by Amber Garza
However, I had a sneaking suspicion that Big Guy knew Holden didn’t have the ball. Yet, that wasn’t stopping him. Judging by Holden’s reaction, I could tell he knew it too. I stepped forward, momentarily thinking I would race out onto the field to protect him, but I knew that was stupid. One, I wouldn’t get to him in time. Two, what the hell would I do if I did? If Holden wasn’t a match for this guy, then I certainly wasn’t either.
I cringed as Big Guy neared Holden. Holding my breath, I prayed he’d be all right. At that very moment, I saw Ryan race toward Holden and Big Guy. Like a superhero he whisked in between them, taking the brunt of the hit. I winced as Big Guy and Ryan fell to the ground.
As Holden fell to his knees beside his friend, it was the first time I’d understood their friendship. In fact, I’d never seen anything like it. There was no reason for Ryan to step in and take that hit. Actually, there was no reason for him to even be on that side of the field. The rest of the team was following the ball while Ryan was busy protecting Holden. I remembered the conversation Holden and I had in the parking lot the afternoon he asked me for another chance. He told me I didn’t know Ryan. That I didn’t understand their relationship. And he was right. Things aren’t always black and white when it comes to people. We all have many shades and colors, many experiences and attitudes that have shaped us.
I felt guilty for the relief I felt that Holden hadn’t been injured. Football meant so much to him, and I didn’t want him to lose that. As they wheeled Ryan past me, I felt a rush of gratitude toward him. Without thinking, I raced forward, catching up with the stretcher.
“Ryan!” I called out.
His head rolled toward me, confusion clouding his eyes. “Yeah?”
I stopped short, wondering what I was doing. We’d never even had a conversation before. But I felt like I needed to say something. “That was really cool what you did out there.”
“I’d do anything for Holden. He knows that.” His words weren’t exactly friendly. In fact, he sounded more annoyed with me than anything. Still, I was grateful.
“Well, thank you.” Gently, I placed my hand on his arm.
He furrowed his brows as the guys carrying him moved forward. My hand slipped off his arm as they walked. When I glanced up, I saw Preston standing a few feet away watching me with a hard expression. I sighed and headed over to him.
“Hey,” I said.
“So, first Holden, and now Ryan, huh?” His tone was bitter, his mouth curving downward.
“I’m not dating Ryan, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“No, but clearly you’re friends with him.”
“Not friends,” I answered. “I guess I just saw him in a different light tonight.”
“Why?” Preston scrunched up his nose. “Because he took a hit? He’s a football player. It’s what they do.”
“I just think there’s more to him than what we think. Maybe he’s not the person we thought he was.”
“Well, you’re definitely not who I thought you were.”
My head swiveled in his direction. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You said you were my friend. That you would help me. But that was a lie.” When he shoved past me, his shoulder slammed into mine, causing my teeth to slam into my lip. Shock ripped through me, and the metal taste of blood filled my mouth.
“Pres,” I called after him.
“Just leave me alone.” He waved his hand behind his back.
“C’mon.” I followed him.
“I mean it. You’ve chosen your side.” His eyes darkened, and I took a step back. Something about his expression scared me, and I allowed him to walk away. Hugging myself, a shiver ran up my spine.
Ryan broke his leg and was out for the rest of the season. Holden was pretty upset about it all weekend. I did my best to comfort him, but I wasn’t sure how successful I was. However, I had fun trying. Especially when it involved kissing.
Kissing Holden had pretty much become my favorite pastime. In fact, it’s what I was thinking about during lunchtime as Holden ate his sandwich beside me. We were sitting at the band table, and Jasmine and Gianna were talking about some youtuber they were into. I was too busy staring at Holden’s lips to concentrate on anything else. After wiping his mouth with a napkin, he glanced up at me, a knowing smile on his face.
“Watcha thinking about?” He asked.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I joked back.
“Yes, actually I would.”
