“It was bad, Liam. I’m glad you stayed away,” I said, then hissed when I tried to settle a little more on the couch.
“We won, though, no?” he asked.
“Nobody won,” I said. “We got a lot of the angelic swords back, but now that the truce is broken, the Fallen don’t have to arm their gibborim with angelic swords to do their fighting. They’ll do it themselves. Those Fallen jerks were the first to take off. When they saw they were losing, they just left the demons and gibborim to be slaughtered.”
“And the seraphim were happy to do it, no doubt,” Liam said.
“They killed everyone who didn’t have the good sense to run.” My exhale was shaky, like I was going to cry. The sudden emotion surprised me. “Liam, there were so many who didn’t know to run—so many who died. The angels were merciless.”
“Aye. War is a heartless affair and the seraphim were born to fight. It’ll be different this time though,” Liam said.
“What do you mean?”
“There’ll be no front line, no safe ground like it was the first time ’round. The first war in heaven was in the other realm. Now that the Fallen have taken up here on earth, they’ll bring the fight to the streets, where people live and work—there’ll be no avoidin’ it,” Liam said. “Today was just the beginning.”
Amon came gliding in from the kitchen, a water bottle in his hand. His long, graceful strides carried him quickly across the room. “This one has a cross drawn on it. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume it’s not really Aquafina.”
“Yeah. I like my holy water cold.” I grimaced, sitting straighter to accept the bottle, and I took a swig. “That’s not weird, right?”
Amon shrugged and looked at Liam. The Irish illorum shook his head, and they both looked back at me.
“Right.” I swallowed another mouthful, already feeling the cool, soothing relief spreading through my stomach—washing over the muscles in my side.
“Where’s Dan?” Liam asked.
I rolled a shoulder. “His place, I guess. He knows about Eli. Said he always knew there was more there than I was willing to admit. He’s a good guy—a smart man to have dumped me when he did. He deserves better.”
“So do you,” Amon said. “You deserve better than a memory that’s more torture than comfort.”
“Amon,” Liam said, chastising him, then looked back to me. “About Eli. My condolences.”
“He’s not dead,” I said.
“No. Not yet. Not that I’ve heard,” Amon said. “In fact, I haven’t heard much at all. If he’s contacted anyone they’re not talking.”
“I know somethin’ about him,” Liam said.
“What?” I stiffened, the holy water working fast to neutralize the brimstone and heal my wounds. “Have you heard from him? Is he okay? Where is he?”
Liam shook his head. “I don’t know. It’s nothin’ like that. I got a visit from Michael a few weeks back. Wanted to talk about you and yer boy. Said when the time came I should tell ya, there’s a way to save him. Said you can pay the penance for your and Eli’s sin by cluein’em in on the goings on in yer father’s camp during the war.”
“Spy? Seriously?”
“Aye. Said the Fallen would be trustin’ ya and no one else would be gettin’ as close to that wicked archangel as you,” he said. “Puts ya in a powerful good spot for them.”
“And if I do? If I spy for them, they’ll what, let Eli back into heaven?” I snorted. It sounded too impossible to even say aloud.
“That’s what he said.”
“Oh my gaw… Wait, when did Michael come to you?”
“Three…four weeks back,” he said.
“Before Eli fell? So he knew. He knew we’d…he knew everything and he just let it happen.” Why? Had Michael been respecting free will, or planning a strategy for the coming war? My stomach twisted. I was gonna be sick.
“Seraphim are experts at foreseeing a series of events and taking advantage of the fallout,” Amon said. “The Council, even more than the rest. There was one other thing though. Said I should tell you if you decide to take’im up on the offer to keep the terms to yourself. Eli can’t know. No one can or the deal’s off.”
“Why?”
“Don’t know.”
“But he told you.”
“Aye. He did. But then he likely knows I’m more neutral than most,” the fuzzy-haired illorum said.
I sighed and cupped my forehead. “It gives me a headache just to think about it. Nothing makes sense. I mean, who really started the war? My father, when he sent his gibborim after the magisters, or Michael when he figured out what was coming and did nothing about it?” I sighed. My side still ached and after the battle I felt like I hadn’t slept in weeks. “I’m so tired of all of this—angels, demons, nephilim. I’ve had enough for one day. I’ve had enough for one lifetime.”
“Come, Liam,” Amon said. “She needs her rest.”
“Aye. Don’t we all?” He stood. “You have me number. Call. We’ll be here in a flash.”
“Thanks, guys.” They turned to leave, but then I had a thought. “Amon, if you hear from Eli…anything…”
He smiled. “I’ll let you know.”
