by Jenn Nixon
She ventured through the forest and came upon the small lake. The moon, almost directly above her, sprinkled its rays of silver on the water’s surface.
Calming would do her good; perhaps her mother had the same thought. Somehow, deep inside, she knew they would both need time to overcome what had happened. The shock of the event began to subside, yet she was still confused. Tiva’s pride was hurt, she needed to show some form of self-dignity, and making her mother wait for her return felt like a good course of action.
Moving toward the lake, she kicked off her boots and began to unbutton her tunic. She reached down into the water to feel the cool crispness wash over her hand. It was colder than she liked, but her body would adjust once in the lake. She cursed softly for leaving her cloak at home; she’d just have to be quick and run inside after her swim. She tossed her tunic to the side. Her undershirt was thin, and she shivered in the breeze. As if in answer to her thoughts, two warm hands touched her arms. She need not turn; he connected with her on many levels. Neither said a word and they remained motionless together until every star possible lit the sky.
Tiva leaned back against him. Litru wrapped his arms and cloak around her. She felt completely safe for the first time in ages. Thankful, she silently watched the moon crest, and sighed knowing the hour grew late. She’d have to face her mother eventually.
“Tell me what I can do to ease your troubled spirit, Tiva,” he said.
“Help me Calm. My mind is ill at ease.”
“I do not think that wise…”
“I am no longer a child, Litru. I am not ashamed to Calm with you. Though I may not possess the ability to emote as completely as you, I do…feel, and need to clear my mind.”
“I know you do, Tiva, and you feel everything so strongly. I tremble every time you are near me. I never know what to say or do. You are tough, yet I have seen great tenderness in your eyes. You are strong, but vulnerable.” He caressed her arm with his fingers. “You are blocked most of the time, occasionally though, when you are close, I feel you lower your guard and I always wondered why. I’d always hoped you only did so for me…You’re a vibration inside me, you’ve taken hold and have never let go. And if I see you in such a state, I may lose control. I think I already am, touching you like this…I cannot do this to you, Tiva, you aren’t ready for those consequences, not yet.”
She turned and looked up. Litru’s eyes sparkled like ice hanging from Te’s branches with speckles of gold that flickered as they gazed into hers. The air in her lungs vanished. She hadn’t been this close to him since her youth. “Then why have you come here?”
“Because I had to tell you my feelings, they are tearing me apart,” he said, his hands stroked her back and shoulders as he drew her closer. “I’ve always felt close to you, I assumed it was due to our bond when you were younger. But when the king sent you away, and I did not see your beautiful smile every morning at the palace, I realized my heart longed for you. You have been in my waking thoughts every day since your mission to Hentor. And no, Tiva Boon, I do not see a child anymore. I see a strong vibrant young woman coming into her own, dealing with matters beyond what she should, and succeeding. I dare not say I love you, for I am still confused about what I feel, but it is only a matter of time before my heart will be yours.
“Maybe I have lost all sense, for I doubt your parents would approve of me, I am ten cycles older, but I can’t deny what is building inside me. I’ve tried to convince myself you would never care for me the same, but there was always something there between us…then your words earlier…”
Tiva touched his face. He kept his eyes locked on her. She traced the sharp line of his face. He drew in a breath, and she felt his body quiver against hers. “It has been many cycles since I have dreamt of this and you come to me now when I am at the lowest I have ever been. I wish nothing more than to give you my heart in return, Litru, but I have a path before me. If I falter, I may never forgive myself, and if I cannot give you my time, I don’t see how courting would work now.” She paused. “Curse this feeling; it causes more trouble than joy.”
“You will know the joys of it one day, Tiva,” Litru said delicately. “We do not have to court, if you wish we can carry on as friends, until your path is set. I will wait for you.”
A tear slid down her cheek.
“Why do you cry?” he said.
“Another has professed as much to me, I told him I was not ready, but it was a lie. I am ready. I wish to be with you, Litru. I had not the courage to say anything for fear you would think I am too young. Now, we are on the brink of a major crisis; I have taken the life of another person and cannot get the thoughts out of my mind. Everyone looks at me differently. I am losing touch with my mother. I have all these feelings inside me, Litru. I am suffering so and I know not what to do.”
“I will help you Calm.”
“But you—”
He raised a finger to her lip then brushed away the tears. His hands rose up her back and began to unbraid her hair. Tiva shut her eyes and eased against his chest. His touch was gentle, relaxing. When her hair came loose, Litru unfastened her belt, lowering the weapon to the ground. He pulled the undershirt from her back, his fingers shaking against her skin as he lifted it over her head. Their eyes met again, Tiva’s markings blushed, and Litru’s were neon. She smiled, trying to soothe his nervousness.
“I have never seen a creature more lovely than you,” he said breathlessly and tore his gaze from her body, looking to the sky. “Such temptation…”
Tiva froze, clutched Litru. “Someone is coming.”
“Who?” he said, tightened his grasp on her.
She focused her mind to reach out. It was not as close as she thought, but it was nearing the area. Allowing her sense to flow freely, she gasped and stepped back. “It is my father. He must be returning home.”
