by J. H. Croix
She lay still for another moment, relishing the sensation of being home and being able to look out across the bay while she still lay in bed. She was naked in the sheets, the flannel soft on her skin. She heard the bedroom door push open. Jessie padded into the bedroom, her claws softly clicking against the wooden floor. Jessie rested her chin on the edge of the bed, her tail swinging slowly back and forth. With a few strokes for Jessie, Hannah pushed herself up and swung her feet to the floor. Jessie gave a quick lick to one of her feet and then moved to curl up by the bathroom door.
After breakfast and coffee with Emma, Hannah wandered onto the deck, Jessie racing into the yard. Fireweed blooms were starting to show in the field by the house. The patches of purple from lupine were almost gone now. Summer was waning as rapidly as it arrived in Alaska. Within a week or so, the field would be bright with fireweed, the last blooms of summer coming and going in a burst of wild color. Fall here was subtle in its show of color. Rather than swaths of color decorating the sky, the reds and yellows coated the ground. Alaska was heavily covered in evergreen, primarily spruce trees, which didn’t turn colors like the hardwoods covering the East Coast. The ever in the green was a gift in the longer, darker days of winter and snowy white.
The sense of relief at being home, back in Alaska, was acute. The relief was followed by a wave of longing to be able to talk with her parents. She missed their presence. She thought of Emma being here, in the home and place they’d loved so. Although they’d never talked with her about Emma, she knew it would have meant a lot to them that Emma came to find them. The anger she’d felt at finding out about Emma had dissipated. What remained was a sense of sadness and loss at what her parents had missed.
Jessie meandered into the spruce woods behind the house. Hannah looked down the road toward the bay, the road appearing as if it tumbled into the water in the distance once it curved over the hill and down, disappearing out of sight. The wind was higher yet again. The day was clear, the sky empty of clouds. Whitecaps roiled the surface of the bay. Her mind traveled back to last night. Her feelings for Luke were sharpening, and she wasn’t sure how to handle that.
She considered meeting his parents and decided she was just going to have to take it a day at a time. She also wondered what Luke felt about her. He’d told her he’d missed her, but she didn’t know what that meant to him. As loving and attentive as he was to her physical needs, she didn’t yet know how to interpret his feelings. He tended toward keeping things light, but she was so accustomed to looking for that, she didn’t know if it was accurate. She laughed to herself. She didn’t know how to interpret her own feelings, so it wasn’t likely she’d know how to interpret his. A wave of anxiety crested inside her, her chest became tight, and her heart beat rapidly. She forced herself to take deep breaths, and the wave subsided. The more she tried to analyze her relationship with Luke and what it meant, the harder it was to just let it be. She pushed a loose tendril of hair away from her eyes.
A burst of magpie chatter brought her head around to the back of the house. Jessie came racing out of the trees, her tongue hanging out and her tail flying high as she ran toward the deck. A lone magpie flew above her and dove down. Jessie galloped up the steps and came to a sliding stop beside her. Hannah reached to pet her and watched as the magpie that had been chasing Jessie swooped up again, the sun catching the color on its wings, a flash of iridescent green and blue. The chattering quieted. Jessie’s panting gradually slowed. Hannah finally stood and walked back into the house with Jessie following her.
Chapter 21
Almost a week later, it was late afternoon when Hannah brought the truck to a stop near the mailboxes at the base of Emerald Road. Shifting into neutral, she rolled down the window to get the mail. Her mind was cluttered with thoughts about Emma and the fact that Emma was scheduled to leave in three more days, along with a pending dinner tonight with Luke’s parents. Her mind skipped from one source of anxiety to the next.
Parking in the driveway, she sifted through the mail, her eyes landing on the name of the testing lab on the return address of one envelope. Her heart began to pound and her breath became short. She looked away, tucked the mail in her purse, and went into action, grabbing bags of groceries. As she came up to the deck, Emma opened the kitchen door. Jessie raced out and circled Hannah in greeting.
