by Gary Paulsen
Of course, Amos thought. I’m getting my ear ripped off, and he sits over there without a care in the world.
Fortunately the song was a short one. When it was over, Amos headed straight for Dunc.
“I hope you’re having a good time.”
Dunc nodded. “I’m doing okay. How about you?”
It was on the tip of Amos’s tongue to tell him exactly what kind of time he was having. But he never got the chance.
The leanest, meanest, biggest woman Amos had ever seen in his life spun him around. She made a Mack truck look like a Tonka toy.
“I ain’t got nobody to dance with. Get over here!”
“Uhhh …” Amos squeaked.
When the music started, she grabbed him and locked him in position. Amos tried to reach her hands, but it was impossible. She was so big, he could barely touch the ends of her fingertips.
She danced like a cougar with rabies, throwing Amos around with the beat of the music, flipping him in the air. With the final fanfare from the band she bounced him clear across the room where he hit a marble column, glanced off, and headed for Roberto and the band.
Roberto sidestepped neatly, and Amos went headfirst through the bass drum.
Amos shook his head. “I’m not going. This trip is jinxed. Every time I leave this room, I throw up, get chased, fall down a black hole, or land in a drum.” He folded his arms.
“This time it’ll be different. We’ll just take a quiet stroll on deck. Maybe play some shuffle-board or something.”
“You say that, but it won’t turn out that way. Those crooks are probably just waiting for us to come out.”
“Have it your way,” Dunc said. “I hope it doesn’t get back to Melissa, though.”
“What?”
“If she finds out you spent most of your time in the cabin, I doubt if she’ll be very impressed.”
“She won’t know,” Amos said.
“I thought you were going to overwhelm her with your island tan.”
Amos thought about it. “I guess it would be a shame to waste what little time we have left shut up in this stuffy cabin.”
Dunc nodded.
“Okay. I’ll give it one more try.” He held up his finger. “But only because of Melissa.”
It was a beautiful day. The sun sparkled on the ocean. A fresh saltwater scent filled the air.
Amos squinted in the bright sunlight. He held his hand up to protect his eyes. “Okay. You got me up here. Now what?”
“You name it,” Dunc said. “We’ll do whatever you want.”
A strange look came over Amos. “Anything?”
“What exactly did you have in mind?”
“How much money do you have left?” Amos asked.
“A little. Why?”
“I’ve been thinking of trying my luck at the slot machines.”
“Amos, you don’t have any luck, and besides, you can’t go into the casino unless you’re twenty-one or with an adult.”
“It figures. I knew I should have stayed in the cabin.”
Dunc sighed. “Oh, all right. I think I know how to get you in. Follow me and do what I do.”
Dunc led the way to the casino. He stood outside the door watching the people go in and out.
“What are we waiting for?” Amos asked.
“I’m looking for the right … shh! Here he comes now.”
A short, bald man in a yellow and brown plaid leisure suit walked up to the door.
Dunc fell in behind him. He motioned for Amos to follow.
The casino attendant started toward them.
Dunc said in a loud voice, “Okay, Dad, we’ll wait for you over here by the slot machines.”
The attendant turned and went back to his position by the door.
“You play,” Dunc said. “I’ll keep an eye out for trouble.”
Amos played hard. He shoved one coin in after another. He came close a couple of times, but he never won.
“Give it up. You’re going to break me.” Dunc grabbed his arm. “Let’s go find something else to do.”
Amos put in another coin.
“Hello, boy.”
He turned around. Vanessa and her nanny had walked in. She ran over and proudly handed him her new doll for his inspection.
“I named her after you.”
Amos took the doll. “I didn’t know you knew my name.”
“I don’t. What is it?”
“But I thought you said …”
“It’s Amos,” Dunc interrupted. “Amos Binder. I think that was a very nice thing for you to do, Vanessa. He’s honored. Aren’t you, Amos?”
“Yeah. Honored.” He tried to hand the doll back.
Vanessa held up her little hands. “You can hold her awhile if you want. She likes you. I can tell. Do you want to play house? You be the daddy, and I’ll—”
Amos stood up and laid the doll on the stool. “I have to go now, Vanessa. But I’ll tell you what. You can pull the handle of this machine and keep anything that comes out.”
He hurried across the room. Dunc waved at her and followed.
When they reached the door, a loud siren went off. Amos turned around.
Vanessa had pulled the handle and hit the jackpot. Silver coins crashed down around her. She giggled and clapped her hands. Then she picked up one of the coins and ran over to Amos. She stuffed it in his hand and gave him a big hug.
“Thank you, Amos! You’re my very best-est friend.”
“It’s a good thing we dock in Miami tomorrow,” Amos said. “I can’t wait to get off this dumb ship.”
Dunc was making his bed. “Are you still mad about Vanessa and the money?”
“That and everything else. It’s not fair,” Amos sulked.
“You’re the one who told her she could keep anything that came out of the machine.”
“Don’t remind me. I was so close to being filthy rich. Think of it. Money—combined with my charming personality. Melissa would have been powerless. She was within my grasp, and I blew it.”
“Amos, you don’t want Melissa to like you for your money.”
