A long time ago, Allie enjoyed the same indulgences. But for a decade, she had existed without any of it. Maybe, in some ways, she was better off, with all the time in the world to think. She laid her head back and let her gaze drift, absorbing the passing fields, rolling green-and-gold hills, and towering pines.
It was thirty-two miles outside the barbed-wire gates of Arrendale State Prison, in Jackson County, when Allie finally wanted to speak. She wanted to ask about Caroline. She was desperate to know everything, hear every detail. But she swallowed the million questions for just a few moments more, letting the silence envelop the space. Breathe, Allie told herself.
“Like the car?” Emma asked finally, glancing in the rearview mirror. “It’s a few years old—snapped it up after one of my friends told me it was sitting on the lot outside town.” She winked. “A bit of a step up, don’t you think?”
Allie swallowed back the sand-dry roughness in her throat. “Definitely.” She tried to smile. “Where’s the Chevelle?” Allie asked, thinking back to her sister’s first car, a sleek throwback to the seventies. She ran a hand along the seat, supple and firm, thinking back to the shiny vinyl interior of the old vehicle. “I miss it.”
“Junkyard.” Emma laughed at the comment, pursing her glossed lips into a wry bow.
“Too bad.” Allie fiddled with the edge of her shirt. Her own daughter was old enough for a learner’s permit. She’d be driving soon, if she wasn’t already.
“How is Caroline?” Allie asked, the question bursting from her mouth before she could stop it.
Emma’s grip tightened on the wheel. Her sister turned her head slightly, flashing a too-bright smile. “She’s doing fine,” she said, her voice strained but even. “Everything’s really good.” But then Emma trained her eyes straight forward, as if she could only see the lines on the empty road ahead. She swallowed, licked her lips, and lifted her chin. “I think Mom and Dad are going to try to bring her by.”
Try. It wasn’t what Allie wanted to hear, but she had learned to be patient. After ten years inside Arrendale, anticipation, which used to be excruciating, was now a dull ache. She could wait a little longer for Caroline.
After a few minutes, Emma changed the subject, offering details about Caroline’s school, a guy named Jake she’d had a crush on this year, the clubs she’d joined. Emma kept talking, filling the space above, in, around, and below, the invisible question hovering in the car between the two of them.
How was Caroline? Really?
Was she okay? Was she safe?
But Allie let her sister talk. She’d waited forever already. They’d be home soon and she would find out for herself.
As with all family matters, Allie knew the truth was complicated—more intricate than a spider’s web and just as sticky.
THREE
CAROLINE
2016
Caroline believed there was safety in numbers. A circle of friends, like a pride of lions, offered protection and relief from the torture that was high school. The tiled walls, the endless eyes, the scanning and scrutinizing.
Caroline held her breath to slow her racing heartbeat. In her head, she counted back from ten. She began to perspire and wiped a hand across her damp forehead. She wrinkled her nose. Classroom doors yawned open into the hallway, sending out air scented with dry-erase markers and pencil shavings.
The catcalls and gossip floated in streams above her head. Words bounced off lockers, twisting in midair. And words, Caroline knew, could hurt. Words could kill. Not in a take-your-life kind of way, Caroline thought. More like a reputation-bombing, forever-outcast sort of way.
One shot. Aimed right.
Bang. You were dead.
Caroline swallowed back a quiver of worry. She’d seen it happen. When Mansfield Academy’s elite zoned in on a particular target, it was all-out war. The victims were random. A nerd with braces. A girl with thick charcoal eyeliner whose clothes always faintly smelled of curry. An awkward freshman unlucky enough to trip over his own Chuck Taylors.
Worst of all, there was no warning. No flashing lights. No danger sign in the road. By a small miracle, Caroline had been saved. In the seventh grade, Madeline Anderson had plucked her from obscurity and drew her into Mansfield Academy’s inner circle. Selected Caroline from hundreds of other girls who drove Range Rovers, had trust funds, and spent spring break in the Caribbean. For Maddie, the girl who lived to shock her mother and her Stepford-wife friends, Caroline’s family scandal worked perfectly.
