Her heart gave a pang as she realized he'd set up the bed so when she was cold in the middle of the night she could just pull up the blanket. Ally blinked and remembered when she hadn't needed the blanket, Nick would just wrap his arms around her waist and pull her back against the inferno of his naked chest to keep her warm.
Ally did not want to get into bed with him. She swallowed and tried not to notice how freaking good he looked. His muscles seemed harder, more defined than she remembered. To direct his attention away from their fight, she changed the subject. "You, uh, been working out?"
"Not much else to do." Nick stared at her hard, his green eyes shadowed and laid himself bare. "I miss you."
His words hit a vulnerable place deep inside her as she heard the truth in his simple confession.
She'd missed him too.
More than he would ever know.
But that didn't mean she would open herself up to any more hurt. The last eight months had been hell. She slid into 'her' side of the bed and traced the interlocking rings of the traditional marriage quilt without looking at him. "Yeah, well, nothing has changed."
Their circumstances depressingly weren't any different. There was no conception miracle like the nativity story in their future. No magic spell from Darlene Gilbert could change their ending. She wasn't going to be able to get pregnant, ever. And he wanted kids. So did she. Desperately.
Ally couldn't bear to sit in this bed and pretend to be relentlessly positive. Not like she'd pretended in the past. Next time, we'll get pregnant, she'd said with a bright smile. With every blow of failed attempts to get pregnant, that shining hoped dimmed just a little more, until she just couldn't pretend any longer.
"I don't even know why things changed before," Nick said. He reached out and stopped the anxious movements of her fingers by clutching her hand in his. His long lean fingers held hers gently, tenderly.
She barked out a harsh laugh. "I'm not ever going to be able to have a baby."
Even now the loss spread like Mama's cancer, eating away at the healthy, normal woman she'd been, leaving her a shell of her former self, her hopes crushed.
His fingers tightened on hers. "I know."
She tried to tug her hand away.
But Nick refused to let go. "We need to talk about this."
Ally turned her head away, stared at the framed needlework on the wall. Mama had embroidered a traditional, commemorative sampler for their wedding. Shit. She blinked back the traitorous moisture at the corners of her eyes.
"You want to talk about how I failed you?"
"We failed each other." Nick's palm was warm, his touch commanding as he cupped her jaw. She tightened her teeth and refused to turn her head. When she wouldn't look at him, he sighed and hooked his wrist around her neck. He pulled her closer until her head was snugged in the crook of his neck. The familiar smell of pine and sawdust and a faint hint of drywall spackle caused an aching pit in her belly.
Nick pressed a kiss on her hair.
She stayed stiff and unyielding, terrified that if she relaxed, if she let down her guard, she would never recover from the pain when it all fell apart again.
In a surprisingly quick move, he shoved the covers down to the foot of the bed and rolled her over until she was beneath him and he lay on top of her. He wore only a pair of cotton plaid boxers and the rough hairiness of his legs rasped against her softer, exposed thighs.
"What are you doing?" Her voice rose as she struggled to get away from him.
"Trying to get you to look at me," Nick said tersely.
She squeezed her eyes closed and cursed.
"Better be careful. You don't want your mother to hear us."
"That's low," Ally cried softly.
"I'll use any advantage I can, to get you to talk to me." At the resolve in his voice, in the line of his body, she stilled.
"I am never going to be able to have a baby," she said it again, harshly, quietly, so Mama wouldn't hear. Her whole body was stiff, tensed and waiting for the blow of another rejection.
"I know." Nick had propped his heavy upper body on his elbows and cupped her face in his callused palms.
"You want children." Ally forced the debilitating truth out through bloodless lips. She stared up at the ceiling, still refusing to meet his gaze. Was there anything more humiliating than being restrained and forced to admit your darkest regret?
"I want you," Nick refuted. Finally, she let him tilt her head and forced herself to make eye contact. His intense gaze burned with a near fanatical light. "I always have."
