by Pavan Kaur
“That’s up to Lexi. There were a few times we thought we lost her, but she must have something worth fighting for.” She gives me a look that says, she’s here for you.
“She’s a fighter,” I say, looking back at Lexi.
***
Feeling a hand playing with my hair, I lift my head off the bed and look up into the most gorgeous eyes I’ve ever seen. “I must be special… You’re not on the phone,” Lexi whispers.
“You’re awake.” I stand up and move closer to her. “You’re awake,” I whisper against her lips. I can hear her wheezing as she breathes.
“Water,” she whispers in a raspy voice.
Looking at the table on the side, I go to get the cup but then wonder how would be best for her to drink it. “I’m just going to ask if I can lift the bed.” I go over to the door, but stop as the nurse walks into the room.
“Good morning, Mr. Knight. I see you finally woke up.” She gives me a smile. “Lexi told us not to wake you,” she tells me, walking over to Lexi.
“I’m only going to say this once.” I look at the nurse. " I don’t care what she says, her health always comes first. So, if you have to wake me up or kick me out of the room, then do it.” There is no way Lexi is putting herself second to me. “Fuck her health, she always comes first,” I add, looking at Lexi as the nurse brings her bed up into a sitting position.
“Tell me when it gets uncomfortable,” the nurse tells her.
“That’s enough.” Lexi takes in a deep breath, but you can see the pain on her face. If I could take all the pain away from her, I would.
“The doctor is on her wa–never mind. The doctor is here to see you.”
The doctor walks in, checks the monitors, then looks over at me. “How are we feeling?”
I walk over to Lexi and take her hand in mine.
“Tired. My body hurts, everywhere and I’m really thirsty,” Lexi tells her.
“The first surgery went well. Once I feel confident you're strong enough, we'll go back in and finish the internal damage repairs. We didn’t believe you would survive if we spent more time on it when you first arrived.” She looks at the chart then back at Lexi. “Lexi, there is no easy way to say this. While you were in surgery, there were some complications.” The doctor looks at me for a split-second.
“Due to these complications, we had to remove one of your ovaries and a fallopian tube. I’m really sorry, but due to your injuries, the chances of conceiving naturally have been significantly reduced.”
I feel Lexi’s grip loosening around my hand, but I keep my grip tight on hers.
Nodding her head, she licks her bottom lip before sucking it into her mouth. “Is my brother here?” she asks, not looking up at me.
“Yes.”
“I would like to see him, please.” She looks back at the doctor. “How long before I can go home?” In the space of two minutes, I’ve lost her all over again.
“You’ll be here at least a week to ten days, then you’ll be discharged and advised to remain on bed rest for a few weeks.”
Lexi pulls her hand out of mine. “Can you get my brother. Please?” she asks, still looking at the doctor. I want to shout or throw something, so I leave her room without saying another word.
I can’t believe she even thinks I give a shit about having children right now. Walking into the waiting room, I grab a chair and throw it across the room. Travis walks over to me, but I push him away.
“She wants to talk to you. The doctor talked to her about her possibilities of getting pregnant, and that was it. She didn’t even look at me after that,” I tell Dan. If anyone can talk to her, it’s him. She doesn’t want me around, and I won’t risk making her uncomfortable. I need her to get better.
Dan looks over at Jon before looking back at me. “I'll talk to her,” he tells me.
“Don’t talk to her about that. You tell her that I don’t give a fuck. All I want is her! Fuck everything else!” I shout, causing everyone in the waiting room to stare at me. I couldn’t give two shits what they think.
Travis comes forward and stands in front of me. “Let Dan talk to her while we go back to your place and get Lexi some clothes.” My eyes move to my mom standing behind him. I can tell she's thinking the same thing. “It’ll give you some time to cool down before you see Lexi again.”
“Fine. Tell her that I didn’t back down the first time, and I’m sure as hell not backing down this time. She's leaving this hospital with me, and no one is going to stop me,” I tell Dan. I'll fight for her to hear me out and stay with me.