I leaned forward, about to confess when a shot rang out.
It seemed so surreal at first that I almost thought it was an explosion, like it was a science experiment gone wrong or something. But then I heard screaming, a flurry of activity, and dread sank into my gut. I’d heard of school shootings before, watched the news about them even. I saw the kids filing out of the school, covering their heads, tears streaming down their faces. But it always happened in faraway states, in schools I’d never heard of. I felt removed from it, like it could never happen to me. Like it only happened to other people. People in my television set, not in real everyday life. But this was real, everyday life. This was my life. This was my school.
And I couldn’t believe this was happening.
Fear was not something I was super familiar with. I’d never experienced any real trauma in my life. All of my grandparents and family members were still alive. I’d lost a few people I’d known over the years to cancer or old age, but they were mostly acquaintances. Never had I lost anyone I was close with. And my home life was relatively drama free. My parents were too overprotective to let much happen. One year my brother attempted to be rebellious by sneaking out a couple of times and going to a party with friends. But my dad caught him the second time and he was grounded so long he never tried it again. We’d always lived in suburban communities where petty theft and home invasions were the scariest crimes committed. Rarely had I even heard of murders happening, and I’d never heard a gunshot.
Not until today.
Students sprang into action around me. Some of them leapt under the tables, cowering, while others ran for the doors. A few of the lunch ladies started shouting instructions, but I couldn’t hear a word they said over all of the chaos and noise.
Holden jumped up, swinging around. “Oh my god! Ryan!”
I followed his gaze. Sure enough, Ryan was slumped over the cafeteria table, dark black blood pooling around him. The students who had been sitting near him were spattered with blood, almost like someone had taken a paint brush and flung it at them. My hand flew to my mouth, bile rising in my throat.
Holden’s warm hand lowered to my arm. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”
I nodded. My breath was labored as he raced toward his friend. Fighting to breathe, my gaze bobbed to a boy standing near Ryan, a gun in his hand.
“Oh, my god.” The air completely left me now, dizziness sweeping over me. As if by its own volition my body moved forward. Jasmine and Gianna’s voices called after me, beckoning me to get out of here, but I couldn’t stop myself. I felt like I was in a dream and had no control over my actions. Everything was hazy and blurry, my head spinning. I had to be wrong. There was no way it was him. “Preston?”
His head snapped to me. So did his gun.
I flinched, but held my ground. Horror enveloped me. How could he do this? Whimpering sounded around me, and my chest tightened. I had to make this stop. “Preston.” I reached out my hand. “Put the gun down.”
His hands shook. “Step back!”
I threw up my arms. “Please just calm down. This isn’t you. I know you’re upset.” My gaze slipped over to Ryan. Oh, god he wasn’t moving at all. Holden was sitting beside him, shaking him and calling his name. I felt sick.
“You have no idea what I’m capable of, Chloe,” Preston responded.
“C’mon. I’m trying to help you.”
A bitter laugh escaped through his lips, and I knew I said the wrong thing. I had promised to help him, and I hadn’
t. Now look what happened. Wailing filled the room, and I knew Ryan was gone. Not that I ever thought any differently. There was a flash of movement as a boy lunged at Preston. But he moved quickly, his gun going off again. A squeal shot from my mouth as the boy slumped to the ground, blood spattering.
My heart clattered in my chest, and I swallowed down the vomit creeping up my throat. Keeping my head even, I forced myself not to look down at the boy who had just been shot. I knew if I did, I’d lose it. And I couldn’t afford to do that. I had to make sure no more lives were lost.
“Everyone stay away!” Preston hollered out, sweeping his gun around the room. “Don’t think I won’t shoot every last one of you. Nobody here is my friend.” Darkness blanketed his eyes. “Look at all of you cowering and scared. Whimpering and praying I won’t take your life. You want to know how many times I was scared? How many times you made my life a living hell? Well, now it’s your turn!”
