Janet disentangled my hair, twin spots of anger dotting her flushed cheeks.
I clamped my mouth shut though my back pricked with heat and my face grew warm. I was determined to keep my promise to Duncan.
Deirdre spun around, her face blanketed again in the familiar scowl. “From now on, Meara, ye’ll report to me on the morn followin’ breakfast. Ye’ll help Edme with the wash, work in the kitchen wi’ Mary and Janet and help the other servants wi’ the chores. There’ll be no more traipsin’ through the moors, dallyin’ with the MacLeod lad and sullyin’ the MacDonald name.”
As Deirdre droned on, relief eased through me. I would not be locked in my chambers. However my reprieve was short-lived as I realised how tricky it would be to slip away on Friday to meet Duncan. Things looked bleak and Deirdre assured me she intended to keep a close watch on me.
Despite her tyranny, my resolve strengthened. No matter what Deirdre or Sloan did I would not be stopped from marrying Duncan. I squared my shoulders and met Deirdre’s scowl, careful to keep my expression neutral as she continued to list off my new responsibilities.
“Meara, ye can start the now by emptyin’ and scrubbin’ the chanties from every chamber in the castle. Come,” she ordered as she swept across the kitchen, her big feet slapping the stone floor.
A dirty smirk twisted Sloan’s moist lips as I passed him.
Pausing for a moment, I studied the angry red pustules that dotted his thin face and allowed a nasty smile to take my own lips. His smirk vanished and he glared at me in sullen silence as I followed Deirdre into the corridor.
******
Emptying chamber pots was the nastiest job Deirdre could have found for me. I wasn’t afraid of hard work but I felt a new appreciation for our staff. I welcomed the distraction as it left me with time to work out my dilemma.
How would I be able to sneak away?
After inspecting each pot, Deirdre sneered that my next chore was to help Edme and Hannah bring in the laundry that had been hung out that morning. She did not follow and I enjoyed my brief stay of execution beneath the hot afternoon sun.
I set my empty basket on the ground then jumped back and pressed my knuckles to my teeth to keep from crying out. A huge ringed snake sunned itself nearby, its four foot length coiled on a large rock. I stared for a moment, waiting for my heart to slow before I slowly reached down and tossed a stone in its direction. It hissed at me, its flat eyes cursing me with a stare, before gliding off between the rocks. Hannah set her basket down beside mine and passed a hand over her eyes, unaware of the wicked reptile that could have had us for lunch. I knew she was deathly afraid of snakes.
We began to remove the clothing from the line, while Edme folded and filled the empty baskets. I worked closely beside Hannah, attempting to coax a smile.
“Hannah, did ye see how bonnie Auntie looks on the day? I hadn’t noticed what a lovely nose she has. She should wear her braids atop her head every day! Why she and Sloan could be twins,” I babbled, peering sideways.
“Hmm,” she murmured, her eyes a distant blue.
“How’s yer head, hiney? Did she hurt ye bad?” I asked seriously, dropping my comedy routine.
“Nay, Meara. Dinna fash, it was nothin’. Thanks for tryin’ to protect me. I’m sorry she hit ye too.” She paused and turned to me. “How is it that yer so brave, Meara? Ye’ve never been afeerd of anythin’! And me, I feel nothin’ but fear.” Her mouth quivered and she turned back and retrieved one of Flossie’s nappies and set it into the basket.
“Ah, hiney, ye dinna ken how frightened I am sometimes!” I reached out and smoothed my hand down her back, dismayed at the jut of her ribs. “But I willna give Deirdre the satisfaction of knowin’ how she makes me feel. And besides it willna be for much longer, lass.” I wanted so badly to tell Hannah, ease her mind with the news we’d be moving to Dunvegan soon. But Edme stood close by and I knew she listened. I thought our washer lass could be trusted but I didn’t know her well enough to be sure.
“Nay, Meara, I think this is our forever,” Hannah whispered.
As I reached up to retrieve another nappie I studied my sister. She was so thin now that her shoulder blades protruded beneath the cotton of her gown. Some of her fingertips were bloody where she’d gnawed too close. Her hands were red and chapped, no doubt the result of scrubbing the laundry against the washboard. Yet she never complained. I fumed at what Deirdre had done to my little sister.
