by Brenda Ford
“It shouldn’t be, but it is. Then again, I guess any job has its negatives. Especially women who are beautiful.”
“You’re saying I’m beautiful?” I tease, not assuming that he means that at all.
“Of course I’m saying that you’re beautiful. Have you seen yourself? Wow, I haven’t ever seen someone as beautiful as you. Which is why those guys think they should be allowed to touch you.”
I’m struck by his words, the compliment digging deep into me. Maybe it’s because he was so insulting about me before which makes this mean so much more. I’m not sure, but I don’t know what to say. Weirdly, I feel beautiful as he says that. More than any other time I have ever considered how I look. I don’t know why, but Alex sees to have some kind of power over me. His words really affect me in a wild way.
“Can I look at you?” he asks. The question is strange and there is a weight to his voice as he says it. “So I can see your beauty? It’s been a long time since I have seen someone pretty.”
My eyes meet his and the whole world stops spinning. His gaze darts down to my lips which causes prickles of desire to tear all over my body. As he leans in, almost as if he’s going to kiss me, I don’t want him to stop. I need him to keep coming towards me, I yearn for the feel of his mouth…
Shit, he’s coming as well. He’s inching towards me, for real, making everything inside of me react violently. I tilt my head, I purse my lips, I move as well. I’m acting on instincts, behaving in a way that I never thought I would.
No, stop! Before I can do anything too crazy, I yank my head away, stopping the kiss before it can happen. It’s too messy. It’s too problematic, I don’t want to be a rebound! Alex can’t ever really want me. I can’t be a drunk mistake. That isn’t good for any of us, nor my career… I have to stop, now!
Chapter 10 - Alex
My lips collide with Freya’s and fireworks explode in the pit of my stomach. Little eruptions so powerful that I can’t contain myself. A moan of sheer bliss rumbles from my throat all the way into her mouth, causing her to let out a little whimper of excitement of her own. There is a thrill that races so deeply within me, hitting the base of my cock and standing me to attention. I want her, I need her, I yearn for her so badly. It’s unlike anything I have ever experienced before. It’s more intense and overwhelming, consuming in a different way.
“Come with me,” I whisper to her, almost licking her ear as I do. “Come to my room. I want you.”
Everything happens in a blur. One moment, we are in a public place, trying to disguise the fizzing sizzling between us, the next we are alone in the elevator, stripping one another’s clothing and tossing it to the ground as we kiss frantically. My tongue wants to explore every single part of her mouth and it seems like she feels the same way. Her hands are all over my body, touching every inch of me, and my fingers knot up in her hair. Her gorgeous bright blonde and pink hair that for some reason really offended me for some strange reason.
With our clothing in a pile on the floor beneath us, only our underwear covering us, I take Freya’s hand and guide her to my room with my eyes fixed all over her body as I go. She’s beautiful. Even more stunning than I thought she was going to be. The more of her that I strip down and see, the more gorgeous she becomes.
I practically devour her as we close the door behind us, my mouth is everywhere, all over her. Her lips, her cheeks, her throat, her stomach, and ever slowly downwards as her wonderful feminine scent draws me nearer. My mouth quickly finds the outside of her cotton underwear and I curl my fingers around her ass to hold her in place as I press my lips to her, finally finding her most sensitive area, the place I know she wants to be kissed.
“Oh God, Alex,” she moans desperately. “Fuck, you don’t know what you’re doing to me right now.”
I dart my eyes upwards to see her head tilted back in desire, her hands reaching around her back as she groans, her bra popping open. Her breasts spring free, her nipples crying out for me, her back arching for more. The sight of her from this angle is too much for me. I can’t hold myself back any longer, so I yank her panties down and take her clit between my lips, sucking and licking her hard, tugging and teasing until her body bucks and writhes with sheer bliss. Her thighs part ever so slightly, and she lifts up one of her legs to give me better access to her. This is something I take full advantage of. I trace my tongue down her soaking wet slit until I can plunge it in to her and massage her insides. She tastes fucking amazing. Absolutely incredible. It’s a taste that I can’t get enough of. As she yells out my name over and over again, saying it like it’s a prayer, I know that I’ll never stop. Ever. I am a mad man on a mission, utterly determined to coax the orgasm from her rapidly.