“Preston,” I breathed out, my voice catching as a sob broke through it. “Please stop.”
“I’m just getting started.” The gun was trained on me again. He cocked the trigger.
My legs shook, my body trembling. “Preston, you’re not going to shoot me.”
“You chose your side, Chloe.”
I closed my eyes, preparing for the bullet. I thought of my parents, thought of how hard they had worked to protect me from danger. How they never let me go to parties or stay out late. How they had to meet my friends’ parents before I was allowed to go over to their house. How they had to know where I was at all times. However, even with all the worrying they did, I was certain that they didn’t worry about me when I was at school. Why would they? School was supposed to be safe.
My last thought was how I’d never get to say goodbye to them.
CHAPTER 21
Holden
When the shot rang out, my first thought was about my mom. For much of my life it had been just the two of us, and I felt like she needed me. But now she had James, so at least I knew she’d be taken care of if anything happened to me. Still, she’d be devastated, and I couldn’t let that happen. I had to survive. No matter what happened, I sure as hell was getting out of this school alive, and I was making sure Chloe did as well.
Students were going bat-shit crazy, everyone heading in opposite directions, running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Some kids hid under the tables and some seemed frozen in place as if they’d been zapped into blocks of ice. I always wondered how I’d react in a situation like this. Would I cower like a loser or would I take action? Now I knew. I literally felt numb to fear. All I felt was determination. I would treat this like a football game. And victory would be mine.
But when I realized it was Ryan who’d been shot, some of my courage wavered. How would I win this without my wingman? When I saw all that blood, I panicked. I couldn’t lose Ryan now. Not now. Not after everything we’d been through. I knew I shouldn’t have left Chloe, but in that moment I knew I had to get to Ryan. If there was any chance he could live, I had to take it. So I hurried over to him. However, the minute I dropped next to him I knew he was gone. He was too still. There was too much blood. That didn’t stop me from trying though. I shook him, I cried out his name. And I willed him to open his damn eyes.
“Say something!” I goaded him. But no sound came out of his mouth. And when I touched his neck, I didn’t feel a pulse. Stunned, the walls closed in around me and I had to fight to keep my fear in check. It didn’t seem real. How could this truly be happening? Who did this?
God, I’d been so focused on Ryan I hadn’t even looked for whoever shot him. Sawyer stood beside me, shaking, blood peppering his skin and clothes. He was white as a sheet.
“Sawyer, what the hell happened?”
“I-i-it was Preston, man. He just came in here, put the gun to Ryan’s head and…” Sawyer swallowed hard, his neck swelling with the effort. His whole body trembled. “He pulled the trigger. It all happened so fast. I called 911, but…” His gaze flickered to Ryan, unmoving. “I-I think it’s too late, man.”
My stomach tightened. It was Preston? I thought about the way he looked at Chloe, like she belonged to him. It had always bothered me, but I thought it was jealousy rearing its ugly head. However, deep down I knew that wasn’t it. Chloe wasn’t interested in him, that much was clear. But he wasn’t right in the head. And if he thought he had a shot with her, then my relationship with her would most likely set him off.
A hush fell over the room, fear thick in the air. Glancing around, I spotted Chloe and heaved a sigh of relief. She was all right. But before I could relax I noticed what I missed at first. She was talking to Preston. He stood facing her, pointing a gun in her direction. I prayed that a SWAT team member would walk in the door any minute and tackle the son of a bitch. Where was the police anyway?
Sometimes our principal made the rounds during lunch, but I hadn’t seen him today. And the lunch ladies looked like they’d already crapped their pants. No way would they be any help. We were alone in here. Alone and vulnerable.
That’s when it hit me.
I wasn’t alone. There were hundreds of students in here, and only one shooter. Not only that, but Preston wasn’t a big kid. He was small, scrawny even. So then why was Chloe the only person trying to do something? Everyone else was cowering or hiding under a table. And why the hell was Chloe talking to him? Cleary the guy was a nutjob. There was no way he’d listen to reason at this point. Then again, that was how Chloe was. She saw the good in people, and she always wanted to help. I just worried that this time it would get her killed.
