“It’s all right, Mom.” I promised, still gazing at A. “Everything is fine now.”
In that moment, the guy I was just remembering and the man I was right then somehow merged together. We didn’t fit exactly, but it was close enough.
And the promise I’d just made her hadn’t been empty, comforting words. The words were genuine. I meant them.
Now everything was fine.
You know how sometimes those talk shows on TV played reunions of long-lost twins or of a child with their birth parent they’d never met?
People got choked up about that stuff all the time.
I admit one time I got choked up, too. It was some story with a puppy. I’d rather not go into detail about. You know, ‘cause my emotions were already fucking all over the place.
Anyway, my point is usually that shit didn’t hit me with the feels like most people. I was too jaded, you know? I knew after the cameras shut down, real life began. The people who were reunited were left staring at a stranger they were supposed to have some deep, knowing connection with. The questions would start, and a lot of times, the answers created friction.
But this? Seeing Hopper with his mother right now?
Let me just say it was probably good there wasn’t a puppy in here also, because my man card would be incinerated and I’d be excusing myself to the bathroom for a wad of tissues.
Thank all the lights on the strip tonight Hopp wasn’t beyond pissed at my meddling. My stomach was still in knots over it, over how bad it could have gone.
‘Course, they’d barely said two words. They were still hugging. His mom looked small against him. She didn’t even come to his shoulders. How a woman that small gave birth to a man as big as Hopp I would never quite understand.
She was thin, but not the kind of thin that made her seem fragile. By no means was she underweight. She was just small. Probably around five feet tall with a soft build. She was wearing a dress in a fabric with flowers on it, and it floated around her. Her hair was dark like Hopp’s, cut short to just about her chin. And it had some curl to it. Oddly, it was that curl that made me like her the second I saw her.
Maybe because it reminded me of him, and anything that reminded me of Hopper would always be okay in my book.
Finally, she pulled back but didn’t pull her hands away. I understood that. She was afraid if she let go, he might disappear.
“Oh, look at you,” she crooned, cupping the side of his face. “You have a beard and your hair is longer. But you’re just as handsome as ever.”
He smiled down at her, fondness in his gaze. “You got snot all over my shirt, Mom.”
She laughed and hugged him again.
“And where did all your hair go?” He wondered.
She pulled back and fussed with the short strands. “I cut it off. Life’s too short to try and brush out this mess every day.”
The mention of a short life brought a slight change over Hopp. I fought the urge to go to him. Curling my fingers into my palms, I forced my body in place. He needed to do this, no matter how much I wanted to rush over there and insert myself in front of him like a shield.
His mom pulled back. “I didn’t mean—”
“It’s fine, Mom.” Hopper cut her off. Gesturing toward the couch, he said, “Have a seat.”
“I’ll, uh, give you two some space.” I offered, preparing to leave.
“No,” Hopper rushed out. “Stay.”
I hesitated, unsure what to do. His mother probably wanted time alone with him. She likely didn’t want a stranger in the room while she was seeing her son for the first time in almost six years.
Hopper held out his arm, fingers outstretched for mine. I couldn’t deny that. I wouldn’t. His mom would have to get over me being here.
When I made it to his side, he linked our fingers together. I had to admit I was surprised. I guess I expected the affection we showed each other all the time might not be so forthcoming in front of parents.
I certainly didn’t have the best of luck in that department.
“Mom, this is Arrow. He’s my husband.”
Warmth suffused my skin, crawled up the back of my neck, and wrapped around my chest. Sure, we let everyone think we were already married this morning. But this was the first time Hopp ever introduced me to anyone as his husband.
I liked it. I liked it so much.
“Yes, we spoke on the phone a few times.” She nodded. To my surprise, she came forward, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. I hugged her back with one arm, as my other hand was still being held by my husband.
“I’ve seen your picture in the magazines and on the sports channel of course,” she said, pulling back. “But you are even handsomer in person.”
“Thank you,” I said. Because what else was I supposed to say?
Unexpectedly, she hugged me again. “Thank you for bringing my son home,” she said against me.
I glanced at Hopper. He smiled.
“Sit, sit!” She fussed at us, waving her hand. “I want to know all about you both. Where you met. How long you’ve been together. Where’s the wedding?”
Now it was my turn to be overwhelmed. I mean, just like that? Just like that, she accepted me. She accepted I was marrying her son… another man?
There wasn’t an ounce of anger, disgust, or even disappointment around her. It was as if she truly didn’t care. Her eyes clung to Hopper as if he were a priceless piece of art that had just been uncovered. Her eyes were blue, just like his, but hers glistened with tears.
“That’s really what you want to know most?” Hopper asked, his voice dropping.
She sighed and moved from the chair over to the couch, perching right beside Hopp so he was in the middle. “All I need to know is that you’re happy. That you’re doing well. It’s all we’ve ever wanted. We just want you to be happy, Jayson.”
She was a saint. This woman was a bona-fide saint.
Hopper’s voice was apprehensive, a little low. “How is Dad?”
Her eyes slid to me, as if she were guilty of something.
I frowned.
“He’s here,” she admitted.
