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Ryder pushed open the front door of his brother’s apartment and stepped aside. Abi glanced at the open doorway, then to him, then back to the doorway before dragging in a deep breath and edging into the wedge of light spilling in from the hallway.
After he’d calmed down and convinced her it was safe to get in the cab, he’d filled the half-hour ride from the airport with inane bullshit about weather and landmarks. But with each passing minute the tension between them grew until she couldn’t even offer up the polite nods she’d used to answer him for the first half of the ride. She’d looked like a death-row prisoner awaiting execution when he’d paid the cabbie, and he’d half expected her to grab her bags and disappear into the darkening twilight.
Instead of escaping, she’d clenched her jaw, locked a death grip around her backpack and laptop bag, and held her ground. She hadn’t even fought for control of her suitcase when he’d unloaded it, which scared the crap out of him. She’d just silently slipped in behind him and waited patiently while he picked up the key from the way-too-chirpy concierge manning the reception desk of Jarrah’s apartment complex before shuffling into the elevator behind him.
He carefully maneuvered around her and unloaded their luggage onto the floor before groping for the light switch. He’d wanted to hold her hand, hell he’d wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss the anxiety from her face, but he was terrified of scaring her even more.
He flicked the switch and a galaxy’s worth of downlights sparkled to life to illuminate a huge open-plan lounge and kitchen area that was part log cabin and part Starship Enterprise flight deck. Abi gasped into the silence, and for an instant he forgot about the fist clamped around his throat. Jesus, Jarrah hadn’t been kidding when he’d let slip the last few years of corporate law and private practice had been kind. Abi edged toward the wall of glass overlooking the city and the Brisbane River before turning to face him.
Even with a thousand concerns and questions pulling on her features and the fatigue of a day in the air weighing on her shoulders, she was still the most mesmerizing woman he’d ever met. Every nerve ending screamed at him to close the distance between them, but he hadn’t survived this long by ignoring his instincts. The gentle kiss he’d placed on her forehead outside the airport had been all his senses had allowed. Time was the only thing that was going to convince her that he’d never hurt her.
He gestured to the window. “Take your time. I’ll set up your suitcase in the guestroom. If I know my brother, the en suite will have everything you’ll need to freshen up.”
“What about you?”
Christ, if he’d had his way, she’d be trapped beneath him on the polished hardwood floor and well on her way to her third orgasm by now. He shrugged. “I’ll grab a shower in Jarrah’s room and get dinner started. You must be starving.”
Jesus, was that his voice? You must be starving? Smooth, dickhead, really smooth. Just what every woman wants to hear.
Some of the tension eased from her face before something else crept across her features, something even worse than the anxiety. Before he could figure out just how badly he’d screwed up, she slowly nodded and turned back to the view.
She looked so vulnerable staring out through the wall of glass into the world outside, so small and delicate. The need to comfort her, to protect her, to hold her almost overwhelmed him, but the only thing scaring her…was him.
Chapter Eleven
Abi cursed herself in the guest bathroom’s mirror and released the towel she’d been hiding behind for the last five minutes. With a trembling hand, she tugged off the second towel she’d wrapped around her head. The thick cotton brushed the tender scars crisscrossing her stubbled scalp before joining its partner on the ebony tiles. Her head resembled a prop from a B-grade horror flick, but it wasn’t the evidence of her most recent battle with Doris that sickened her, it was her fear.
She’d taken something magical and allowed her cowardice to transform the gentle, caring man in the adjoining suite into the embodiment of all her insecurities and nightmares. She’d blamed Olivia and Google while shivering beneath the scalding waterfall pouring from the monsoon showerhead, but her anger drained away as quickly as the water. She’d have done exactly the same thing if Olivia had planned on spending the night with a stranger, but Ryder wasn’t a stranger. She’d spent thirteen hours pressed against him, stolen his food, bossed him around, pried into his life, and even seen a movie with him. Not to mention sharing one surprise peck, one sweet kiss, and one holy mother of God public make-out session complete with groping. She’d well and truly exceeded the social norms for getting to know someone before jumping their bones, which put the blame for her anxiety squarely on the miserable fucking bitch squatting inside her head.