“Fuck.” She shudders and almost falls to the ground as the pleasure hits her hard. I cling on to her tightly so her jelly like knees can’t knock her down, hurting herself in the process. I know that some people like pain with their pleasure, but that isn’t me. I prefer to be saturated in bliss. “Oh shit, Alex.”
Eventually, she shoves my head off her hard, causing my eyes to snap up at her. I can see a seriously sexy fire behind her gaze which turns my cock in to a steel rod. My balls ache with the knowledge that I might get to be inside of her soon enough. Oh God, I want to be inside of her. I didn’t think that I would ever want sex again, especially not with someone new, but I need to be deep in this woman right now.
But it doesn’t seem like Freya is about to let me take control of the situation. She isn’t going to give me what I want right now. She rises to her feet and presses her palm to my chest, shoving me backwards until my legs hit the bed and I stumble backwards. My ass hits the sheets and a chuckle bursts from me.
“What are you doing?” I laugh. “You look like you might be about to eat me.”
“How do you know that I’m not?” She cocks a knowing eyebrow at me. Then before I can reply, she drops to her knees in front of me and shoves my underwear down. Then she takes my erection between her fingers and she strokes me. Gently at first, but as she can see how much I like it, she picks up the pace, her fingers gripping tighter to me. I can’t stop staring at her, looking at her lovely face, wanting to see it contorted in bliss once more.
Her lips edge towards me. I feel her breath tickling along my cock before her lips connect, and I can already tell that it’s going to be too much when she finally meets with me. Just the fact that it’s Freya alone will tip me over the edge. There’s something magical about this woman, something to captivate me…
“Oh shit!” Her lips connect with my tip and she brushes her mouth along my most sensitive area for a few moments. “Fucking hell, Freya, that is… is…” There are no words. I want words but I can’t find them. “Fuck!”
Then she blows my mind by fully taking me in to her mouth, all the way to the back of her throat, her warm wet tongue wrapping around me as she strokes me with her lips. There is something magnetic about her mouth. Something that blows me away. My heart pumps faster, shooting red hot blood all around my body, making my head spin with desire. A desire so deep and powerful it transforms me. I feel myself opening up in a way that I haven’t done before, everything trembling, shuddering, about to explode at any given moment…
“Fuck me.” Those magical words combined with her mouth yanking away from me give me all that I need to hold on just that little while longer. I take her and throw her on to the bed, grateful that I have just enough stamina to really get the full satisfaction from her. I think we both need that. We might not have known one another for too long, but now this moment is happening, it feels like it’s been a long time coming…
“Holy shit.” Sliding in to her and having her gorgeous wet walls surrounding me is nearly too much. I almost give her everything instantly. It’s only because I really can’t cave to that right now that I don’t. I have no idea if I will ever get the opportunity to be inside this incredible woman again and I need to make the best of it. I need to enjoy every thrust, every moment that
she is connected to me, each time our bodies clap together in ecstasy. This is a moment that I could stay in forever, given half the chance. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere but here…
“Huh? What?” I jump up, smacking my head on the bunk bed above me. “What the…?”
I’m gasping, actually panting as I try my hardest to get air in to my lungs. I feel… well, not like myself. What the fuck id going on? Why isn’t Freya wrapped around me? Why am I not in the middle of the hottest sex session of my entire life? Instead, my body is fizzing and crushing with disappointment. All alone. Cold and sad.