I stood, blood covering my palms. Before I could reach Chloe another guy rushed Preston, clearly having the same idea as me. Preston swung his arm in the guy’s direction. It all happened so fast, it was shocking. A bang went off and the guy slumped to the floor, blood spraying the area around him. My body went rigid. Shrieks of horror filled the room.
I couldn’t stop staring at the boy lying on the ground, unmoving. Hot and cold flashes ripped up and down my spine. It felt unreal, like a nightmare. No way was this really happening. It was too awful. The only person in the room who seemed unfazed was Preston. When he swept his arm through the room, students gasped.
“Everyone stay away!” He yelled. “Don’t think I won’t shoot every last one of you. Nobody here is my friend. Look at all of you cowering and scared. Whimpering and praying I won’t take your life. You want to know how many times I was scared? How many times you made my life a living hell? Well, now it’s your turn!”
I swallowed hard when his aim returned to Chloe. Why was he intent on her? She was speaking softly and I couldn’t hear what she said, but I knew she was still trying to talk him down. And I knew she wouldn’t be successful. Dude was out of his freaking mind.
My body buzzed, heating up. After seeing him shoot that boy without any hesitation, I was certain he’d shoot Chloe. And I couldn’t let that happen. I had to get that gun away from him. Sure I may have been stronger than him, but that wouldn’t stop a bullet from tearing through me. I wasn’t made of steel. But I sure as hell wished I was when I went running toward Chloe
“You chose your side, Chloe.” Preston’s tone was chilling, and a shudder ran through me.
When I saw Preston’s finger pressing down on the trigger, I knew I couldn’t waste another minute. Treating him like a football player, I lunged forward and tackled him to the ground. Pain shot through my arm, sharp and instant when I landed. Shit. I was sure I’d broken my arm. But at least Chloe was still alive.
With the pain being so severe in my arm I couldn’t hold Preston down, and he untangled himself from my grasp. Reaching up, I cradled my arm to my side, hoping to alleviate some of the sting. A shadow cast over me as Preston stood, aiming the gun in my direction.
“No!” Chloe yelled, and I cursed under my breath. She needed to stay back. Hell, she needed to run away, get to safety.
“Run, Chloe!” I demanded. “Get the hell out of he
re.”
I wasn’t surprised when she didn’t leave. That chick was so damn stubborn.
In the distance I heard sirens, and Preston’s body stiffened. His eyes widened. Lowering the gun, he whirled around and took off running toward the cafeteria doors. When he was out of sight, I heaved a sigh of relief.
Chloe dropped to her knees beside me. “Are you okay?”
I nodded, wincing through the pain. I flinched upon hearing another gunshot coming from outside of the cafeteria. Fear snaking around my heart, I reached for Chloe with my good arm and pulled her close.
CHAPTER 22
Chloe
Numb. That’s what I was.
In shock. That’s what they said.
But it was more than that. I couldn’t feel anything. It’s like I had turned into a block of ice, an intangible object. The girl that had chatted with her friends at lunch and had held hands with Holden while we walked the halls seemed like a completely different person. It was like I was having an out- of-body experience. Like I was a shell of my former self.
The only thing I could think about was blood and death.
When I closed my eyes, all I saw was Ryan slumped over the table, covered in thick, red, sticky blood. And then I saw Preston lifting the gun toward me. Shaking my head, I willed away all the memories. Even though I knew it was a losing battle. There was no way I’d ever be able to erase the images.
When my parents first saw me after the shooting, they gushed about how grateful they were that I was alive. But it was weird because I didn’t feel alive. I felt dead inside. Even as I sat in a chair next to Holden’s hospital bed, our fingers knotted, I still felt that way.