“Hey, let me help with those,” Emma said, reaching to take some grocery bags from her.
Hannah set the pile of mail on the counter. Jessie curled up on the floor, smack in the center of the kitchen. As she emptied the grocery bags, she kept tripping over Jessie.
She shut the fridge and looked over at the mail, an innocuous pile of envelopes. Emma came out of the pantry. Hannah let her breath out. “Well…I think our results are here.”
Emma looked up quickly. “Really?”
She gestured to the mail on the counter. “Take a look. Do you want to do the honors?” she asked.
Emma looked pensive and shrugged. “I don’t know.”
They stood there, looking at the mail for what felt like an endless minute.
Hannah shook her head abruptly. “Well, let’s get it over with. This is one of those moments when Susie would be helpful. She’d have torn it open the second she saw it.”
Emma chuckled. “That she would. Okay, let’s do it.”
Emma stepped to the counter and slid the pile of envelopes apart. Hannah stepped to her side as Emma opened the letter. Her throat tightened and tears welled as she quickly scanned the letter. For the gravity of the news, it was presented as simply as any lab results. She and Emma were a match. She took a step and leaned against the counter.
Emma folded the letter and put it back in its envelope. “Wow. That simple. Ever since I found out I was adopted, I wondered who I was related to.” Silence fell between them. Hannah heard only the sound of Jessie’s breathing and the muted sound of the wind blowing in the trees outside.
Emma’s voice broke through the quiet. “Now I know. God, this is weird.” She looked to Hannah. Her eyes were moist as she brought a hand up to wipe away a tear.
There was a tremor in Emma’s hand. Hannah thought about the last two years, of feeling alone and disconnected, and about her mother’s file box with the papers that led her down the path to finding Emma. She imagined thirty-three years ago when her mother gave birth to Emma and gave her up. She wished her parents were alive to know that Emma’s life had been good, from what Hannah could gather—and alive to know that Emma had wanted to find them.
Her gaze returned to Emma. She took in the blue eyes that reminded her of her mother and the straight dark hair that fell in clean lines to frame her face.
Hannah finally spoke. “I don’t know what to say or do either. It’s strange to have an answer. I realized the other day that I never asked you how long you were looking for my parents. I mean…our parents. We can say that now and know it’s not a guess.” Her heart and breath had slowed again. She felt funny, an odd relief washing through her.
“I looked for about a year,” Emma said. “My parents were supportive; they always were. They gave me what information they had—not much. Back then, adoptions were different. Records were sealed and all that. My mom was a little worried when I decided to hop on a plane and come out here.” Emma took a long breath. “It’s still sinking in that my biological parents died before I had a chance to find them. You’re the sister I never knew about—the bonus.”
Hannah thought about what it would be like to wonder about another family, to start to look only to learn that the parents one wondered about were gone, gone in a way that they couldn’t be found. The grief that she was still sorting out pierced through her. The secret that her parents carried must have been a heavy weight.
“You’re the bonus for me too. It is weird…” She waved her hand around. “That I found out I had a sister, that Faye found your post, all of it…Aside from my own stuff around my parents dying, I’m sorry—I really am—that you didn’t get the chanc
e to know them.”
Emma wiped another falling tear away. “I know…it’s enough that I found you.”
Hannah’s cell phone rang. She looked around the kitchen to find where she’d set her purse. Another ring, and she found it on the table by the door.
Susie’s voice came through. “Hey, what are you doing today? I need help getting an old desk out of my office. Sorry for the short notice, but the new one I ordered showed up early.”
Susie’s mundane request and familiar voice grounded her. She looked toward Emma who was pouring a cup of coffee and answered, “Not much really. I was just unloading groceries. I’m having dinner with Luke and his parents later. Plenty of time between now and then to help with your desk.”
“You sound funny. What’s up?” Susie asked.
Leave it to Susie to sense that something might be off. Hannah caught Emma’s eyes and put her hand over the mouthpiece. She quietly asked, “Can I tell her?”
