Certainly she’d never felt this content around Perry. With him it was as if there was some sort of film between them. But with Josh it wasn’t there. No—that wasn’t quite true. There was still one thing hanging between them. One mystery that she didn’t understand, and about which Josh was still being evasive.
She needed to know, though. She needed to understand why Josh was still in Nevada. Why he hadn’t gone to grad school. Why he wasn’t opening branch offices, traveling the world, negotiating land rights with foreign jurisdictions. Why he wasn’t reaching to attain his dreams.
“Josh, is your mother ill?”
He looked at her in surprise. “She’s fine. Where did that come from?”
She allowed herself a grin. “I’m psychoanalyzing you.”
“Must be some analysis if the end result is that my mom is sick.”
“I’m very glad she’s not,” Cleo said. She thought about asking the next question, but decided to wait. This was New Year’s Eve, after all. Serious questions could wait for the new year. She eased toward him and slipped her hands around his waist, arching against him until she had the satisfaction of hearing him moan and feeling the hard length of him press against her thigh. “Guess what I’m thinking now,” she whispered.
His breath tickled her ear. “You’re thinking that the hot tub on the back porch sounds incredibly tempting.”
“You know me so well,” she whispered.
“I’m amazing,” he said. He kissed her then eased away, holding a hand out to her. “If we go now we can watch the sunset from the warmth of steaming hot water.”
Since that sounded too good to pass up, she followed him out. The hot tub was on the back porch, secure under a vinyl cover. “Do you know what to do?” she asked.
“I think so,” he said. He peeled back the cover, then found some controls that made the water start to bubble. She didn’t have to ask if it was already hot; the rising steam answered that question.
“Come on,” he said, stepping boldly out of his clothes and leaving them on the patio.
“It’s freezing!”
“Thus the hot tub.”
“We’re going to turn blue when we get out,” she complained, but she tugged off her socks and started to peel off her jeans. At the very least it was an adventure, and she had a feeling Josh would happily warm her up after they raced from the hot tub back into the cabin.
They settled on opposite sides at first, just looking at each other. They couldn’t actually see the sunset, not with the hills and trees, but the sky turned a beautiful orange color, and Cleo sighed, losing herself in the beauty of the mountains.
“We forgot the wine,” Josh said.
Cleo lifted a brow. “Then you brave the cold to go get it. I’m staying right here where it’s warm.”
“With you there,” he said. He got up and moved closer to her, their feet meeting on a footrest under the water. They sat that way for a moment, just enjoying the quiet and the company.
It was Josh who finally broke the silence.
“We should talk about tomorrow,” he said.
She nodded. “We probably should. But—can we not? Not yet.” She slid closer and eased up onto his lap. She wanted him. She wanted them. And she was certain that he wanted it, too. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that they were at cross-purposes. And if she was right, she wanted to postpone the inevitable. When she and Josh had parted before, she’d been catatonic for weeks. She feared parting with him again would kill her.
“We do need to talk about tomorrow,” she said. “About mining and litigation and you and me.” She pressed her palm to his face and met his eyes. “But you know what? Right now, I don’t care about any of that.”
“No? What do you care about?”
“What do you think?” she teased.
“Hmm. Let me guess.” He slipped his hand between her legs, and she arched her back, losing herself as his fingers found her cleft even as his cock pressed hard against the inside of her thigh. His mouth nipped at her ear as one hand traveled up to stroke her breast, the other finding and teasing her clit.
“Is that what you were thinking?” he asked.
“You know me too well,” she said, and she meant it. He knew exactly how to touch her, body and soul. And right then, his fingers were wreaking havoc on her ability to speak. His fingers gently stroked her swollen clit, and she kept her eyes open, her face in front of his, as he brought her closer and closer to the brink.
Her body bucked, but she didn’t look away. She let the orgasm take her, let it send her spiraling up and over, and all the while she looked into his eyes.
“Cleo,” he whispered.
“Make love to me,” she said, the word soft and full of meaning. Love. Not sex.
Gently, slowly, he kissed her, and she opened her mouth to his, exploring and tasting, even as she slowly and gently spread her legs.
He eased inside her with tender thrusts, each one pulling her a little more into him, tying the connection between them tighter, until, when he was fully inside her, she couldn’t tell where he ended and she began.
Still, she didn’t close her eyes. She wanted to see him. To see them. Herself reflected in his eyes. As he thrust rhythmically into her and she rose to meet him, she saw passion there like she’d never seen before, and it humbled her.
“Cleo,” he whispered again. It was as if her name was a trigger. She exploded beneath him, crying out his name as her body clenched around him, pumping and claiming, draining him dry with the force of her passion.
When the orgasm subsided, she pressed up against him, hugging him tight, lost in a sensual swirl of satisfaction…marred only by the fear that something dark waited on the horizon, something that would work to keep them apart again, even when the thing she most wanted in all the world was to spend the rest of her life in his arms.
