by J. H. Croix
After greetings with both of his parents, Luke helped get their luggage to the guest room, which was downstairs adjacent to the office with its own bathroom and a small sitting area. The next few hours passed quickly with he and his brothers just catching up with his parents. They broke apart as evening approached before they planned to head out for dinner to the Boathouse Café, his mother’s favorite local restaurant.
Luke had gone to the office downstairs to check e-mail when his mother came out of the guest bedroom and sat across the table from him. Looking up, he saw a worried expression.
“What, Mom?”
“Why do you ask like that?” she asked, attempting to look unconcerned.
“Mom…you have that look.”
“I have a look?”
Luke shook his head. “The one you get when you have something to talk about that you think I’m not gonna like. We all know the look. Trust me, if you think you’ve ever had us fooled, forget it. Spit it out.”
Iris sighed. “I don’t want to have to bring it up, but it’s about Cristina.”
Luke lifted his eyebrows and waited. His gut told him this was bad news. He’d been prepared for her to bring Cristina up again, but he sensed this wasn’t just about his feelings. Rehashing his relationship with Cristina was the last thing he wanted to do because it just reminded him why it was smart to avoid serious entanglements. That train of thought led right to Hannah, and he didn’t want to go there now.
“I hate to tell you this, but I made a mistake with Cristina,” Iris said.
“So you fell for her song and dance; I already know that. No worries. You didn’t know what happened. Now you do. I’ve let it go, so you can too, Mom.”
If anything, his mother looked more worried. “It’s not just that. I had this idea that I would surprise you and fly her up here while we were visiting.”
Luke’s gut clenched. “What?”
His mother’s face fell. “Trust me. I know I screwed up. I just had no idea that she’d behaved the way she did. I thought you’d really cared about her, and then when it ended, I didn’t know the details. So…since you haven’t been serious with anyone else since then—I mean, it’s been over two years, Luke. I somehow thought it must have been because you hadn’t gotten over her.”
He interrupted her. “Mom, could you get to the point about flying her up here? Please tell me you didn’t actually set that up, and that if you did, you canceled it.”
She bit her lip. “I canceled the tickets I bought. But I’m worried that she’s coming anyway. She knows where you are now, and when I called to cancel the tickets, the airline told me she had called to have them switched to her credit card. They couldn’t tell me anything else.” She paused and gave him a beseeching look. “I’m so sorry, Luke. I can’t believe I fell for the story she gave me. I don’t know what else to do. I told her that your father and I knew the whole story. My God, I thought she’d be too mortified to pull anything after that. But I just don’t know…”
Luke logged off his computer and slowly closed it. He looked to his mother. As frustrated as he was and flat-out pissed at Cristina, he knew it had been an innocent mistake on his mother’s part. “It’s okay, Mom.” He reached over and placed a hand over hers, which were clasped tightly on the table. “My fault for not telling you why I broke up with her. I just figured you and Dad didn’t need the details. And the Nathan thing…we really didn’t think you needed to know that part. It just confirmed what I eventually figured out about her.”
He stood and walked to the windows, stuffing his hands in his jeans pockets. “By the time I broke it off with her, I knew she was pretty manipulative. I just hope she decides it’s not worth coming here. Can’t imagine she’d think I’d have anything to do with her. I made it pretty damn clear I wanted her out of my life for good after what she pulled with Nathan.”
He turned toward his mother who’d joined him by the window. “Let’s hope you’re worrying about nothing,” he said.
One side of her mouth tilted up in a wry smile. “Let’s hope. I can’t believe how stupid I was. Your father says I was blinded by how much I want grandkids.” Her smile broadened at that. “And I still do. So I may have learned my lesson about Cristina, but don’t go thinking I’ll let you off the hook.”
“On that subject…thought you’d want to know I’m seeing someone.” Luke heard the words leave his mouth and couldn’t believe he’d said them. He had admitted to himself that it would be awkward to avoid introducing Hannah to his parents, but he’d been trying to figure out how to do it and keep the impression that he was only casually interested in her. Funny how it was getting harder by the day to convince himself that was the case. It was too late to take his words back though.