“Kevler?”
“Is your hover in plain view on the road?”
“No, I drove into the forest some before walking.”
“Well, you must go then, before he comes to look for me.”
“You wish to hide?”
“No, but I have issues to deal with at home, Litru. This is not the best of days to inform my family of our feelings.”
He swept her hair from her shoulder. “You are right. But I cannot bear to leave you just yet.”
“Lit—”
His lips covered hers before she finished. A curious sensation rose within her, it was nothing like her first kiss. It felt as if every emotion boiled inside her and attempted to break free. Never before had such a sensation captured her. Her entire body felt electrified. Litru was full of warmth and wild energy, his emotions raw and fervent. She embraced him, ignoring her lack of clothing, and struggled for breath as he began to kiss her cheek and neck. “Litru…”
“Tiva, I want you for my own,” he cooed in her ear.
“You shall have me and I you, we just need to take our time. Some may not understand.” She held him now, refusing to let go.
Gently he peeled her arms from his neck. He kissed each hand and released her. He leaned over, picked up her tunic, and wrapped it around her shoulders.
“I don’t want to go,” she said, lowering her head.
“You must.” He lured her into a hug and kissed her forehead.
“Can you stay? Wait by Te, my tree. I will come out after my parents are sleeping…”
“Tiva,” he chuckled, “my sweet flower, that is a risk I cannot take, it may cause me to lose you. We will speak more and decide what to do, for now you must go home.”
“I know.” She fastened her clothing and sniffled. “I will see you on the morrow; we can find time during the day to talk, can we not?”
“We will.” He smiled. “Sleep well, Tiva.”
“And you, Litru.” She gathered her boots and weapon, and turned back once before walking into the shadow of the forest. Her heart drummed inside her chest. Was she dreaming? Had he said all those words to her? Hundreds of
questions and thoughts streamed through her head. She entered the field behind her home and saw Te shining under the moonlight. The lights on the lower floor glowed on the field. The children’s rooms were dark, but her mother was most likely still awake. Her father was near, but with her emotions in an uproar over Litru, she had trouble refocusing. She ran. Passing Te without stopping, she ran home and glanced in the window. There was no movement from her vantage point, so she quietly opened the door and snuck inside. She stole through the kitchen and neared the dining area. She paused upon hearing the front door close.
“Kevler, thank the spirits!”
“Is she home, D’laja?” her father said.
“No, no, she’s not!” her mother cried. “I have driven her away.”
“What happened?”
“She wished to see the king after the meeting, I couldn’t bear to see her become involved again. She doesn’t understand the danger. I pulled her outside and we argued. Then…then…”
“Speak of what happened, dearest.” Kevler coaxed.
“I struck our child,” she sobbed.
“Do not cry, we all lose our tempers from time to time, Tiva understands that. I am sure she is safe and just needed some time…you said Litru was bringing her home.”
“She left before me and the children.”
“Maybe she is with her tree.”
“I don’t wish to see our children perish like Towt. I will not have my family die before their time. The death and pain that child knows already…what kind of mother am I to allow such hurt upon my daughter?”
Tiva stepped into the living area with tears in her eyes. Her parents turned. “One who loves her daughter?”
“Oh, my precious one!” D’laja ran across the room and threw her arms around Tiva. “Forgive me, I was wrong to strike you.”
“And I should not have raised my voice and acted disrespectfully.” Tiva cried on her mother’s shoulder.
“You were right, Tiva. You are no longer a child.” D’laja wiped a tear from her cheek. “I have been afraid ever since you left on your mission. My only wish is to protect you and keep you safe. I worry for what is happening.”
“As do I.”
“Why do you wish to be involved so? You still strive to be a level one and put yourself in harm’s way.”
“That is my path, Mother. All that has happened did so for a reason. I do not fear my fate.”
D’laja sighed and looked to her husband. “I know, but it does not make it easier to let you grow up.”
Kevler hugged them both; Tiva took comfort in their arms. Her parents knew the risks of guardian life and her mother was afraid for her, she understood that. Tiva didn’t know all the danger she would face, but with the support of her family, she knew there would be nothing impossible to deal with.
D’laja retreated, kissed her daughter once more, and went off to bed. Tiva still felt guilty, but satisfied they had settled had their differences. Kevler sat with her on the couch talking. She told him her reasons for wanting to see the king. “I wished to attempt contact with Solun. We were never certain if he knew I was a guardian. He may hold the key to finding the faction again, father.”
“I presented that option. We checked Solun’s personal comm frequency but it was no longer active. We have no leads, Tiva. We must start from the beginning once again.”
“I’m sorry. I feared that was the case.”
“We have ideas, but it may be some time before we see the faction again. Whether for good or bad, we will be prepared, do not worry.”
“I cannot help but worry, Father.”
“Neither can I.”
*
There was little tension in the air during morning meal. Tiva and her mother seemed well on their way to healing, and everyone’s spirits were high. They all journeyed to the palace, and parted company. Tiva went straight to the guardian entrance, and saw her aunts at the door.
“Where are the Guardians Truda?” she asked.