“I don’t?”
“You’re hopeless.” Dunc sat on the end of the bed. “I’ve been thinking.”
“Uh-oh.”
“Cut that out. This is important. We dock tomorrow, and the crooks still don’t have the jewels.”
“I thought that was the idea,” Amos said.
“It is. But don’t you think it’s strange that they haven’t tried very hard lately?”
“Maybe they decided to give up and go straight.”
Dunc shook his head. “I don’t think so. I think the reason they haven’t bothered us is because they have something big planned for tonight.”
“Are you trying to tell me that our last night on this dumb ship is going to be the worst?”
Dunc smoothed out a wrinkle on the bed. “I hope not. But we need to be prepared just in case.”
Amos dragged the chair across the floor and started piling things on it.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting prepared. Isn’t that what you said to do?”
Dunc smiled. “You don’t need to do that. I’ve figured out a way to keep the jewels safe and get the crooks off our backs.”
“I should have known.” Amos sat down. “Well, let’s hear it.”
“Tell the captain.”
“Right. And just how are we supposed to do that? He’s driving the ship. No one except the crew is ever allowed to see him.”
“I know that. But I also know that tonight is the captain’s banquet. I read it on the schedule. The last night of the cruise, the captain gives this big formal banquet. He shakes hands with the passengers and eats dinner with them.”
“Why don’t we give the jewels to one of the crew?” Amos asked. “They could give them to the captain, and we’d be out of it.”
“Who can we trust? Whoever we give them to might take off with them. No, we have to get to the captain.�
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“How do I look?”
Amos was admiring himself in the mirror. He had been to the mini-mall and purchased a bright purple bow tie. It was the kind with sparkly elastic that went around the neck.
He had chosen to wear a red and yellow Hawaiian-style shirt, along with jeans and high-tops.
His hair was dripping. He had it slicked all the way back.
Dunc looked him up and down and tried to keep from smiling. “I bet you’ll be the center of attention.”
“Thanks.” Amos straightened his bow tie. “Are you ready?”
Dunc buttoned the cuff on his white shirt. “I think so. Do you have your part of the jewels?”
“Right here.” Amos patted his pocket.
“Well, we’d better go then. We don’t want to miss shaking hands with the captain.”
Dunc turned the doorknob. Nothing happened. He pulled on it. Shook it and yanked hard.
It wouldn’t open.
Amos tried. He braced himself against the wall and pulled with all his might.
The door wouldn’t budge.
“Looks like they got to us before we could get to them,” Dunc said. “I should have guessed they’d try something like this.”
“You think the crooks locked us in here?” Amos looked alarmed.
“Who else? Pretty smart. This way they know we’re not going anywhere. They can come get the jewels anytime they want.”
Amos let it sink in. Then he started banging on the door. “Help! Somebody help us!”
“You can save your breath. By now, they’re all upstairs at the banquet. Nobody’s going to hear you.” Dunc lay back on the bed.
“Now is not the time for a nap!” Amos yelled. “We have to do something.”
Dunc sighed. “There isn’t anything to do. They’ve won. We’ll have to hand over the jewels. They won’t hurt us as long as they get what they want.”
Amos turned around and stared at him. “Duncan Culpepper. I don’t believe it. You’re giving up. You’re feeling sorry for yourself because they out-thought you.”
“I am not. I’m facing facts. There’s obviously no other way.…” He looked up. “Hmmm?”
He stood on the bed and opened the small porthole and looked out. “Look, Amos. The main deck isn’t too far from our room.”
He moved so Amos could look.
Amos quickly pulled his head back in. “Are you crazy? There’s nothing out there to stand on except air.”
“Didn’t you see that cable? It’s connected solid to the side of the ship, and it runs all the way around to the deck.”
Amos looked again. “That tiny wire? Not this boy! No way!”
“You’re probably right.” Dunc lay back down on the bed. “We’d be better off to stay here and wait for them to come after us. It would have made great headlines though—‘Daring Boys Elude Jewel Thieves.’ ”
“How about ‘Boys Drown While Being Stupid on Pleasure Cruise,’ ” Amos said.
“It doesn’t make any difference to me if we stay or go,” Dunc said. “You’re the one I was thinking of.”
“You want me to drown?”
“No, of course not. I wanted you to get the credit. Our hometown paper would be bound to carry the story. Melissa would read it, and—”
Amos broke in, “And it wouldn’t matter that I’m not filthy rich. I’d be a hero. She’d be awestruck.”
He started out the porthole.
“Are you sure this thing will hold us?” Amos asked.
“Wrap your leg around it just in case. Mountain climbers do that. That way if they slip, their leg catches them.”
Amos moved an inch at a time. The deck was still a good ten feet away. “I sure am glad it’s dark.”
“Why?”
“That way I can’t see how far it is down to the water.”
“It’s about a two-story drop,” Dunc said.
“Thanks. I needed to hear that. It’s much easier knowing that if I fall, I’ll have time to die of a heart attack before I drown and get eaten by sharks.”
“Nobody’s going to drown. We’re almost there. Only a few more feet to go.”
