by Renna Peak
She’s quiet for so long that I wonder if she’s outright ignoring me, but then her voice breaks through the silence.
“Those seven women you had relationships with,” she says. “Did you ever love any of them?”
“That depends on how you define love.”
“The standard way.”
I grin up at the ceiling. “One might say there is no standard way to define love, that everyone experiences it differently—”
“Stop stalling and answer the question.”
Part of me wants to laugh. The other part of me feels as if she’s tapped into something I’ve never scrutinized very closely—something I don’t want to scrutinize.
“No,” I say after a moment. “I don’t suppose I’ve ever been in love.”
She doesn’t respond. It’s my turn to ask her a question, and I can’t just turn that question back around on her—I already know the answer.
Instead, I ask, “Do you think someone can love more than once in their life?”
Again, she lets the silence drag on for far too long. When she finally speaks, her voice is so soft I wonder if I’ve imagined it.
“No.”
I know without asking that the game is over, that I won’t learn anything else from her tonight. The darkness suddenly feels very heavy and very still around us.
I lie there without moving for some time. Eventually, her breaths become slower, steadier, until I’m certain she’s asleep. But I won’t be sleeping anytime soon.
I don’t know why her answers disturb me so much. It’s not like I expected her to fall in love with me—I’m not some ridiculous romantic. I knew what I was getting into, and that the best we could hope for was a mutual understanding and respect. But her certainty that her one and only love is behind her is disheartening, even depressing—though I’m not sure whether I’m sad for her or for myself.
Fuck me, it was never supposed to be this complicated. At least not this way. I’m a prisoner is Rosvalia with in-laws who despise me and a wife who’s convinced herself she can never be happy with me. Is this what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life?
After a while, I get out of bed. On the far side of the room are French doors leading out onto a small balcony, and I open them and step out into the night air.
It’s warmer outside than I expected. It’s been a mild, dry autumn so far, but judging by the sharp wind, we should have rain in the next few days, maybe even as early as tomorrow morning. There’s already mist rising from the river flowing through the city.
Maybe I’ll explore the capital tomorrow, I think, looking out at the fuzzy, fog-wrapped lights of the city. At least it would get me out of the palace for a while.
I take a seat in one of the cushioned chairs, propping my feet up on the railing. The skin of my bare chest prickles as a gust of wind sweeps by, but I find the chill refreshing. Next best thing to a cold shower.
I should go back to bed with my new wife—after all, I was the one who fought so hard for the right to share her bed tonight—but I can’t bring myself to do it.
Just a few more minutes, I tell myself, tilting my head back and looking up at the dark sky. Just a few more minutes to think.
I wake to the feeling of raindrops pelting me.
I jerk upright, blinking as I look around. It’s morning, judging by the pale gray sky, and the rain is coming down harder every second.
My entire body is stiff. And cold. Did I really spend all night out here? My pajama bottoms are soaked.
I wrap one arm around myself, trying to rub myself warm and dry as I open the door to the bedroom.
And nearly walk right into Justine.
She looks just as stunned as I feel. Her gaze takes me in from top to bottom, and her lips curl down into a frown. “I was looking for you. Have you been out there all night?”
“Not on purpose,” I say. I have the urge to shake my head, to try and get some of the moisture out of my hair, but I have a feeling she won’t appreciate being splattered. “I only wanted to get some fresh air, but I guess I fell asleep.”
She’s still staring at me, her expression guarded. I wish I knew what she was thinking—but I can’t help but get distracted by how beautiful she looks right now, fresh out of bed. Her hair is messy, her eyes still a little sleepy. One of the straps of her tank top has fallen down over her shoulder, but she doesn’t seem to notice.
If circumstances were different, I’d carry her right back to that bed and fuck her at least twice before breakfast.
I can only imagine what she’s thinking of me right now—probably nothing nearly as complimentary.
“I, uh…I should probably go take a shower,” I say. A hot shower. “After that I was thinking of going out into the city. It’s about time I saw a little more of Rosvalia.”
“In this weather?”
I can’t read her tone, so I keep my voice light. “Why not? A little rain never hurt anybody.”
“It’s going to be more than just a little rain.” She brushes past me, reaching for the French doors and pulling them open wide. A blast of rain hits us. “If I had to guess, we’re going to be hit with quite the storm.”
I stare out past her shoulder. The clouds are much bigger and darker at the far edge of the valley—and as far I can tell, they’re headed straight toward us. When I glance down at the palace grounds, I see a number of people already scurrying about, bringing in the garden furniture and decorative lanterns, preparing for destructive weather.
“Do you get bad storms here?” I ask her.
“They’re rare, but they do happen. Especially since our autumns have gotten warmer.” Shadows fill her eyes. “The river flooded last year, and a number of farms were destroyed. And we only just finished restoring the damage in the city’s southern district.” She turns back to me so abruptly that I stumble back in surprise. “Do me a favor and try to stay out of trouble today. There’s a lot that must be done, and I don’t want you underfoot. Try not to stray too far from the suite, either—last year the palace and most of the city lost power for the better part of a day. I told Father we needed to invest in some emergency generators, but he decided that money was better spent elsewhere.”
