Reaching upward, Chris tenderly grasped my chin in his hand and tilted my head up to look at me. “You’re right. I don’t understand. I don’t understand at all, but I hope whatever happens, you’ll do what’s best for you. You’re amazing, you know that? You’re smart and funny. He’s too selfish to appreciate what he has. He shouldn’t get to wrap his arms around you or kiss your beautiful lips. God, Kaitlyn, I wish like hell you were my girl, not his. He isn’t worthy of you. Please wake up and realize there’s someone right here in front of you that would treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”
I peered into his chestnut brown eyes. Feeling dizzy with the tempest of emotions swirling in my mind, I tried to quiet the bedlam of feelings that he had just created inside of me. Chris looked intently at me, pleading silently for me to reason with him. His dark, stormy irises stirred up complete pandemonium inside my heart. I couldn’t speak. I could only gaze at him through the darkness that surrounded us while he gently removed his hand from my chin and cupped the uninjured side of my face. The warmth of his hand sent yearning pulses of desire through my body, echoing their way down to the tips of my toes.
“Well, I hope you can get some sleep tonight,” he whispered as he brushed a strand of hair behind my ear, then ran his thumb down the length of my jaw line and caressed my sensitive skin. My breath caught in my throat. I wished I could think of something brilliant to say.
“Thanks. You too.” It was all I could muster. I quietly stepped out of his car and tiptoed my way to the house. With one single glance back in his direction, I caught him watching me as I made my way up the walkway toward my front porch. Knowing his eyes were glued on me, I felt a spring in my step as I ascended the stairs toward the front door.
My phone rang and alerted me with texts the rest of the night. Thankfully I left it on silent mode, serving Trevor right. I had no desire to speak to him—especially not after my emotionally charged conversation, and strangely glorious night, with Chris.
The next morning I awoke to muffled voices coming from the living room. Sleepily, I walked into the room. Sitting in the recliner, along with my mom and dad who were sitting together on the sofa, was Trevor. Trevor!
“Oh my god!” he screeched, jumping up at the same time my mom and dad sprang to their feet. “When I didn’t see your car in the driveway, I got worried!” He sounded convincing to anyone who didn’t know the truth.
I glared at him.
My mom gasped when she saw my face. “What happened to you?!” She rushed over and put her arm around me.
I never took my eyes off of Trevor as I spoke, “Well, after Trevor dropped me off at home I needed to run out to the Stop-n-Shop. I had to get some tampons. You guys were already asleep and I figured you wouldn’t mind since I didn’t plan to be there for long. While I was there, I tripped on a curb and fell onto the pavement. It’s okay; it looks worse than it feels,” I lied.
“Where is your car?” my dad inquired. “How did you get home?”
“I called a friend.” There was no need to tell them about Chris.
Trevor looked relieved. I glowered at him. I didn’t lie to protect him. I was just too afraid to admit the truth, so I lied to protect myself.
“Thank you,” he mouthed when my parents weren’t looking.
Whatever. I rolled my eyes at him. “I’m still tired…and sore,” I added. “I think I’m going back to bed. Goodbye Trevor.” I hoped the look I gave him got my point across. I wanted him to leave.
“Okay, sweetie,” my mom cooed. “You go back to bed. I’ll fix you something to eat when you get up.” I knew she was worried about me.
“Trevor can call you later,” my dad piped up.
“Whatever,” I muttered under my breath as I headed back upstairs to my room. Thankfully, my bedroom was on the second floor, or I would have been worried that Trevor would try to climb through my window.
It was two o’clock in the afternoon when I finally got out of bed. I crept downstairs hoping to avoid my parents.
“Oh, there you are sleepy-head!” my mom said, eyeing me over the novel she was reading. “Are you hungry?”
“No, thanks,” I said. My mouth hurt too bad to chew anyway, but I didn’t tell her that.
“Okay,” she stated, looking back at her book.
Good. She looked engrossed. Maybe I could get Allison to drive me to the Stop-n-Shop to pick up my car. I wasn’t terribly confident that my story would work on her though.
“Hello?” Allison answered.
I tried to sound happy. “Hey, Allie. What are you up to?” I asked, attempting to rearrange the shoes on a rack in my closet.
“Not much,” she sighed with boredom. I heard what sounded like her cat bumping his head against her phone and loud purring echoed into the handset.
“Wanna go to the mall?”
“Sure!” she perked up. “I need a new shirt to wear to my cousin’s birthday party in a few weeks.”
“Can you come pick me up, though?”
“Yeah, where’s your car?”
“It’s a long story,” I explained as I placed the last pair of shoes neatly onto the rack.
“Okay, you can tell me when I get there,” she said.
“See you later,” I told her.
“Okay, bye!”
“Oh! Hey, Allie!” I exclaimed, fearful that she was close to hanging up the phone.
“Yeah?”
“Don’t freak out when you see me.”
“Okay…” she sounded intrigued.
I decided that I would explain it when she got to my house. Not long after we got off the phone, Allison pulled into the driveway. Grabbing my purse, I bounded down the stairs and opened the passenger door of her silver Prelude.