I peered at her face. White lines of tension radiated from her lips and a groove of worry parted her fair brows. Her eyes were puffy and as I watched, she darted a look toward the castle.
I dropped a peg into my apron pocket then leaned close to Hannah and circled my arm around her waist. “What’s troublin’ ye, my hiney? Ye look verra worried. Did Deirdre knivvle ye agin after I left?”
She looked down at her feet, fiddled with a peg and shook her head.
“Come now, lass, ye can tell me anythin’,” I coaxed.
At once her forehead gathered and her lips trembled. Tears slid down her cheeks so that I thought my heart might break. I took her in my arms and steered her a short distance away.
I cuddled her close and rubbed soothing circles across her back. Her small frame quivered in my arms but finally her tears slowed until just an occasional hiccup escaped.
“Now what is it, Hannah? Tell me, hiney. Ye ken I’ll help ye. What is it that’s makin’ ye feel so bad?” I held her away from me, bending my head to peer into her sad pools of blue.
Again she cast a furtive glance toward the castle, then whispered, “It’s Sloan, Meara. He scares me and... and he follows me and now... well h-he...” she trailed off and lowered her eyes. Blood rose beneath her translucent skin, staining her cheeks pink.
I struggled to keep my voice calm, despite the dread that jabbed at my belly. “And now what, Hannah? What’s he done? Has he raised a hand to ye? Has he hurt ye, lass?” Trying to hide my fear but failing miserably, my voice rose, “Tell me, Hannah!”
The corners of her mouth quivered. She looked away and would not meet my eyes. When she finally answered, I had to strain to hear her voice, “He didna hit me. H-h-he touched me here.” She pointed to her breasts then stuttered. “A-after I left the kitchen on the morn’ I was goin’ up to my ch-chamber and I think he was waitin’ for me in the corridor.” Her words rushed together in desperate confession. “It was dark, Meara and I didna see him and he pushed me agin the wall and kissed me. Hard!” With a clenched fist, she scrubbed at her lips, new tears slipping down her cheeks.
Fury drove through me as a vision of Sloan, with his hands and lips on Hannah trampled my mind. How dare he? The disgusting pig! I would kill him!
I reigned in my anger and snuggled her close, smoothing the moonbeam hair that reminded me of Mother’s. I made the comforting sounds I used to make when she crept into my bed at night, frightened by one of her dreams. “Ah, hiney,” I whispered against the top of her head.
She clung to me, her body quaking. With clenched teeth, I glared at the castle, willed Sloan to appear so that I might dash a stone over his cowardly head. Had I known what Sloan had done to Hannah this morning, I would have used Duncan’s dirk to slit his wretched throat from ear to ear.
“Now, Hannah, listen to me, lassie, I willna allow him to touch ye agin. Ye stay with me, Angus, Mary or Janet at all times. Do ye hear me, lass? He’s a coward. He’ll no bother ye if yer with someone.” I held her away from me and stared into her swollen eyes.
She nodded then pushed forward and buried her face into my chest.
I darted a look at Edme. She carefully folded the laundry but the intent look on her face told me she listened but I didn’t care. I needed to offer my sister some hope. “Listen, Hannah, I have some news. I think it might even make ye feel better,” I whispered, glancing again at Edme, who quickly lowered her eyes.
I told of my impending marriage and that Duncan had invited Hannah to come live with us at Dunvegan. Edme hoisted a heavy b
asket on one ample hip and turned toward the castle. I quickly showed Hannah my ring, shielding it with my hand. Some of the tension flowed from her body and a tremulous smile curved her lips.
“Oh, Meara, is it true?”
“Aye, lass, I wouldna kid ye.” As I laced my fingers with hers, I felt perhaps I had given her something to look forward to.
******
I found myself in the kitchen late that same afternoon after I was ordered to help prepare the evening meal. Deirdre had no notion of my relationship with Mary and Janet and her ignorance served me well.
She escorted me to the kitchen and ordered Mary to keep close watch on me. Mary played the docile servant well, as she assured Deirdre, “Ay, Mistress, ye can be sure I’ll no let this one stray.”
