“Yes, but you also have a responsibility to your nephew. Your responsibility—as well as his mother’s—is to see that Leonard becomes the happiest and most productive young man he can be. And you know as well as I do that he can’t do that in the Cast. You think it’s none of my business—gods know, you’ve told me that before—but he lives in Willow Wood, so he is my business. I’m going to be queen over this little plot of land we’ve staked out as home. Tam’s people will be my people, and that includes everybody who lives in the village.”
If what I said offended Jason, at least he didn’t show it. He narrowed his eyes, but finally let out a deep sigh. “What are you thinking?”
“Len told me what he wants to do. I happen to think it’s a good idea.”
“And what is that? Because he hasn’t told his mother or me.”
“That’s because he knows you don’t want to hear it.” I paused. “Even Shevron knows he doesn’t fit in with the Cast. What do they hold for him, Jason? He can’t fly, he’s not a hawk-shifter. He’ll become a second-class citizen. You know that I love you and Shevron, but let’s face it, the Cast is exclusionary. You exclude anybody who doesn’t meet your standards. And even if he tries two hundred percent, Len will never be a full member of the Cast.”
A pained look washed across Jason’s face. “Do you see us as that cruel, then?”
“You aren’t, but your social structure is.”
“What does he want to do? I’ll listen.” This was the first time Jason showed any interest in discovering what his nephew’s hopes and dreams were, and I sure wasn’t going to waste it.
“He wants to join Tam’s guard, like Elan did.”
I expected an explosion, but it never materialized.
After a few minutes, Jason cocked his head to the side. “Really? He told you that?”
“Yes, he did. But he’s scared to tell you and Shevron, because he doesn’t think that you’ll care for the idea. He can make a contribution to UnderBarrow in a way that he couldn’t if he joins the Cast.”
I hung my head. “When I first came to live with you, it became very apparent, very quickly, that I could never fully be a part of your world. I was a Theosian, not a hawk-shifter. At times it hurt and I felt excluded, but I shrugged it off because I had a destiny. I belonged to Hecate, so it didn’t matter so much. Leonard needs something of his own. He needs something that doesn’t feel like he’s just marking time, tolerated because his mother is Cast.”
We watched the water as the wind picked up, rippling waves toward the shore. Jason finally turned to me. “He really wants this?”
“Yes. I heard it in his voice.”
“Then I’ll talk to Shevron and Tam. Because I don’t want him running off or sliding onto the wrong path. I guess I should thank you, even though it rankles to think that…”
“That being part of the Cast can’t solve every problem?”
He snorted, flicking my nose gently with his thumb and forefinger. “No, dork. It rankles me because I want so very much for him to feel part of the bigger family. But I guess that’s never going to happen.” He paused. “You and Elan are getting closer.”
“I like her. She’s honest and she’s smart. And I’m glad she’s staying, to be honest. Are you happy about that?”
“I’m not happy it will strip her away from her family, but she’s not a princess to sit in an ivory tower and be waited on. And I doubt they would ever agree to let her be anything else now that her father is king. So, yeah, I am happy. I want to be with my child, and…” He paused.
“What?” I recognized that “aha” look.
“And I wouldn’t have a place in their culture. Even though they would make space for me, I’d always feel on the outside.”
I smiled softly. “Like Len and the Cast?”
He exhaled a soft breath. “Yeah, like Len.” After a pause, he said, “Shall we get back to the village?”
I shook my head. I loved the peace and quiet, especially when I was near the lake. “You go ahead. I think I’ll stay for a while longer. To breathe for a time.”
With that, Jason pressed a quick kiss to my forehead and headed back to Willow Wood, and I returned to watching the lake, letting the sound of the lapping waters gently cushion my nerves.
Chapter 9
BY THE NIGHT before Heimdall was supposed to deliver the explosive, Leonard was ready to begin his training with the guard. Shevron had strenuously objected, but Jason and I overruled her and she finally backed down. I joined them to watch his formal induction.
