A warm gust curled up over the wrought iron railing to rustle through my hair, and I turned back to Eli. “Why?”
He hadn’t moved, standing in the middle of the hotel room. The honey-colored sconces glinted off the white, tiled floors and made the curls of his hair shine.
“I’m going back. They’re sending me back to Father.” His voice was calm, but he looked shell-shocked, like he couldn’t breathe.
I stepped back inside. “What do mean, back to Father? They’re not going to…I don’t know, unmake you, turn you back to ether, are they?”
His lips twitched with the hint of a smile that vanished just as quickly. “No. I’m not returning to the divine ether. They’re sending me back home. Back to…heaven.”
“For how long?”
He rolled his shoulder, and his shock melted into anger. His jaw muscles flexed. “It doesn’t matter. Forever? Until all that lives and breathes on the earth today has long turned to dust.”
All the air sucked from the room and I couldn’t breathe—couldn’t think. This wasn’t happening. They wouldn’t do this. They wouldn’t separate us…forever. I didn’t remember moving, I was just suddenly next to him. “When? Why?”
“Because they love me,” he said looking down at me. He pressed his lips together, looking past me. “I was to leave the moment the Council told me. But I…I asked that I be allowed to see the earth and all its wonders one last time.”
“And you came to me?”
“I did,” he said.
“You lied to the Council?”
“No!” His gaze snapped to mine. “No. I just…I didn’t want you to think I’d abandoned you. And I wanted to tell you to be careful, to remember the things I taught you. I wanted to tell you…I wanted to say good-bye.”
I searched his face, reality thickening in my throat. All that I felt for him, all that I’d been trying so hard to resist, so hard to deny swamped over me. Like a tidal wave rolling me over in its fast, frothy current, spinning my mind, my vision until I couldn’t see, couldn’t feel my own body. I stepped back. “They’re making you leave because of me.”
“Yes.”
“So go,” I said, hurt, angry, though everything inside me screamed for him to stay. Every muscle ached to grab hold of him—to keep him with me.
Eli edged closer, reaching for my hands. “Not yet. I haven’t finished visiting all that I hold dear on this earth. The only thing I hold dear.”
“But won’t they know you’re with me?” My hands were shaking. I couldn’t help it.
Guilt darkened his expression. “I closed my mind to them as I did in Niagara Falls. It worked last time. They never realized. And they won’t be searching for me this time. Not yet. We…we have some time.”
“I don’t understand. Have you fallen?” It didn’t make sense. I didn’t feel any differently. I should be able to tell if he’d turned his back on his brothers. It was part of being an illorum.
“No. Not yet.”
I must’ve still looked confused—and I was—because he went on. “The seraphim share thoughts freely but we are able to close our minds if we like without raising suspicion. What living thing doesn’t require a moment or two of quiet…of privacy? The act isn’t an indication that a seraph has fallen or even that he’s about to fall. And my brothers will not find it unusual that I’ve chosen to keep these last moments on earth to myself. There is only one act that precedes the fall—one final step that once taken can never be undone. I haven’t taken that step…not yet.”
His words hung heavy in the air between us, like the stillness before a storm. His thumbs stroked the palms of my hands, raising goose bumps. My blood warmed, my body answering his.
“So we have time,” I said, forcing a slow steadying exhale. We had time to say good-bye, time to say the things we hadn’t, time to be together.
It was dangerous, yes. He was risking everything going against the Council to come see me. But he was my best friend, my teacher, my protector. He was my strength, my courage to stand against the evil I was born to fight. And surely we’d earned a moment together when we could pretend the rules didn’t apply. Hadn’t we? Just this one brief moment that would have to last us for the rest of eternity. We’d earned it.
“It’s all right, Emma Jane.” He lifted a hand to stroke my cheek, and I looked up into his eyes. “There’s no need for you to worry. This was not an act of impulse. I have considered my actions and made my decisions with a clear, thoughtful mind. You’ve done nothing wrong. You will not. The decision is mine.”
My thoughts spun with his words, reason screaming in my head telling me to argue—to say that he was wrong, that this wasn’t what he wanted. I should stop him, protect him even if it was from himself and from me. I couldn’t. I wanted this too much. I wanted him.