“You are? Oh Luke, that’s wonderful! Tell me about her. I would love to meet her,” his mother said.
“I know, Mom, I know.” Luke tucked her hand in his elbow and walked upstairs with her. The short time until dinner was filled with her questions about Hannah. Jared and Nathan enjoyed the rest of the evening immensely while Luke’s father was gracious enough to keep his amusement to himself.
Chapter 19
“Oh my God,” Susie said with a sigh.
“Oh my God, what?” Hannah asked in return.
“I forgot how slow you drive. At this pace, it’ll take us an extra half hour to get to Anchorage.”
Hannah looked over her shoulder when she heard a snort of laughter from Emma. She turned forward again. “I’m not that slow. I’m going almost ten miles over the speed limit.”
“Yeah, but you can add another five or ten to that. It’s not like the troopers patrol this section of the highway. In fact, I know that between ten a.m. and two p.m., no one’s even on duty,” Susie said.
“Do you want to drive then? I’m driving because you said you wanted a break to eat.”
Emma’s efforts to keep a lid on her laughter were to no avail. She finally burst out laughing. “You two are ridiculous! I can tell you’ve been friends a long time. Only old friends can talk to each other they way y’all do. As for the troopers, how would you know no one’s on duty?” she asked Susie.
“Oh, you live here long enough and get to know how few of them there are and how big an area they cover. On this part of the peninsula, no one’s on duty for highway patrol then. They have other things to do,” Susie said. “I’m still getting used to the ‘y’all’ thing that you do. Does everyone in North Carolina say that?” she asked.
Emma shrugged. “Mostly. It’s just easier.”
The conversation throughout the ride continued in that vein with Susie teasing, Emma occasionally losing the lid on her laughter, and Hannah tolerating Susie. As she drove, Hannah again recalled the last drive with her mother on this road and the argument they’d had about her trip to Costa Rica. She wished she could take back some of the things she’d said, but if she’d learned anything since her parents died, it was that only the future was malleable. She glanced in the rearview mirror and saw Emma looking out the window. It had only been a week, and she was still trying to get a sense of who Emma was. Her manners were impeccable, which masked a lot. She was quiet most of the time, but Hannah sensed a determined quality to her. She also had a streak of impulsiveness—her trip to Alaska showed that. Aside from learning about what led her to search for her birth family, Emma had let slip a few clues that her divorce was messy.
Despite Susie’s prediction, they made it to Anchorage about when they’d hoped. Just after Hannah drove by Kaladi Brothers, Susie insisted she turn back. Kaladi Brothers was a popular local coffee business in Anchorage and a few other Alaskan communities.
“I’m crashing from my morning dose of caffeine. Kaladi is my favorite, and Emma needs to go too,” Susie wheedled.
“I’d love to stop for coffee. I’ve never heard of Kaladi Brothers though,” Emma said.
Hannah changed lanes to turn into a side street to head back toward Kaladi Brothers. “It’s a local business. They
roast their own coffee beans, sell those, and also have a few coffee shops, only in the larger communities in Alaska.”
“They’re not quite as good as Misty Mountain, but they’re definitely my fave when we’re in Anchorage. Plus they have good bakery stuff,” Susie said.
Hannah pulled into the parking lot and noticed that Title Wave had relocated near Kaladi Brothers. Title Wave was a massive used and new bookstore.
“Okay, since I turned around to get here, it’s only fair that we also stop in at Title Wave. I didn’t know they moved here,” Hannah said.
Susie sighed dramatically. “Okay, we’ll go by there too. We can bring coffee in, right?”
“Think so,” Hannah replied.
Susie turned sideways to face Emma in the backseat. “Hannah is a book nut. Always has to go to whatever bookstore is nearby.”
