“Oh.” Jessica glanced out the kitchen window toward the barn, as if to catch a glimpse of Nat, but he wasn’t in view.
“So, as I was saying, Grady and I had a conversation. He helped me understand how much you’ve needed…personal freedom over the years. And how little I gave you. How little I was willing to admit that you’re a grown woman who can take care of yourself.”
She hurried to blame herself before he could. “Some job I did!”
Her father gazed at her. “Some job you did,” he said. “You have a beautiful daughter and a fine man who loves you. That’s one hell of a job, Jessica.”
Her jaw dropped in astonishment. She’d waited all her life to hear those words, and she was speechless. “Thank you,” she said at last, fighting tears.
“You’re welcome.”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “Did he—did Nat—tell you he loved me?”
“Yes, he did. But he doesn’t think he’s good enough for you.” He gazed at her fondly. “From my standpoint, that’s probably true, because there’s not a man out there who is good enough for you. But I figure he might be the best of the lot. And I have every confidence you may be able to convince him of that.”
Jessica decided she’d never have a better chance than now, before the place started bustling again. She walked over and took Sebastian’s sheepskin jacket down from its peg on the wall by the back door.
Then she returned to the table. “Would you hold her for a minute?” she asked.
“Me? I don’t know if I should.”
She gave him a wobbly smile. “I’m sure you’ve held a little girl before.”
“That was a long time ago.”
Jessica settled Elizabeth in his lap. “Well, some things never change,” she said brightly. And then, when she saw her father sitting there holding Elizabeth, tears spilled out of her eyes. “Oh, Daddy.” She leaned down and wrapped her arms around both of them. “I love you.”
His voice was thick. “I love you, too, Jessica.”
When she drew back, he blinked and cleared his throat several times.
She wiped at her eyes and put on Sebastian’s big coat. “I’m going down to the barn,” she said.
“And leave her here?” He sounded both frightened and excited by the prospect.
“Not this time.” She scooped Elizabeth up and tucked her inside the coat. “But soon. This time I need her. She’s my bargaining chip.”
NAT PUT the rubber stopper in the drain of the big metal sink Sebastian had installed on the front wall of the barn. As the water level rose, he rolled back his sleeves. Then he shut off the water, picked up the sock monkey and dunked him in the water. Some of the loose dirt came off and floated to the surface, but the orange stain that decorated the monkey’s face and upper part of its body looked permanent.
Matty should be the one doing this job, Nat thought to himself as he scrubbed the orange stain. She probably knew what to use on something like this. For all he knew, he was making things worse. As usual.
He’d really screwed up this time. At least he’d shot the man who had held Elizabeth at gunpoint. He’d never thought he’d be grateful to his father for anything, but he was glad of all those agonizing hours spent in target practice under his father’s stern direction. No, he did not for one minute regret firing that gun.
But he regretted the need for it. If he hadn’t left Jess and Elizabeth unprotected, they never would have fallen into the guy’s hands in the first place. He would never forgive himself for that.
The barn door opened and Jess, nearly swallowed in Sebastian’s coat, came inside. He wasn’t ready to see her yet. He didn’t have his speech, the one in which he’d convince her she’d be better off without him.
The coat stuck out in front, and when Elizabeth’s curly head poked out, he realized she’d brought the baby along with her. Another person he wasn’t ready to see. He dropped the monkey down in the water and hoped to hell Elizabeth hadn’t noticed it in his hand.
But she had. She let out a squeal and reached toward the sink. “Ba-ba!”
Damn. He glanced pleadingly at Jess. “He’s soaking wet,” he said. “I was trying to clean him up, and—”
“You were out here washing Bruce?”
“Yeah. I probably should have let Matty do it, but she’s still asleep and I was hoping I might get him in some kind of shape before Elizabeth woke up.”
The baby started bouncing in Jess’s arms and her cries for her monkey became louder.
“I think that’s so sweet.” Jess came closer.