It isn’t long before I adjust to the fact that was just a dream and I recall what actually happened. Instead of kissing me like I wanted her to, she pulled away and gave me an embarrassed look. I could tell that she actually felt sorry for me, which of course got my back up. If it hadn’t been for those guys pawing over her beforehand, I would have stormed out and headed to another bar, but as annoyed as I was, I couldn’t leave her in their hands. It just wouldn’t have been right. So, I made the awkward journey back to the hotel with her, but I refused to go inside. I made it even more awkward by insisting that I sleep on the Goddamn tour bus.
I bang my palm to my aching head and will a giant hole to open up in the floor to swallow me up whole. I have made a giant mess of everything and I can’t stop making it worse. Now, we have to continue on with this tour, both me and Freya knowing that I have some kind of weird feelings for her, sexual only I assume, considering that dream, which she doesn’t reciprocate. Perfect. Just perfect. A hang over and messy feelings yet again. Just what I want. Honestly, is there anything else that can go wrong here?
What the fuck? My brain screams at me as I collapse off the stage. What the fuck just happened out there?
It never usually matters how much I drink; I can always put on a good show. It’s one of the things that helps me realize that I don’t have an issue with booze no matter what everyone else says, but today… well, today was different. I don’t really have any words for what happened, it all just fell apart. I kept stumbling over my words and forgetting certain riffs on the guitar. It was a shit show for sure, and there isn’t a chance in hell that the fans didn’t notice. I’m sure I must have disappointed them and let them down as well… just as I keep doing to everyone. There isn’t anyone that I can think of who I haven’t upset.
I can’t look at anyone else as I race away. I don’t want to know what they think of me. I am headed in to the lion’s den for sure. Everyone will have an opinion on me, and why wouldn’t they? I am not just affecting myself, like they keep reminding me over and over again, this is all of their jobs as well.
Every single time I convince myself that nothing else can go wrong, it does. Now, my career is sliding down the toilet as well, and everyone knows that once a rock career is over, there isn’t any coming back from it.
“Alex,” Hank barks at me, his anger and frustration at me evident already. “I think that we might need a little meeting, don’t you? Some changes need to be made around here before everything falls apart.”
“I, er…” I lick my lips, hating that there isn’t the sting of alcohol there. After that storm, I really need it. Without it to calm me down, there’s no telling what I will end up doing. “I don’t know…”
“Oh, I think that you do and I think that you will talk to me before you sink to the bottom or another bottle or I will end up having your bollocks on a plate to stop you from fucking up again.”
Uh oh. Hank isn’t making much sense which I know means that he is spitting mad. There is no getting out of this conversation, however much I want to. And I really, really want to…
Chapter 11 - Freya
“Shit,” I mutter to myself as my eyes run over the newspaper head line. “That isn’t good. Not at all.”
When I signed up to support Blood Red Masters – or more when Nathan did it on my behalf – I didn’t think that I would end up in the middle of a media shit storm. And one that doesn’t even include me, so it isn’t like my name is getting any notice from it. There isn’t any benefit, it’s all just messy. I knew that the last three shows weren’t great, I’m not an idiot. Anyone can see that Alex’s drinking is becoming a serious issue and it’s affecting all of his performances, but I didn’t think that it would end up this bad. The press seems to think that the band is coming to an end and this is just the beginning of the end. I really don’t want to be a part of that.
“Oh, Alex,” I groan, feeling a lot of pain as I see the nasty words written about him. “Why?”
He really does have a good heart in there, he really is a good person. It makes me want to go to the press, to reveal all of his personal details, just so they know that this isn’t just for the sake of it. But I can’t. it isn’t my story to tell, it isn’t my pain to share, and I’m sure that if it’s affecting Alex this deeply then letting the rest of the world know what’s going probably won’t help it. I just need to accept that that there isn’t anything I can do to help.
Sadness crushes me, as does severe worry. Worry for everyone and everything around me. Including myself. I can’t allow myself to get too sucked into the world of Blood Red Masters because I can’t let it swallow me up whole. Soon, I will be out of this world back on my own, and I need to look after me too.
“Fuck.” I bang my hand to my forehead. “Fuck, what am I going to do? What next?”
