Chapter Twenty-Four
Slater
Smooth, Slater, real fucking smooth. Ugh! I run a hand back and forth over my head, silently berating myself. I’ve loved that girl from the sidelines for years, and never, ever did I envision blurting it out just like that. After I’d just attacked her mouth and her body in a rage of lust and anger. And, as if that wasn’t cowardly enough, then I ran. Hightailed it out of there before she even had time to process it, let alone respond.
So much for having self-control and waiting for the right moment to reveal my feelings.
Ryan will string me up by my balls if he ever hears about this.
One of the reasons I’ve stayed away from Belle is her brother—my best friend, the guy who’s always been there for me, especially in the last year. I’m not sure he’d be all that thrilled about me and his sister getting together, but that hasn’t stopped my imagination from going into overdrive since Belle broke up with Dylan.
A part of me feels huge guilt because I regularly wished for it to happen. When she was with him, he was all she saw. No one else existed outside their little love bubble. I wanted to hate him so badly, but, until lately, he never gave me any reason to. He treated her like a princess, worshiped the ground she walked on, and she literally had stars in her eyes every time he stepped into the room.
I longed for her to look at me like that.
But I was invisible.
Her brother’s best friend. Someone to share a laugh and a joke with. That’s not to say we aren’t close, because we are, but I was always firmly relegated to the friend zone. Now, I might finally have an opportunity to do something about that, and I’m screwing everything up.
The last thing Belle needs right now is me professing love and then fleeing. She’s not ready to hear it yet, and I hope I haven’t ruined it. I haven’t waited all these years to throw it away the first chance I get.
No. I can be patient.
I can wait for her to get into the right headspace. To realize I’ve been here this whole time. Loving her from afar. Silently hoping and praying that someday our time would come.
Ryan raps on the door. Three quick staccato raps. His signature. He doesn’t wait for a reply before poking his head through the doorway. “What the hell was all that screaming and shouting about?” He’s wearing his dark, serious look. The one that usually spells trouble.
“Nothing for you to worry about,” I lie.
“Uh-huh.” He narrows his eyes at me. “I think we need to talk.”
I sigh, nodding reluctantly. If he heard our shouting, he’s probably got a good inkling of what’s going on. I don’t like concealing things from him, and I’ve kept this secret from my best bud a long time. Maybe it’s time to lay it all on the line. I’ve probably wrecked my chances with Belle anyway, so even if he wants to kick my ass, it’ll be short-lived once he realizes there’s nothing to be pissed at me for.
“Have at it.” I swing my chair around as he shuts the door and drops down on the bed.
“What’s going on with you and Gabby?” He doesn’t mince his words, and it’s one of the qualities I’ve always admired in Ryan. If he’s pissed, you know it immediately. He’s not afraid to put it all out there.
I rub a hand across the back of my neck, wondering how to start this conversation.
“I’m not a fucking idiot,” he adds. “You think I haven’t noticed how you look at her?”
I sit up straighter in my chair. That surprises the hell out of me. Not just because I thought I’d been careful to guard my feelings when I’m around her, but more that he figured it out and hasn’t said anything before now.
“Nothing is going on. I swear.” And that’s no word of a lie. Belle and I aren’t anything. Not yet.
Ryan’s having none of it. “Do you love her?” His expression is deadly serious, his eyes drilling into me.
I swallow over the lump in my throat, nodding. “Yeah, yeah, I love her.”
“For how long?”
I shrug. It’s not like I was keeping count. “Since I realized what that word truly meant.”
“She know?”
I wince, scrubbing a hand over my stubbly jawline. “I might’ve accidentally blurted it out just now.”
His look is one of surprised amusement. “Your timing sucks.”
Air whooshes out of my mouth. “Tell me about it. I promised myself I’d wait, but it feels like I’m always fucking waiting.”
“You know you’re like a brother to me, and I’d do anything to see you happy, but I gotta speak my mind, and you’re not who I’d pick for my little sister.”
I had a feeling he might not like this, but to hear it spelled out so bluntly actually hurts. “Wow. Don’t fucking sugarcoat it or anything.”
“Dude, you’ve been around the block. A lot.”
My hands clench at my side, and a muscle ticks in my jaw. “Only because I was doing everything to forget her. To try and find the same connection with any other girl, but it never happened. I didn’t feel a thing for any of those girls. They were faceless, nameless fucks. Nothing more. Why the hell do you think I haven’t been in a relationship since that one time in high school?”
He arches a brow. “Because of Gabby?” I nod. “Shit, dude. You’ve had these feelings for her for years?”
“Yeah, and I’m not kidding. I really love her. And I’ve been done with screwing around for a while. You know that. That’s not who I am.”
“Aw, look, I know. I know you’re solid.” He sighs, and he has the decency to look a little ashamed. “But this is my sister.”
“You think I don’t know that? That I wouldn’t take care of her the way she deserves to be cared for?”
“I know you would, but you don’t have the best track record.”
“Sex is just sex,” I say. “I’ve never let myself get close to any girl. Feel any level of intimacy, because I …”
Fuck it. I don’t think I can say it.