Emma nodded. “Of course!” She appeared puzzled that Hannah felt the need to ask.
“If I sound funny it’s because we just got the DNA results. We’re a match.”
There was a long pause and then Susie’s voice burst back through the phone. “Wow! I mean I thought you would be, but…it’s official. Can I call my mom?”
“Oh yeah. Your mom deserves to know, seeing as she did most of the work.”
“The hard part’s over. How are you?” Susie asked.
“Feels weird. It’s wearing off, though. Now we just carry on. Speaking of carrying on, when could you use help with the desk?” she asked.
“Sometime between now and when you have dinner with Luke and his parents, which I expect an update on by the way.”
Hannah felt the smile in Susie’s voice. “How about an hour? I’ll see if Emma won’t mind coming too.”
“Works for me. I’m here all afternoon.”
She hung up and looked toward Emma who was sipping coffee at the kitchen table. Hannah looked around the kitchen and into the living room. The home that had felt strange without her parents in it felt like home again, albeit in an altered way. The expectation of having her parents here had dissolved with the reality that they wouldn’t and couldn’t be here. She walked into the living room. Her hand brushed across the top of the woodstove, the soapstone cool and smooth against her palm. Stopping by the window that faced the bay, she counted the peaks across the water, softly mouthing the numbers. Jessie came to her side and sat down by her feet.
Hannah’s shoulder was jammed against the wall in Susie’s office. She craned her neck around the edge of the desk and saw Susie’s curls bounce. She appeared to be shifting around to get out from between the wall and the desk. Emma was holding the other end of the desk, opposite from her.
“So, Susie, was the plan to get Emma and me to move this while you watched?” Hannah asked.
Susie shimmied out from her spot by the wall and grinned. “That wasn’t the plan, but it only makes sense. The two of you have longer arms than me. I can barely reach around the edges.”
Emma laughed and hoisted the end of the desk. Hannah pushed her shoulder away from the wall and followed suit. The desk felt like picking up a boulder. It was an old style office desk, constructed almost entirely of metal. With Susie giving verbal guidance, they maneuvered the desk out of her office, through the waiting area, and into the parking lot.
“Okay, where now?” Emma asked.
Susie pointed to the dumpster. “There. Just leave it over there. Do you need to rest for a sec?”
Hannah and Emma shook their heads in unison and kept moving. “Harder to pick it back up,” Hannah said.
“If you say so,” Susie said with a shrug.
Setting the desk down, Hannah gave her arms a shake and glanced at Emma.
“You’re a good sport. We’ve got you running around town moving furniture,” she said.
Emma dusted her hands on her jeans. “Don’t mind,” she said.
Susie arched an eyebrow at Hannah. “See. She doesn’t mind helping.”
“If I minded, I wouldn’t be here. I should have known we’d do the hard labor,” Hannah retorted.
Susie beamed at her and threw her arms around her. Hannah reflexively hugged her back. When she stepped away, Susie’s eyes were glistening.
“You okay?” Hannah asked.
“Just glad you’re home.” Susie turned to Emma. “If you haven’t figured it out, you’ve got a pretty awesome sister.”
Hannah felt tears push behind her eyes.
Emma looked between them. “I’ve noticed.”
Susie looked back and forth between them. “What gives? Is she coming back to visit more now?” she said, gesturing to Emma. “I mean, it’s official. Maybe you should move here.”
Emma looked startled. “I was actually thinking about it.”
Just as Hannah opened her mouth to respond, a black truck pulled into the parking lot. Jared stepped out of the truck. Susie wrinkled her nose and waved in his direction.
Jared gave a return wave, walking toward them. “What’s got all three of you here today?” he asked.
“They came to help me move that old desk.” Susie gestured to the desk. “I got a new one. Maybe you can help set it up.”
Jared appeared to be fighting off a smile and gave it up. His white teeth flashed while he shook his head. “You know how to rally the troops, huh? Don’t have much time, but I can help. Just came by to drop off the paperwork you wanted.” He held up a manila envelope and handed it to Susie.