She doesn’t wait for my response. Instead, she closes the doors and strides over to the closet, clearly preoccupied.
“I’ll have the kitchen send you some breakfast,” she calls to me from the closet. “Oh—and stay away from the windows. Last year we had hail the size of golf balls, and it damaged a couple of priceless works of stained glass and three panels on the aviary.”
“There’s no reason for me to stay cooped up here all day,” I tell her. “How can I help?”
“Honestly, the biggest help would be for you to stay out of everyone’s way.”
That’s a lie, and we both know it.
“I’m not incompetent, Princess. And I’ve helped with a number of minor national crises in Montovia. I can help here.”
She emerges from the closet, dressed in a blouse and a pair of slacks. She’s tying her hair up on her head, chewing on her bottom lip as she thinks.
“I’ll send for you later,” she says finally. “Get dressed and be ready. I’m going to go find my father.”
It’s the best I’m going to get from her, I know.
“Okay,” I say. “I’ll be waiting.”
She rushes out of the room without another word to me, worry written all over her face.
When she’s gone, I turn back to the doors, looking outside. The clouds are already visibly closer—they’re moving fast. I open the doors, and the wind that hits me is so strong it knocks me back a couple of steps. Below, a man shouts as the awning he was trying to roll up flies out of his hands and is thrown across the grounds. It’s going to be a bad one, that much is clear.
I quickly shut the doors, preparing myself for whatever comes.
Justine
I should allow William to help with the preparations for the storm, but with things so…odd in
the palace at the moment, I don’t dare allow him anywhere outside the west wing. I don’t really want to dare to leave the wing myself.
A similar storm happened here last summer. Rosvalia is known for having difficult winters—there is nothing new about that. But the strange weather that has been happening year round has left much of the country devastated. Our farms are nearly decimated and several cities have flooded to the point of having to be abandoned.
Of course, little of this makes the international news, even in a country as close to us geographically as Montovia. William’s country is lucky—they have mountains surrounding them on all sides, protecting them from the extreme weather. But because our country only has mountains on one side, the weather systems seem to hang over Rosvalia like clouds of death.
If I had my way, I’d open the palace to our people and allow them to use it as shelter. The west side of the palace has suffered little damage in the past storms as it faces the opposite direction as the wind. Sadly, it’s the eastern portion of the palace that has been nearly destroyed in each of the last three of these storms—and of course, that is the part of the palace that could house the most of our people.
Still, I go to the kitchens to have them begin preparing food. If nothing else, when the storm has passed, we can deliver soup and bread to the emergency shelters in the city. Because our infrastructure has suffered so greatly over the past few years, it might be weeks before many of our citizens have power in their homes again.
There is little else I can do—my parents will have taken shelter already in a safe part of the palace, away from the windows. My suite faces west—it won’t be a good place to take shelter, so I make my way back to warn William that he’ll need to leave as well.
The storm is moving quickly—I already hear windows shattering as I move through the corridor.
There’s a pang in my chest—William. I hope he didn’t decide to go back out onto the balcony. I didn’t want to tell him earlier, but we lost a staff member in the last storm when my parents sent him out to retrieve something. These winds are strong, beyond hurricane-strength.
My pace quickens as I hear another window shatter in a nearby room. The next sound I hear isn’t so much a shattering as a loud, crackling boom. Everything seems to happen at the same time—I hear the explosion, the lights go out instantly, and I tumble to the floor.
It isn’t until my back is flat against the tile of the hallway that I realize someone is on top of me.
And it only takes me a second to know it’s William. After the kiss we shared last night, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forget his scent—I know it immediately.
I shove him, but he doesn’t move. “Your Highness—”
“Princess, you can’t go back to the room. The window—”
“I know.” I shove him again and he rolls to my side. I struggle to right myself, unable to see anything in the pitch blackness of the corridor. “It’s exactly as it happened last time.”
“Then why did you leave? You should have at least found candles—”
“I thought the needs of Rosvalia were more important than finding candles. Though now that the electricity has gone out, it doesn’t seem nearly as important. I thought we’d have at least several hours before we lost power.”
He’s silent. “If this has happened before, there is really no excuse for not being prepared—”
“It has happened before. But these storms are recent occurrences. Each time they happen, we are assured that they won’t happen again. And yet, they seem to be happening more and more often.”
“Then people should move.” He chuckles. “Montovia isn’t such a bad place to live. And I’m sure our immigration policy—”
“I realize you believe you are hilarious, Your Highness. But now is not really the time for jokes.”
He’s silent for another moment. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” He pauses. “Is there anything we can do?”
“In the dark? In the middle of the corridor? I’d say it’s unlikely.”