Amos groaned and moved a few more inches. “By the time we make it to the banquet, it’ll probably be over. The captain will be in bed, and this will all be for nothing.”
“No, these things go on all night. They never eat right away. They talk and make all kinds of introductions first.”
“I’ve reached the end, Dunc. Now what?”
“This is going to be the tricky part. You have to let go with one hand, grab the rail, and swing up. Be careful.”
Dunc heard a ripping sound. “What was that?”
“My pants. Watch that bolt as you swing up.”
Dunc swung up behind him. “We made it. Are you okay?”
“Except for my pants. I’m sort of exposed in the back.”
“We don’t have time to go back to our room.” Dunc looked around. He pulled a red-striped cloth off a deck table. “Here. Put this on.”
Amos tied it in a knot around his middle. “I can’t wear this. It looks like a dress.”
“You look fine. Come on.”
The banquet hall was crowded. Most of the people were dressed in formal evening clothes. The crew wore their dress uniforms.
Everything about the room was elegant. Chandeliers hung from the ceiling. Delicate ice sculptures of dolphins and various fish sat on each table. Food was stacked everywhere.
Dunc shook his head. “Three countries wouldn’t be able to eat all the food here.”
When Amos walked in, he heard a small ripple of laughter. He looked down at himself. His bow tie was crooked. He straightened it and hitched up the tablecloth.
“I thought you said I looked fine,” he whispered.
“Don’t worry about it,” Dunc said. “Help me find the captain.”
Hundreds of people were standing around in small groups talking. It was hard to see.
“There he is.” Dunc pointed to a group of women standing around an officer. They made their way through the crowd. Everyone they passed stared at Amos.
He stared back. “It’s the latest thing. Your kids will all be wearing tablecloths soon. Wait and see.”
The captain was surrounded by layers of people. Dunc tried to elbow his way in, but it was impossible.
Amos didn’t try. He decided to stop at the dessert table and sample at least one of everything. The choices were almost endless. He started with a piece of five-layer chocolate cake. Then ate his way down one side of the table. At the other end he was about to reach for a strawberry parfait when he happened to look up.
Skinny and Scarface were on the other side of the table.
Amos looked around for Dunc but couldn’t find him. He stepped back and started to run—or tried to. But he tripped on his tablecloth and fell into a woman carrying a glass of punch. It went down the front of her dress. She screamed.
He tried to stand up. Scarface reached for him. Amos dodged and fell backward onto the end of the dessert table. The other end came up and sent cakes, pies, and ice cream flying through the air.
The five-layer chocolate cake went straight into the ceiling fan. Pieces splattered all over the room. The floor was a slippery mess. People were screaming and sliding into each other.
Amos crawled under the drink table. He thought he was safe until an arm reached for him. Reflexes took over, and he tried to stand up. All of the crystal glasses and a huge silver punch bowl went crashing to the floor.
Amos crawled out on the other side of the table.
Above all the noise and confusion he thought he heard Dunc’s voice. He looked up. Dunc and the captain were waving to him from the kitchen door.
He frantically scrambled to his feet and ran for the kitchen. When he got there, Dunc grabbed him and pulled him down behind the stove.
The two crooks ran in after him. They looked at the chef and the waiters. Scarface growled, “Did you guys see a kid come in here?�
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Everybody in the kitchen pointed at the big walk-in freezer. The crooks looked inside. The captain and some of the waiters came up from behind, shoved them in, and locked the door.
“There’s no place like home.” Amos slam-dunked a dirty sock through the hoop on his door.
“We’ve been home for over a week. When are you going to quit saying that? You sound like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz.”
“I can’t help it. I’m glad to be back. No seasickness. No jewel thieves chasing us. It’s great. Hey—what happened to those guys anyway? I hope they got frostbite.”
“No such luck,” Dunc said. “The Coast Guard was nearby. They came out right away and picked them up. The captain handled everything. He even arranged for your parents to go on the next cruise.”
“Yeah, I guess he’s okay. I wish it had been our picture in the paper instead of his, though.”
“He was the one who thought of trapping them in the freezer. And after the mess we made of his ship, we’re lucky he didn’t give us to the Coast Guard.”
Amos made a long shot with another sock. “I guess you’re right. I heard him say something about us and the Titanic.”
“Oh. I almost forgot.” Dunc reached into his pocket. “Your mailman brought this package.”
“Stick it on my desk. I’ll give it to my parents when they get back.”
“It’s addressed to you.”
Amos grabbed the package. “It’s from Vanessa. How did she get my address?”
“Open it,” Dunc prodded.
“There’s a letter with it.” He cleared his throat. “ ‘Dear Mr. Binder. I am writing this letter on behalf of my charge, Princess Vanessa.’ ” He looked up at Dunc. “Princess Vanessa?”
“Read the letter.”
“ ‘Her Grace would like to thank you for your kindness toward her aboard ship. The money you gave her will be given to a charitable cause in our country. Enclosed is a drawing done by the princess. She would also like for you to have this silver fountain pen, due to the excessive amount of letters you write. She hopes you will think of her when you use it.’ It’s signed, ‘Sincerely, Princess Vanessa Elizabeth Dumont of Cervina Bosnio.’ ”