Her eyes were pleading when she looked back at me. “I know you just wanted me to come, and I totally understand that. The last thing I want to do is overwhelm Jayson, but my husband…” She looked at Hopp. “Your father, he refused to stay home. You know how stubborn he can be.” She brushed at the newly falling tears. “He’s missed you so much.”
“It’s okay, ma’am,” I said, trying to make her feel better.
“Linda,” Hopper corrected. “She’s not a ma’am.”
“I beg your pardon!” She gasped, smacking Hopper on the leg. Then she turned to me and winked. “He’s right. I’m not. Linda is my name, but you can’t call me that.”
“Mom,” Hopper said, his voice hard.
I wasn’t really offended. I expected as much. Besides, I wasn’t here for her acceptance. I was here for Hopper.
She shushed him, which, frankly, was pretty amusing. Turning to me, she said, “Just call me Mom.”
My breath caught for a moment, as if my own brain forgot how to breathe. “Just like that?” I rasped after a second.
Reaching forward, she gave my hand a squeeze. “Of course, we’re family now. You’re my son.”
I was rendered speechless. My mind was blank. I had no idea what to think or feel.
Hopper knew. Bringing my hand into his lap, he covered our clasped ones with his free hand.
“Dad’s here, too?” he asked, bringing the conversation back to him.
“He’s in the hall.”
Hopper tensed slightly. “Let him in.”
Linda (I still had to get used to the idea of calling her mom) rushed across the room and flung open the door. A man as big as Hopper filled the doorway.
He had gray hair, blue eyes, and basically looked like an older version of his son.
“Dad.” Hopp got to his feet. I did the same ‘cause it was rud
e to just sit there. Tension radiated off him, and it put me on the defensive. I knew firsthand what fathers could be like. Just because his mom seemed to readily accept me didn’t mean this man would.
His father’s footfalls were heavy across the carpet. He kept his eyes locked on his son as he moved. Without any hesitation, he grabbed Hopper by the shoulder and jerked him against his body, folding him in a hug.
“So proud of you, son. So glad to have you back.”
Oddly, this father’s obvious love was hard for me to swallow. It was a cold, hard reminder of something I would never, ever have.
Unabashedly, Hopper hugged his father back. They embraced longer than I expected…
Hell. Everything about all of this was unexpected.
These were good people. Possibly better than any I’d ever met. It made all the second thoughts I had about calling them disappear.
Finally, he released Hopper… and reached for me. Before I knew what was happening, I was being hugged by this man.
When he pulled back, he slapped me on the shoulder. “Call me John for now. When you’re ready, you can call me Dad.”
I jerked as if he’d smacked me. I didn’t mean it. In fact, the reaction made guilt slam me hard. “I’m sorry,” I rushed out, not even sure what I was sorry for.
Hopper’s arm came around my waist, tugging me against his side. “It’s okay, A.” Then to his father, he said, “Arrow isn’t used to family who likes each other.”
John made a sound. “You’ll get used to us, son,” he said, like it wasn’t a big deal. Then he sat down in the nearby chair. “You ain’t seen nothing yet.”
Linda laughed. “Don’t scare him, John!”
“He drives a race car for a living, Lin! He ain’t scared.”
I was kinda scared.
Hopper chuckled. The tip of his nose brushed against my cheek, and then his lips pressed against my skin.
My eyes closed briefly. Then I remembered we weren’t alone. I shot a look at both his parents, but they were just arguing over how scared I really was.
Everything inside me relaxed.
It was going to be okay.
“Better have a seat, son,” John told Hopper. “You have six years of catching up to do.”
Tugging me with him, Hopp sat down on the couch.
Linda squished right up against him, sniffling.
“How’s everyone… at home?” he asked.
“Excited as hell to see you,” John replied. Linda made a sound and nodded. “Your sisters have nearly an entire notebook of questions they want to ask you.”
Hopper groaned. “I’m glad you left them home.”
“They’re gonna love you,” Linda told me. “All that blond hair.”
“It’s just like I never left,” Hopper mused suddenly, his voice faraway.
I turned toward him, wondering if I was going to need to bring him back. Make sure he stayed right here with me.
“No,” Linda said quietly, drawing both mine and Hopp’s stares. “Things are very different now. But there is one thing that stayed the same. One thing that will never change.”
“Now you listen to your mother,” John chimed in.
Linda nodded sagely. “You’re our son and we love you.”
Hopper reached for her hand, and she gave it. “Thank you for coming,” he whispered.
“Nowhere we’d rather be.” Her voice was sincere. After clearing her throat, she spoke again. “Now tell us all about your new life.”
And so we did.
Sometimes life surprises you.
In bad ways, but also in good.
Most people would likely say the good and the bad balance each other out, but not me. I don’t really know what the balance would be for death—except, of course, life.
But life and death are so intertwined it’s hard to keep them separate.
Hell, it’s easy to pick a word compliment: Life: Death. Happiness: Sorrow. Small: Large.
But picking words that are opposite each other is a whole lot easier than drawing a line between feelings.
All I really knew was kind of cliché.
I once was lost, but now I was found.
Found by love. By death. By life. Being found is profoundly better than being lost.