"Then why did you leave?" Anguish simmered in her blood.
"Because that's what I thought you wanted." Nick let his lower body sink into hers, until he half lay over her, the thud of his heart steady against her breasts. "Because...I thought your love had turned to disgust. I failed you."
That was crap. She'd never said that. "You didn't want me anymore."
"I didn't know how to give you what you wanted," Nick countered.
"Why are you doing this now?" Ally wanted to drive him away, drive him out before he could hurt her more. It was like he was dangling her greatest wish in front of her, but as soon as she reached for him he'd snatch her hopes away and she'd be alone again.
"It's a night for miracles. We delivered two healthy babies." Nick nuzzled her shoulder with his chin, and she could hear the smile in his voice. "I thought maybe I'd get lucky enough for another miracle."
Her heart melted but she couldn't give in to the longing, to believe him. "You need to accept this reality," she said shakily. "I'm never going to be able to give you a baby."
"But you'll always be able to give me you."
God, she wanted to dissolve into a puddle at his sweet words. But he'd walked out on her. She couldn't go through that again. "But one day you'll resent me for not giving you a baby." And you'll leave again.
"Think about what we did tonight." Nick brushed a tender kiss on her jaw. "We helped Britney deliver her babies. She's planning on letting another couple raise her children to give them the love and attention that she can't."
She shrugged. Yes, it had been amazing and wonderful. But what did that have to do with her and Nick? Ally tried without success to move the bulk of his body from between her legs.
"We could adopt," Nick suggested softly. "There's always a need for parents for kids whose birth parents can't, or won't, take care of them."
Adoption. They'd never even discussed it. Ever. They'd only talked about how wonderful it would be to have a baby that was an expression of their love. "But I thought you wanted your own kid. Whenever we talked about kids, it was a girl with your eyes or a boy with my love of science."
He was going to teach both kids soccer, how to build things. And she was going to teach them chemistry, how to cook. And together they were going to teach them to ski.
"Al, I grew up in foster care," Nick said gently. "If we could give a safe home to a kid like me I'd be happy."
Her whole body softened. "But I thought you...."
"Me too," Nick said. "I thought you were devastated that we couldn't have a baby together."
"I was trying to make you happy."
"And I was trying to make you happy."
Suddenly she was aware of the smooth skin of his chest against hers. The thickness of his hips between her legs and the hot pulse of his erection against her belly. Nick's heartbeat picked up tempo. A sultry heat rose from him as she registered that only her thin tank top separated their bodies. When she stopped holding back from him, she became aware of the heat of his body. The smooth hardness of his muscles pressed into her softer form. He brushed his callused fingertips against her jaw and then bent to press his mouth to hers.
Nick's lips brushed hers in a reverent, chaste kiss. More fleeting than a puff of breath, the contact was soft, yet not tentative. When she didn't protest or turn away, he curved over her and covered her lips with his. His strong palm cupped the back of her head and held her close as if she w
ere a precious gift.
"I want to make you happy, Al." He breathed against her temple. "Please let me in."
She still held herself stiff, waiting for some new unexpected hurt to batter her. Unable to hope, unable to dream. Nick strung kisses along her jaw until he nuzzled behind her ear. Then, moving slowly, he placed an open-mouthed kiss along the super-sensitized curve of her shoulder.
Goosebumps peppered her skin as she responded to the sensual caress. She still had her palms pressed flat against his hard chest, but she was no longer pushing him away. It felt almost as if she were holding him close. Nick rocked his hips against her lower body.
Ally's breath caught. Let him in. So what was he saying? For tonight? For the weekend? Forever? And did she really want to know right this minute? It had been a long eight months since she'd been touched. By anyone. She'd been putting out 'back off' signals for so long even her girlfriends had given her a wide berth. And she was so lonely.
Maybe she should grab this moment and savor it. If Mama's illness had taught her one thing, it was that life—quality of life, especially—was fleeting. Your world could explode around you and you'd be left with nothing.