“I think it’s just the shock of it. Let me talk to her, Ethan. Go home and take a shower. Look at you. You still have her blood on you. Come back when you’ve had time to calm down and clean up a little,” he says, and I look down at my hands. He’s right. I can still see traces of blood that I missed.
“Please, make her listen,” I plead quietly.
“I will.”
As he walks away, I look over at Travis then make my way toward the exit. I know Dan will be on my side. I’m confident he will fight for me. He let me stay with her before seeing her himself. He knows how much Lexi means to me—she’s my world, my absolute everything.
Lexi
The idea of not being able to have children rattles around in my head. It's the only thing I can think about at the moment. I should be focusing on getting better, but I can’t. I need to figure out the best way to make a clean break with Ethan. He doesn’t deserve this. He deserves to be with someone who can give him a family. I know the doctor said having children is still a possibility, but it’s not enough. What if I can’t?
“You look like shit,” Dan says walking over to the bed.
“I feel like it,” I reply as he gives me a gentle hug.
“You had me worried. We thought we lost you.” Taking my hand in his, he stands there and looks me in the eyes. “I hear you wanted to see me. I know you—you’re not the type of person to mope around and feel sorry for herself. To be honest, if it were me feeling sorry for you and acting like you're fragile, you would punch me. So, what’s going through that pretty little head of yours?” Dan asks me, making the nurse laugh. He’s right. I hate people looking after me. I need to be in control of my life.
“Where’s Ethan?”
“Travis took him home to get you some clothes. To put it mildly, he isn’t a happy man right now,” Dan says, sitting on the side of the bed. “You can’t push him out like this.”
“Dan, I might not be able to give him something he wants…”
“Has he said that’s what he wants? Did you even give him a chance to talk to you about it?”
“He’s mentions it here and there when we’re together,” I reply, and Dan wipes the tears falling down my cheek, “So why—”
“No, Lexi. You’re trying to take the easy way out. You know what he said when the doctors told us?” I look at him, surprised they knew about it before I did. “He said, ‘I don’t care. Until the day I die, I’m not leaving her.’ So, he doesn’t care what you have to say about it, he’s not going anywhere. The other thing he wanted me to tell you was that he didn’t back down the first time, and he sure as hell won’t back down this time. So, whether you want him around or not, he’s not going down without a fight,” Dan tells me. I already knew Ethan wasn’t going to listen to me, or let me walk away from him without a fight, but he needs to think about his future.
“Is Jon here?” I ask, changing the subject to something a little less stressful. I look over at the nurse. “I’m finding it hard to breathe, and it’s…” I look up at the beeping monitor.
The nurse presses a button to silence the alarm. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” she tells Dan, then puts my bed down to a lying position again as I try to breathe.
“Is she okay?” I hear Dan shouting as the nurse nudges him toward the door, allowing room for the doctor to get in the room.
“Lexi, look at me.” I look up at the doctor’s concerned fac
e. “We’re going to have to take you back into surgery right now.”
Ethan
“Hello?” I answer the phone before looking at the caller ID. Travis is keeping in touch with Selena on the business side of things, so I know it isn’t anyone calling about work.
“Ethan. They’ve taken Lexi back into surgery,” Dan says.
“Turn back around,” I tell Travis. “Dan, I’m on my way back.” Ending the call, I look over at Travis. “Lexi’s been taken back into surgery.” The second the words leave my mouth, he makes a U-turn and speeds back to the hospital.
As hard as I try, I can’t stop thinking the worst. There are so many bad endings to this situation. She could die during the surgery, or she could survive it just to leave me. Or worse than leaving, she could just run away like she’s always done from Sam. I can't think of one good outcome. It's killing me that I can only think of the worst-case scenarios.
I close my eyes and shut out everything else for a moment. I know the fact that I’ve only slept an hour in the past two days is only making it worse.
