“So—you’ve been inside my head again? I thought you weren’t supposed to do that,” Emma teased, hoping to appease the irritation she sensed from him.
“I never said I wasn’t supposed to, but rather that I didn’t do it very often. I believe everyone deserves some degree of privacy. I was just trying to figure out that tortured look you had on your face,” he laughed gently.
“So—did you figure it out?” Emma asked slowly.
“Part of it, I think, but I’m not sure about the other part. Your thoughts are all over the place—hard to decipher.”
“What have you got so far?”
“Well,” he hesitated “I think that you’re disappointed with yourself for how you’ve been treating Destry McQuade and you're trying to figure out a way to make it up to him. Am I right so far?”
“Yes.” Emma's forehead creased, but she didn’t open her eyes. “So, what part has you baffled?”
“Well—I can’t figure out why you want to make it up to him, while at the same time trying to find a way to do it as coldly as possible. You want him to know that you’re not mad at him, but you don’t want him to think that you like him in any way. I don’t understand why you would tell him that you aren’t upset with him, while at the same time showing him the opposite?”
“You’re pretty good at reading thoughts, but you suck at understanding the emotions behind them,” Emma said ruefully.
“You’re right. I don’t understand the emotions behind it Emma. It seems to me like a cruel thing to do to the boy.”
“It’s not cruel Micah,” Emma said indignantly, “it’s for his own good. It would be cruel to lead him on towards an end that isn’t possible.” She squoze her eyes shut more tightly. He was so naive when it came to this kind of thing.
“Why isn’t the end that he has in mind possible? He's a good person Emma. You shouldn’t write him off so quickly. You two could be good together.”
That was it, the last straw! He really knew how to make her mad!
“You're so pig-headed Micah!” Emma demanded. “Why would you assume that I would want to be with him? I’m free to make my own choices, remember! Why do you have to make my life so difficult lately? I’m trying to do what I want to do, the thing that will make me the happiest, and you're blind to it!”
Emma’s face was suddenly hot, and her arms shook with anger. Her nails were digging painfully into her palms.
This was impossible. Why had she set herself up for this? She'd given him more information than she’d intended to in her fit of anger. She wanted to push him though— to make him admit that he felt something— that he cared about her too.
“Please, Emma,” he spoke softly, his perfectly smooth warm voice making her heart race. “Don’t be angry. I don't understand why you’re so upset.”
“Because, I’m not supposed to think this way, or feel this way, and you wouldn’t understand anyway,” Emma muttered.
“I promise I’ll try to understand, but you have to tell me what is it you're thinking and feeling. I can’t make sense of it. I need you to help me understand.”
Who can resist a pleading angel? Emma decided it was time to lay it all out there and get it over with once and for all.
“I want it to be you,” she mumbled softly. “You're the only one that I want to be with.” Emma covered her face to hide from the backlash of rejection that she was sure would follow her admission. She knew this wasn’t the confession he wanted to hear.
“That is an end that can never be Emma, surely you already know that,” he whispered gently.
“I think it can. There must be a way. Why would God create you, and send you to me, if there was no way I could have you. I’m supposed to be with you Micah, I can feel it.” Emma sat up slowly and wrapped her arms around her legs, placing her face in her knees. This couldn’t possibly be a hopeless prospect, it all made perfect sense to her.
“Emma,” he spoke slowly, “you deserve more than this. You are mortal and you should be with a mortal. It's the only way you can ever really be happy.”
“You seem to think being mortal is so great, but it’s not. Knowing what you want, feeling that it’s right and not being able to have it, because you’re mortal— that really sucks!”
“Don’t be so dramatic Emma. This isn’t a real thing we have. You can’t truthfully tell me that you’re willing to go through your whole life this way. Never getting married, or having children, or even being in a relationship that anyone else can know about. People will eventually get suspicious about your imaginary boyfriend. You could end up in an asylum. What kind of a happy life is that?”
“This is a real thing Micah,” Emma mumbled, “and you’re the one that won’t show yourself,” she added indignantly, “so you’re the one that would be responsible for sending me to the loony bin. Besides, I don’t care if people think I’m crazy. I know you’re real. But it would be so much better if you would just let me see you. It would make everything easier.”
“Maybe this shouldn’t be easier, maybe you should let me go,” his voice was almost a whisper now. Emma couldn’t tell if it was because he didn’t really want her to let him go, or if he simply didn’t want to hurt her, but his voice sounded pained. “I told you, I don’t think seeing me is a good idea. You’ve become too attached to me already.”
“Too attached? That doesn’t have anything to do with this and you know it!” Emma spoke through her teeth trying to control her anger. “Why don’t you just admit that you don’t have a good reason for not showing yourself to me? You’re just being stubborn!”
“I’m not the stubborn one here Emma. You should let it go. I’ve given you my answer. I’m not part of your world and you need to accept that I will never be part of it,” his deep, velvet voice subdued her anger, but not her mission. Emma was going to win this battle, one way or another.