Caroline wasn’t sure who wanted the relationship more. Being friends with the most popular group of girls at her school was a rush unlike any other. When Maddie flicked her long golden hair off one shoulder, heads turned. When Maddie linked arms and drew her close to whisper, Caroline felt the heat of envious stares. When Maddie laughed, her ocean-blue eyes sparkled, right at Caroline.
They were like sisters. Or at least the sister Caroline never had.
If she could become Maddie’s twin—her clone—she would have done it. Instead, she did the next best thing. Caroline memorized everything about Maddie. Her walk, talk, and personality. She even wore Maddie’s signature outfit—two-hundred-dollar jeans, slouchy designer tops, and strappy sandals.
Every day she channeled her inner Maddie.
It was so much easier than being herself.
She was, after all, the daughter of a convict. She didn’t have a dad, which sucked too. Her aunt Emma had raised her. Loved her so much—a little too much sometimes. It could be stifling, but there was no way Caroline would ever hurt Emma’s feelings. Emma had given up everything to raise her and make sure she didn’t want for anything.
Emma tried, anyway. No one tried harder.
Her grandparents treated her like fine china. Conversations were always awkward and punctuated with “wonderful” and “great.” They never knew what to say to her or how to relate. It wasn’t their fault, really. No one knew.
And no one would ever mistake Caroline and her best friend for sisters, no matter how hard she wished. Where Maddie was blonde and tiny, Caroline was statuesque and dark. Over the summer, Caroline had grown another three inches. Her straight frame softened. She’d developed cheekbones and hips. A chest. Her hair grew lush, black, and long.
The changes were so dramatic—and almost overnight—that her aunt threatened to start using time-lapse photography. “I’m going to wake up one morning and not recognize you,” Emma teased.
Good, Caroline thought. She didn’t want anyone to.
Under her shiny exterior, the big smile, the laughter with Maddie and their group of friends, Caroline spent every day waiting. Wondering when it would all collapse.
“Earth to Caro?”
Maddie’s poke in the ribs launched her back to the present.
Caroline’s body jolted. “Ow! What’d I miss?” She wrinkled her nose.
“Absolutely nothing, other than I was telling you about Will.” Maddie shot Caroline a fake reproachful look and then broke out into a wide grin. Will was the latest in Maddie’s merry-go-round of never-ending boyfriends. She traded them in faster than Caroline could keep track.
“What did he say?” Caroline mouthed.
Maddie sighed and waved a hand in Caroline’s face, causing her sweet perfume to billow from her wrists. “I swear, you’re in another universe today.” She rolled her eyes and snapped her mint gum. “It’s the dream guy, isn’t it?”
Caroline hesitated, glad Maddie couldn’t see through to her brain, where all of her real thoughts swirled like debris in a tornado.
“I don’t know.” She tried to grin.
“Liar,” Maddie teased under her breath.
Caroline flushed pink. A few months ago, she’d caught the attention of one of Mansfield Academy’s star football players. Tall and muscled, Jake Robinson made her head swim. The way his dark hair fell over one green eye, the way he slung his arm around her and held her close, and especially the way his lips felt on hers.
He’d noticed
Caroline when Maddie had practically shoved the two of them together at a party on East Beach. There’d been a bonfire, and Caroline had downed one too many beers. By the end of the evening, she was sitting in his lap. They’d been the high school’s “it” couple ever since.
Though Jake made her heart do backflips, she maintained a smooth, sweet demeanor. Calm. In control. Inside, Caroline quaked with anxiety. She felt tall and gangly. An alien, beamed down from Mars, wearing strawberry-scented lip gloss.
“I’m a little jealous,” Maddie continued. “You live with your aunt, which is cool enough. Then your grandparents buy you whatever you want. Like, you’ll probably get a BMW for your next birthday.”
“Yeah, right.” Caroline made herself giggle and tugged a lock of hair, wrapping it tight around her finger until it throbbed. She released the strands and made a face at Maddie. It was easier that way, to pretend it was all good.