Ryan and I have had some deep and meaningful conversations from time to time, but it’s not the norm. While he single-handedly got me through the aftermath of my mother’s death, we don’t tend to get into heavy shit when we’re talking about women, and I’m not sure I can start now. Not when his sister is the object of my obsessive affection.
“Because you were saving that for Gabby,” he astutely surmises. I nod, and he looks deep in thought. He leans forward on his elbows, propping his chin in his hands. “You know I always wondered if she’d actually end up with Dylan.”
“You were probably the only one. To everyone else, it was a foregone conclusion.”
“I didn’t have any issue with him until recently, and I genuinely liked the guy. He’s practically family, and he adored my sister and treated her well, but I didn’t like how she changed sometimes when she was around him, and I wondered if they’d go the distance.”
“Will anyone ever measure up for Gabby?” I toss it out there, still a little wounded over his earlier statement.
He eyeballs me intently. “Look, bruh. All I want is to see her happy. If that’s with you, then I won’t stand in your way. Hell, it’d be cool to think that someday we might officially be brothers.” He grins. “But if you hurt her, I’ll chop your balls off and feed them to the piranhas in my parents’ fish tank.”
“I would never hurt her. Never.”
“I know you wouldn’t mean to. Doesn’t mean it won’t happen. Relationships aren’t easy, and you and me, buddy, are complete novices,” he says, pointing between us.
“You and Myndi seem to be doing okay.”
“Yeah, but I’m fucking clueless, and I’ve seen enough of relationships to know they’re never plain sailing. Look at Dean and Annie. They are a fucking nightmare. Always arguing and blanking each other for days at a time. Even Caleb and Terri have had their ups and downs.”
&n
bsp; “But you had the best example growing up. Your parents are solid.”
“Yeah.” He looks at the floor.
“You really like Myndi, don’t you?”
He nods, smiling. “I’ve never met anyone I wanted to tie myself to, until Myndi. I’ve turned into one of those dudes we used to joke about—pussy-whipped and proud.” He grins wickedly. “That’s the new me.”
“Don’t fuck it up.”
“Right back at ya.”
I lean back in the chair. “You’re forgetting one very important thing. Belle and I aren’t together.”
“If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.”
I smirk. “Listen to you, getting all philosophical and shit.”
He grins again. “I’m trying, dude. Wait till you see. My sister will have you wrapped around her little finger before long, and you’ll even forget you’ve got a set of balls.”
“I would gladly welcome the day,” I honestly admit.
“Fuck! You’re pussy-whipped already.”
We have a good ole laugh at that. But then the laughter fades, and Ryan gets all serious again. “There’s just one more thing I gotta say, and then I’ll butt out. She’s been through a lot lately. You know that. And I think it’d do her good to be on her own for a while. You’ve had the whole college experience. She hasn’t.”
“You better not be saying what I think you’re saying!” I grind my teeth to the molars.
“Knock that shit off, bruh. Of course not! But she needs to let loose. To find herself. I’m not sure getting into another serious relationship so soon is a good idea.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I claw a hand through my hair. “I told you I’m trying to be patient. My earlier slipup was just that. Besides, Belle should be the one to decide. Not you or me.”
“Agreed, and I’ll support her no matter what. But it goes for you too, man. You’ve been through hell this year, and your head still ain’t right. Maybe it’s not your time yet.”
“I have considered that, but she … she makes everything feel right. When she bought that tree …” I choke up and I have to pause for a breath. “Belle gets me. There’s always been this connection between us even if I’m the only one who’s felt it.”
He slowly bobs his head. “When you know, you know.”
I nod agreeably, and it’s a profound moment. We’re both quiet for a bit, and then his lips kick up. “Now I’m off to beat my chest and pound my woman, because all this pussy talk is threatening my manhood and scaring the shit outta me.”
I grin, unable to resist pushing his buttons a little. “Lucky you. I guess I’ll just have to beat one out in the shower and try not to imagine it’s your sister on her—”
“I’ll fucking knock your ass through that wall if you continue that sentence,” he yells, only half-joking.
“I’d like to see you try.” I flex my biceps on purpose.
“Is that a challenge?”
“You want it to be?”
He grabs hold of my shirt, pretending to go for it. “That’s it. You. Me. Outside now.” He can’t keep the grin off his face as he lets me go, slapping a hand over my back. I’m laughing, feeling lighter than I have in ages, grateful my best bud knows and that we’re going to be okay. We’re more than okay.
We’re right back exactly where we started.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Gabby
I don’t get much sleep after Slater leaves. My body and mind are all keyed up, and it’s too difficult to switch off. I trace a finger along my lips, remembering the heat of his kisses. I slide a hand down over my belly, recalling how amazing it felt when he pressed up against me, thrusting his impressive hard-on into me, dry fucking me against the wall with no apology.
My hand slips under the band of my panties, and I touch myself, climaxing in seconds as images of Slater roll through my mind. I’d like to say it’s brought welcome relief, but it’s only a temporary release.
I want him.
I want his cock inside me, rocking me into oblivion.
I want him so badly I could scream.