“Listen, maybe you should take her back up to the house.” That would get Jess out of here, too, so he could plan what he wanted to say. It was hard to think of the right words when she was standing there looking so beautiful in the soft light filtering through the high windows of the barn.
“I think it’s too late,” Jess said as Elizabeth began to fuss and strain in Nat’s direction.
He tried to ignore the warmth in Jessica’s eyes. She didn’t know what was good for her. “Maybe it’s not too late. She might forget that she saw him if you distract her. I’ll wring him out and hang him on the clothesline for a while, and maybe by noon he’ll be ready to go.”
Jess gazed up at him, a little smile on her face. “Wring him out now. I don’t think she can wait until noon.”
“But he’ll still be all wet. And God knows what he’ll look like after I squeeze most of the water out. Probably like some alien.”
“She won’t care what he looks like. She needs that monkey, Nat.”
He sighed with resignation. “Okay.”
Elizabeth made an unholy fuss while he squeezed as much water out of Bruce as he could. Jess tried to jolly her out of being upset, but she was getting crankier by the minute. Man, she was really raising a ruckus. If his father were here, he’d have backhanded that kid so hard…
Nat stopped wringing out the monkey and stared down at his hands. Yes, his father would have slapped the baby by now. But he hadn’t even considered such a thing. And he wouldn’t, not in a million years. He could imagine what his father would do, and separate that from what he, Nat Grady, would do.
Turning from the sink, the damp monkey in his hands, he stared at Jess, who was so busy trying to keep Elizabeth happy that she didn’t even notice he was looking at her. He wasn’t like his father! And he’d figured it out twenty-four hours too late.
He groaned in frustration.
Her gaze met his. “What?”
“I’m an idiot, that’s what.”
She smiled. “Sometimes.”
Elizabeth went wild as she spied the bedraggled monkey. “Ba-ba! Ba-ba!”
“Better give it to her.” Jess glanced at the monkey. “Maybe he’ll look better when he dries.”
“Maybe. Here you go, Elizabeth. Here’s Bruce.” He extended the monkey by the tail.
Elizabeth grabbed him with another squeal and promptly stuck the tail in her mouth. As she sucked happily, the rest of Bruce hung down and dripped on Jess’s shoes.
“She’s going to get you wet,” Nat said.
Jess looked into his eyes. “As if I care. Now tell me why you think you’re an idiot, and I’ll see if I agree.”
“I’m not like my father, and if I’d only understood that sooner, then none of this—”
“Back up. Did I hear you say you’re not like your father?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t figure that out in time, and so you got kidnapped by that creep.” He took a shaky breath. “You nearly died, you and Elizabeth, because I was such an idiot.”
“But we didn’t die. You saved us.” She made it sound as if he was a hero. “Where did you learn to shoot like that?”
“My father. You know how some kids are forced to practice the piano? I was forced into target practice. Pretty grim, huh?”
“Why did he do that?”
Nat had hated the whole exercise so much that he’d never paid much attention to the reason his father had
given. And he had given one. “He said that he wanted me to be able to protect myself. He wanted me to be tough, and he wanted me to know how to handle a gun, in case I ever got in a tight spot.” He glanced at her. “I suppose, in his twisted way, he was trying to prepare me for life.”
“I think he was.” She moved closer, so that now the monkey was dripping on his feet, too. “How long since you’ve talked to him?”
“Years.”
She hesitated, then forged on. “Do you think that maybe…maybe it’s time to let go of some of that bitterness? Especially if you now realize you won’t turn out like him?”
He edged around the idea of communicating again with his father. It didn’t look like such a terrible concept, the more he considered it. There was a kind of relief built into it. “Maybe. Not for sure, but…maybe.”
“After all, that target practice did come in handy.”
And there was the rub. “But the only reason I had to use a gun is because I’d screwed up so royally. Don’t you see? I make mistakes, costly mistakes, that mean the people I love can get hurt or killed. I can’t expect to shoot my way out of every fix I get myself or others into.”