Leonard was there in full uniform—a blue tunic over a pair of black trousers. He looked scared, but eager, and was standing in a line with four other young men and two young women. All six of the others were Bonny Fae.
Jason was talking with Elan, off to one side.
The chambers housing the guards were spacious, with the barracks at the end of the passageway. There were several training rooms, the armory, and the Guard Hall—where we were. The chamber was huge, filled with tables and benches for the guards when they came in from their shifts to eat. The tables had been moved to the side, and the benches were lined up in rows for those of us who came to witness the induction. Several other families were here, milling around, no doubt the parents and siblings of the other recruits.
In the front of the hall was a large throne, though not as large as Tam’s main seat in the throne room. Four members of the guard surrounded it, one to each corner. As we waited, Shevron swung around, confronting me.
“This is your fault,” she said, keeping her voice low but steady.
Shevron had been angry at me before, mostly when I was in my teens and doing stupid things, but she had always laced her words with love. This time, all I heard was hostility.
“I knew he didn’t belong in the Cast, but I never wanted my son to wield a weapon.”
“I understand your feelings, but Shevron, like it or not, he’s going to grow up and do what he wants. Leonard has a lot of energy. He can harness it in a productive manner instead of running off half-cocked to join a vampire’s nest, like he almost did last year. Or instead of charging out to fight lycanthropes like he tried when we got attacked a few months back.”
“He’s my son! You don’t get a say in his life. Jason has the right, but you don’t. You’re not Cast.”
“No, and neither is Len, as you admitted a few minutes ago.” I shook my head. “Be angry with me all you like, but Leonard is fifteen and in the world we live in now, that makes him a man. Soon enough, he’d feel useless and run off on his own, probably get himself killed. Would that be better than seeing him in uniform?”
A bitter note filled Shevron’s voice. “I wanted him to go to the university. To study and make something of himself. Now, he’s just going to be another servant, cannon fodder. And it will be your fault. Jason told me that you talked to Len about this.”
“University? What world are you living in? There is no more university. No more life the way we knew it. There’s nothing but a harsh world out there now, Shevron. Leonard told me what he wanted to do and I told Jason. Will he learn to fight? Yes, but he’ll also be taught to reason and to think. You know perfectly well that Tam doesn’t keep an army of hooligans. You know that. Every one of his guards can read and write. That’s as close as you’ll get to sending him to the university.”
Her glare was steady, though, and I realized I wasn’t getting through her anger. She only saw me as interfering with her parenting, not being a voice of reason.
I paused, then softly said, “Shevron, the world’s changed. Seattle is dead. Hell, the entire country is dead. And if you wanted him to go overseas? How would that happen? We don’t even have rudimentary communications with the nations across the ocean. We’re lucky to hear anything out of the Canadian Empire.”
She wavered for a moment, then deflated, as if all the anger and worry had suddenly drained from her body. “I worked so hard to build my busines
s. I tried so hard to give him a steady footing. And now, all of that’s gone. Everything I built was for nothing.”
I realized she wasn’t just mourning her son taking up a trade she didn’t like, but her own business. She was a single mother, and it must have felt that everything she had built had been swept away with the tsunami. But even if we were able to destroy every last zombie in Seattle, the city was a pile of rubble.
“Why don’t you start a bakery here? There’s nothing to stop you. We can surely salvage enough supplies for you for a year or so, until we have our own crops.”
She paused, glancing at me. “You think that would be possible?”
“I know it. I’ll talk to Tam. We’ll make it happen. Unless you’d prefer to work in UnderBarrow with the bakers there. But I think Willow Wood could use a dose of your sweets. I know I could. This isn’t an easy change for anybody. It might go down better with a spoon or two of sugar on top.”
She frowned. “I’ll need to figure out how to bake on a wood stove, but it can’t be that hard. I’ll need a stove, in fact. Do you think that the next raiding party could possibly bring me back all the equipment I need?”