“CLEO,” HE WHISPERED AGAIN, moving slowly inside her. He never wanted to let her go. Never wanted to lose her. Blindly, he cupped the back of her head, kissing her hard. Claiming her.
He was still inside her, and he moved slowly now, watching her as she moved with him, lifting her to exactly where he needed her.
“Josh.” Her voice was soft, dreamy, and the passion in it made him even more desperate to possess her—and even more aware of what he would lose if she left. He couldn’t tell her with his words, so he tried to tell her with his body. Tried to convince her that this was real and necessary and something that couldn’t—shouldn’t—be broken. Not again.
She was right in his arms, and he didn’t want to let go, afraid that if he did—if he stopped kissing her or touching her—she’d disappear.
She made a sweet, desperate noise that was a cross between a moan and a cry, and the sound of it made him harder, if that were even possible. Because he recognized that sound. It was the sound of need, and it was washing over both of them, filling them and teasing them, both a plea and a promise.
He clung to it like a lifeline, certain that her need matched his own as he thrust inside her, again and again, until the doubts that tormented him disappeared and all he could do was bask in the feel of her and the knowledge that this moment was one they shared fully and completely. Sex and love and, yes, a future.
They came together, their minds and bodies soaring then crashing back down into the warm water of the hot tub. They clung to each other, and he reveled in that. He reached up to brush an errant strand of hair from her eyes. She smiled and his heart did little flip-flops.
She pressed a soft kiss to his lips and then slid off him. “We should get inside before we melt,” she said.
“We probably should.”
They both hesitated, because of course they hadn’t bothered with robes or towels.
“You first,” he said.
She laughed. “As if. You go.”
“On three.”
She narrowed her eyes at him and then nodded. They both crouched on the step, mostly underwater, but ready to spring. “One,” sh
e said.
“Two,” he said.
“Three!” she finished. They took off with a flurry of water and raced inside, both with the same idea. They practically dived onto the bed and burrowed under the warm, dry sheets.
“We’re getting everything all wet,” she said, but her laugh suggested she was less than concerned.
“We’ll do laundry when we thaw,” he said. “If we don’t get out of bed, we’ll miss tonight’s fireworks.”
She rolled over and propped herself up on her elbow. “I’m only interested in our own fireworks.”
“Me, too,” he said. “Thank goodness for Jillian.”
She laughed. “Jillian?”
“When Jillian offered me this cabin, she said it has a history.”
“Really?” She sat up, the sheet held tight to her chest. “Tell me.”
He sat up, too, facing her. “Apparently, Jillian and Ken had a rough patch in their marriage, and spending time here helped to heal it.”
“That’s sweet. I’m glad they patched things up. They’re a great couple.”
“Apparently they’re not the only couple it’s worked its magic on.”
“Magic?”
He shrugged. “Or whatever. The point is, they study it now. Couples come, they leave with their relationship rekindled, the bumps smoothed out. Single folks come, they leave having found love. They’re tracking it, recording it, like a study.”
“That’s ridiculous. They’re scientists. A house that rekindles love?” Her words were dismissive, but he saw something else in her expression. Recognition, maybe? “Why did you mention it?”
“Because, from my perspective at least…the house did its job.” He eased back, reaching for the nightstand on his side of the bed. He’d been thinking about it all day—the one thing he’d put there when he’d come up to the cabin. And now he wanted to give it to her.
He pulled open the drawer and took it in his hand. Then he sat up again and faced her, the gift hidden inside his palm. “You gave it to me, and now I’m giving it to you,” he said. “This time for good.”
He saw confusion on her face, but also delight. Slowly, she tugged his hands apart, and gasped with pure joy when she saw the pocket watch glistening in his palm.
“You kept it.” She picked it up as if it were one of the crown jewels.
“Of course I did.”
She opened it and read the inscription. “Forever,” she said.
“We had to postpone forever once,” he said. “But I don’t want to wait anymore.”
She met his eyes and he saw love—and relief—reflected at him. “I don’t, either.” She exhaled. “I just realized what I’ve been so worried about.”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve been…I don’t know…evasive I guess. About your plans for the company. For the future. I guess it scared me a little. I thought maybe you’d given up your dreams.” She held up the watch. “But if you’re giving me this, then I know that can’t be true.”
He fought a frown, not wanting her to know her words confused him. How did the watch connect to his plans for the mining company?
“It’s going to be crazy for a while,” she said. “This trial will keep me horribly busy, but if you’re diving into expanding the company, then you’re going to be just as busy. So long as we’re both prepared for the other’s insane schedule, it should work out fine. If you’re looking to expand to Argentina, maybe we can even fly there together. And I imagine you’ll have a lot of business in Washington. My apartment’s small, but—”
He took her hand. “Whoa there, sweetheart. I don’t need to go to Washington.”
Her brow furrowed and her mouth parted in confusion.
“There’s no reason I can’t run the whole business from Nevada,” he said.
“Isn’t there?” She spoke slowly and carefully. She wasn’t criticizing or questioning, but somehow he heard both.