She gasped. “What happened?” I could tell she was trying hard not to freak out.
I told her my fabricated story as I settled into the seat next to her.
She eyed me suspiciously. “Kaitlyn. Do you really expect me to believe that garbage?” Allison asked when I finally buckled my seatbelt. If anyone would’ve guessed the truth, it would have been Allison. She knew more about Trevor than she let on, so her questioning comes as no surprise.
“What do you mean?” I asked nervously.
“Look. I’m your best friend. I have known you most of my life. We grew up together, remember? You are an awesome cheerleader who can tumble and stunt with the best of them. Clumsy is not a word I would use to describe you.”
Gulp. “Seriously, Allison. I really did trip. It was dark, and I had my hands full. I just didn’t see the curb. People make mistakes, Allie. Geez, get off my back.”
“Okay, okay.” She held her hands up, surrendering. “Whatever. You tripped. I get it.”
I immediately reprimanded myself. What was so hard about admitting the truth? Deep down, I knew the answer to that question. I would have to acknowledge the way I have allowed Trevor to treat me for so long. I would have to confess my weakness in letting myself become a doormat. I’d have to proclaim my failure to stand up for myself and declare to everyone else, that I was a victim. I was not ready for that. “I know,” I softened my tone. “I’m sorry. I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m a little cranky.”
“It’s all right. Nothing a little retail therapy won’t help.”
“Yeah…” I said, glancing out the window.
She changed the subject. “So, Eric and I…well, we…uh, we finally did it.”
I reached down and pressed the power button on the radio to silence the loud raucous music blaring from the speakers. “What? You did the deed? Oh my god, Allison! Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m telling you now,” she beamed.
“I meant, like, when it happened.”
“Geez, Kait, it’s not like I could text you from the bed or anything.”
We both laughed. I felt myself relax a little.
“So? When did it happen?” I inquired.
“The night we went to Club Millennium.”
/> “And?” I asked with expectancy.
“And what?”
“And give me details, Allie! Best friends need details!”
“I don’t know…he was nervous. I was scared. It was painful and awkward. Definitely not all it’s cracked up to be, that’s for sure.”
“I’m sure it will get better.”
“I sure hope so.”
“Did you use protection?”
“Like, as in a condom?”
“Of course,” I said.
“No,” she replied shamefully.
“God, Allison! You didn’t use protection? What the hell? Do you want to get pregnant your senior year?”
“No. I mean, we got caught up in the moment. I wasn’t thinking.”
“Seriously, Allison, it only takes one time. You better not do that again unless you want to be barefoot and pregnant before graduation.”
“I know, I know. We promised each other we wouldn’t let it happen again.”
“Good,” I insisted.
“So,” Allison, the Queen of changing the subject, inquired, “Where do you want to go first?”
“How about McAlister’s?”
“Sounds good to me.” She laughed as she turned the radio on and twisted the volume up just in time to catch the tail end of Hey Ya! by Outkast. We rolled the windows down, and I listened to Allison sing at the top of her lungs. I would have enjoyed singing too, but the pain from my injury kept me from joining her.
We spent the rest of the day trying on clothes and shoes in every department store in the mall. I tried on more than I bought since it seemed as though every cashier eyed my face peculiarly while I paid for my purchases. However, I was certain Allison maxed out her dad’s credit card.
“Thanks for going shopping with me,” I said gratefully as Allison parked her car next to mine at the Stop-n-Shop, “and thanks for the ride.”
“No problem,” she smiled. “Call me anytime. I’m here if you need me.”
I knew she meant it, but I also knew she was trying to probe me for more information. I kept my secret locked up tight.
“Thanks,” I waved goodbye to her. “See ya.”
I hopped into my car and sped off. I would be glad to get back home. I thought maybe I would give Chris a call when I got there. For all the help he had given me the night before, I at least owed it to him to tell him that I was still alive.
“Hello?” his smooth voice liquefied into my ear.
“Chris?”
“Hey, Kaitlyn!” I could almost hear him smiling through the phone. I smiled back, wincing in pain from the scrapes and bruises on my face.
“I just wanted to thank you again for last night,” I told him, “and wanted to let you know that I’m feeling better today.”
“I’m so glad to hear that. I’ve been thinking about you all day,” he confessed.
I radiated through the pain. I was just so happy to hear his voice. I don’t think I had felt that kind of happiness in almost two years.
“Guess who was at my house when I woke up this morning?” I dared him to guess.
“Are you kidding me? Bastard!” he muttered angrily.
“Don’t worry. He didn’t stay long.”
“What nerve! Are you okay?” He changed his tone back to a more soothing one.
“I’m fine. Trevor knows I lied. He thinks I did it to protect him.”
“Whatever…he can think what he wants. You’re sure you’re okay?”
“I’m fine,” I answered as I savored the sound of his voice.
“Good. Well, my little brother is hounding me to use the phone to call his girlfriend,” he teased.
“Shut up, Chris!” I heard his brother say in the background, followed by what sounded like a slap.
Chris laughed. “Okay, I’ll see you at school on Monday, Kaitlyn.”