My family was back in my life, and though we were different, my mom was right. Our love was still the same. I wasn’t scared of love anymore.
Yeah, I was scared of losing it. I always would be. However, I was more afraid of not loving at all.
We had dinner in the room, me, Arrow, and my parents. Sometimes the silence was a little awkward, but that was to be expected. We talked a little about Matt, about what happened and how I ran. How they wished I hadn’t.
I didn’t apologize, because the truth was I wasn’t sorry. I did what I had to do. If I hadn’t run, I might never have found Arrow. If I hadn’t gotten lost, he never would have found me.
Mostly, though, we talked about my job, Gamble, and racing. We talked about our wedding, and Arrow sat there secretly enthralled that my parents loved him from the second they stepped in our room.
Well, it wasn’t a secret to me. Obviously. But I for sure didn’t call him out on it.
As we were finishing dinner, Joey and Lorhaven knocked on the door. Turns out they knew my parents were in town. They’d already met. Joey said she was anxious to see how things were going, but I knew just by one look it was Lorhaven who really wanted to do some checking.
He needed to see for himself my parents were treating Arrow the way he deserved. I respected that.
Mom cried when dad pulled her out of the room. They bickered all the way to the elevator about how I needed sleep since I was getting married tomorrow.
They hadn’t changed a bit. Except for some wrinkles and some gray hairs. It was a little unsettling because I felt so different.
“C’mon, Arrow. Let’s go,” Joey said the second I let myself back in the room.
I was instantly alert. “Go where?”
She made a rude sound. “You can’t stay in the same room tonight,” she announced. “You can’t see each other until the wedding.”
“No,” Arrow and I both declared at the same time.
Lorhaven barked a laugh. “Told ya,” he ribbed Joey.
She gave him a sly look, then turned to us. “It’s tradition.”
“Look at us,” Arrow quipped. “Is anything about us traditional?”
Joey’s chin jutted out. “It’s bad luck.”
“It’s stupid,” I argued.
She crossed her arms over her chest, turning sad eyes on Arrow. “You would deny your only sister this?”
I guffawed. That shit wasn’t gonna work.
Arrow sighed.
“Hey!” I protested. That shit wasn’t supposed to work! “No way.”
Glancing at me, Arrow’s eyes were torn.
Well, hairy goat balls. I wasn’t about to put him in this position. Caught between me and Joey. She was important to him. Family who took him in when he didn’t have any.
“Fine.” I sighed.
Joey grinned triumphantly, turning to Arrow. “You can stay in our suite tonight. The couch is big.”
Arrow moved toward me, but Joey intercepted him. “Save it for tomorrow.”
As she led him from the room, I watched him go with equal parts horror and resignation. It was going to be a long fucking night.
“See ya in the a.m.,” Lorhaven drawled.
It sounded stupid, but as A got on the elevator, an empty feeling cramped up my stomach.
I took a shower, put the room service outside in the hall, flipped through the channels on TV, and then finally gave up and went into the bedroom.
Thoughts set in.
To say today had been overloaded was an understatement. The interview, photoshoot, tattoos, and my parents… It felt like an entire year crammed into several hours.
Now that I was alone, the room was dark and quiet, and everything kinda hit me all at once.<
br />
Shoving off the blankets, I catapulted out of bed and wandered to the window. The strip was all lit up, people milling about.
There was a rock in my stomach, an unsettled feeling knocking around beneath my skin. My hand slapped against the window, a flash of white catching my eye.
Looking over, I saw the bandage still wrapped around my new tattoo.
A wedding band. A name.
My entire life.
Spinning away from the window, I practically marched to the door. It banged against the wall when I flung it open, surging out of the room. Intent on my mission, it took a second to register someone moving down the hall toward me.
We both stopped. Stared.
Arrow was barefoot, without a shirt. His hair was rumpled as if he’d been running his hands through it, a gesture he did when he was restless.
I was reminded of the first night we spent in our apartment, back when it was just his. I tried to stay at my place that night… and we both ended up in the hall, searching out the other.
I held out my hand. Arrow slid his home.
Saying nothing, we went back into our room, closing the door behind us.
“You doing okay?” he asked. He was worried about me.
“I’m much better now.”
With an ornery grin, he confessed, “I snuck out.”
“I was about to burst in the room and kidnap you,” I said, returning his smile.
“I’ll have to sneak back in the morning.”
“You’re here now.” Lifting his arm, I kissed the back of his hand.
“Let’s go to bed, Hopp,” he murmured, pulling me with him as he walked.
“I’ll go anywhere with you, babe.”
“Oh, c’mon!” A familiar but highly annoyed voice intruded on my sleep.
Cracking one eye open, I glanced toward the exclamation. Joey was standing over me, glowering down.
“Ahh!” I yelled, jerking upright. Grappling for the covers, which were grossly tangled around my and Hopper’s legs, only made me more alarmed. The outburst got an immediate reaction from Hopp. It was as if he hadn’t heard Joey at all, just me freaking out.
His body jerked up, his arm automatically whipping out in front of me like a shield. “What the fuck?” he bellowed, his voice still thick with sleep.
#FinishLine (GearShark #5) Page 12