Finally she moved. Ally slid her palms around Nick's back, savoring the strong ripple of muscle under his satin skin. His thighs pressed her legs further apart, and he pressed against her as if he were trying to absorb her into him. "Okay."
Nick's forearms bracketed her shoulders and held her still. As if her permission broke his restraint, he bent his head and took her mouth in a possessive kiss.
Nick pressed his erection against the tender concave of Ally's belly. Profound relief flowed through him and buoyed his spirits. God, Ally was back in his arms where she belonged.
He dug one elbow into the mattress and shifted so he could kiss a tender path down her jaw and neck and across her collarbone. He took his time; with each skim of his mouth against her skin he told her how much he loved her, missed her, and was so very grateful she was here now.
Nick smiled in triumph as her nipples beaded under the thin red tank top. With his free hand he glided the tank up her flat, smooth stomach and bared her breasts to his burning gaze. Damn, but he'd yearned for this. He swirled his tongue around one rosy nipple as he palmed her other breast in his greedy hand.
"I missed you so much." It was so much easier to murmur the words against her sweetly perfumed skin than to watch for rejection in her gaze. He kissed a reverent path down her sternum before he tongued her belly button. Nick wanted to roar in triumph as Ally arched into his touch and her legs twitched restlessly beneath his body.
In bed they'd always been combustible. Thank God that hadn't changed.
Ally skimmed her foot along his calf as he licked his way to her sex. Nick paused to look at his wife. Her body was strung taut against his sensual assault, head thrown back exposing the graceful curve of her neck, her breasts lifted up like an offering to the gods, and her legs were wrapped tight around his back.
Satisfaction reverberated through him. He bent his head and licked her until she squirmed, and begged, "Please, please." Nick slid his hands under her rounded bottom and devoured her until she came with a groan. Her hips lifted in sweet pleasure and her fingers clenched in his hair. A rosy flush spread over her skin and her movements bordered on frantic.
"Nick," she moaned. There was no sweeter sound than his Ally in the throes of passion.
He continued to kiss her intimately as she came down from the high of release. Nick crawled up her body, dropping random kisses along the way. A nip on the sharp jut of her hipbone, his tongue followed the curve of her waist and the sweet, delicate underside of her breasts, the pert buttons of her nipples, the sexy dip in her neck, and the tender shell of her ear. Each caress ramped up his arousal until he trembled with the need to make her his again.
He waited, poised at the slick entrance to her body. Nick held still on that precipice, waiting for her to take him. He'd given her pleasure but she needed to accept him. Let him back in. Back into her body. Back into her heart.
Ally's eyes opened slowly, the glazed blue look edged out by awareness.
"Let me in." He wasn't above begging.
She reached deliberately for him, wrapped her palm around him, and guided him into her body. "Come home," she whispered in his ear as she clenched her hands around his butt and pulled him into her waiting channel.
Nick felt the hot, sweet welcome of her body as he hardened even further. He reveled in the familiar clasp of her sex as he slipped in to the hilt, he knew he wouldn't last long. Ally arched again. Nick began to move, savoring each leisurely glide in and out of her body with remembered pleasure. He stared into her eyes as he moved with purpose. Her body squeezed him almost painfully, and miraculously, she was on the edge of another orgasm. The thought that he had brought her to this place caused him to swell even further.
He couldn't hold back any longer. It had been an eternity since he'd made love to his wife. Nick powered in and out of her, reaching for the elusive completion, but realized that something was still missing. That some indefinable piece of them wasn't quite there. Suddenly, he zoomed in on their bond and the yearning in her eyes.
"I love you," he said fiercely. As if the words freed him from his hesitation, Nick came with blinding force. The love that they'd shared before everything had gone sideways slammed back into place. Stars exploded, his vision went white, and his head swam with the intensity of his orgasm. Ally convulsed around him as she soared into another powerful orgasm, and her sex milked him in never-ending contractions.
