by Brenda Ford
Wait, my brain screams at me bringing reality back with it. Don’t do this without information.
Even though it kills me, I pull back and stare in to his eyes, needing some clarification.
“Angelo, what are we doing here?” I ask, hating myself for needing to know. “What is happening here? I can’t do this without knowing…”
His eyes fall, the atmosphere changes, and much as I don’t like it, it’s needed.
Chapter 14 – Angelo
My arm is linked through Rachel’s as she walks me home. Physically, without kissing, we’re the closest that we have ever been, but emotionally I can’t seem to pull her back to me however hard I try. It’s because I haven’t answered her, I haven’t given her any conclusion as to where we go from here. I can’t blame her. I know exactly how she feels, but I don’t know yet enough to give her a conclusive answer.
I’m torn. Torn because Mandy has always been in my life and it’s strange to let her go. Torn because I haven’t ever liked anyone as much as I like Rachel and it scares me. Torn because this is all I want in the world. Torn because it seems like a massive jump from one crazy situation straight into another. I’m a mess.
“Everyone keeps telling me that Mandy has been cheating on me for ages,” I finally confess, just so she knows what’s going on here. I need to be as honest as I can. “I haven’t wanted to believe it because we’ve been together for ages. But recently I have seen a lot of signs.” I sigh loudly. “Well, not too recently actually. About half a year ago I got a message telling me about the cheating, but I didn’t want to believe it.”
She stiffens for just a moment, clearly in an awkward position, but she doesn’t say anything back. I guess since we’ve kissed and done a bit of cheating ourselves, there isn’t much to say. I know that it isn’t the same. We’ve only kissed during periods when it’s pretty obvious that me and Mandy are on the way out, but it still isn’t right.
“I’m a mess over all of this, and I really am sorry to you, Rachel. You shouldn’t be in the middle of this mess.”
“So, why am I?” she practically whispers back, stunning me to the core.
“Because…” I don’t have an answer to that. Honestly, I’m not too sure. “Because I’m fascinated by you.”
“Fascinated?” She turns her head to look at me, her eyes filled with wonder. I love that curiosity in her eyes, it’s so pretty. “Why? There isn’t anything fascinating about me. I’m just a very normal person…”
“Normal? You’re a rock chick. One of the most awesome people I know.”
“Mmm.” Her face falls at that remark. She steps a little away from me.
“What’s going on?” I move closer to her once more. “Don’t you like being thought of like that?”
“You want to know the truth?” I nod, unsure if I do or not. “I’ve just been roped into a double date with my friend.” Those words make me want to puke. I have no right to feel jealous because of me and Mandy, but I do anyway. “And we had no romantic feelings towards one another, but he seemed to have a rock star fantasy about me. I wasn’t really a person to him, just an idea. It sucked; I don’t like being seen in that way.”
I feel bad, this is something that I should be aware of really since Alex is my twin. He hasn’t ever said anything to that effect, but if I was a little more aware of his feelings then this would be something I know.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound like that. I was only trying to show you that you’re interesting.” Now that the words are out, I can’t stop them from rolling off my tongue. “You’re beautiful as well. Very funny. I had the best time with you the other night at the bar, it was amazing. I really enjoy your company…”
“You do?” If I didn’t know any better, I would swear that there is a tear in her eye. “I never thought…”
Her words fall away, and I know why. There isn’t a lot to say about this while we’re in this situation. Torn, neither of us knowing which way to turn. There needs to be some separation for us to sort it all out first. So, we can start on the right page. I should probably say that to her, but I’m afraid to. Communication hasn’t exactly worked out for me today, so I don’t want to go down that road again.
“We’re here,” I say quietly as we get outside my house. “You want to come in? Alex might be there…”
I don’t know what I want her to say really, but there’s a definitely relief inside of me when she nods. I guess I’m not done with Rachel yet. I’m also glad that she isn’t going back to her date. I wouldn’t like that.
“I’ll come in. It would be nice to see your brothers.”
I almost take her hand as we step inside, but I stop myself at the last moment. I don’t think it would be a good idea for us to have that kind of connection for our benefit, never mind anyone else seeing it. I’m already in a complicated romance mess without my brothers knowing the half of it. They will only tolerate so much from me.
“Angelo!” Of course, the first person I walk into isn’t who I want to see. Wesley. He halts talking to Oliver and opens his eyes wide as if it’s a horrible shock to see me. He must have been speaking about me.
“It’s okay, I’m going,” I reply coldly. “You can carry on your discussion without worrying about me.”
I stroll passed them both, ignoring their silence. It takes me a couple of moments and a journey half way up the stairs to realize that Rachel isn’t with me. I glance towards the other room to see her in a serious conversation with Wesley. If he’s telling her what she already pretty much knows about my relationship, I will lose my shit. He has already been far too involved in my life. He doesn’t need to make it any worse.
I continue my journey up the stairs with anger burning through me and I stomp in to my bedroom. I do feel a bit like a petulant teenager as I slam the door behind me, but that’s how I feel right now. Like my hormones are going crazy and no one understands me. Why the fuck is everyone making everything worse for me?