“They were sent on assignment to the Whettland province. There is much shifting happening in the palace,” Aunt Lilla said.
“When did they leave? How long will they be gone? When are they returning?”
“We were not told,” Jinka said. “Many of the higher guardians have left or will go today, but do not worry, Tiva, you won’t be sent on another mission.”
“Why not? I did well last time.” She scowled.
Jinka shrugged, and Lilla opened the door, “We know you did, but the king made the orders, you’ll be in charge of patrols inside the palace. Yark, your partner, and others have gone already.”
Tiva tried to hide her frustration and disappointment. “Whom do I report to?”
“Us,” Jinka said with a smile. “It will be nice to work with family again.”
“Yes, Aunt Jinka.” Tiva feigned delight. “I will report to you in the evening.”
Tiva passed the day by replaying her time with Litru over in her mind. Somewhat lost, she patrolled in a fog, unsure of what this would do. Just as they were coming together with their feelings for one another, duty sent him away. It dawned on her that she now felt as Litru had when she went to Hentor. She longed for him more than ever.
Finishing out the day after carefully avoiding friends and other family members in the palace, Tiva reported to her Aunt Jinka, and returned to her parents hover. Remock and Bintu were sparring with their swords. Tiva realized she had not practiced in a while; perhaps her father would have time.
Kevler arrived without their mother. He collected her siblings and they piled into the hover. “Before you ask,” he said, “Your mother has just been sent away on assignment with Zenid and Darlew Finto.”
“How long will she be gone?” Tiva said.
“Where did they go?” Remock said while Bintu stared blankly at their father.
“She has gone to the Quintor province, and will be gone for quite some time. Things may be tough for a spell, my children. I myself may be called away, but the bonds of our family are strong, and there will always be someone here for you when you are in need.”
“If you are sent away, Remock and Bintu will be in my charge?” Tiva’s voice quivered.
“They will. You will have help from your aunts; they are not going anywhere. We must have some skilled guardians protect the palace.”
“Is that why I am staying?”
Kevler smiled sadly. “No, dearest one. You are staying because you recently returned from a mission. You know the protocol; you must have a rest between assignments.”
“But I have rested long enough, I can help.”
“We will speak of this later.”
“Yes, Father.”
The family rode home, filled with sadness. It had been a very long time since their mother left home on assignment. They were accustomed to their father’s absence, knowing his status as an elite level one guardian often kept him busy. Having both gone would be an adjustment for all of them.
Once home, Tiva prepared evening meal with Bintu’s help. The food was less than perfect, as their mother’s cooking was the best, but they enjoyed it nonetheless. Remock and Bintu helped her clean. Afterward, she trained some in the recreation room before turning in for the evening.
Tiva was curled up on the couch, resting, when her father entered the living area.
“How are you faring, dearest one?”
“The day was long, and I have much on my mind.”
“I am sure you do. Tiva, about you going on another mission…”
“You and mother are not going to allow me on another assignment are you?” she said sadly.
Kevler chuckled. “No, dearest one, that is furthest from the truth. Your mother and Zenid are the most skilled women of the guardians, their services are required in Quintor by the Province Keeper. I must head to Cenii again soon. I’m confident that you can handle your siblings for a spell. Mother will return before me, and if there is an assignment for you after she returns, the king will allow it.”<
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“I will do as I am asked, Father.” Tiva tried to hide her sorrow.
Kevler stroked her cheek. “What ails you?”
“Many of the guardians are away; it brings sadness upon my heart. My patrol partner Yark has gone, some of my friends—”
“Oh, yes!” He patted down his uniform. “I had forgotten. Zenid left this for you, it’s a message from one of your friends.”
“Who?” she said.
“I do not know.” He pulled a small envelope from his tunic and handed it to her. She grinned and took it quickly. “Do you have a sweetheart?”
“I…well…” she said, feeling her markings blush.
Kevler laughed. “I do not wish to embarrass you, dearest one. Tell me when you are ready.” He winked, and then exited the room.
Tiva’s spirit soared. She tore at the envelope and removed the parchment.
My darling Tiva,
Long will be the days and nights I face alone without you. I cannot contact you while away, for we need to keep safe during this mission. Every day I see the warm lavender hue of the suns setting, I will be gazing into your eyes. I will see you in my dreams, every night I sleep, until once again you are in my arms. I will keep the memory of your tender kiss close to my heart.
I leave you the choice to speak with your parents. If you wish for me to do so upon my return, I will. For when I return, I don’t wish to hide our feelings from others. You have brought great joy to my life, Tiva Boon, and I wish everyone to rejoice in our happiness.
Keep well and safe, my sweet flower.
Only yours—
Litru
Tiva’s tears fell to his letter. She glanced up to see her father standing in the doorway.
“Is the news bad, dearest one?”
“No, Father, touching and romantic.”
“Are you being courted?” He smiled.
“I’m not sure, this all happened suddenly.”
“Well, your mother told me before your mission that Tespor wanted to court you. She mentioned you felt you weren’t ready, but I knew some time away from home might change your feelings.”