“Hey, Chris,” I added, internally punching myself for what I was about to say. “No one really knows that we talk. Maybe we should keep it that way. I don’t need more drama in my life right now…Wait, I didn’t mean that as awful as it sounded.” Crap! I need a mulligan. “I’m sorry. I’m not as superficial as that came across. It’s just that…well…” God, I suck at this. How do I make him understand what I’m trying to say?
“Trust me. I understand. You have a lot going on with school, Trevor, your parents, and planning for college. I get it. I really do. You have a lot riding on the line right now. I’m not here to cause more trouble for you, and I understand that everyone knowing about me will only be stirring up a hornet’s nest. It’s no problem. Keep us a secret…I can do that. No worries.” The sincerity in his voice told me that he truly understood what I had failed so miserably at trying to explain.
“Thank you, Chris. I really appreciate you. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye, Kaitlyn.”
I hung onto his last word. My name slid off his tongue like silk. I felt my heart skip a beat at the sound of it.
My mother was folding laundry in the living room while she watched television. As I was passing through that room on my way to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, she asked, “Hey, who were you talking to?”
I was tired of lying. I figured she wouldn’t care if I told her a little bit of the truth. “Just a friend…a guy from school,” I stammered as I tried to explain.
My mom looked at me accusingly. “Kaitlyn…a guy? Are you sure you should be chatting with other guys on the phone while you are dating Trevor?”
Ouch. Really, Mom? She might as well have slapped me across the face. At least a smack across the face would have hurt less than the sting from her words. “Whatever, mom,” I rolled my eyes. “You wouldn’t understand anyway.”
Abruptly, I turned around and stomped back up to my room. Besides coming downstairs to eat during meal times, I stayed in my bedroom the rest of that day. I used the excuse that I was giving my face time to heal, which was half true. The other half was trying to avoid Trevor. So far, it was working.
Monday morning came all too quickly. I dragged myself out of bed and stood in front of the mirror praying for a miracle to heal my face. A deep purple bruise fanned across my cheekbone. Ugly scabs covered the same side of my face from the corner of my eye to the corner of my jaw. I didn’t feel like lying anymore. Then again, who would believe the truth? Begrudgingly, I managed to make it to school on time.
Several students stared at me while I made my way down the hallway to my locker. No one bothered to ask what happened or even if I was okay. Maybe deep down they already knew.
I retrieved the things that I needed for my morning classes, hoping to avoid curious stares—and Trevor—just a little bit longer. As my luck would have it, Trevor came up behind me and gently nudged his shoulder into mine.
“Hey beautiful,” he flirted.
Ugh! “Hey,” I rolled my eyes and avoided looking at him.
“You know I love you, right?” Trevor asked.
“Whatever,” I muttered under my breath.
“Listen, Kaitlyn,” he pleaded. “I’m sorry. Really, I am. I overreacted the other night. It’s all my fault. I made a stupid mistake. Can you please forgive me? I promise I will never cheat on you again, and I swear on my life that I will never hurt you again! Please!”
His begging sent a wave of nausea through my whole body. I wasn’t sure if the nausea set in because his lies literally sickened me or whether I felt repulsed by the urge to forgive him.
I looked up at him. I stared deep into those wonderful hazel eyes. I remembered the Trevor I knew he could be. I did love him. I loved him more than anyone I had ever known. I wanted to kick myself for not being able to run—run away as fast as I could and never look back.
“Trevor, I’m going to have to take some time to think about it,” I finally told him.
“Take all the time you need, baby,” he whispered. “I’ll still be here waiting for you when you realize we’re meant to be together.”
He walked away toward his first class of th
e day. I stared after him. My heart felt like it weighed a hundred pounds in my chest. After all we had been through, and despite it all, I really did still love him.
I struggled to get through the day. A few people asked me about my face, and believed the story I told them. I kept to myself mostly, lost within the confines of my own thoughts. The internal conflict threatened to implode my heart.
“You can’t break up with Trevor,” Blake whispered to me during Advanced Math. Blake was on the football team also. He and Trevor had been friends since Kindergarten.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Because no one else will go out with you. They are all afraid of what Trevor would do to them. Think about it, Kaitlyn…Prom, Senior Night, every weekend…You’d be alone.”
Alone. His word exploded and echoed inside my head as though he had thrown a string of firecrackers into a metal trash can. Why did the thought of being alone frighten me so much? Blake was right; no one would ask me out ever again. I would be the social outcast, the loner who sat by herself in the cafeteria, the hermit who never got invited to parties, and the loser no one would even ask on a date because they were too afraid Trevor would annihilate them.
I saw Chris from a distance a few times throughout the day. I wished I could just run up to him and let him hug me with his safeguarding arms. A reassuring hug was exactly what I needed. A few times, he glanced at me and winked through the oblivious crowd. I grinned at him. Theatre Arts class could not come fast enough.
“Ahem!” Ms. Carducci clapped her hands to get the attention of the class. “In the coming weeks, we are going to be working on some scenes from the musical, Guys and Dolls. We still need a guy to play the part of Sky Masterson. Anyone up for the challenge?”
So Much It Hurts Page 9