by Nana Malone
The last thing he wanted to do was remember that kiss. He didn’t want to remember the softness of her lips, or the little breathy sigh that she made, or how his blood flowed like lava through his veins at the slightest touch of her tongue to his.
He knew himself. He knew what he was. He knew what he had done. She should stay very far away from him. Jesus Christ, he was fucking toxic. But here he was, his phone on his hands shaking, desperate to do the one thing he told himself he couldn’t do. Call her.
Do not call her. This is not going to end the way that you want. The problem was, even though he knew it, he did it anyway. She was already programmed in his phone. All he had to do was hit send.
Don’t do it.
Fuck it. He hit send and then waited anxiously for her to answer. What if she didn’t answer? What if she was still ticked? And Lord knew, she had a right to be. He had hired a couple of lorry drivers to come ’round and move her out of house and home. He’d be pissed too.
Except what he did was for her own good. At least that’s what he told himself. He told himself he was taking care of her. He told himself that this was what Steven would want. That this was what her brother would want.
His two best friends in the world would want him to look after their little sister.
Except you don’t exactly want to look after her.
Hell, he wanted to do a lot more than look after her. And that had always been his problem. He wanted things he shouldn’t have. He had never been good enough for her. Not once, not ever. He had no business putting his hands on her now. It’s a bit too late for that, isn’t it?
Yeah, far too late, because now that he’d tasted her, he wanted to do it again. And he wanted to do a lot more than just taste. He wanted to touch, devour, possess.
She answered breathlessly, “Hello?”
“Hey, Em, it’s Zach.”
There was a pause. Just a bit, but he noticed it. She wasn’t sure what to do, what to say. Well, that made the two of them. “Hey, I didn’t um — after our last conversation, I didn’t expect you to call. “
Yeah, the thing about that conversation was it had ended with his tongue in her mouth, and her shoving him away and running out of his office. So why should he expect a friendly reception now?
“Yeah, I know. Shit just got a little out of hand. Listen, I wanted to see you.”
“Oh, did you need something?”
Don’t do it. Do not do it.
But it was too late for that now. He had already crossed an invisible line and it didn’t matter, because to him, now the seal was broken. He’d broken one rule, so why not break another one? “Come on. Spend the day with me.”
“Actually, I was headed out.”
“Okay. Do you mind some company?” He wanted her, and despite the fact that he knew this was a terrible idea and that he likely wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of her, he wanted to see her. He could be a friend. He could do that thing. The thing that Steven needed him to do? He could be that guy.
“Oh, the thing is I was just about to go work on my assignment for the week. You know, capture London, I guess. Markets and things. You’d probably find it really boring.”
“You’d be surprised. Look, I know I stepped over a line the other day. I’d like to make that up to you.”
Another pause. “You stepped over a line?”
“Yeah. You know, I fucked up. So, I would like it if we could be friends.”
“But we are friends.”
Shit, this was not going how he planned. “No, I mean, yeah, of course.” Smooth, real smooth. “You know, like before —before I crossed the line.”
She sighed. “Fine, you obviously know where I live, so we’ll just dispense with that set of pleasantries and um, do you want to come ’round in an hour?”
“Yeah, absolutely. I’ll see you soon.”
His heart hammered like a racehorse. He was that full of nerves and excitement to see her. Something told him this was going to be a very bad idea.
9
Emma
Emma wasn’t sure what she expected. Part of her was angry. Part of her was intrigued. Part of her was confused as hell. Zach had kissed her. Just the way she had always dreamed. Then he’d apologized. Now, he had called and apologized and told her he wanted to be friends. What in the ever-loving hell? What was she supposed to do with that? Act like she was happy that he just wanted to be friends? Or act like she wasn’t totally floored and aroused and left confused by that kiss? Was he playing a game with her?
No, he wouldn’t be, would he? That would be a dick move.