Deirdre flung me a look of contempt. “Dinna cause any trouble, Meara,” she spat as though something vile invaded her mouth. Then she flounced from the kitchen, her head jutting forward on her chicken-like neck.
I watched her go then raised my eyebrows, stretched my neck and pursed my lips. Flapping my arms silently, I bobbed my head like a chicken, keeping just a step behind her retreating back until the door slammed in my face. I turned to Mary and Janet who held their hands over their mouths. A squeak leaked from Mary. I put a finger over my lips and gave her a stern look then slipped the door open and peered down the corridor to make sure it was empty. “She’s gone,” I whispered, though there was no need to whisper.
“Och, lassie, yer a bad egg!” Mary giggled
As we went about preparations for dinner I shared my morning adventure. Mary rolled pastry flat with the rolling pin. As usual, a puff of flour found its way to her plump cheek. Janet diced the beef and chopped the onions. Next she mixed them together with a little suet and filled the pastry that her mother passed to her. She set the finished forfar bridies on a pan, ready for the oven.
I stirred a fragrant pot of cock-a-leekie soup while I explained my dilemma to them. “How can I possibly do this? Deirdre willna take her eyes from me now. How can I steal away, long enough to get married?”
The ladies of the kitchen listened in silence then Mary’s face brightened. “Now, lass, I just might ha’ a way out for ye.” I turned from the pot as I listened to her plan. “This Friday, I’m goin’ into Uig for supplies. Rabbie takes Annie and me into town once a month and we spend several hours stockin’ up on the necessities.”
My excitement mounted as Mary explained her idea. Annie, Mary’s second daughter and our seamstress, usually cared for Flossie while Janet worked in the kitchen. While Annie accompanied her mother to Uig, Janet stayed behind to prepare the noon meal and Edme minded Flossie.
Mary’s plan tumbled out in a flurry, “Annie could act as though she’s ailin’ on Friday morn. Keep stirrin’ that soup, lass! Ye best no let it burn!” She pointed accusingly at the idle spoon I held in my hand.
I slopped soup over the side of the pot as I hastily resumed the stirring and she pursed her lips at my haphazard effort then continued, “I’ll tell Deirdre ye must come wi’ me in her place. Janet’s the only one who can prepare the meal and everyone else is busy. I’ll make it sound as though it’s a punishment for ye.” She winked at me then clasped her hands across her belly, looking very pleased with herself. “I think it might work, lass.”
I smiled uncertainly. The plan seemed rather shaky to me but no better idea was jumping into my mind and really what choice did I have? If only Deirdre would agree! I slipped my hand into my pocket and fingered the cool band.
A lone thistle standing solo amidst the heather flowed like a purple watercolour through my mind. I will be there Friday! I vowed silently.
FIVE
The Wedding
Having spent a night searching for sleep, I came to in a state of muddled disorder. Squeezing my eyes, I tunnelled deeper into the twist of blankets. All at once memory flooded back and I opened my eyes. With a raucous, “Whoop!” I flung the blankets and poor Daisy from me and leapt from my bed.
My wedding day!
I scooped my startled pup into my arms and danced around my chambers, “I’m gettin’ married, Lazy Daisy!” I whispered into Daisy’s ear, tickling her fur until she shook her head and leapt from my arms. She scampered back to the bed and I watched her little rump wiggle as she burrowed under the blankets then peeked out so just her pointy ears and bright brown eyes were visible. I knelt on the floor beside the bed and scratched behind her ears as my stomach did a flip flop. “Blessed Lord, Daise, I’m gettin’ married.” She tipped her head and peered up at me as though wondering what she could do to calm my nerves.
I was too jumpy to take the time to warm any bath water and instead bathed with the cool water in my pitcher. The morning air was crisp and goosebumps rippled across my skin. I rubbed the wash cloth with my wildflower-scented soap and carefully scrubbed from head to toe. Next I dunked my head into the bowl. Gasping, I lathered my hair, then dumped the last of the water over my head. Squeezing out the excess, I blotted at the droplets that clung to my lashes.
I dashed across the room on tiptoe and grabbed my robe. A flash of skin made me stop and I turned back to the mirror. Flinging my robe to the bed, I stared at my reflection.
Blessed Lord! Duncan is going to see me just like this. At least I think he is, I thought.