“You're more a part of my world than you think. We’ve come too far for you to try to pull that one off, and you know it.” Emma was being firm with him; she was determined to make him see things her way. “I don’t see why you’re making this into such a big deal. If you can talk to me freely this way, then you can talk to me face to face. It’s not going to be the end of the world if I see you, and there are no rules against it. You might as well quit fighting it, because it’s going to happen!”
“What makes you say that?” Micah asked with confusion, not used to this kind of boldness coming from her.
“Because,” Emma said flatly, “I’ve decided it’s going to happen and so it will.” She was free to choose; that’s what he'd said and now those words were going to come back to bite him right in his heavenly butt. This was what she was choosing. This was what she wanted more than anything else in the world...wasn't it?
He didn’t answer. Emma had known that he wouldn’t know what to say to that, so she was prepared for his silent escape. He would just need some time to come to terms with where this whole thing was headed.
Emma got up off the ground, grabbed the blanket and headed back to the car. No sense hanging around when you’re getting the silent treatment.
She was feeling brave for the moment and decided since that part of the drama was done it was time to settle this Destry thing. She would call him as soon as she got home. Hopefully that would be enough.
Emma had a terrible feeling that it wasn’t going to be that easy. Destry seemed to be as bull-headed as she was. He didn’t seem like the type to just give up. She would have to be unbending.
Emma knew what and who she wanted most, and that wasn’t going to change just because Micah was being difficult at the moment. She had to let Destry down easy, because she wanted Micah, and it wasn’t fair to let anyone else think they had a chance with her.
Micah still couldn't believe this was happening. He'd sworn to himself that he wasn't going to get this involved. He'd promised Zacharias.
But when Emma had said he was the one she wanted, he'd felt pure joy. It wa
s an indescribable sensation that seemed to flow through his entire being. Luckily he'd been able to pull it together enough to make it sound like that was never going to happen.
But, she was free to choose, right? If this is what she chose then so be it. If he was what she chose then…no, he couldn’t allow himself to think like that
He knew it wasn't right to go along with an idea as impossible as that.
But in that moment he realized that there was nothing he wanted more.
Emma went straight for the student directory in her room as soon as she stepped in the door. There was no reason to procrastinate the deed. Destry’s phone rang four times, and then the answering machine picked up. Shoot! Emma knew she couldn’t do this properly on an answering machine.
Destry must be at work.
She grabbed a lasagna from the freezer and shoved it in the oven for dinner before heading back out the door.
Destry worked at the feed store in town. Emma had avoided buying the animal feed since she’d discovered that. It was getting close to closing time so she sped along the dirt road, throwing up a dust cloud behind her.
If she worked it right, she’d have just enough time to talk with him before he got off work. It would be best to keep this in public so he wouldn’t be able to get her alone and possibly change her mind with his beautiful blue eyes. Also, she'd have the excuse of having to hurry home so her lasagna didn’t burn.
It was a perfect setup...except for one thing Emma hadn’t expected.
As she pulled up across the street from the loading docks of the grain mill, she saw him. Destry was wearing a white T-shirt and carrying a fifty pound bag of feed on each shoulder to load into someone’s truck.
She could see the shape of his back and the hard muscles beneath his thin shirt, his bicep muscles were stretching the sleeves tight showing their perfect shape. He was obviously taking advantage of the warm weather which could turn cold again at any time without warning.
He slung the bags of feed off his shoulders one at a time and into the back of a blue pickup truck. His golden hair fell over his eyes and he wiped it away with his forearm.
He looked absolutely perfect, almost like an angel, as he reached into his back pocket and handed a sales ticket to the silver haired woman standing at the side of the pickup truck. He took her hand and helped her up into the truck and closed the door for her. He smiled his adorable crooked smile, and thanked her for coming in.
He waited there waving as she pulled out. He really was a perfect gentleman, so sweet with the old lady. Emma’s heart began to ache at the thought of what she had come here to do.
Emma climbed out of her car and closed the door softly, not ready to draw any attention to herself yet. Destry suddenly turned and his eyes met with hers. He smiled instantly, a huge crooked grin.
“Hey, Emma!” he called out happily.
Emma could sense how much joy he felt at seeing her here. Now she really felt guilty.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” he smiled. He reached down and grabbed her hand, pulling her into a warm hug.
It felt way too good to have his arms around her. She pulled back slowly and smiled at him. He was being so kind to her in spite of the rude way she'd treated him. She didn’t deserve his kindness. She was a terrible person.
“How have you been?” Destry said cheerfully. “I’ve missed you all week. I thought you were mad at me or something.” He tilted his head down to look into Emma’s eyes with a questioning gaze.
How was she going to say what she'd come here to say? She should have known she wouldn't be able to do this face to face. When she was around Destry, she couldn't remember her reasoning for pushing him away in the first place.
He would have been irresistible to her... if she wasn’t otherwise involved. The two of them would have made a good match, like Micah had said. Destry complimented Emma in so many ways. They were different and yet the same.
“I wasn’t mad at you,” she said softly. “I was a little embarrassed about how I acted though. I’m really sorry I treated you that way on prom night. You were a perfect gentleman and I was a crazy woman. You didn’t deserve that,” she mumbled, unable to look into his eyes.