“Nat, I—”
“Let me finish.” He took another breath. For some reason he was having trouble breathing, but he had to get this next part out. “That’s why I want you to forget about me. I want you to put me out of your mind and out of your life.” He hadn’t expected the pain in his heart to be so sharp. He nearly gasped from the impact.
“No, you don’t.” She stepped closer, so that the soggy monkey rested against his chest, soaking his shirt. “You don’t want me to forget about you.”
“I do! How can I expect you to forgive me for risking your life, for risking our baby’s life, if I can’t even forgive myself?”
“Nat, there’s nothing to forgive. I don’t blame you.”
“You should!”
“Well, I don’t.” She gazed up at him. “Because I love you. I will always love you. Of course you make mistakes. So do I. We’ll continue to do that until we’re sharing rocking chairs on the front porch. Even then we’ll probably screw something up once in a while. Mistakes are a part of life. And love.”
Oh, God, he wanted to believe her. His throat was tight, and he still couldn’t seem to breathe easily. “I want only the best for you and Elizabeth.”
“Well, that makes things easy. That means we need you.” She lifted her face to his.
“I’m not—”
“Oh, yes, you are. Do you remember telling me to hold on to you?”
“I shouldn’t have told you that.”
“Too late. You told me, and I’m doing it. Nat, I don’t come without baggage, either. Don’t forget I have a father who’s richer than God.”
“That’s not your fault.”
“Exactly. Just as it’s not your fault that you ended up with your father. We have a right to try and make a life for ourselves, don’t we?”
The ice around his heart began to melt.
She smiled. “I can tell you’re thinking about it. That’s a start. Do you love me?”
That he didn’t have to think about. “More than my life.”
“And Elizabeth?”
He glanced down at the little girl wedged between them.
As she continued to suck noisily on Bruce’s tail, she gazed up at him with eyes the same shade as his. Then she reached up and patted her hand against his chin.
His throat threatened to close completely as he thought of what had almost happened to her. When that maniac had held a gun to her head, he’d never known such rage…or such fear. “Yes,” he said, his voice gruff with emotion. “Yes, I love Elizabeth.”
“Then marry us,” Jess whispered. “We need you. And you need us.”
He met Jess’s gaze, and warmth surged through him, pushing away the last of the cold chill that had surrounded him from the moment he’d regained consciousness and found her gone.
“Put your arms around us,” Jess urged, her gaze never leaving his.
Slowly, he did. He didn’t deserve this, but maybe he could work to deserve it.
“Will you take us to be your lawfully wedded wife, baby and soggy monkey?” Jess asked softly.
With a groan, Nat pulled them in tight, squeezing more water out of the monkey and sending it cascading down on his boots. It was a stretch, but with some adjustments he was able to touch his mouth to Jess’s. He brushed his lips over hers, leaned back and smiled down at her, his love, his life. “Yes,” he murmured. “I do.”
EPILOGUE
A year later at the grand opening of the Happy Trails Children’s Ranch.
JESSICA HUNG UP the phone and hurried through the house to the bedroom, casting loving glances along the way at the hardwood floors, the large windows, the rock fireplace. After only a few months, she already felt completely at home in this place she and Nat had found only a few miles from the Rocking D. And today it was dressed for company.
She ignored the slight twinge in her belly. She would not go into labor today.
“Nat.” She walked into the bedroom where her husband was fastening the snaps on a white western shirt. God, he was gorgeous. They were approaching their first anniversary and he excited her more than he ever had. “That was the governor’s office calling to say he’s running a little late,” she said, “but he and his wife should be here in time for the ribbon-cutting ceremony.”
“No problem.” Nat fastened the snaps at his wrists. “Travis has already offered to do some magic tricks to entertain the press if we need to buy some time.”
She laughed. “It figures Travis would suggest something like that. But we don’t have to worry about entertainment. My dad and Sebastian are putting on a show out in the front yard giving contradictory orders to the television crews. It’s like a battle between George Lucas and Steven Spielberg.” Another twinge hit her. Probably nothing. “Of course, Boone’s trying to mediate.”