When her doorbell rang an hour later, she ran to the door and grabbed her camera bag. When she swung it open, Zach stood on the other side looking mildly sheepish. He had two cups of coffee in his hands. “Do you still take it black with more sugar than can possibly be healthy for one person?”
Emma frowned. “You remembered that?”
“How could I not? You were the only insane person I knew that would ruin coffee like this.”
“You just don’t know what you’re missing.” She took it gratefully from him, and then sipped tentatively. “Umm, that’s perfect. Just how I like it.”
When she lifted her gaze, his eyes were on her lips. And subconsciously she couldn’t help but lick them. He blinked rapidly and then turned his gaze away. “So where are we going?”
“Camden Market.”
“Right on. I haven’t been there in ages. We’ll grab an Uber and —”
“Oh no you don’t. I’m having a photography day, so that means I need to be outside taking pictures, so no Uber nonsense. We’re going to take the bus.” The boy she had known would have walked miles just to get where he wanted to go. Hopped three buses, a train, another bus, and another train, but his business must be doing really well because whatever he did he’d clearly gotten used to being driven around by someone. “You’re okay with the bus, aren’t you?”
He laughed. “Are you asking if I’ve gone soft?”
She giggled. “I mean, I didn’t say it, you did.”
His grin was quick and open. “Oh no, you don’t. Don’t forget I’m still Zach Andrews from Tenworth. I’ll never be a posh, soft boy.”
“Oh yeah? Then prove it.”
“Come on then, Country Mouse. Why don’t you show me my city?”
“I promise you in no time, I’ll know it better than you do.”
“Somehow I doubt that.”
He was right about that. Everywhere they went, he knew of a food stand, or some artisan, or some shortcut, to the winding streets of Central London, winding their way over to Campton and then south to Brixton. He dragged her all over the city. She had taken the best shots she had ever taken. At least she thought so. And for once, somebody was more enthusiastic than she was. It was refreshing.
Nobody telling her to slow down or be patient, or take her time. Instead he just took her hand and dragged her along behind him. The thing was, he looked like he was having the time of his life. For long spans of the day, he looked like the Zach she’d known when they were kids. Youthful and a little bit wild, open and laughing. She’d missed him.
It was only after they stopped for a mid-afternoon snack of curried beef that she thought to say to him, “You’re so different here, at least until today. Today, I’ve been seeing these glimpses of the old you.”
Suddenly, his happy smile slipped a little. “Yeah well, it’s easy to get bogged down in work and all the other things running through my head. Today sort of feels like the old me a little bit.”
“You know the city so well.”
“Yeah well, when I got here I didn’t have any other choice but to learn quickly. It was lonely sometimes.”
She nodded. “But you had Ben.”
His gaze met hers. “Yeah, I did. You remind me of him.”
She sighed. “I know. Mum says it all the time. ‘Careful now. Steady on. You’re too much like your brother. Slow down. Look before you leap.’” She shoo
k her head. “It’s exhausting. Sometimes it feels like I’m being squeezed too hard. Hemmed in, you know?”
“They just worry about you. Your brother was your brother; you knew him. He didn’t look before he leapt. And when he got here, life was too fast, too hard.” He shook his head. “I don’t know. I just know that I miss him.”
She nodded and blinked away tears. “Yeah, me too. There’s something about being in the city that makes me feel closer to him. I don’t know. Maybe it’s you. The four of us were so inseparable for so long, you know?” She laughed. “Actually, well, you three were inseparable. I just tagged along trying to be included.”
“I liked having you around.”
“Yeah, thanks for that. You just wanted to have a little sister to tease too.”
“But you weren’t my little sister, were you?”
In that moment, she could see the intensity, the unmasked need and longing. But just when she thought he was going to kiss her again, he suddenly reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. Hell, at this point, she’d take the slightest touch. Even with a brush up against her, she would probably explode. But he stepped back. “Have you got all your pictures for the day?”