My wavy image stared back at me. I turned sideways and frowned at the curve of my belly, willing it to flatten and cursing my love of Mary’s cooking. Sighing, I twisted and peeked at the view I presented from behind. Though my hips were narrow – like a boy’s really – my buttocks made up for it. I tried to tuck it in but to no purpose. Spinning around, I faced the mirror and pushed dripping curls from my shoulders. I favoured Da with my hair and eyes and straight nose but my generous mouth and high forehead were just like Mother’s and I was glad of it. A chin that came to a point was all my own and a little too pointed for my liking. I tipped my head down and smiled coyly then frowned as my lip snagged the eye tooth that stuck out farther than the rest. As I stared at the offensive tooth I thought of Sloan and silently thanked the Lord I hadn’t inherited his teeth that pointed both north and south at the same time. I ran my finger over the dash of freckles that marched across my nose and cheeks and stared next at my breasts, at the curve of the pale pink tips. Cupping each warm rise, I pushed them together and smiled at the splendid cleavage I had created. Upon release however, the cleft vanished and several inches once more separated the forlorn pair. “Hmph!” I muttered, thinking of my little sister and her petite body that curved in all the right places.
Snippets of memory tiptoed into my head and a rosy blush robed my body as I recalled, in vivid detail, the last time I’d been with Duncan. Had I really pressed these very breasts to him? Mother of Mary, I was wanton! The chilly air was no longer responsible for the goosebumps that skimmed me and the tingling that effervesced through me.
I turned abruptly from the mirror. Soon! Soon I would be with him!
I towelled dry then pulled open the door of my armoire. I grabbed my prettiest undergarments and matching chemise of cool cotton and tossed them onto the bed. Stepping deeper into the cupboard, I ran my fingers over the silky fabrics of the dresses that hung at the back. I hadn’t worn any of these since Mother had died. Though I’d never had any particular interest in fancy dress, today I felt the need to wear something special. Not wanting to draw Deirdre’s attention, I passed over the jewel-coloured gowns and instead my hand closed around the soft cotton of a muted grey gown. Mother had designed it herself shortly before her death. I had never worn it but today it felt right and was just what I wanted.
The long row of buttons finally done, I stood before the mirror again. The cut of the dress was simple and yet it hugged every dip and swell. Earthy eyes just like Da’s, sparkled back at me, alive with anticipation. I thought of Mother and Da and sadness darkened my happiness. They would not be here to see me marry Duncan. I searched beneath the neckline of my dress and closed my fingers around my locket. I
glanced back at the mirror and my breath caught in my throat.
Mother stood beside me, a soft smile upon her lips, her gossamer form flowing like the mist above the Cuillin. I couldn’t move; long forgotten joy surged through me. Mother! Her loving gaze caressed me, a physical touch that moved through me with a warmth I suddenly remembered. Her cool hand found mine and she brought it to her lips. I was afraid to move, afraid to blink. I didn’t want to lose her, didn’t want her to leave me. I stared at her beautiful face, at the love in her eyes until treacherous tears pooled and, unable to help myself, I blinked. In that instant she was gone. I turned and wildly searched my room but she was gone. Except for a touch of honeysuckle and a dissipating chill, she was gone.
Badly shaken, my fingers trembled as I opened my locket. Removing Duncan’s ring from its hiding place, I slid it onto my finger and waited until my breathing slowed. The sun peeped through my window and burnished the gleaming circle. I sighed, understanding that Mother had come to me today – my wedding day – to give her blessing. When just a wee lass, I remembered sitting on Mother’s lap as she regaled me with stories of ghosts and water spirits and fairies. The stories had frightened Hannah but I had loved them and I believed now that Mother’s spirit was not yet ready to leave Duntulm and I was glad. I felt at peace for a moment until, with a start, I realised I had no ring for Duncan.
Grabbing my jewellery chest I dumped it onto my bed. I picked through the jumble but the few rings I possessed were too tiny for Duncan’s hands. At a loss I searched through my armoire for some kind of wedding gift. Clothing and undergarments piled up on the floor as I frantically hunted. I yanked a white handkerchief from beneath my plaid arisaid. Crossing to the window, I held it up, the morning glow staining it pink.
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