“I wish him luck on that one.” Nat grinned as he tucked his shirttails into a pair of western dress slacks. “That was nice of my dad, to send that big plant and the card, huh?”
“It was. Very nice.” She was thrilled that Nat and his father were starting to communicate, and she could tell how much it meant to both of them.
“I’m almost ready.” He buckled his hand-tooled belt.
“Good. You can go help Boone keep the peace.” She allowed herself a moment to ogle the fit of her husband’s slacks, but unfortunately she couldn’t linger. As the hostess of this grand-opening event, she had duties. “Well, I’d better see how things are progressing in the kitchen.” She started toward the door. “I swear, if Gwen ever wanted to give up the bed-and-breakfast business, she could make a fine living as a caterer. Shelby, Matty and I are in total awe, which is a good thing, because she has us working like galley slaves.”
“Jess.”
She turned, pleasure zinging through her. Whenever he spoke her name that way, as if pronouncing the most important syllable in the English language, she melted. She met his gaze.
“Come here a sec,” he murmured.
“We have no time,” she said, even as she walked back to him, pulled by an invisible velvet rope. Darn it, there was another twinge. Actually, she couldn’t call them twinges now. It was definitely a contraction.
He reached out and gathered her close. “The day I don’t have time to hold my wife in my arms is a sorry day indeed.” He glanced down at her round belly. “Are you okay?”
She couldn’t go into labor now. She absolutely couldn’t. “I’m fabulous.”
He looked into her eyes and smiled. “I know that. But are you sure this whole thing isn’t too much for you? I mean, Doc Harrison said it could be any day, and I keep wondering if we should have held off until after the baby came.”
She cupped his face in both hands and willed the contractions to stop. Tomorrow would be fine to have this baby, but not today. “Are you kidding? We couldn’t have postp
oned a project like this. It’s our dream come true, Nat, and we’ll be helping so many kids. I can hardly wait until next week when we have our first arrivals, our first little buckaroos, sleeping in those cozy bunkhouses.” She grinned. “Just because it feels like I’m twelve months pregnant doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy this moment.”
He slid both hands down to cup her backside. “What I want to know is how you can be so pregnant and so sexy at the same time?”
“It’s my special talent.” Another contraction. Shoot! Maybe she’d have to mention it to Nat, just in case.
He caressed her bottom. “Special talent, huh? In that case, maybe we should have about twenty kids. Because I—”
“Hold on.” She put a hand over his mouth. “Do I hear—”
“Babies cryin’!” Elizabeth raced into the room dragging a sorry-looking sock monkey by the tail. She grabbed Jessica’s skirt. “Come help GammaLu and GammaDell!” Elizabeth tugged at Jessica’s skirt. “Come on, Mommy!”
Jessica gazed in despair at her daughter, who had looked like such a little angel about twenty minutes ago. “Elizabeth, what’s that on your dress?”
The toddler glanced down at her front, where something green was smeared all over the pink material. When she looked up, her matching pink ribbon hung over her eye. “I dunno. But babies cryin’, Mommy! Come see!”
“Lizbeth!” Josh yelled, pounding into the room after her. “Come back in there! GrammaLu and GrammaDell need us. It’s a regular rodeo.”
“We’d better go check on things,” Nat said.
As Jessica followed Nat down the hall to the bedroom they’d designated as a temporary nursery for the day, Josh and Elizabeth raced ahead of them. Sure enough, babies were crying behind the closed door. And Jessica had another contraction.
Josh flung open the door. “See that? A regular rodeo.” He crossed his arms. “That’s girls for you.”
Jessica’s mother, Adele, glanced up from her struggle to diaper a screaming Patricia, the three-month-old daughter of Boone and Shelby. Whatever Elizabeth had down her front, Adele had in her hair. It looked like finger paint. And baby spit-up was all over her designer suit. “Oh, thank heaven, Jessica!” she cried above the din. “Can you get Rebecca out of that drawer?”
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