Caroline was lucky. She had no strict curfews, no list of chores, no little brother or baby sister to watch after school. Her days were filled, the calendar jammed with circled dates and Sharpie-marker hearts. Her grandmother spoiled her. Emma ferried her everywhere—the mall, football games, lunches—and never, ever complained.
Though Caroline had been told more than a few times by her grandparents that she was book-smart and a diligent student like her mother, physically, she and Emma looked much more alike. Outside Brunswick, people always confused them as mother and daughter. Same last name, same deep brown eyes and long, wavy dark hair, same lithe build.
After a while, her aunt didn’t even bother to correct the confusion. And it never bothered Caroline; she actually liked to hear people call Emma her mother.
Now, though, it was all ruined.
The clock was ticking, the wick burning down. The bomb she was about to drop on Maddie would surely blow her world apart. She tried to form the words. Hey. My mom’s getting out of prison.
It was one thing to have a mother in jail, locked up and far away. To her friends, the idea was surreal, scary, but fascinating, like watching an anaconda slink behind thick glass. Distance and protection made everything okay.
Her mother, living right here in Brunswick? That was another thing altogether.
Her aunt and grandparents broke the news during a regular Sunday dinner. Over the rising steam from shrimp and grits. “Pass the yeast rolls, please? Oh, and by the way, your mother’s getting paroled from Arrendale. Emma’s going to pick her up on Tuesday.” Caroline’s fork had fallen from her hand, clattering to the hardwood floor. Incredulous, she had blinked at Emma.
“How long have you known?” Caroline had asked, her voice cracking.
They’d known for months. Months. Grandma Lily had wanted to say something sooner, but Emma insisted they wait. And then the justification started.
“You have school. Your grades,” Grandpa Paul interjected.
“We didn’t want to upset you for no reason,” her grandmother added.
Emma reached over to squeeze her hand. “We were just looking out for you.”
Her lips parted to respond, but Caroline couldn’t think of a single thing to say. She loved her aunt and her grandparents, but they were so overprotective, treating her as if she were a hand-blown glass figurine instead of a living, breathing teenager.
Maddie nudged her out of her daze. “So, this weekend?”
Caroline jumped.
“Somebody’s on edge.” Maddie gave her a sideways look and bent closer to the mirror.
Unable to make her mouth work, Caroline watched as Maddie freshened her lip gloss. She’d been talking right along, and Caroline hadn’t heard a word.
The confession about her mother was caught—in a tangle of words—just over her heart. Not explaining was worse. Letting Maddie find out from someone else? She’d freak. Besides, everyone would know soon. The whole school, the neighbors. Everyone in the entire state of Georgia.
The bell sounded, long and loud. The ringing penetrated Caroline’s brain with snare drum precision. Chatter erupted all around her, and everyone jostled for the door. Maddie was still talking. Her mouth was moving, but Caroline couldn’t hear her.
With a wave, Maddie disappeared, melting into the rush of students. She had math. Or Spanish. Something. Caroline had missed her chance.
Throat dry, Caroline edged into the crush of students and shuffled to the next classroom, in a building across campus. Outside, the sun beamed overhead, and a warm, salty wind blew off the Atlantic. Squinting against the bright light, Caroline hurried, clutching her books to her chest like a shield.
She ducked into her seat in the biology classroom. Head down, chin close to her chest, Caroline stuck a hand in her backpack. She found her notebook and flipped open the pages, scanning the words.
They’d been talking about PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. Some of the kids’ parents were soldiers. A few, just back from Afghanistan, were seriously messed up. Didn’t know their own families, couldn’t remember names or birthdays. It was like their minds had been scrubbed clean with Drano.
And all entirely normal, according to her biology teacher. The human brain knew what to remember and what to forget. Caroline looked at her notes.
After humans suffer trauma, the body reacts. Amnesia, selective or not, is the body’s way of protecting the brain from suffering.
So, Caroline supposed, the key takeaway was this: if life was bad enough, if things really sucked, a person’s mind ran its own witness protection program.
Simple.
Easy.
