden’s teacher. Jaden loves Grant. I messed up.” I spell it out.
“I think she’s more than that, and you are too scared to admit it,” she says point blank. I look at her incredulously. My insides are shaking.
“You’re wrong,” I snap. “Very wrong. Anyway, I need to go back to Washington. I’m leaving today. I sent Cassidy a message to come pick up the kids. I will probably be gone all week. There are important things happening there,” I continue. “Take care. I will say goodbye to the kids now.”
“And what about Eden? You’re going to let her go stay in a hotel with her son?” she asks, but I can hear the disappointment in her tone.
“What do you want from me?” I stalk back to her, looking up to the ceiling while trying to gasp a breath of air. My chest feels tight.
“I don’t think you want that answer. At least go tell her she should stay. You won’t be here anyway.”
“I’m all packed up. That won’t be necessary,” Eden says, walking into the kitchen. She gives me a death look and then looks over to Ma. Grant isn’t with her. “I just wanted to thank you both. You’ve both been so great to Grant and me. I will always remember your kindness.”
Ma gets up from her chair and hugs Eden. “I wish you would stay, but I understand, dear.” Ma’s brows crease together. “Are you feeling okay?” she extends a hand to Eden’s forehead to check her temperature.
“I’m fine.” Eden forces a grin.
She rubs Eden’s back. “You are a strong girl. Don’t ever doubt it. You take care of yourself and that sweet boy of yours. If you need any help babysitting or anything, please call me. I’m always around.” She smiles and then gives me a cold look. Great, so I’m the asshole again.
“Eden, you and Grant can stay. I won’t be here all week anyway,” I cut in. My voice is cold and distant. I can’t help it.
“We’ve stayed too long as it is. Thank you, but you’ve been more than gracious to us. I will just say goodbye to the kids. I’ll see Jaden at school tomorrow,” she says as she walks away from the kitchen.
Out of nowhere Macy comes barreling down the hallway and smashes into Eden’s legs. “No, Eden, please don’t go. I want you to stay.” She pouts.
I look up to the ceiling. Shit, this is bad. I really messed everything up. My kids got too comfortable. I let out a breath and walk over to my daughter.
“Macy, honey, you will see Eden at school. Maybe she will be your teacher in a couple of years.”
Eden smiles at her and then leans over and gives her cheek a kiss. “I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.” She pats her arm and heads back in the direction of the guest bedroom.
Ma eyes me warily, so does my little Macy. I give Macy a kiss on the cheek and explain to her that I have to leave town for a few days. She gives me a strong hug, and I leave to pack my own bags. By the time I come back to the main area of the house, Eden is gone. I say my last goodbye to my kids and leave for the company jet.
Leaving Dick’s house is not supposed to hurt so badly, but it does. I woke up in the morning and vomited for a good ten minutes. I feel like shit. When I left Blythe, I felt relieved. I wasn’t sad. It felt more like a chance for a n
ew beginning. Now, though, my insides are hurting, and I hate that I fell for Dick, despite all my efforts at keeping things in the friend zone. He showed me a side to him that only those close to him get to see. How could I not fall in love with him?
It’s for the best that he turned me away. He wasn’t able to open up to me about his past. It means he never had any intentions toward me, other than relieving himself, sexually. I hold secrets of my own. Secrets that would probably tear Dixon apart more than he already is. Deep down I know nothing could have ever happened between us because of it. There were brief moments, though, when I gazed into his eyes … when we sat and watched the movie with the kids … when he tackled me to the floor in the gym … when I thought I saw adoration in his eyes. I thought it would be enough to overcome the secrets of my past. I was clearly naïve, because he doesn’t even know my truths and I’m out the door. He was looking to get laid and after a quick tussle, he took off, figuring I wasn’t even good enough to screw.
Pulling into the valet of the Plaza, my heart is heavy. Grant and I make our way to the front desk to check in. Twenty minutes later we’re in a junior suite. As extravagant as the place is, it isn’t a home, but we will have to make do. Grant doesn’t have too many toys here, which means he is being occupied by the television, which I don’t really like. I make a note to pick up some puzzles and books for him tomorrow. As I lie on the bed, staring at the coffered ceilings of the hotel room, I think about leaving New York. I would be happy to settle into a small town and work at a local school. I always wanted a home on a big piece of land where I could have lots of animals like dogs and horses. That’s not possible in New York, and Blythe never shared those dreams with me. My mind drifts back to Dixon and that devious look he gets in his eyes when he’s carefree and flirting. Just thinking of his face, his eyes, those dimples, causes my heart to clench. I now understand that his wife screwed him over somehow, but I hate that he wasn’t willing to take a chance on us and find out where things would lead. We had been close as kids. I really believed that finding him again was a sign that we were meant to be. I have to stop being so sentimental.
The next day I’m back at work. Another whirlwind of a weekend followed by the routine of Monday mornings. Ma comes up to the playground to drop off Macy and Jaden at school. Her presence surprises me. I thought Dick’s ex took the kids when he was out of town.
“Hi.” I smile to Ma. She gives Jaden a hug and he runs off to the playground.
“Hi, dear. How are you doing?” she asks but her mouth is turned down. “We’ve missed you back at the house.” I assume she’s referring to herself and the kids.
“I miss you too,” I reply with a smile.
“You shouldn’t give up on him. I think he will come around,” she says with a warm but sad smile.
“I wouldn’t bet on it. He made it pretty clear where he stands.”
She lets out an exasperated breath and then her features soften. “I do still think he likes you.”
My lip quirks up. I’m not sure what else there is to say.
“You take care.” She waves.
“You too, Ma.” I smile and return my attention to the playground. The kids still have five minutes to play before the bell goes off.
“Does this mean we are going out Thursday night?” Jenna walks up to me and pats my shoulder.