She wiped the steam from the mirror and leaned closer. The girl looking back had been scared of dying for so long she was terrified of living. Wrenching Jennifer Aniston’s hair from its protective case, she pulled it over her scars, gritted her teeth, and nodded. If she couldn’t offer him beauty, confidence, and experience, she’d give him everything she had. For a split second, she considered leaving her glasses behind, but crashing into a doorway or tripping over a coffee table wasn’t going to turn anyone on. She snatched up her glasses and slid them on. She stiffened as her multifocals brought her reflection into painful focus. With another curse, she adjusted her wig and settled the way-too-perfect locks exactly the way the pompous old biddy in the salon had done.
She straightened, stuck out her boobs, sucked in her belly, and nodded. “Come on, you big chicken, you can do this.”
She eyed her suitcase lying open on the huge king-size bed dominating the luxurious guest suite and considered fishing out her come-fuck-me clothes. It’d only take a few minutes to hitch the thong between her butt cheeks, squeeze into the skintight little black dress Olivia had forced her to buy, and slip on her suicidal scarlet heels, but she didn’t have minutes. Her nerve, like her courage, was fading as quickly as the few remaining water droplets clinging to her frigid skin. She grabbed one of the towels pooled around her feet and tried securing it around her chest. She trembled so badly she wasted valuable seconds and even more precious adrenaline knotting the twisted mess together. The end result looked more like the hospital gowns she’d spent too much time wearing instead of the seductive image she’d had in mind, but it’d have to do.
She rummaged around her toiletries bag and withdrew one of the condoms she’d bought on her last shopping trip before leaving L.A. After a heated debate with her sister that had been interspersed with fits of hysterical laughter, she’d rejected Olivia’s choices of Holy Shit, Oh My God, and You’re Not Sticking That Inside Me and gone with a pack of plain old regular condoms, minus the ribs, ticklers, and flavoring. She studied the tiny foil packet and bit her bottom lip as she scurried out of the guest room. Maybe it wasn’t proportional?
Her courage evaporated the instant she crept into the hallway. She clenched her jaw and forced herself forward on numb legs. Apart from the air gushing in and out her mouth and the frantic thudding inside her chest, nothing stirred. Was he still in his room? Was he even in the apartment? Or had he gotten sick of her insecurities and escaped to find a sane woman to turn inside out and upside down?
She crept along the passageway and peered into the huge expanse of wealth and immaculate taste that was his brother’s lounge room.
Ryder stood like a giant statue before the windows overlooking the city. Not a smooth, pristine masterpiece like the statue of David, but a cracked, chipped, and weathered avatar of a gladiator who’d endured centuries of the worst nature and man could unleash on him. The city lights shimmering against the night were breathtaking, but she couldn’t tear her gaze from him.
Another faded T-shirt sheathed his torso, this one khaki and even more threadbare than the one he’d worn on the plane. A pair of baggy gray sweat shorts flowed out from beneath the frayed hem of his shirt to end just above his knees. The alloy componen
ts of his prosthesis glinted in the dim light drifting down from the ceiling to give the appearance he’d been sent to her from the future. The entire scene was so surreal she had to brace herself against the redwood bookcase lining the wall. She drew in a steadying breath and tucked the condom in front of a set of leather-bound books where she could easily grab it if her seduction worked. She studied the room, the rustic wood, the polished metal, the ancient stone, the priceless view, and the man she was going to make love to, before edging forward.
He turned the instant her bare feet brushed the hardwood floor stretching to the windows. She hadn’t made a sound but somehow he’d known. The entire width of the penthouse separated them, but her skin prickled as if he’d run those huge calloused hands over every inch of her.
His jaw dropped but only a whispered gasp escaped before he closed it. He took a hesitant step toward her and reached out before stopping and lowering his arm. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you what I did in the army.”