“We’re here.”
Opening my eyes, I stare at the hospital doors. I’m unable to move, unable to run in and do whatever it takes to save her. “This shouldn’t be happening. After Edward and Angie, I deserve something good. Even after what they did to me, I’m still paying to save their child. The only thing I have to show for it is possibly losing Lexi, whether it be by her injuries or her running away from me. I don’t deserve this,” I say, wiping away the tears that I’ve been holding in since I found her on the ground. “She doesn’t deserve this. We should get the second chance that we—” I stop as I can’t find the words through my tears.
Ethan, she’ll fight this. You two will be together, get married and have children.” Travis places his hand on my shoulder. “You go ahead and break down here. Let it all out, because when we walk through those doors, you have to be the asshole that Lexi fell in love with.”
He’s right. I need to be the strong one—I need to be there for Lexi. I have to let this out now and then get ready to fight to keep us together. Wiping my face, I get out of the car and head to the waiting room. Looking around for Dan, I see him waiting by the door. Walking over, I stop in front of him.
“She was finding it hard to breathe, then the monitors started beeping. The doctor came in and said they were taking her to surgery, then kicked me out,” he tells me.
Putting my hands into my pockets, I stand next to him and wait for the doctor to come out.
“Ethan, I’m going to get Lexi some clothes and then pick us up some food,” Mom says as she and Jackie walk over to me. My mom places her hand on my cheek. “Are you back with us?” She looks into my eyes.
“I’m back,” I tell her. She holds eye contact with me for a moment to make sure I really have come back from feeling sorry for myself. Mom kisses me on the cheek, then walks away from Dan and me. I look around the waiting room and see Tanya and Travis talking to each other.
All this time Lexi wanted to run, thinking the only family she had was Dan and Jon. Looking around the waiting area, it's obvious at how very wrong she was. She has a big family here, and seeing them will make her happy.
My head turns to the doors as they open. Seeing the doctor come into the area, I walk over to her.
“The sutures from the first surgery didn't hold, so we had to go back in and re-do the operation. We wanted to wait until she was a little stronger, but she would not have survived the initial injury if we waited. She’s sleeping at the moment, but there were no complications this time around. She looks like she's going to pull through just fine.”
Air whooshes from my lungs and escapes from my mouth in a loud exhale. “Thank you! Can I see her?” I ask.
“At the moment, we really do want her to rest. Let her wake up, and for us check her over, then you can,” the doctor tells us.
I nod in agreement. I don’t want anything else to go wrong. The doctor said she's fine and that’s all I care about. If I have to sit out here all night to make sure she gets the rest she needs, then that's what I'll do.
Sitting down, I check my watch to see what time it is, but look up when I see someone standing in front of me. “Hey, Joe.” I stand up and glance over at the woman standing next to him.
“Your mom came to your apartment and told me about Lexi. I hope you don’t mind me coming,” he says quietly. His voice is shaky, like he’s been crying.
“Of course not, Joe. Lexi will be so happy that you’re here.”
“This is my wife, June. She made some of those Lemon cookie’s Lexi loves. I was going to bring them to her today.”
“Very nice to meet you.” I kiss her on the cheek.
“Nice to meet you, too. The way Joe has been talking about Lexi, you would think she was his daughter.” She looks at Joe with a smile.
“We are just waiting for her to wake up.” I get up and move out the way to give them a place to sit. “We’re not sure how long that’ll be.” Taking my phone out of my pocket, I shake my head when I see Angie’s name. “Either you don’t have the contract, or you're one stupid bitch,” I say into the phone as I walk to the other side of the waiting room.
“No, we got the contract, but we haven’t signed it yet. I just—”
“I don’t give a fuck why you're calling. I don’t want your fucking thank you, and I don’t want to hear your fucking voice. Sign the fucking papers and get the fuck out of my life.” Ending the call, I close my eyes and rest my head against the wall. They have what they wanted. Why do they think I want their thanks? Don’t they realize I’m not doing it for them?