Dan had been right all along and regret squeezed around my chest like an iron fist. I’d been so stupid, so blind to think I could fool him, to think I could fool myself. But that’s exactly what I’d been—a fool. He’d known me better than I knew myself and saved me from dishonor by forcing me to let him go.
I watched Eli’s pale blue eyes drop to my mouth, watched his lips part, and held my breath as he drew closer. I closed my eyes, feeling the exquisitely soft press of his lips against mine. My belly quivered and the last thread of my resolve shredded.
The tension that had been strangling him, holding him in check, was gone. His passion and desire poured into me, awakening my body like no mortal man ever could.
At once my senses tingled, acutely aware of the gentle stroke of his tongue along my lips, the brush of his fingers against my breast. My mouth opened to him and I pressed into his touch.
He moaned into my mouth, a quiet surrender that vibrated through my body to its core. Our kiss deepened, going beyond the barriers we’d held out of necessity, crashing through inhibitions, and giving way to the needs we’d denied for so long. I slid my hand behind his neck, holding him to the kiss, his downy hair soft between my fingers.
His arms slipped around my back, gathering me to him. “Emma—” He breathed against my mouth.
“We can’t do this,” I whispered back, kissing his soft, angelic lips and tasting the sublime sweetness of his skin.
“I must,” he said. “It’s too late. I love you.”
I stiffened in his arms, pulling away from his kiss though his embrace held firm. He’d said it a hundred times since we’d met. He loved me as he loved all humans. He loved me as he loved all illorum. But the tone, the anguish in his voice this time… I looked into his eyes, searching for meaning—for truth.
“I love you,” he said again. “Emma Jane, God help me, I love you like I love no other.” He kissed me, soft and quick, stealing my breath, my words.
What had I done? What had I done to this angel, this man? But I knew the answer. I had done nothing that I hadn’t already done to myself as well. “I love you, too.”
And with no more warning than that he scooped me into his arms, cradling me against his chest and carrying me to the bed. As though I were made of smoke he laid me gently down, slipping in next to me, his gaze never leaving mine. Eli’s long, heavy frame lay next to me, his body warm and hard against me. Propped on his elbow, he stared down at me, his hand ghosting to the buttons of my silk blouse. His fingers fumbled, unfastening buttons one by one from the bottom up.
My breath caught each time his knuckles brushed my skin, a hot flash of need crashing through my veins, warming between my legs. I watched his eyes, his desire burning fire into their icy-blue gaze. His eyes drifted from mine to take in the slow revelation of my body, his need so much like any man’s.
With only one button left fastened between my breasts, he opened his hand on my stomach. His palm flat against my skin, long fingers splayed nearly spanning the width of my torso. After a moment of admiration he gathered his fingers and gently stroked my body, tracing the curves of my waist, testing the soft give of my belly.
Goose bumps shivered
over me from head to toe, each brush of his hand igniting a firestorm inside me. I held my breath, trembling, my bottom lip caught between my teeth, and closed my eyes, allowing him his maddening exploration.
“I never imagined,” he whispered. “How could I have known?”
Anticipation hammered at my heart, making each breath shaky and shallow. I put my hand on his, pausing the sweet, intolerable caress. “What? What didn’t you know?”
His gaze flicked to mine. “That you would feel so…incredible. Already the thought of never touching you again is torture. How will I…? How can I leave?”
His gaze fell to my bare belly, his fingers gently tracing over me as though he was trying to memorize the feel of me.
Like a hard, unexpected smack, a singular, unavoidable truth crystallized in my brain. They’d been right. Dan, Fred, the Council, even Tommy. They’d warned me, but I wouldn’t listen—didn’t want to. I’d been corrupting Eli, tempting him with our feelings for each other, little by little weakening his resolve.
I loved him—wanted him. I had from the start, from the moment I opened my eyes and found those heart-stopping, glacial-blue eyes staring back at me. I could admit that now, even if it was only to myself: I’d wanted this all along.