The regret and shame tainting his words had her clenching her shaking fingers into fists and cursing herself. He’d risked his life for his country and endured horrors she was too terrified to comprehend, and he was apologizing to her?
She cleared her throat and forced a smile. “Everyone has things they’d rather not share with the world, yours just happen to be amazingly selfless and brave.”
The tension constricting her muscles made it almost impossible to move. She tucked a lock of the wig’s hair behind her ear and edged forward. With each step the towel shielding her grew thinner and thinner until she no longer felt the reassuring softness of the cotton against her skin.
For the first time since meeting him, his gaze shifted to her head and the flowing honey-blond hair she and Olivia had taken two hours to choose. The tightness in her chest inched higher and clamped around her throat to cut off her air and freeze her in place.
He shook his head and closed the distance before capturing her face. “You’ll never have to hide who you are from me.” He tucked the other side of the wig behind her ear and dropped his forehead to hers. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
Her adolescent insecurities and stupidity should have embarrassed her, but those simple words uttered so honestly made her feel like a queen. His fresh, clean scent enveloped her as she drew him into her lungs and leaned into the reassuring power radiating from him. She knew nothing about seduction, but the not-so-subtle bulge tenting his sweat shorts confirmed she was doing okay for a newbie. A wave of lust-fueled adrenaline rippled through her as she eased out of his embrace to stand before him like a lamb before a lion.
His frustrated groan had her smiling as she untied the towel and allowed it to spill over her breasts and onto the floor. The cool air pebbled her nipples and quenched her naked flesh before the heat of his gaze ignited her skin. His eyes widened and a whispered curse escaped his gritted teeth as his sweat shorts took on the proportions of a circus big top. Terrified beyond belief and aroused to the point where she no longer cared about anything other than claiming him, she reached out and cupped the steel flesh jutting proudly from his groin.
He hissed and latched on to her wrist as he wrenched his hips away. “Don’t…please…” The words sounded more like a whispered plea as he sucked in breath and gently pulled her hand clear of his crotch. “It’s just…” He heaved in another breath and shook his head before cursing again. “It’s been a hell of a long time.”
His confession was so absurd she couldn’t stop laughing. “Betting it hasn’t been twenty-eight years.”
It could have been the lust pulsing between her thighs, the sexual tension twisting her body into one giant knot, or the gut-wrenching terror of plunging into the unknown, but it took several explosive heartbeats for her to realize the confession that had escaped her mouth.
The hand that gripped her wrist turned to stone, and the breath gushing in and out of him stilled. “Y-you’re a virgin?”
She muttered a curse and lifted her gaze to find his eyes darting all over her as if she were an alien. All she could do was nod as the fire raging over her naked skin froze.
He released her wrist and captured her shoulders. “But how? How could you…?”
She shrugged and offered up a pathetic smile.
He backed away and scrubbed his face as if he were trying to scour a nightmare from his vision. “But you’re so…”
So, what? If she hadn’t been so tired from the emotional marathon she’d endured, she might have been embarrassed or even hurt, but she was simply too exhausted. “It’s complicated.” She dropped her gaze to the towel pooled at her feet and slowly bent to retrieve the pitiful remains of her attempted seduction.
She’d barely moved before a mountain crashed down on her. “No, please.” He trapped her against his chest. “Christ, I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you. I’ve got no idea how I made it this far without embarrassing myself.” He leaned just far enough away to look into her eyes. “The first time…it’s not like the movies.”
If she had any doubt about the sincerity of his declaration, the rock-hard length of burning flesh pulsing against her belly removed all doubt. Men were a mystery she’d probably never solve, but didn’t claiming a woman’s virginity rank right up there with a threesome on men’s sexual wish lists?
“I know.” She cupped his face and pecked his still lips. “It’s messy, awkward, and uncomfortable.”
He shook his head. “It hurts.” He cursed and lowered her to the floor before jamming his fingers through his hair. “And you deserve someone…”
She reached out a hand, but he backed away as if he was terrified of her. She advanced and spread her fingers across his heaving chest. “Someone?”