“You’re not a crazy woman,” he laughed. “I probably just came on a little too strong. I’m not as much of a gentleman as you’re giving me credit for. I should have had better manners on our first date. I promise I’ll be better behaved next time.” He raised his eyebrows and looked at her with a sly grin. Emma slowly realized he was asking her out again.
She couldn’t believe he wanted to go on another date after her inexcusable behavior on their first one. She'd only gone out with him in the first place to supplicate Micah. She should have never agreed to it, then none of this would be happening. Why had she let Micah guilt her into it? Everything was all messed up now.
Emma didn’t want to like this boy. She loved Micah— at least, she'd been sure of it before this amazing boy had come into her life. Destry’s presence had a way of making her forget all about Micah. That was disturbing to her.
Micah had known what he was doing when he'd set them up.
Now, here she was, trapped in the gaze of someone she hadn’t intended to have feelings for. Did she have feelings for Destry?
If Micah was her true love like she believed he was, then she should want to be with him always, should yearn for him whenever they were apart. Destry took that feeling right out of her.
“So, what do you think?” Destry’s smooth voice interrupted her inner monologue.
“What?” Emma struggled to pull herself back to reality.
“What do you think about us giving it another try, maybe Wednesday night? We could get a burger and check out the movie at the drive-in. It's opening night!” His face was a light at the possibility. Emma couldn't bring herself to disappoint such a face.
“Um, yeah sure, why not?” She sounded like a bumbling idiot.
“Great! I’m really excited! I’ll pick you up on Wednesday at about seven then, okay?” Destry’s enthusiasm made Emma blush, and she could only nod her head in response, thus reinforcing her bumbling idiot theory. “I’ve got to get back to work, but I’ll see ya tomorrow at school okay.” He smiled at Emma and brushed a strand of hair away from her face, sending a strange surge through her body, and then turned and jogged back towards the loading docks.
Emma walked slowly back to her car and slid down into the seat pressing her head down on the steering wheel. What just happened? Hadn’t she come here to let him down easy? Wasn't she supposed to make it clear that the whole ‘we’ thing wasn't going to happen?
She'd made it worse. Somehow she'd agreed to yet another date.
Had she objected at all? Had she said anything to let him know she wasn't interested in him that way? She couldn’t seem to remember what she had said. She was pretty sure she'd just stood there and let Destry overpower her with those eyes, and that face, and that…smile—that stupid, unbelievably attractive crooked smile of his. It was like a weapon of mass destruction when he used it on her. It blew her good sense to smithereens.
Emma started her car and coasted slowly down the road. Her mind was whirling in a dizzying spin of confusing thoughts. Hopefully putting some distance between herself and Destry would help her to think more clearly.
She needed to figure out what she was going to do.
"What was that all about?" Chuck said with a snort as Destry came jogging back over to the loading dock where Chuck had just finished weighing a trailer full of hay.
"What do you mean?" Destry asked with irritation at Chuck's apparent prejudice towards Emma.
"Wasn't that Emma Baker—your prom date?" Chuck snickered, pushing Destry's patience.
"Yeah, what of it?"
"I just wondered what she was doing here, geez you don't have to bite my head off!" Chuck said offensively.
"Well if you must know, I asked her out for Wednesday. Do you
have a problem with that?" Destry looked menacing and Chuck decided he'd better back off.
"No, I don't have a problem with it," Chuck said nonchalantly, turning to go back into the warehouse. I just don't understand it, he thought to himself lamely.
Destry could have any of the hot girls he wanted, so Chuck didn't understand what his obsession was with Emma. She was pretty, but she'd never given him the time of day. The blonde cheerleaders seemed like a better choice to him; that's who he'd choose anyway if the option was open to him.
Chapter 13: DREAMS
I should definitely break the date, Emma told herself, but how? Something about this boy had her saying and doing things she had no control over. Destry made her feel at ease, like she could be herself without having to worry about scaring him away.
On the other hand, Emma was constantly worried about scaring Micah away. She felt like she didn’t deserve his attention, and that if she wasn’t careful he would come to realize that as well.
She wasn’t like him. What did they really have in common? Emma couldn’t come up with anything. All she knew was that she loved him despite all the odds against her… or loved the idea of him at least.
Emma wasn't certain about anything anymore. She needed to talk to Micah, but remembered he probably wasn’t talking to her yet. She'd been a little pushy and overbearing during their last conversation. It seemed she'd been doing that a lot lately.
Maybe this date with Destry would help to straighten things out in her head. She probably couldn't get out of it anyway considering the effect he had on her.
The best solution would be to find out what was going on between her and Micah first, and then decide what to do about Destry. The only problem with that was that nothing about her relationship with Micah was becoming any clearer. They'd been having these conversations for a long time and she still wasn't sure where he stood on their "relationship."
She should make the best of the situation as it was, and use it as a sort of experiment to help her sort out these feelings at war in her mind.
Eternal (Eternal series) Page 11