Nick continued to slide in and out of her, unwilling to break their connection even as he softened. He sprinkled kisses over her face, the curve of her smiling cheek, the line of her jaw, her eyelids even, as her blue eyes sparkled with tears.
Nick rolled to his side and tugged her close. Ally's head lay on her pillow, her hair spread out like a halo around her beautiful face. She had lost that hard line to her jaw, and her cheeks and lips were softened and slightly pink from the satiety of their lovemaking. Ally trailed her fingers over his body, starting at his shoulder and running her hand along the length of his arms, tracing the veins down to his hands and then curling her palm against his.
His heart contracted as she linked their fingers together. That simple touch was more profound than the sex they'd just shared.
"I love you too," she finally replied as she snuggled up against him and pressed a kiss to his tensed pectoral. And Nick knew he'd gotten his own Christmas miracle.
Chapter Six
Christmas Morning, Janine's house
Ally woke up slowly. The sheet and quilt were tangled around her feet but she was tingly warm with an inferno curved around her back and across her stomach. When she glanced at the bedside clock she couldn't believe the time.
She'd slept better in the last eight hours than she had in the last eight months.
Nick caressed the underside of her breast and pressed a soft, sweet kiss against the back of her neck, and the tingle increased. She realized she'd probably still be asleep if she wasn't slowly being teased awake. His hairy thigh brushed whisper soft against the back of hers and his breath puffed in her ear. "Morning."
Nick's erection brushed against the curve of her butt. Ally caught her breath. God, he'd always been up for making love in the mornings. But she really needed to know if this was just a conditioned response of a man in the morning or something more.
Ally rolled around to face him. "Good morning." She peered into his sleepy, hooded gaze and saw only...love.
Her heart tumbled over in her chest, began to thud, and felt as if it were expanding like the Grinch's after he returned Christmas.
Last night wasn't a dream. It wasn't a fluke or a one night thing. He wanted her. He did still love her. And somehow they were going to work this out. But they needed to make sure that this never happened again.
As if had read her mind, Nick said, "We need to make sure we talk to each other."
"We both made mistakes." Nick enveloped her in his arms, holding her tight, and she rejoiced in the feeling of coming home.
"I missed this," she confessed as she rocked into his erection.
"Me too." And he proceeded to show her how much.
***
Ally and Nick finally made it out into the living room about an hour later. Luckily Janine still wasn't up. So Nick turned on the lights of the tree while Ally started the coffee. They'd brought the presents in last night. That had been awkward, buying a gift for his wife when he hadn't seen her but once or twice in eight months. The mediation didn't count because he didn't think they'd said more than a few sentences to each other. They'd both communicated through the mediator.
Nick stared at the impersonally-wrapped box filled with a watch he knew she'd been wanting forever. Business was good. Better than good. The truth was, he hadn't really had to lie to Janine about being crazed. Life was crazed. But as he looked at that box he knew that wasn't what he wanted to give Ally. Nick headed for the closet in the guest bedroom where Janine kept a box of wrapping supplies, paper, boxes, ribbon, scissors and tape. He found a box the perfect size and set about giving Ally a present for both of them.
***
Janine shuffled into the living room about half an hour after she heard Ally and Nick leave their room. The distance between them was breaking her heart. She'd never seen two people more meant for each other than her Ally and her soul mate, Nick.
Janine didn't know what had happened between them, but she hoped they would work it out. She would be gone soon. Sooner than Ally knew. Janine hadn't wanted to burden her daughter with the truth. And, seeing Ally and Nick together last night, Janine knew she'd made the right choice to pretend. At least pretending got Ally and Nick in the same place for Christmas.
Harry Connick Jr. was crooning "White Christmas" on the stereo and all the lights were out except for the blinking colored lights from her tree. She braced for the sight of her baby and her adopted baby with the troubling distance between them.
Love on Main Street: A Snow Creek Christmas Page 39