I didn’t want to promise anything, so I just said, “Let me talk to Tam. We’ll figure out how to get you situated, but as for learning to bake on a wood stove, I know just the woman to teach you—Memy Pendrake. I’ll introduce you later. After we’re done why don’t you take a walk through the village and find a spot for your shop? Up-Cakes doesn’t have to be a memory.”
She laughed. “I think I’ll be baking a lot more bread than I did. That’s more important than éclairs.”
“Yeah, but don’t skimp on the cupcakes, all right?” I pointed toward the front, where Damh Varias had appeared from the door to the left of the throne. “They’re about to begin.”
We settled down as Jason and Elan joined us.
A loud trumpet sounded from near the throne. The herald was announcing Tam’s arrival. My breath caught in my throat as he entered in full dress regalia. Tam wasn’t just Tam today, he was the Lord of UnderBarrow. I had seen him in dress uniform before, but today he wore the colors of the guard, with a flowing blue cape that billowed out as he walked, and he was carrying his ceremonial sword—an antique that looked ancient and ornate. Tam wore his power today, and I felt a welling up of awe and nervous joy when I realized that he was going to be my husband. He approached the throne as the herald announced him in.
“Stand for Lord Tam, Prince of the Bonny Fae Nation, King of UnderBarrow.”
A fleeting thought crossed my mind. UnderBarrow was returning to a more formal approach. Tam had always been well loved as the ruler, but now, it was as though the formality had increased, and the attention to tradition was stronger than I had seen before.
We stood until he ascended to the throne and turned. Then he waved for us to sit as he did.
“Welcome, families and friends of our newest guard-elect members. Today you will see your loved ones sworn into the Guard. This is a momentous occasion in their lives. Today they will pledge their honor, life, and blood to the throne and to UnderBarrow, to serve and protect UnderBarrow and all of its citizens. They will no longer belong to your families, but to the Court. This is a joyous occasion. They are starting a glorious adventure, and it is my honor to welcome them,” Tam said, his voice reverberating through the room.
He motioned to the head of the Guard—Lt. Dashell—who was standing near. Dashell approached the throne and knelt. Tam bade him rise.
“With Your Majesty’s approval, may I present the newest recruits requesting to become members of the UnderBarrow Elite Guard?”
“Proceed.” Tam stood, unsheathing his sword. It glistened in the light of the hall.
Dashell motioned the seven teens to move forward. One by one, they approached the throne, where he introduced them, and they knelt. He came to Len.
“Leonard Aerie, of the Hawk-shifter Cast.”
“Your Majesty,” Leonard murmured, going down on one knee like the others. They all remained in front of Tam, on bended knee.
Tam nodded to Dashell. “Administer the oath.”
“Recruits, I present to you the oath of allegiance. Repeat after me.” As he administered the oath, he paused after each sentence and the recruits answered in unison. They must have been practicing because even though their voices were shaking, they didn’t miss a single word.
“I swear, upon my life, to honor UnderBarrow as my nation, and Lord Tam as my King. I pledge my life in the service of the King and the Nation. I leave my family and my former life to enter the service of the Guard. I will listen and learn, and obey my superiors without question. I will remain vigilant and watchful, and protect UnderBarrow and its people, enforcing the laws and regulations with my very life. By my blood, I bind myself to the Guard until the day I die, or until I petition for release, and receive my freedom from Lord Tam himself.”
As they finished reciting the oath, Tam descended the steps of the throne and walked to the first youth. He tapped her lightly on the shoulders and head with his sword.
“I accept your service. Rise now, as a member of the Guard. Do not dishonor your uniform or your oath.”
He made his way through all seven of the teens, ending with Len. As Leonard rose, Shevron choked back tears. But he was beaming when he turned with the others as all the families erupted in cheers. I nudged Shevron with my elbow, and she stood with Jason and me, cheering even though I could tell her heart wasn’t in it. By the time Leonard was allowed to come over to speak to us, she had managed to wipe away her tears.