“Someone…normal.” He wrenched his hand free of his hair and dropped it to his side. “You deserve someone better your first time.”
He was the best man she’d ever met. “I’ve found him.”
He blew out a breath and gestured to his body. “This…it’s not pretty, it’s not for beginners.”
Pretty, no his body wasn’t pretty. It was magnificent, but she had to agree it definitely wasn’t for beginners. She had absolutely no idea how the normal-sized condoms she’d bought were going to accommodate the bulge threatening to shred his shorts, let alone how her inexperienced lady parts would cope, but that wasn’t what he’d meant. She chuckled, snaked her arms around his waist, and trapped his erection between them. She stifled a gasp as the magnitude of what lay ahead pressed into her flesh and forced a cocky grin. “So, if you’re not for beginners, you must be a bit of an expert with this sort of thing?”
He tried easing free of her embrace, but she locked her fingers together and squeezed tighter. Of the thousands of daydreams and fantasies she’d run through, none had even come close to her physically clinging to a man who obviously wanted her almost as much as she wanted him.
With a sigh that drained the fight from his body, he pulled her close and dropped his forehead to hers. “I can’t hurt you.”
The last of the anxiety and fear clinging to her subconscious evaporated as the tension drained from her muscles. She pecked his chest before pulling him down and nuzzling his neck. Trailing kisses along his jaw, she nibbled, sucked, and licked her way to his ear. “That’s why I chose you.”
Had she chosen him, or had destiny finally cut her some slack? Before she could tell herself to shut the hell up and focus on the huge body enveloping her, he groaned, hoisted her off her feet, and raced for the bedroom.
A muffled thud followed by shattering glass was immediately silenced by a vicious curse as he stumbled and almost dropped her. She peered over his shoulder to find the remains of what looked like a very expensive sandstone sculpture lying among the jagged shards of what once must have been an even more valuable glass coffee table.
He bit back another curse and steadied her. “Sorry.”
He tried hiding his clumsiness behind bravado but failed miserably. He
took off again only to crash into the arm of one of the plush leather recliners encircling the huge stone fireplace serving as the room’s focal point. “Shit. Goddammit. Sorry.”
Her nervous giggles grew into chuckles that transformed into hysterical laughter as she clung on and buried her face in his neck. “Smooth. You sure you’ve done this before?”
“Next time we’re doing it on the floor.”
Next time? Before she could comprehend exactly what that meant, he angled her through a door and stood gasping for breath in an opulent suite as huge as the rest of the apartment.
He drew in a long, slow breath and gazed down at her. “If you want to stop, if it hurts, you tell me straight—”
She pressed a finger to his lips and silenced him. Sweat beaded across his forehead and his chest heaved beneath her as his wide eyes searched hers. A surge of irrational pride shot through her. She’d done this to him. She’d turned this warrior into a bumbling, nervous wreck. She searched the movie database stored inside her brain for something memorable to say, something classy and epic Olivia could use at her eulogy, but could only come up with Top Gun. She sighed and kissed him. “Shut up, stud. Take me to bed, or lose me forever.”
He unleashed a smile that had her entire body smiling back. “Yes, ma’am.”
He propped one knee on the edge of the mattress and gently nestled her into a cloudlike comforter. Goose bumps pebbled her naked skin without his heat. She propped herself onto her elbows to find out what the hell he was doing only to have the breath she’d just sucked in gush out of her.
He stood before her with the muscles beneath his T-shirt so tense she was sure the thin cotton would give way with the next breath he took. He studied her with irises that had turned black in the dim light drifting in from the hallway. His gaze slid over her and set fire to her skin wherever it lingered.
He muttered a curse and shook his head. “I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you.”
Part threat and part plea, his confession melted what remained of her bones. She beckoned him closer. “Take off those clothes and get the hell over here.”
Against All Odds (Outback Hearts) Page 11