What? What was happening? What’s happening, you silly twat, is he’s not going to kiss you, not again. Yeah, right, because he wanted to be friends. “Yeah, I think I’ve got it all.”
“Right on. Then let’s get you home.”
And he was serious when he said getting her home. He walked her right to her door like it was a date, except it wasn’t a date, was it?
“Well, thanks for today. It was fun. I think that curry burned the roof of my mouth, and I’m pretty sure I’ve killed some taste buds. But it was delicious and exciting and everything I needed. I think I’ve got some great shots.”
He rocked back on his heels. “I had fun today too. Ems, I—”
“Look, if you’re going to say you’re sorry, or how the other day shouldn’t have happened, or whatever it is you’re going to say, I don’t exactly want to hear it because I liked it. So every time you apologize, it sucks just a wee bit.”
He groaned low. “Ems, you’re not supposed to say that.”
She shrugged. “It’s the truth.”
“You don’t understand. This, you and me? It can’t happen. It just can’t. You are practically family to me. Can we actually be friends? I’ve missed you, Clever Emma. I need my friend. I’ve missed a taste of home.”
Emma swallowed the twinge of pain and reminded herself that he wasn’t hers. “Yeah, sure, of course. It’ll be like it never happened.”
For a moment, there was a look in his eyes. She would have sworn she saw something there, but as quickly as she thought she saw it, it was gone.
“Cheers, Ems. It’s going to be great having you in London.”
Yeah, bloody great. She’d sort of thought she was getting a boyfriend, but somehow she ended up in the friend zone. She had no choice but to watch him walk away.
Zach
Zach could hear Emma crying. He went on his way up the stairs to Steven’s room, but passing by Emma’s made him pause. He could hear the sniffling and that broke something inside him. Ever since that day a couple of years ago, when she stood up to his father and demanded that he come to his birthday party, he’d had a major soft spot for her. Hell, soft spot didn’t even begin to cover it. He loved that girl. Like a sister, of course. Yeah, right.
If she was crying, he wanted to know why. But you should leave her alone. You’re not good enough for her. And didn’t he know it? His father told him that every day, about how he wasn’t good enough.
He saw it.
Girls like Emma Welsh, they deserve the best and he was certainly not the best. But still, knowing that he should have bypassed her room and headed straight for Steven and Ben’s, he still knocked. She took a moment, and he heard the sniffling, but when she came to the door, there were no tears on her face though her eyes were red. “Zach, hey. Steven and Ben are in their room.”
He nodded. “I know. I was on my way to see them, but – “
She frowned. “What?”
Better to just be honest. “I heard you crying and I couldn’t just walk by. Are you all right?”
She gave him a tremulous smile. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
Emma was growing up into a beautiful girl. She had always been cute. But now she was getting really pretty with her strawberry blond waves, the freckles dusting her nose and her clear green eyes. “What’s wrong, Ems? I can tell.”
“It’s nothing. It’s just stupid Killian O’Rourke and Paddy Maguire teasing me.”
He stood at attention then. “They were bothering you?”
Her eyes darted towards Steven and Ben’s rooms. “Please keep your voice down. If Steven and Ben hear us, there’s going to be a fight. And if Ben gets into one more fight, I’m afraid of what Dad is going to do.”
She had a point. Ben had been getting into more and more fights lately. Where Steven thought things through, Ben never did. One would think given his background, Zach would be the one leading the charge on all the mischief. But no, that was all Ben. More often than not, Zach and Steven had to drag him out of some mess or another. “Okay, I won’t tell them. But you need to tell me what happened.”
Her face bloomed red. What the hell? She was embarrassed?
“It’s not that important.” She shifted on her feet. “I’m fine, honestly.”
Zach frowned. “Tell me, or, I will get Steven and Ben in here and you’ll tell all three of us.”
She glowered at him and somehow that just made her look cuter. “Just – they were teasing me about, you know.”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t know. What were they teasing you about?”