Being in this hotel room alone doesn’t help. It makes me want to scream because I’m so trapped within these four suffocating walls, but I also don’t want to go outside. I’m too afraid to see any of the guys from the band because they are a million times more stressed than me, and I don’t want to bump in to any of the crew as well because they are all so sad. They seem to know that the end of their work here is coming, so now they need to work out where the next position is coming from. They need something to pay their rent and put food on the table, so I can’t blame them for putting themselves first. This is such a fucking… mess.
I gasp desperately, needing someone to talk to, someone who will understand my dilemma. Who will be thinking of what’s best for me and not just the band. So, I grab my cell phone and I call Nathan.
“Hey, Freya.” I can already tell from his unsure tone of voice that he’s heard it all. “How are you holding up?”
“Er, well, I don’t know,” I admit. “I’m a bit freaked out at the moment. This is a mess.”
“Is it as bad as it seems? Is Alex really struggling as much as he seems to be?”
“I don’t know. It isn’t great, I will be honest about that. It certainly isn’t what I’m used to.”
“Do you think it will only get worse?” Nathan asks nervously. “I don’t like leaving you there…”
“Then maybe I should come back,” I blurt out, loving that idea. That’s actually what I want to happen, and I didn’t even realize it. “Maybe being here isn’t right for my career right now. It might be better for me to come back and regroup. Decide what to do next. I could even do my own tour or some other promo…”
“I don’t know if that’s the best thing to do right away,” Nathan interjects before I can get too carried away on that thought. “Because of the contract. It isn’t going to be straight forward…”
“But surely the contract has already been broken? Surely, with Alex’s drinking…”
“Let me just try and see what I can sort out. Stay there for now and carry on as normal and I will see what I can do. I know that isn’t the best answer in the world, but you know what the music industry is like for contracts.”
Fuck, he’s right about that If you become known as someone who breaks contracts then you get black listed and other people don’t want to work with you. I really don’t want that because then it will be me who ends up with no career at the end of it. I’m really stuck in a shitty situation here.
“Yeah okay,” I reply quietly. “But you will look into it, won’t you? You won’t leave me here?”
“T
rust me, I am not happy with you being stuck there at all. It makes me very uncomfortable to know that you’re struggling. I will get this sorted for you, don’t you worry. It will be okay.”
As I hang up the phone to Nathan, I try my hardest to have full faith in him, to believe all that he’s saying to me, but I’m still very freaked out. This isn’t something that I have any experience with and it’s awful. All I wanted was a nice easy tour where I might not be the head liner, but I might find new fans. Instead, I’m afraid that I might lose everything that I have spent my whole life working towards, but more worryingly, I’m so concerned about Alex that I fear even if Nathan allows me to walk away, I won’t be able to.
“All press is good,” I tell myself sadly. “All promotion is good. Perhaps this will just draw new crowds in, and they will see me. Love me, through all of the mess that has been created here.”
I don’t know if I believe my own hype, if my pep talk is working, but what else am I supposed to do? I can’t just sit here and get myself increasingly worked up by the moment. That isn’t exactly helping me, is it? In fact, I don’t think that being by myself is helping me out at all, so it might be a good idea for me to leave this room.
I can find Rachel. I can have a talk to her. I’m sure that she will be able to help me. At least she’ll get me out of this funk, won’t she? Because she has become more of a friend than anything else.
As I leave the room, I’m struck by the weird atmosphere filling the whole building. It’s almost like everyone can sense that there is something going on and they are all a part of the drama. That only sickens me further. But then I need to remember that if I am feeling this way, how must it be for Alex? He already seems really hard on himself, I think that might be a part of his problem, so all of this will be killing him.
No one else seems able to help him, or willing to, they have all given up on him, so perhaps I can use my time here to help him? Or at least support him in a little way. As I walk through the hotel, just before I reach the room that I’m sure Rachel is in – not that I can be one hundred percent sure where she is since we’re constantly on the move – I change my direction to see if I can find Alex. See how he’s doing.