I pace up and down the room, every second that ticks past making me more annoyed by the moment. What is Rachel doing? Why is she still down there with Wesley and Oliver? I thought that she came here with me. In a moment I am going to yell for her to get lost already. She’s been making me feel better, but no more. Not knowing what my brother is saying to her is terrifying the living shit out of me. I mean, he was calling me earlier, wasn’t he? Perhaps he found out something else about Mandy and now he’s telling Rachel because I wouldn’t listen.
Not only will he lose me and Mandy, but he’ll take Rachel away from me too. He might not know what he’s doing, but that makes no difference to my mood right now. I don’t want to end up all alone…
“Can I come in?” Rachel suddenly whispers through my door, making me jump. “Or shall I go?”
“Come in.” I don’t even need to hesitate. I don’t really want her to go. “Come here.”
I perch on the edge of my bed and stare at her as she slips her way inside my room. Her face doesn’t have a shadow of guilt across it which I guess is a good thing… unless she doesn’t think that she has done anything wrong of course. Perhaps she assumes it’s acceptable to discuss my private life without me.
“Wesley is worried about you, that’s all,” she assures me, seeming to know exactly what I’m thinking. “Oliver too. They just wanted to know if you were okay. I didn’t tell them anything other than you were fine. I don’t know what they know and what you want them to know, so I’m not going to say anything.”
I nod, shocked by her loyalty. That was actually really cool of her. “Thank you.”
“You have sky high walls, don’t you?” she asks curiously. “Obviously, I know the moment when things are complicated, so they need to be there. But it seems like they are always there.”
“I don’t know,” I admit with the smallest of shrugs in my shoulders. “I’m not really sure right now.”
She steps closer to me and cups my cheeks in her hands. As she stares into my eyes, I feel like thi
s might be the one person in the whole world who understands me right now. More than I understand myself. I need that. I yearn for someone to get what I’m suffering right now. I need her, this woman who makes me feel new.
“Rachel,” I gasp out as I pull her face towards me. I need to kiss her again more than anything in the world.
As our lips bash together, I tug on her until she crashes on the bed and I spin around till the weight of my body is on top of her. A small, gorgeous moan flies out of her mouth showing just how turned on she is by this, which of course makes me dizzy with desire. I can’t stop my hands as they slide down her body and I cup the stunning curve of her butt. She really does have the best voluptuous body I have ever seen.
She arches her back, rolling her hips against me, showing me that she wants more. My thundering heart pumps boiling hot blood around my body, encouraging my itchy fingers towards the waist band of her tight black leggings. I slip my hand in to her panties and stroke her soft pubic hair. I feel the same curl that she has in her hair which makes me wild and animalistic. I want to tear her clothing off and to just devour her already… but I’m trying to make myself a little more behaved than I want to be.
“Oh fuck,” I groan as I slip against her soaking wet slit. She’s so turned on and it’s all for me. It’s almost like she has been wanting this for years, like she has experienced lots of tortured foreplay and it’s all been leading up until this very moment. That probably isn’t the truth, but the idea is incredibly exciting for me. “Oh, Rachel.”
She pushes herself against me, edging my fingers passed her clit and towards her core. Instantly, I’m drawn deep inside of her where I can massage her and send her wild. She grips on to me so tightly that I’m sure she will be leaving dig marks in my skin, but I don’t care. In fact, I want more. The delightful little mewing sounds coming out of her mouth as I thrust my fingers in to her are incredible, so is the stunning slack jawed expression on her face as I push her towards the brink of orgasm is wonderful. I want to snap a mental picture of this sight so I can commit it to memory forever so I can always remember what this is like.
“Oh Angelo,” she hisses as I trace my thumb over her clit, trying to see how quickly I can tip her over the edge. Judging by the way she is bucking and shuddering already, it won’t be long. “Oh my God, Angelo.”
She lets out a scream as I finally send her in to the oblivion and in that moment, I can honestly say that I feel more for her than I ever thought possible. I’m in trouble here. I’m risking everything and I could lose it all… yet I wouldn’t change what’s happening right now for anything in the world.
Chapter 15 – Rachel
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I jump to a standing position rapidly once the orgasm has shattered through me. Kissing was one thing, but that was a step too far. Now, we’re real cheats and I don’t like that at all. It doesn’t matter at all that we aren’t the first ones to do something wrong, it shouldn’t have happened.
“How is this helping?” I whisper to myself, angry and sad. “What are you doing, Rachel?”
“What are you talking about?” Angelo asks me. Sadness taints his tone and I’m sure it’s my behavior right now. I’m not exactly acting the way that I should be doing. “Are you okay, Rachel?”
“We just shouldn’t keep doing this,” I reply sharply. “It’s wrong. I am supposed to be helping you not making it worse. It seems like I’m just complicating things when I’m around you. I don’t want that…”
Angelo grabs me on the shoulders and stares in to my eyes. He hasn’t got the same wild-eyed panic that I feel. “Rachel, don’t worry,” he tries to reassure me. “Everything is going to be okay.”