“Thank you.”
Amon’s smile brightened and Liam gave me a wink. An instant later they were gone.
I hadn’t eaten since dinner the night before, but my clothes were wet all the way down to my socks. Fighting off demons and fallen angels was one thing, but sloshy socks would send me over the edge.
When I was halfway up the stairs to my room, the engine of Amon’s Mercedes revved and tires squealed as he shot off from the curb. I glanced over my shoulder through the front door window, but they were already gone.
Liam and Amon had become a comfort I hadn’t expected. They understood—at least better than most—the torment of loving someone they shouldn’t, but being helpless to stop. They were a comfort that Eli didn’t have.
My throat tightened, and tears were suddenly there in my eyes. Just the thought of Eli sent a sharp stab through my chest. I missed him like I’d miss air. And knowing he was alone out there in the world, closing himself off from everyone—anyone—who might help him cope, made the pain all the worse. What had I done to him?
We both suffered for our decision, but his punishment was so much worse. He didn’t deserve this. As much as I loved him, wanted to be with him, I couldn’t let him go on paying such a lonely, agonizing price.
There was a way I could save him, and I didn’t care that Michael had used his position to foresee my inevitable need for his help in saving Eli. I’d do whatever he wanted. If it meant Eli would be forgiven and he could return home where he belonged, then I’d do it.
The decision was easy. Eli was lost to me either way. Whether he spent the rest of my lifetime and countless more hiding from his pain alone, or he spent it in heaven with his brothers, the result was the same. He was gone. At least by helping the Council I could take comfort in knowing Eli would be at peace.
I turned the corner at the top of the stairs and pushed open the door to my bedroom. Something moved and my gaze shot across the room.
“Eli.” I couldn’t breathe, didn’t want to for fear it was just an illusion and he’d vanish like a ghost. Heat prickled over my mark. I didn’t care. I didn’t even flinch.
He stood frozen, sword in his hand, the hem of his long, tan duster coming to rest around his calves. He looked good. His hair was a little mussed, and he had the beginnings of stubble along his jaw. His eyes were no darker than they’d been the last time I’d seen him, but it was still a shock to see the deeper blue.
“I…I was told you remember,” he said, his voice raw as if he had been screaming for hours…or days. “I was told that your lineage made you resistant to Fraciel’s attempts to erase the memory of me.”
“That’s right.” I stepped closer and Eli tensed. I froze again. “I mean, I guess that’s why I remember everything. Eli, I’m not going to hurt you. I c
ouldn’t. Please, you have to trust me.”
His shoulders relaxed, dropping a fraction of an inch, and he looked away. “Damn it to hell. Will this punishment never cease? How much more damage has my weakness caused you? I’m so sorry, Emma Jane. Had I the power to clear your mind and heart of me, I would. But if Fraciel couldn’t manage it…”
“No, Eli, it’s okay. I want to remember,” I said, taking another tentative step toward him. He didn’t move this time. “I’m glad it didn’t stick. I wouldn’t be able to help you if I didn’t remember.”
“Help me?” His brows creased low over his eyes. “There is no help for me. There is only your salvation—your redemption. My spirit is lost, Emma Jane.”
“No. It’s not,” I said, wanting to tell him about Michael’s offer, give him hope, but knew I couldn’t.
“I know about the deal you made with Jukar,” he said, his face a handsome mask of disapproval. “I came here to tell you that you’re a fool.”
“Oh.” I blinked. Ouch.
“You’re making deals with the devil for that which we have no business wanting,” he said. “And, if not for the powers afforded you through your father, we could never achieve. I have already paid the price for our love. I will not have you suffer punishment as well. Such a thing—defying the Council, defying God—will cost you Emma Jane. It may cost you your soul.”
“I can’t feel my soul,” I said taking another few steps closer. “But I can feel my heart. It’s racing because I’m near you. I can feel my hands shaking to touch you. I can feel my body warming to be touched by you. That’s what I feel. That’s what I care about.”
“You will feel the absence of your soul if it’s taken from you,” Eli said, his voice softer, his conviction less intense.
We were only a few steps apart now, and I closed the distance. Everything inside me ached to reach for him, to feel the warmth of his hand, the solid form of his chest. I had to know he was real. But I fisted my hands at my sides. “So…you think I’m a fool? That’s why you came back? To tell me so?”
He met my eyes and my chest tightened. “Yes,” he said. “At least that was the excuse I told myself. I hate that you would risk anything to be with me, but…I can’t deny how I’ve missed you.”