“No,” he said firmly. “No reason at all. I’m fortunate that way. The business world is so global anybody can run a business from almost any location.”
She slid out of bed and stood up, tossing on a T-shirt while she paced. He watched her nervously, noting how much chillier the room suddenly seemed. “Why, Josh?”
“What do you mean, why?”
“Your mother isn’t ill. The business is doing well—it’s not going to flounder if you’re not on-site. In fact, we both know that at this point the best thing for the company is for you to be out there drumming up more business.”
“Which I can do by hiring geologists and lobbyists. Executives to run branch offices. It doesn’t have to be me.”
“Doesn’t it? It’s your face they need to see at new mines. It’s your voice they need to hear in Washington and boardrooms around the globe.”
“Cleo—”
“And even if it wasn’t necessary for the company, well, what about you? This was your dream. Hell, it was your dad’s dream. Have you forgotten?”
“Dreams can change,” he said.
She looked at him hard, and it was as if she looked right through him to the lie in his heart. “Can they?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said firmly, more to convince himself than her. “The company needs me here, Cleo.”
“You really believe that?”
“I know it,” he said more harshly than he’d intended. “The board won’t approve any expansion plan unless it’s a plan that I’m delegating to other people. The board feels strongly that my presence in Nevada is what keeps the company going. I’m the heart of the company, Cleo, and the board knows that.”
“Your mother is on the board, isn’t she?”
“She is.”
Cleo didn’t say anything.
“It’s not like that,” Josh said. “Her concern is keeping the company intact.”
Cleo nodded slowly, almost sadly, and Josh felt something heavy weigh on his heart. “And what about me?” She held out the watch, the case open, Forever flashing in the candlelight.
“We can do the long-distance thing while you work through the Argentina case, and then I thought you’d take the Nevada bar. If you’re going to be second chairing a major mining litigation, you’ll be well positioned to open your own firm out here. Or you could work in-house with me.” He paused, suddenly nervous. “I love you, Cleo. I want us to be together. To work together. To raise a family together.”
“That’s what I want, too,” she said, her voice tremulous. “But not like this.”
Her words were a slap across the face. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that you may be right, Josh. I can be a lawyer anywhere. But I choose to be one in D.C. Because I love the work, and I love the people. And, yes, they’ve become like a family to me. I learn something new every day, and I’m advancing in my profession.” She stood up a little straighter. “Could I choose to practice in Nevada with you? I probably could. It’s not like it was five years ago when I had to go away to get the best education. I have it now, and yes, my job is pretty portable. But why should I?”
The weight on his heart tightened. “Because I’m here.”
“No,” she said. “You want me here because you’re here. I just want you.” Her eyes glistened, filled with unshed tears. “I chose Washington, Josh. But you didn’t choose Nevada. You’re trying to make it palatable, but you didn’t choose it.”
“Sometimes people don’t have a clear choice. It’s a compromise.” He searched for words that would make her understand, but the words didn’t come.
“Maybe,” she said. “I don’t know. I only know what I see. You shelved your dreams once because it was the right thing to do. But now…now I think you’re too scared to reach for them. And it’s breaking my heart.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
CLEO CURLED UP ALONE on the couch. Josh was still in the bedroom. She knew he was reeling from what she’d said. Hell, she was reeling, too.
But she’d had to do it, no matter how much it broke her
heart. Because he’d trapped himself, and even if he couldn’t see it, she could.
Except she knew that he did see it. He’d been too vague in his explanations. Too pleading in his attempts to make her understand how much sense his plans made. He hadn’t chosen to stay at the center of Goodson Mining—he’d been guilted into staying there. And it had caused him to question his own abilities, his own courage.
Eventually, though, he’d realize the truth of it: that the company, the family, wasn’t the entirety of who he was or what he wanted to do. And if she moved to Nevada and started a practice and they started a family, well, then he really would be trapped. And maybe he’d start to resent her. At the very least, he’d start to resent himself.
It was all such a mess.
Resolved, she stood up and pulled on her clothes. It was one in the morning, but she couldn’t take being here any longer. She’d sleep in her rental car at the Reno airport if she had to, but right then she had to get out. Otherwise, it was just too heartbreaking.
Perry hadn’t been the man for her because he wasn’t honest about his ambitions. Josh was the man for her because he was exactly the opposite. He knew what he wanted. He knew what he needed to make himself happy, and made no secret of it. And yet he wasn’t going after it. He still wasn’t pursuing his dreams. Worse, he was letting someone else keep him from pursuing them.
If she stayed, she’d only be party to something she thought was horrible and sad.
She had to go.
Cleo hesitated only long enough to leave the watch on the coffee table. She wanted forever, wanted it desperately. But once again, forever eluded her.
JOSH DIDN’T REMEMBER FALLING asleep, and the fact that he had was testament to his exhaustion, because surely his churning mind wouldn’t have shut down otherwise.
He could tell by the sun that it was still early, and he wondered what it was that had awakened him. Then he recognized it. The sound of a car engine.
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