God, I’d been so blind, so reckless, expecting Eli to keep himself in check for the both of us. And now…now it was nearly too late. I’d seduced an angel. My feelings, my desires didn’t matter. As much as it tore at my heart, as much as it would pain my body, I had to try and save him. I had to love him enough to give him one last chance to save himself…
I put a hand to his cheek, drawing his attention back to my eyes. “It’s not too late. We can stop here—now. We should stop. We’ll fall asleep in each other’s arms like we have before and say good-bye later.”
“Good-bye?” He made it a question, but I knew he wasn’t really asking. It was disbelief, a mystifying reality both of us struggled to understand. He shook his head. “I can’t. I can’t.”
His lips still formed the words as he drew closer, mouthing the refusal even as he pressed a kiss. The words died off and desire swelled again, taking hold with a renewed force that brought his hand to my breast and his tongue stroking into my mouth. The last button of my blouse released, his hands hungrily pushing the silk fabric out of his way. He reached beneath me, deftly unfastening my bra, tugging it from my arms. I helped untangle myself from my clothes, sitting up to shrug off my blouse, discarding the bra.
Eli waited patiently, watching in quiet amazement, his face an odd mix of desire and wonderment. He waited until I’d lain back, watching as I grew still. And then his oh-so male eyes traced down my neck to my chest, his hand drifting up to touch my breast, fingers following the under curve.
Tentatively, he cupped my flesh in his big palm, his thumb brushing over the puckered nipple. My breath caught, his gentleness as maddening as any galloping passion. He brushed his thumb again then caught the hardening nub between his fingers.
I inhaled sharply, and his gaze flicked to mine. He leaned down and took the nipple between his lips, tenderly at first, his tongue flicking, teeth lightly scraping. Then, as though desire won out over patience, he quickly suckled my breast into his mouth, drawing hard on the sensitive flesh.
My back arched, pressing deeper into his mouth, wanting more, wanting it all. He released me, moving to the neglected side—teasing and suckling again. My reaction was the same, mind spinning, pleasure building to an uncomfortable pitch between my thighs.
His kisses mapped over me, from breast to breast, down my belly and up each of my sides to my neck and lips. Each touch of his lips sent a fresh quake of heat over my skin, anticipation searing through my blood, liquefying my body. I wanted more.
Instinct shifted my hand to his groin, wanting to feel the hard length of him against me. The moment my palm touched the fabric of his slacks, the material vanished beneath my hand and his hot flesh warmed against mine.
I opened my eyes, my gaze trailing down his long, muscled frame—the shadowed lines of his abs, the swirl of dark hair that trailed further down to the patch of tight curls above his sex. He was all that an angel or man could hope to be. Long and thick, hard as stone, his body was ready for mine.
His hips rocked and he moaned, his eyes fluttering closed, my name whispering on a breath through his lips. “Emma Jane.”
“Eli…” I swallowed hard, trying to find the strength I needed, his words ringing through my thoughts. One final step that once taken can never be undone. “Are you sure?” I swallowed hard, trying to find the strength to deny my own need—to think of what was best for him. “Maybe we should stop now before it’s too late.”
He opened his eyes and settled his hand over the top fastener of my slacks. “Not yet.”
I exhaled, relief washing through me. I didn’t want him to stop—ever. Like a teenager struggling against the sensations thrilling through my body and the knotting fear of the unknown, I ached to linger in the moment, to push just a little farther, before turning back. I caught my bottom lip between my teeth, a gasp holding my breath.
With an unseen flex of his power he removed what remained of my clothing, palm suddenly flat and hot against the lower half of my stomach. I laughed, nervous, surprised by the change.
He smiled. “The way you respond to my touch… It’s…enticing.”
My cheeks warmed. “This is crazy.”
“Wonderfully so.” His fingers pressed further down my body, slipping through the curls above my sex, sliding between my legs. I opened for him, need demanding release, muscles flexing, growing slick and ready. He traced the soft, moist folds, exploring the most intimate parts of my body.
My heart thundered like a freight train in my head, each light stroke of his fingers launching a fresh thunder of pleasure roaring through me. I arched into his touch, shifting my hips, coaxing, pleading with my body. I wanted him inside me, but he stopped short again and again, his finger tracing the tight opening to my sex, teasing then sliding back.