“How though? Because you’ll go back to Mandy and act like it didn’t happen again…”
I’m sure this isn’t something that I should be saying, but I’m too panicked to keep it inside. Now me and Angelo have really gone too far, and I know that there’s no turning back. What I think we have actually done is wreck any chance that we might have had with one another by moving far too fast.
“I don’t want to be with Mandy anymore,” he tells me with a serious confidence that I wasn’t expecting. “We already pretty much broke up and I will be honest with you, neither of us have been in it for months now. I’m sure that we’re still together out of habit more than anything else. Because we’re too scared to break out of our comfort zone and to see what else might be out there for us. But it’s time.”
I suck in a breath and hold it for a moment, trying not to get my hopes up too much from that one comment. That doesn’t mean he wants to be with me. What it could mean is that he wants to explore every woman out there. He’s been with the same person for too long and now he wants to sew his wild oats. He also could be just saying this without really meaning it. it could be another heat of the moment thing and he will be back with Mandy tomorrow morning. My heart really needs to stop racing and getting carried away.
“So, you’re… you’re going to break it off with Mandy then?” I gasp, still needing this answer.
“Yes. I’m done with her. You have made me see that she isn’t what I want.”
“And what do you want? Or do you still need time to figure that much out?”
“I want you.” He tells me with too much terrifying certainty. After all these years of pining after this man, it’s so scary to think that he might actually want me now. That he might be willing to give everything up for me. I’m used to this being unrequited. I don’t like it, but I’m used to it. I don’t know how to take that changing, if I will even be able to accept it at all. “I want you and no one else. There is something about you, Rachel. Like I said before, you fascinate me. I am intrigued by you and the connection we have. The bond, the chemistry. All of it. I don’t know about you, but I really want to see where this thing with us could go.”
It’s everything that I have ever wanted to hear, all of my fantasies coming true at once. Yet it doesn’t feel like I expected it to. When my happy ever after arrived, I thought that it was going to be perfect. But this isn’t. Not yet anyway. Maybe when things improve and he is fully away from Mandy, I can relax in to it.
“I will go,” I whisper while rising up on to my tip toes to give him one last kiss. “I will leave for now so we don’t end up doing anything else to make this more problematic, but once you are single, I would love to see where this goes as well. I think that me and you might really have something special here.”
He brushes his lips against mine, stroking my nose with his as he does, and in this moment, it really does feel like he might be falling for me. I don’t know if he can ever be as deep in to it as I am since I have wanted him forever, but to have anything back from him is incredible. Now, I just need to stop worrying that the reality won’t be as good as the fantasy and that everything will fall apart as quickly as it began.
Perhaps this is destiny, and everything has happened the way that it has for a reason. For me and Angelo, this could be the beginning of our happy ever after. We just need to make sure that we really start it in a way that’s right. I have to walk away now so when we reunite it will all be perfect. I just hope that he comes to me.
“Goodbye,” I whisper against his mouth, my breath heating up his face. “For now, anyway.”
“I don’t want to let you go.” His eyes fall closed. “I want to stay like this forever. But I know that I have to. Just for now. Then the next time I see you, things can really begin.”
It takes every ounce of self-restraint and will power that I have to walk away from him knowing that for the first time in my life I really have him. But this won’t be the end of us and that’s what I need to remember. If anything, it’s just the beginning of me and Angelo, together at last.
“Okay, what is going on with you?” Sheri demands, her eyes narrowed suspiciously at me. “You’re all weird.”
“I’m not.” I can’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. The excitement is building to boiling point.
“You are. You’re all excessively happy and it’s creeping me out. Tell me what’s going on already.”
I bite down on my bottom lip, wondering if this is a good idea or not. I have been keeping this away from Sheri for a reason. Because she’s going to kick my ass for this however much I explain it to her that things are good now. That we have a plan, and everything is going to turn out okay. But I need to. Someone has to know what’s going on with me and Angelo before I lose my damn mind over this.
“It can’t be the date, can it?” Sheri demands. “Because you vanished in the middle of it.”
“Yeah, sorry about that. I just got sick, that’s all. I tried to tell you, but you were all over Luke.”
“Did you tell Tom? Because I don’t think he knew what was going on either.”
Guilt flows through me. I really didn’t mean to upset Tom. He’s such a nice person. “I’m sorry about that.”
“He liked you, I think. I mean, I don’t know if there was a massive spark between you…”
I breathe out a sigh of relief. I’m glad that somehow, Sheri managed to notice it as well even through all of the kissing. I didn’t know that she even peeled herself away from Luke for a second. But it must have been so obvious even from where she was sitting. There just weren’t any vibes there at all.
“No, I don’t think there was either. I just didn’t think anything of it.” I dart my eyes downwards. “Thank you for all of the effort you put in, I do appreciate that, it just didn’t quite work out.”
“But not every date has to work out. It’s all about meeting new people and getting to know what you like. Tom was a nice guy to ease you into the dating world, wasn’t he? He was easy going, wasn’t he?”