“I don’t see why not.” I shrug. “I’m not sure I’ll be great company, though. I’ve been feeling sick and tired all week.”
“You fell for the dick didn’t you?” She wraps an arm around me.
“Maybe.” I squint. I still haven’t shared the details.
“That sucks.” She pushes her lower lip out. “You have a broken heart. It’s probably why you feel like crap.”
“I guess I do,” I admit out loud, which hurts even more. “How do I make it better?” Despite her easy-going outlook on life, I know she’s nursed a broken heart after she found husband number one in bed with her sister.
“Time, babe. It just takes time. I’m not going to lie to you. Some pain never goes away. We just learn to deal with it,” she answers sadly. “I wish I had better advice for you.”
“Truth is always appreciated, and you’re probably right. I always thought of him in the back of my mind. Maybe I always will.”
“We’re going to party so hard Thursday night. It’ll be a girl thing. We don’t need men.” She huffs with an eye roll. “Men suck.”
I laugh. Jenna likes her men. I don’t think she could manage going without sex for too long.
The next few days fly by in a blur. Living at the hotel isn’t as comfortable as living with Dick. It wasn’t only the time we spent together just him and me, but I enjoyed being with his kids and Ma too. They were like the family I never had and it felt good while I had it. My morning routine becomes worrisome when I begin to wake up nauseous, and on occasion, have to make a quick run to the toilet to empty the contents of my already empty stomach. I worry I may be suffering from a spell of depression. As childhood memories trickle into my mind, I remember listening in on my parents’ conversations, my mother begging my father for some attention. At night I heard her cries through the connecting walls of our bedroom. Thinking back to the past and remembering my mother sad and lonely scares the heck out of me, so I make a call to my family doctor, wanting to make sure I’m not suffering from depression. Lord knows my life has been hard. I wouldn’t be surprised if I eventually broke.
A knock on the hotel door causes me to flinch before I remember that it must be Matilda. I asked her to babysit Grant while I go for my doctor’s appointment.
“It’s Tilda,” Grant calls out and runs for the door.
I follow behind while he lets her into our suite.
“Hello, Matilda.” I smile. “I shouldn’t be long.”
“Take your time. I haven’t seen this little guy in a while. We have some catching up to do.” She looks down to Grant adoringly.
“Can we play snakes and ladders?” Grants asks with excitement in his tone. I’m so grateful he likes her.
“We sure can.”
“The room service menu is on the bedside table. Order whatever you want,” I say. Then I give my son a kiss on the forehead before stepping out.
I head down to valet where my SUV is waiting. I’m a little nervous for this doctor’s appointment. Maybe because I know something has been off.
Half an hour later I’m wearing a paper gown while waiting to see Dr. Kimel.
He walks into the room. He’s been my doctor for the past eight years, so he knows me well.
“What brings you in today, Eden?” he asks. He’s a kind man in his early fifties.
“I’m scared I’m depressed,” I admit hesitantly.
“Why do you think that?” he asks as his thick, gray brows furrow together.
“Well, I’m leaving Blythe. That’s not the upsetting part. He never paid much attention to me anyway. There was someone else. I fell in love with him, and he basically rejected me and now it’s all over. This guy, I knew him from my childhood. He was special to me. I haven’t been taking it so well. I feel tired all the time. I’m throwing up—”
Dr. Kimel cuts me off. “When was your last menstrual cycle?” he asks and my mind travels back. It’s been a while.
“I don’t remember,” I answer honestly. With all the turmoil in my life, I must have lost track.
“Do you feel like you’ve gained weight at all?” he asks.
“Um … maybe a little.” I know I did gain weight, but I figured it was from Ma’s home-cooked meals and all the delicious baked goods she was feeding us.
“Here is a little cup. I need a urine sample.”
“Do you not think I’m depressed, Dr. Kimel?” I ask, feeling a little stupid now that he’s given me a urine cup.
“No, Eden. Take the test and we’ll see what happens next,” he answers with a caring smile and my stomach dips.
My heart begins to hammer in my chest. I know why he asked for
a urine sample. He must think I’m pregnant.
Don’t jump ahead of yourself, Eden. Maybe Dr. Kimel has this wrong. The voice in my mind urges me because I need to calm the hell down. Am I carrying Dixon’s baby? He used a condom when we had sex. Shit! It suddenly hits me. The night I slept with Blythe back in the summer. He didn’t use protection. I’m not on the pill because there was no need to be. My husband never touched me. How could I be so stupid? What if I’m carrying Blythe’s baby? My head begins to spin, making me feel lightheaded. In the bathroom I pee into the cup and return it to the doctor.
“This will only take a minute,” he says, dipping a white stick into the cup. “Take a seat. You look a little pale. Did you want me to ask Ana to grab you a juice?” he asks thoughtfully.
“Yes, please.”
The truth is I feel like I may faint. What will Blythe think of all this? Tears begin to run down my face. I already know what the doctor will tell me. The nausea, being tired, eating more … it all adds up.
“Eden, the test is positive. You are pregnant.” He pauses when Ana knocks on the door. Dr. Kimel takes the juice and passes it to me. “I think we should do an ultrasound and find out how far along you really are,” he suggests.
I nod. “Okay.” My voice is a faint whisper.
“The nurse will be here in a moment to prep you. I will meet you in the ultrasound room,” he says, getting up from his chair and leaving the room.
The moment he leaves, my head falls into my hands as I try to piece together the exact time of my last menstrual cycle. I hate that I’m wishing this baby belonged to Dixon. He is such a good father. Any child would be lucky to have him. He pushed you away, Eden. He didn’t want you, I remind myself.
The nurse comes in and guides me toward the ultrasound room. I’m already wearing a paper gown. Dr. Kimel is waiting by the machine, pressing buttons.
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