Kaladi Brothers was much as Hannah remembered it—bright colors, local artwork, and the usual mix of people that made up Alaska: women attired in funky fashion and outdoorsy gear, and businessmen in suits sharing tables with fishermen in jeans and scuffed boots. A smile bloomed in her heart. She’d missed the distinct blend of anything and everything in Alaska. Just like in other areas, there were certainly cliques of people that naturally meshed. But there was more mix and match here. One rarely encountered a street of houses that matched or groups of people that all looked like they came from the same place.
The smell of coffee and bakery goods pervaded the space. There was a low hum of conversation in the coffee shop. They ordered coffees and snagged a table. Hannah looked around the room again, her gaze coming back to rest on Susie and Emma. She still couldn’t believe Emma was here. Hannah was glad they’d had some time together before the DNA testing. Her feelings about that were still mixed. Now that she’d met Emma, it would be all the more difficult if it turned out they weren’t sisters. Their connection was tenuous and fraught with the complex feelings they each carried.
They had scheduled an appointment for tomorrow morning to go in for the testing. They would have to wait a week for the results. Emma had arranged to stay for a few days past when the results would be in. Hannah was riding waves of memories of her parents some days. She felt comfortable talking with Emma about them and wanted to share, but it brought up so much. In some ways, it was healing, as she’d pushed these memories so far away during the days of her deepest grief. Yet the experience also brought up the confusion, anger, and sadness she felt at never having had a chance to talk with her parents about the daughter they gave up. She was learning that death left many loose ends behind.
Hannah looked across the table again. Susie sat quietly, a rare moment for her. Brown curls framed her face. She caught Hannah’s gaze and winked, the corners of her mouth tipping up. Emma was quiet as well, which was not so rare for her, although Hannah didn’t know if that was how Emma was when she wasn’t in a new place and trying to get to know someone who might be her sister—that on the heels of learning her possible biological parents had died before she had a chance to know them. Despite Hannah’s own internal challenges, she realized that Emma’s position was just as fraught, if not more so. Emma’s blue eyes, so similar to her mother’s, were looking toward the artwork hanging on the wall. The monthly display was of local photographs, many of Denali and other popular Alaskan attractions. Emma’s dark brown hair hung in straight lines, curling only at the tips along her jaw.
Hannah saw her mother so clearly in Emma. Emma had a graceful sense to the way she carried herself and was almost precisely her mother’s height, which was unnerving for Hannah. Aside from her mother, Hannah was accustomed to being much taller than most women. Having Emma around elicited visceral memories of her mother with her similar physical presence.
“This is good,” Emma said, sipping her coffee.
“Told you,” came Susie’s quick response.
Susie had spent a lot of time with Hannah and Emma this week. It had gone unspoken, but Hannah guessed that Susie was going out of her way to be around for her sake. Susie’s presence smoothed the unfamiliar edges of trying to navigate the situation. They stayed at Kaladi long enough for them to make it most of the way through their coffees and then headed to Title Wave. Hannah breathed deep as they walked into the bookstore. She loved the smell of books that filled the air. On her own, she could spend hours there, absorbed in books. She knew this afternoon wasn’t the day for that, but she still managed to leave with an armful of books.
The next morning, Hannah found herself up much earlier than Emma and Susie. She’d managed to ignore her anxiety about the DNA testing the night before, but woke only to have the feeling sweep through her. She slipped out for a run in the park across the street from the hotel, jogging along a nearby path that circled a lake draped in mist. The sun inched its way up in the sky, piercing the mist in areas, creating soft halos above the lake. A pair of trumpeter swans drifted in unison in the lake. Trumpeter swans were endangered, yet the bird had a strong foothold in areas of Alaska. The pair was beautiful, their white feathers gleaming in shafts of sun as they drifted through. Birds could be heard flitting about the trees. Magpies, of course, announced their presence, chattering loudly. Hannah caught sight of a few, the colors on their wings iridescent in the sun, green and blue flashing through the air. A stellar jay flew past her, its deep blue feathers standing out in the gray light.