“You do what you’re told, son.” She stared at him, reaching out to straighten his tunic. “No more rebellion.”
He nodded. “I will, ma’am.” A tinge of pride filled his voice, and he broke out into a wide smile. “Thank you for letting me join. I know you don’t approve, but I’m going to make you proud.”
Shevron let out a long sigh. “Make yourself proud, son. I’m already proud of you. Be go—” She had started to say “Be good,” but she stopped herself. “Be careful. Do what you’re told. I expect you to visit me when you’re allowed time off.”
For the first six months, Leonard would be totally immersed in training and we had been warned that he wouldn’t be allowed to visit family until the training was over, not even during his downtime. The only time he would be allowed to talk with us was if there was an emergency, or when we were in passing.
“I will. I promise.” He gave her a long hug and a kiss on the cheek. “This is what I want, Mom. Please don’t be mad at Fury and Uncle J. They were just helping me feel like I have something of my own.”
Shevron closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them. They were watery—I could see the tears close to the surface, but she plastered a smile across her face. “I’ll support your choice, Len. You know I love you. Never forget that.”
A whistle blew and he quickly gave Jason a hug, then me. He whispered, “Thanks, Fury. This wouldn’t have happened without you. I owe you one.” And then, before we could say anything more, he hurried back to Dashell and the other recruits, and they filed out of the room, off to their new lives.
The other families were mingling, but Shevron turned to Jason and me. “I think I’ll go for a walk. Then, since you’re so good at making dreams come true, Fury, maybe you can help me pick a spot for my new bakery.”
I pulled her to me and gave her a long hug. “You’re going to be fine, Shevron,” I whispered. “And Leonard will be fine, too. New lives. New paths.”
TAM AND I were in his chamber, snuggling under the covers. He ran his hand over my bare shoulder. “I’m terrified, you know. Tomorrow, you head into danger and I’m so afraid that you’ll be hurt. I’d lock you up here if I thought I could get away with it, but I know that this is something you have to do. Not just for yourself, but for the world.”
“Heimdall will be here in the morning,” I said, rolling to a sitting positi
on. I wrapped my arms around my knees and Tam pulled me into his embrace, holding me against his shoulder. I hesitated, then said, “I’m afraid, too, and not just of what lies ahead in Seattle. I’m afraid of seeing what’s become of the city. It’s been six months. While the raiding parties have told us what to expect, seeing it is going to bring it all home.”
“I know.” Tam’s hair tickled my shoulders as he pressed his lips against my temples and then said, “Iya eser ovair fre saswen. Thia ayr ais thogham.”
“I love you too,” I said softly. “And I’ll come back. I promise.” But my voice was shaking as I thought about Lyon and the remains of Seattle, and what we were setting out to do. Hecate had trained me hard over the past six months and I was in possession of a great deal more power. My fire burned strong within me, but we had no clue what to expect.
“The world is such a big place.” I turned my head to gaze in Tam’s eyes. “And sometimes I feel like such a very small part of it.”
“We all are just dust specks in the scheme of things, but what we do matters. Every person who has ever lived matters because we all affect the world, whether in good or bad ways. Whether we only live for a day, or for a thousand years. History remembers those whose actions affected millions, but each family remembers their own. Parents remember their children. Victims remember their attackers. And lovers remember their loves.” Tam pulled me down into his arms, laying me back.
“Do you?”
“Do I what?”
“Do you remember all of your loves?” I wanted to hear him say “Yes.” I wanted to hear that he never forgot those women whom he had loved and left behind. Because even though I was a Theosian and was looking at a vastly longer lifetime than I would have had as a human, the Fae were even longer lived and I knew that one day, Tam would remember me with his past loves.
“I do,” he said, his hand moving to stroke my breast. “I remember them all. I remember their names, and the sounds of their voices. And I still love them, like I’ll forever love you. But Fury, it’s been a long, long time since I’ve loved anybody the way I love you. You’re my heart song. You’re my passion.”
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