“Excellent,” Susie said, taking the envelope. “The new desk is in the waiting room. I took the packaging off, but it’s too much to move myself. I promise it won’t be as heavy as the old one.”
Jared shook his head, again trying and failing to keep his smile hidden. When he smiled, he reminded Hannah of Luke. They shared the same coloring, dark wavy hair, and green eyes. They returned to the office, Jared talking with Susie about accounting details for their business.
With Jared’s help, they had Susie’s new desk situated where the old one had been within a few minutes. Susie jumped and clapped her hands when the desk was in place. Hannah watched Jared, yet again, fight off a smile. He gave in to it, threw back his head, and laughed.
Jared caught Hannah’s eyes when he finished laughing. “So…hear you’re meeting us for dinner tonight.”
She nodded. “Yup. To meet your parents.” She tried to sound nonchalant.
Jared winked. “They’ll love you. Don’t worry.”
That wasn’t what worried Hannah. Rather, it was the fact that she’d gotten involved enough with someone that meeting his parents made sense.
Jared turned to Susie and Emma. “You’re both welcome to come as well.” He held Susie’s gaze. “If you’re not too busy rearranging, or did we take care of all that for you?”
That got him a roll of the eyes from Susie. “I really appreciate your help. As for dinner, I’d love to. What time and should I bring anything?” she asked.
“Six or so. Bring whatever you’d like—but no salmon. Need room for halibut in the freezer.” He glanced at his watch. “Gotta go.”
After Jared drove off, Hannah stood still in the gravel lot for a moment and looked around. Susie’s office was smack in the middle of downtown Diamond Creek on Main Street. The street wasn’t crowded by most standards, but it was lined with various businesses. Almost everywhere in town, a view of the bay anchored the area. Main Street ran parallel to the base of the hill where most of the residential part of town was situated. The back of Susie’s office was against a wall of spruce trees that marched upward along a steep incline.
Hannah tilted her head back, her eyes tracking to the top of the hill. She heard Susie’s voice and turned away from the hill. Susie and Emma were standing beside her truck. Hannah walked over to them.
“I was just saying to Emma that I didn’t forget what she said right before Jared showed up. The part about thinking about moving out here.” Susie
looked to Hannah as she spoke.
Hannah thought about what it would be like to have Emma here for more than a few weeks. The whole situation was so new that her feelings had yet to settle. Yet she knew she’d love a chance to get to know Emma beyond a few weeks’ time. Looking at Emma, she saw shades of her parents—her mother in Emma’s eyes and her father in her smile. Considering how they would have felt to know that Emma would even consider living in Diamond Creek brought a hitch to her breath.
“What about that? Living here, that is?” Hannah asked.
Emma looked between them. She waited a beat, appearing to gather her thoughts. “Just that I thought about moving out here. It’s so beautiful here. I…” She looked hesitantly to Hannah. “It’d be nice to get to know you more. I don’t know how else to find a way to understand my biological parents. I can’t meet them, so…” Her voice became small. “Maybe that sounds strange.”
“It’s not strange. Diamond Creek was really important to them. They were a big part of the community,” Hannah said.
Susie nodded. “They were. Practically everyone knew them. I can’t guess how to go about getting to know them, but…it’s not crazy to spend time where they spent so much of their lives. Plus, we’d love to have you around more.” Susie hooked her arm in Emma’s.
“Well…I’m thinking about it. But I didn’t know how you’d feel,” Emma said, turning to Hannah.
Hannah spoke without thinking. “I’m with Susie on this one. I’d love for you to be here. How would your family feel about it?”
Emma didn’t hesitate. “Oh, my mom and dad would be supportive. They’d like to come visit too. I’ve talked to them almost every other day since I’ve been here. They’ve always been supportive about me finding my bio family. I’m not saying they wouldn’t miss having me nearby. Other than my parents…I’m not tied down. My divorce should be finalized soon.”