I grabbed his wrist, stopping his caress. “Eli.” My breaths were too quick, frantic, my body blazing with need. “I can’t take this.”
“But I like watching you,” he said. “The way your skin flushes, the way your muscles tighten, the way your expression wrinkles between your brows and your bottom lip catches between your teeth. Every move, every expression stirs an answering response inside me. It feels… I like the way watching you makes me feel.”
He moved with the swift grace of an angel, centering his body over mine. Confident, he took my mouth with his, stealing my breath, my mind spiraling through the delicious feel of his strong male body flush against me. His weight and size spread my legs, and he settled between them.
Need warred with reason in my mind, love battling logic. My body shifted of its own accord, settling him lower, his body a soft pressure against the entrance to mine.
I hesitated, my hands on his hips, wanting to guide him into me, but knowing I should push him away.
As though sensing my trepidation, he asked, “Do you love me?”
“Yes.” I did love Eli. I loved him like I’d never loved anyone, like I would never love anyone again.
“Then let me have you,” he whispered, leaning down to suckle the lobe of my ear into his mouth. “For you I forsake all else. May I have you?”
I exhaled on a shaky breath, closing my eyes with the erotic sensation. Why would we have these feelings if we weren’t meant to be together? It was cruel. I couldn’t accept it—didn’t want to. I loved him. Nothing else should matter.
His hand massaged my breast, desire churning like a growing storm inside me. Pleasure built, pressing against an invisible wall, threatening—promising—to topple my restraint. I closed my eyes. “Yes…”
He rose up on one elbow, his hand bracing beside my shoulder. He looked down at me, his face so sure, so confident in his decision that my heart stuttered. His hips rocked forward, and he pushed his body deep into mine.
Eli sucked in a hard, fast breath—his body stiffening, muscles snapping tight just as anticipation exploded into pleasure inside me. I pressed my head back against the pillows, luxuriating in the exquisite satisfaction rolling though my body, leaving an aching need for more in its wake.
His weight shifted, rocking his hips back at the exact instant a white-hot pain seared across my wrist.
“No,” I screamed and Eli glanced at the arm I’d tucked away from him. I knew what it meant, the warning sign that a Fallen was near, except this time it was Eli. He was Fallen.
The step that once taken can never be undone. Tears stung my eyes, my heart breaking even as it overflowed with love for him.
He grabbed my wrist—my mark burning like fire against my skin—and held it to the bed, the worst of the pain easing under his palm.
“I love you.” He whispered the words over and over against my ear as he moved on top of me, stroking his body in and out of mine—leaving me boneless, breathless, and blissful. We made love long into the early morning, until the world fell away and it was only the two of us, Eli and Emma, man and woman, when sleep finally stole us away.
Somewhere deep within me, where that part of me that was never human slept, a discomforting desire stirred. I was illorum, marked to hunt and banish the Fallen. The way a writer must write and an artist must draw, the desire to banish the Fallen was instinctive. It was there, tingling at the edges of my nerves, itching for me to do my duty. I ignored it, my love for Eli easily smothering all else. For me, Eli had turned his back on what he was, and I did the same for him.
I awoke to the smell of bacon, eggs, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. Eli stood on the balcony with the small wrought iron table set beside him and dread suddenly hit my stomach like a lead weight.
I scooted out of bed and grabbed the fluffy, white hotel robe from the hook on the back of the bathroom door. I knew he heard me moving in the room, heard the sound of my bare feet against the tile floor as I stepped out onto the balcony beside him, tying the robe. He didn’t move, didn’t look at me.
“Morning.” I smiled up at him, putting on my bravest face. My body still hummed with the pleasure he’d given me, muscles low inside me still pulsing with satisfaction. And deeper still was the quiet bliss of having been touched by the sweetest love I’d ever known. But no matter how I fought to ignore it, guilt scratched a sore spot at the back of my soul like a rat searching for escape. I’d done the unimaginable. I’d destroyed an angel. I just couldn’t let the thought go.
Hellsbane 02 - Heaven and Hellsbane Page 22