She cleared her throat and adjusted her shoulders. “You know, about me not having any breasts yet.”
It was by sheer herculean effort that his gaze didn’t drift down. He noticed that she looked…older now. Her hips had rounded out a little, and while she wasn’t overly developed like some of the girls, she did have the beginnings of some gentle curves. Those assholes were going to pay for making her feel bad about herself. “Listen to me, they are twats. I probably shouldn’t say twats to you, because your father and brothers will kill me, but that’s what they are, twats. You are beautiful. There’s not a single thing wrong with you.”
That was the truth. To him, Emma Welsh was perfect exactly the way that she was.
She chewed her bottom lip. “They were just so mean about it, you know? Insisting that nobody was ever going to ask me out since I had no tits and I look too stuck up to give blow jobs.”
Zach’s mouth hung open. “They said that to you – to your face about the blow jobs?”
He couldn’t help it. His voice kept getting louder and louder. The fact that they had the nerve to say that to her, knowing who her brothers are. Well, mostly knowing who Ben was. Steven avoided a fight if he could. But if you picked a fight with him, he was likely going to end it.
Most people just avoided Zach. Probably because of that time he’d given Ryan Murphy three stitches over his eye. The kid had been asking for it. He’d been finding half empty drink bottles behind the pub and he’d gotten into a few that still have the bottoms on them. And then he’d gone to the footie match and picked the fight, calling Zach names about being dirt poor.
Ryan had thrown the first punch. Zach had thrown the last one. Didn’t Killian and Patty Maguire know that the Welsh’s were pretty much family to him? How dare they say something like that to Emma?
“Yes, that’s what they said. I don’t even know what a blow job is.”
Zach held back the bark of laughter and her blatant honesty. “Ems, right now, you should have no idea what it is.”
“I mean, I know everyone thinks I’m like dumb and naive, I guess.”
“No one thinks that. Listen, I mean it. You’re beautiful. They don’t know what they’re talking about, okay?”
She n
odded and he couldn’t help the urge to hug her. He glanced around to make sure t no one was watching him. Then he reached out and pulled her in. You are a selfish prat. He had no right to touch her. No right to want to be this close to her. She was only 14. Yeah, she’d be 15 in a week, but honestly, he had no right to want her. She was Steven’s little sister and he was just a boy that wasn’t good enough. But good enough or not, he was going to make sure that Patty Maguire and Killian O’Rourke paid dearly. “Don’t worry about anything they said. I’ll have a talk with them.”
She pulled back and wiped her remaining tears off her cheeks. “You’re not going to do anything stupid, are you?”
“No. Of course, not.”
Zach
Most people wouldn’t call Zach a liar. He was generally direct.
But he told a lie earlier today. When he’d been at the Welsh’s house, with Emma in his arms, he promised her he wasn’t going to do something stupid. But, he lied. Well actually, it was not a lie exactly, because this wasn’t stupid. This was payback. He waited along the path just across the street from the brewery where his father worked for Emma’s father and where he would likely end up working one day. He knew this was the path that Paddy Maguire took when he went home most days. And seeing that Killian was his best friend, they’d be together.
He didn’t have to wait long. He popped out from behind the tree as soon as he saw Paddy.
Paddy and Killian hopped back. “Zach? What are you doing hiding behind the tree?”
Zach shrugged. “This is the place with the best cover.” And then he let his fist fly.
10
Emma
It had been a week since she’d seen Zach. Well, a week, two days and several hours, but she wasn’t desperate enough to keep track. Nope, she was totally focused on school. And hey, it was paying off. Emma looked down with a grin, glad to see the grade on top. She had worked her tail off on this week’s assignment and all the hard work had paid off. Xander was starting to like her work better. This week’s critique had been the best so far and she’d skated by with a “Passable” remark when most of her classmates had not fared so well.
“Ms. Welsh,” Xander said as she started to leave. “A moment.”