She ran through her anxiety, trying to burn it out of her system. When she’d started running cross-country in high school, she’d discovered the power of running to pull her mind off its wheel. Running was a meditation of sorts. She didn’t run with an iPod, as many did. She enjoyed the quiet of morning and sank into the sensations of her body, her legs pushing into the ground stride by stride, the heat building the farther she ran. She loved to tire herself to the point that exhilaration flowed through her, the fabled “runner’s high.” Some insisted the alleged high was a farce. She didn’t really care about the biological mechanisms of it; all she knew was that when she ran hard enough and far enough, her body brought her mind to a grounded place, and she was flooded with a soft energy.
Hannah wondered if her experience with running had unconsciously pushed her to figuratively run from relationships the way she had after her breakup with Damon and her parents’ death. She was starting to realize running only delayed the emotional reckoning she was facing now. She was relieved she’d returned to Diamond Creek when she did. In her time away, she’d felt unmoored from herself, lost and unable to find an anchor.
The sun had burned the mist off the lake by the time Hannah circled back along the path to run along the other side of the lake. The swans still floated in the center of the lake. Her anxiety had dissipated along with the mist. The pounding of her heart slowed with her steps. She was sweaty and tired, but her mind had ceased its run on the invisible treadmill of anxiety.
When Hannah quietly opened the door to the hotel room and stepped inside, she heard the shower running and saw Susie seated on the couch in the sitting room area, still in her pajamas, her curls tousled and her knees tucked against her chest with her chin resting on top. The television was on with the volume low, a local morning news show playing
Susie turned her head to the side, not lifting her head from where it rested on her knees. “Figured you’d gone for a run. I told Emma you usually went even when you weren’t home. Don’t know how you do it.”
Hannah shrugged. “Habit, that’s all. Plus, I like it once I get going. How are you this morning?” she asked.
“Still waking up. I’ll be better after a shower. Do we need to flip a coin for who gets to shower next?” Susie asked.
Hannah laughed. “No. I can wait. You’re quick enough that it won’t matter.”
“And then we go to Kaladi, right?”
“Of course! You know I need my morning cup of coffee. Emma banks on it too.”
Susie zipped through morning traffic to Kaladi. Hannah ordered coffee and a muffin. Next thing she knew, she and Emma were seated i
n the waiting room of the place Faye had located for them. Susie chattered about her speculation on Hannah’s job options. While the testing had become a massive event in Hannah’s mind, it was uneventful. She and Emma were swabbed in their cheeks and sent on their way with assurances that results would be in within the week.
Emma glanced to Hannah as they walked out together and spoke. “Well, that was silly to worry about. Now we wait for the hard part.” She smiled tentatively.
“I know. I worked myself into a tizzy at points over just getting the damn test done,” Hannah said, pushing the swinging door open into the hallway that would take them back to the waiting room.
“You too, huh? I tried not to worry, but it was hard. I’m realizing this next week will probably be worse.”
Hannah turned to look at Emma. For a split second, she could have convinced herself Emma’s blue eyes were her mother’s. It wasn’t just the color; it was the shape and something else indefinable. Hannah blinked and batted the feeling away, reminding herself her mother was long gone and Emma might not be her sister. “Yeah, I’m guessing this week will probably be worse. At least for today though, we have a few things to do to keep us busy.”
Emma stopped in the hallway and touched her hand to Hannah’s elbow. Hannah turned into Emma’s gaze. “Thank you. I know this is a weird situation. It means a lot to me that you’ve included me in your world for a week or so,” Emma said. She let her hand fall.
Hannah felt tears well for a moment and then subside. She took a breath. “You don’t have to thank me. I’m glad you came, strange as it’s been at times.” Her eyes took in the hallway around her. The hallway could have been any hallway in hundreds of medical offices. It was tiled with nondescript whitish tiles. The walls were a soft cream color. There was one painting hanging on the wall, a vase of flowers that created a spark of bright color in an otherwise sterile space. There was a poster to one side, listing the signs and symptoms of a stroke.