Except . . . Caroline’s eyes filled with tears.
She could never forget.
FOUR
SHERIFF GAINES
2016
Sheriff Lee Gaines hit his stride halfway through his five-mile run. It was a perfect day, with wisps of white clouds dotting the azure sky. Had it been a Saturday, he would have driven a few miles across the Torras Causeway, passed the welcome sign to St. Simons Island, and taken Kings Way to the Lighthouse Museum. From there, he’d begin his run, enjoying a spectacular view of the rocky coastline and silver-blue waves under a canopy of leaves and Spanish moss. He loved smelling the sea air as he wound through Beachview Drive and Oglethorpe Avenue.
But it was a weekday, and with Chief, his German shepherd, close to his side, Gaines followed his routine through downtown, near the hospital, with a final loop around the College of Coastal Georgia.
Like an NFL kicker who touched his right temple before a punt or a baseball player who needed a certain brand of gum for good luck, Gaines had his rituals. But unlike pro athletes, these routines weren’t for winning or getting a twenty-million-dollar salary.
His life was about discipline.
Sweating in the humid morning air, breathing in the scent of newly paved asphalt, he pushed himself the last hundred yards, sprinting to his front steps.
Last week he’d finally moved into his new home. It was only a few blocks away from the one he’d shared with June, but this one was smaller, with a more manageable yard and a big fence. It was what he needed now.
As he rounded the corner to enter through the back door, he caught sight of the For Sale sign he’d been meaning to dispose of. He hesitated, then opened the back of his patrol car and lifted the sign, sliding it inside. Now at least he wouldn’t have to see it—this reminder of loss and change—every time he pulled into the driveway.
Not all reminders were bad ones, though. He twisted the bulky high school ring on his right hand. In his prime, he’d led the Mansfield Wolverines to victory. He’d been quarterback and went on to play second string at Georgia State until a shoulder injury ended his college football career. He’d buried the disappointment, studied criminal justice, and entered the Glynn County Sheriff’s Department immediately after graduation. Now, after nearly thirty-five years on the force, he ran the department with the precision of a marine battalion, spent time with his wife, and served as a Mansfield Academy booster and unofficial advisor to the school�
�s athletic department.
At eight thirty, uniform on, boots laced tight, Gaines straightened his tie in the full-length mirror and scowled at the gray creeping into his hairline. After refilling a bowl of water for Chief, Gaines paused at the bedroom door. Something nudged at the back of his mind.
His calendar sat on the corner of his dresser. He strode toward it, flipped it open with one hand, ran a thick finger across the page. This particular week had a line through it, under which he’d scribbled his secretary’s name and vacation in capital letters.
Shoot. Of course he’d forgotten it was this week. His secretary hadn’t taken time off in four years or more. She was overdue. And worse than that, she had to be gone. Saturday was her daughter’s wedding.
Gaines frowned and rubbed his neck. He’d muddle through, but it didn’t bode well for a smooth day. He lifted his gun belt and strapped it on tight. The weapon wasn’t optional. It was worn on duty, off duty, to the grocery store, and out to grab a bite to eat.
Overkill, maybe. But folks felt safe, it provided comfort, and it was a constant reminder about who was in charge. Who ran things in Brunswick.
In reality, Gaines didn’t need macho accoutrements. He wasn’t a Rambo-like fanatic who went around seeking trouble. The weapon was his shield; it provided distance between him and the world, protection from anyone getting too close.
And he had Chief. There was no other partner Gaines preferred.
He’d started the department’s K-9 program with one dog a decade earlier. Beau, his first trainee, had served his time well. Since then, there’d been several more, but none as fine an animal as Chief. They understood each other.
If only it could be that way with June.
Thirty minutes later, after fighting the usual rush of morning tourist traffic heading to the nearby barrier islands, Gaines pulled into the nursing home parking lot. Though the outside boasted a manicured lawn and palm trees, he despised every inch of it, from the concrete driveway to the florescent lights inside. He resented the air freshener that didn’t quite mask the smell of cleaning solution. His wife didn’t belong here, this place where people came to die.
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