“Come on. Lunch is here.” I lean against my mom’s hand resting on my back. “Everyone is hungry. Plus, you’re scaring the girls. You need to bring it down a notch.” She’s trying to be funny, hoping it'll calm me.
“I’m tired, pissed off, and scared. I’ve never been scared before, Mom.” Turning around I look at her, then I lean my back against the wall.
“What has you scared? The doctors said she would be fine and she’ll be able to go home, soon.”
“Which home? Our home? Or is she really thinking about leaving me? I’m afraid that no matter what I say, she won’t come back with me.” I focus on the floor, not wanting to see if anyone is looking at me. I know I shouldn’t care, but like Travis said, when we walked through that door, I had to be strong. God knows I’m trying.
“Having your heart broken is the risk you take by falling in love.” Putting her fingers under my chin, she forces me to look at her “Give her some time. As hard as it’s been on us, we can only imagine how hard it’s been for her.”
“How do I make her believe that none of this matters without her in my life?” I need someone to give me the answers. I need someone to tell me what I have to do to make it all right.
“Be there for her. Be there and don’t leave, no matter what she says.” I look over my mom’s shoulder at the door as it opens.
Nodding to my mom, I walk past her toward the nurse.
“Is she awake?” Dan asks.
“Yes. I know someone is anxious to see her,” The nurse says, looking at me with a smile.
“Can I take one person with me? Just for a minute.”
“One minute,” she says, pointing at me.
“Joe, I think someone is ready for her lemon cookies.” I turn to him, and his expression shows me how happy he is to get to see her.
“She can't eat anything, yet—she can only have clear liquids for now,” the nurse tells me in a serious tone.
There’s no way I would risk her wrath by giving her even a little taste. “Trust me, I won’t. I'll follow your rulebook.” I reassure the nurse that what she says, goes.
Walking into the room with Joe, I look over at Lexi lying in bed. “I thought I would bring someone with me that really wanted to say hello.” I walk over to Lexi and kiss her forehead before backing off to let Joe come closer.
“I brought you some lemo
n cookies, but the nurse said you can’t have any yet.” Joe walks over to her, then takes her hand and gently kisses it.
“Thank you,” her voice comes out quiet and weak. “You…didn’t have to come.”
“I have to tell someone all the things I’ve found out about our resident tenants.” Joe starts laughing. “So, when you get back, I think we need to meet for tea.” Moving closer to Lexi, Joe kisses her cheek. “But, for now, you rest and get better,” he tells her. “Thank you, Mr. Knight, for letting me see her.”
“Ethan, call me Ethan.” I take his hand and shake it respectfully.
Moving closer to the bed, I take Lexi's hand in mine. “Please don’t scare me like that again.” I kneel down next to the bed, getting eye level with her. “You look tired. Do you want to go to sleep?” I ask her. She shakes her head slightly. I slide the chair beside the bed a little closer to her side. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Please, don’t push me away.” Pressing my lips to her hand, I let them linger a little longer than I normally would.
I feel her hand tighten around mine. “I’m sorry,” she says in a raspy voice.
“I don’t know why you're saying you're sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. Don’t ever, for one second, think I love you any less. I didn’t know until now that was even possible to love you more than I did, but I do.” I stop, blinking away a tear that escapes my eye. “All I want is you, Lexi. You are my life, and I don’t care about anything else.”
Taking her hand out of mine, she wipes my cheek. “I love you,” she whispers.
Standing up, I put my lips to hers, then rest my forehead against hers. “You’re stuck with me.”
“Who else is here?”
“Everyone,” I tell her as I sit back down in the chair. “The girls came back from whatever clients they were with, and have canceled the ones they had scheduled until they see you and know you're okay.”
“Can I see anyone else?” she asks the nurse that just walked into the room.