I risked a soft touch to his hand, my fingers brushing over his knuckles and the tight grip he held on his sword. An instant later the sword vanished and he turned his hand to hold mine. We stared at the small connection, his warmth spilling into me from that single touch. I could breathe again.
“This cannot be happening,” he whispered. “We should never have been able to come together like this again. You should’ve been restored to your true calling, and I should be fleeing for my life. I loathe Jukar as I have never loathed another living thing before. I loathe him, and the temptation of his offer, but…”
“But?” I asked.
His sapphire-blue gaze swung up to mine. “But if your decision is made and you have turned your back on the seraphim to aid Jukar and his followers, then I don’t have the strength to refuse the reward.”
I wanted to tell him that I hadn’t agreed to anything. I wanted to tell him that we could undo everything—that he could go home if I took Michael up on his proposal. But when he lifted a hand to brush my cheek, my breath caught. I couldn’t speak.
His fingers caressed my face, featherlight, and a warm tingle rushed through my veins. My body went molten hot and things low inside me flexed and tightened. I licked my lips, holding his gaze, my desire reflected in the brilliant blue of his eyes.
“It was easier before I knew what it felt like to touch you, to know you as a man,” he said, leaning closer—his breath warming against my lips. “But now…I am powerless to resist my need for you. Emma Jane…I love you. God forgive me, there is no price too high. I would give my last breath to feel you in my arms again. If we are to be damned, then let us be damned together.”
He pressed his lips to mine and the world stopped. There was only Eli and me, the sound of my heart beating in rhythm with his—the rise and fall of his chest, the feel of him so near to me. No walls surrounded us, no floors braced beneath our feet. We were all there was in the universe, and nothing else mattered.
His arms wrapped around me, pulling my body flush to his, and suddenly I was alive. Every part of my body hummed with the feel of him, the gentle tug of his lips, the harder push of his fingertips against my back, the strong press of his body against mine. I could feel him. I could feel everything, as though I’d been sleepwalking and his kiss had awakened me.
I couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t want to. There was time to figure out what we’d do about the future, time to figure out what was best for Eli. I wasn’t ready to think about it. Not now, not when he was here—real and solid, and loving me.
The war in heaven was raging, and it was time to pick a side. The choices were clear, and neither one came without a price. But for now we had this moment, a sliver of time to be in each other’s arms. Heaven and Hell, good and evil, right and wrong—it could all wait a little while longer.
Today, tonight, I’d live in the here and now.
Tomorrow I’d figure out the hereafter.
Acknowledgments
My undying gratitude to my amazing editor, Stacy Abrams, whose talent and patience keeps me sane. And to Ashley Schorkhuber, hands down, the best proofreader on the planet. To Jaime Arnold and Debbie Suzuki, my superstar publicists, thank you, thank you, thank you for all your hard work, tweets, posts, and squeals. And for your tireless belief in my books and me. Yenz ROCK!
Don’t miss the stunning conclusion to the Hellsbane trilogy:
Hellsbane Hereafter
by Paige Cuccaro
Coming Summer 2014!
The war between good and evil is on, and Emma Jane is caught in the middle. Both sides want her working for them and both sides know how to make her suffer if she chooses wrong. But someone has raised the stakes, using innocent humans as pawns, and Emma Jane isn’t sure who is to blame. Discovering the truth will be hard enough, but what she used to believe about right and wrong, good and evil, what she used to believe about herself is changing. Emma Jane is changing, and something tells her whatever happens, nothing is going to be the same again.
Being heaven’s bounty hunter isn’t easy—Emma Jane Hellsbane just makes it look that way.
Discover where it all began with
Hellsbane
by Paige Cuccaro
Available online and in stores now!
Twenty-three-year-old Emma Jane Hellsbane just found out shee’s not human—or, at least, not only human. She’s half angel, too, and now Heaven’s got a job for her: round up all the Fallen angels and their red-skinned, horned devil-demon minions and boot their butts back into the abyss. Only problem? The demons and their Fallen masters fight back...and they don’t fight fair.
Luckily for Emma, she can put a stop to the constant threat of having her head hacked off if she figures out which Fallen angel is her father—and then kills him before he kills her. Of course, in the meantime, she’ll have to avoid accidentally seducing her angelic mentor, help an old friend conquer his own Fallen sperm donor, and basically save the world from a cataclysmic divine smack down.
No one said being Heaven’s bounty hunter would be easy. But with a name like Hellsbane, Emma Jane was born for the job.
Hellsbane 02 - Heaven and Hellsbane Page 30