But my thoughts aren’t that simply packaged, because along with the intense longing is immense guilt and a healthy dose of confusion. He told me he loved me and then he bolted out of the room quicker than a horse bolting from the starting gate. Was it because the thought terrified him or he said something he felt could be misconstrued? And if it’s true, how long has he felt like this? And is it the same as what I’m feeling? I know I’m attracted to him, and I know I have feelings for him too, but I can’t figure it out. And why the hell does it feel like I’m betraying Dylan by even thinking these thoughts?
Ugh. I bury my head in the pillow, groaning. I’m going to give myself a headache going over and over it.
After a couple hours tossing and turning, I get up. It’s early morning anyway, and I might as well get moving. I decide to take the bus home, rather than waiting for Ryan to surface.
Mom and Dad are in the sunroom reading the papers when I arrive at the house.
“You’re very early, Buttercup,” Dad says, getting up and enveloping me in his arms.
“I couldn’t sleep so I took the bus.”
“You look tired,” Mom says, pulling me out of Dad’s embrace and wrapping her arms around me. “Why don’t you go upstairs and try to get some sleep?”
“Nah. I’m up now. I think I’ll just hang out here with you and read.”
We spend a pleasant few hours in silence, reading and drinking copious coffees. It’s peaceful and relaxing and just what the doctor ordered.
I get up to help Mom prepare dinner just after midday. We work efficiently and quietly, side by side, until she decides to test the waters. “Do you want to tell me what’s on your mind?” she asks, looking over at me briefly while chopping the carrots.
“Who says I’ve got something on my mind?”
“You show up here exhausted, with a frown on your face, and you looked up from your Kindle every five minutes staring off into space. I’m betting you can’t even tell me what that book is about.”
She’s right. I can’t. The words just floated in one ear and out the other. My brain refused to switch off, going around and around in circles. “I hate that I’m like an open book, pardon the pun.”
Mom puts the knife down and turns to me. “That’s one of my favorite things about you. And you know a problem shared—”
“Is a problem halved.” I roll my eyes as my lips tug up of their own accord. “We need to find you some new clichés.”
She laughs, pinning my hair behind my ear. “Why look for new ones when the old ones are absolutely perfect as they are.”
“Slate kissed me!” I blurt, bursting with the need to tell someone.
“Ah.” She smiles. “And how was it?”
I blush a little. “It was … epic. The best kiss of my life.”
“I wondered how long it would take him to reveal himself.”
I put my knife down and stare at her with wide eyes. “What?” I splutter.
“Slater has never said one word to me, but I guessed a long time ago that he was in love with you. His eyes follow you when he thinks no one is looking, and he’s always the first to offer to help if you need anything. That boy would walk over hot coals for you. I’d bet money on it.” She smiles nostalgically. “It was the night of junior prom when I first noticed. He couldn’t take his eyes off you.”
“I didn’t notice.”
“You only had eyes for Dylan,” Mom softly replies.
Guilt jumps up and slaps me. “I feel like I’ve betrayed him,” I whisper. “Which is stupid because he’s the one who betrayed me.”
“Your feelings are never stupid, honey. And you can’t force yourself to feel a certain way. You’re loyal through and through, so I’m not surprised to hear y
ou feel like that, but at least you can acknowledge it.”
“I’m not sure it helps.”
“You just need time to let those wounds heal. You gave years of your life to Dylan. He’s not someone you can get over in a few short weeks.”
“You should have been a psychologist,” I admit truthfully. “I always feel better after I talk with you.”
She pulls me into a hug. “That’s what mothers are for.”
“I definitely lucked out in the Mom department.” I kiss her cheek. “I love you.”
She hugs me tighter before pressing a kiss to my forehead. “It’s easy to be your mother, Gabby. You make it so easy to love you.” She pats my back and lets me go. “Let’s continue working while we talk,” Mom says, picking up her knife again. “Or I won’t have dinner ready by the time Ryan, Slater, and Myndi arrive.”
My heart thuds behind my rib cage in a mix of exhilaration and fear. “You didn’t tell me he was coming for dinner!”
She chuckles. “Gabby, relax.” She rubs a hand around my back in a soothing gesture. “When Ryan said he was coming home today, I told him to ask Slater and Myndi. It won’t be any different from the thousands of other times he’s joined us for Sunday lunch.”
Eh, yeah, it will. Because this is the first time I’ll be remembering how good it feels to touch him and how hot his kisses make me. And let’s not even mention how I got myself off in record time this morning just thinking of him doing naughty things to my body. A warmth spreads up over my chest, creeping onto my neck.
Mom tilts her head to the side, eyeing me with new curiosity. “I don’t want any details, but did this kiss lead to other things?”
My cheeks flare up. I’m comfortable talking with Mom about most things. Except details of my sex life. I draw the line at that. “No! It wasn’t like that,” I lie, because it most definitely was heading in that direction until he put a stop to it.
“Well, then there’s nothing to worry about. This is Slater. Everything will be fine.”
“I don’t know about that. He kissed me, blurted out that he loved me, and then bolted out the door, so I’ve no idea what’s going on in his head or what he’s really thinking.”
When Forever Changes Page 19