He pulls out his phone and the light casts an eerie glow. “I have no signal. I thought I might call on my father and brother—”
“It’s difficult to get a good signal in this part of the palace, anyway, Your Highness. And people will all be trying to call their families now. If the palace is without power, the entire city is likely without power. And it’s difficult to say what the outlying communities are suffering now.”
“I’ll wait then.” He slides the phone back in his pocket. “So are we just to sit here? In the hallway?”
“It’s safer than any room on this side of the palace.” I sigh, leaning against the wall. “The storms usually pass quickly. The longest one lasted only six hours or so.”
“And that is your definition of quickly?” He chuckles. “I suppose I can think of a few things we might do to pass the time while we are waiting, then.”
I roll my eyes—it seems to be all I want to do around the man, but I’m almost glad it’s too dark for him to see anything. “You may think of whatever you wish, Your Highness.”
Another loud crash of shattering glass sounds in a nearby room. William slides his arm around my waist, pulling me to him—protecting me, I suppose.
I stiffen for a moment, tilting away from his touch before I freeze. It’s not…bad, being in his arms. There are worse places I can think of being at the moment. I lean myself against the wall again, allowing him to keep his hand on my lower back, but I definitely don’t nestle closer to him.
He seems to be as shocked as I am. We’re both silent for a long moment—he’s probably as surprised as I am that I’m allowing him to touch me at all.
William finally speaks after we settle into some sort of normalcy. “We could continue our game.”
“There was no game, Your Highness—”
“Our…conversation, then.” He pauses. “I believe it was your turn.”
I suppose we have nothing better to do while we wait, but I’m not certain I liked where our “conversation” had been going last night. “Fine.”
“Fine? Really?” He seems surprised that I’ve agreed.
And I’m not really sure why I have agreed, only that there’s something about the man. Something I can’t quite put my finger on yet. It’s odd, but I’m almost beginning to enjoy our arguments. “Yes, really. Unless you weren’t really asking—”
“Well, I did say I could think of many interesting ways we could pass the time. If you’d prefer—”
“I wouldn’t.”
He chuckles. “I would say that you seemed to enjoy our kiss last night as much as I did. Perhaps we could—”
“We can’t.”
“Well, we can. The fact that you don’t want to doesn’t mean we’re physically incapable of—”
“Your Highness, do you want to play or not?”
He’s silent. “So it is a game now?”
“No. It isn’t a game. You know what I meant.”
“Ah. So now I’m to read your mind?”
I resist the urge to turn and punch him in the stomach. “If you’d rather sit in silence for the next few hours, I’m amenable to that. Though I’d prefer it if you’d move across the corridor.”
He seems to consider my words. “So if I agree to play, even though it is not a game, I’m allowed to continue sitting next to you?”
“Yes.”
“With my arm where it is now?”
“Yes.”
He chuckles again. “I believe I can agree to these terms. What is your question, Princess?”
I let out a long breath—I actually do have a question for him. It’s one I’ve been wanting to ask him since this whole arrangement began. “My question to you, Your Highness, is…” I pause, thinking again that I may not really want the answer to this question at all. “Why would you give up your chance to experience love?”
He shifts next to me. “What do you mean?”
“I mean when you married me—you gave up your chanc
e to experience love. Or did you believe you’d take a mistress? Find love with her?”
“I believe that was three questions, Princess.”
“And you haven’t answered any of them, Your Highness.”
William
I lean my head against the wall. I should have known she’d attack me right away with tough questions, especially after last night, but I’m still not prepared.
“I guess… I guess I just never thought about the fact that I might be giving up the chance to experience love. Not in those terms, at least.” My free hand falls to the plush carpet, my fingers brushing against the thick silk strands. “I knew there was a risk I’d end up miserable and lonely. That we’d end up hating each other and choosing to spend the rest of our lives as far away from each other as possible. I knew I’d be giving up my freedom, and possibly my happiness, and whatever dreams I might have had before. But love? I guess I never really thought about it. Not my own love, anyway.”
“Not your own love?”
“You know,” I say with a wave of my hand. “You were there. Andrew was miserably in love with Victoria. He was ready to give up the throne for her. There was even a night he went up on the palace roof and… Well, you don’t need to hear all that.”
“You don’t mean…” Her voice trails off as thunder rumbles overhead. The light fixture above us trembles and rattles. “He was thinking about jumping?”
“He denies it, of course. But Sophia saw him. And she wouldn’t make up something like that.” And I wouldn’t put it past Andrew. He completely lost his head over Victoria. “I know my brother. He’d lay down his own life for Montovia. The fact that he was willing to risk everything for Victoria… That means something. And Victoria… I got to know her during those few weeks. She’s a good woman—and she’s good for my brother. If he’d had to marry you to settle our countries’ disputes…I guarantee you, no one would have been happy. A lot of good people would have suffered. And I couldn’t let that happen. I saw an opportunity to make things right, and I took it.”
Thunder rumbles again, and the wind howls—even far from any windows, the sound is unsettling.