He searched his memory for that one poignant day that altered the course of his life. “I had just gotten my driver’s license and I wanted my own motorcycle, but my father said if I wanted one, I had to earn it. I also had to pay my own insurance.”
“Dare I say it sounds reasonable? You know, teaching a child responsibility.”
“It would have been if the conversation had stopped there.” He took comfort in having her fingers entangled with his. He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. Her skin was so smooth—so tempting.
“You don’t have to tell me if it’s too painful.”
Those words were like a challenge to him. “I refused to accept my father’s decision. I kept pushing.”
“Didn’t we all at that age?”
“It was during one of our arguments that my father reached his breaking point. He turned on me and said I wasn’t his son.” Xander had never admitted that to anyone, ever. Not even to his sister. “My father told me boarding school would put more structure in my life. That was when I told him that I hated him. I told him I never wanted to see him again. At which point he said unless I changed my attitude not to come home for the holidays.” And then realizing he’d let the conversation get too serious, he said, “I bet you were the perfect daughter.”
Lea was quiet for a moment. “Not exactly. There was this one bad boy in high school with a few tattoos and a big bad attitude that my parents wouldn’t let me date. We did get into it about him, but looking back on it now and knowing the guy was picked up for breaking and entering, I’m glad I lost that argument.”
Xander knew she was trying to make him feel better and he appreciated the effort. But there was more. He drew in an unsteady breath.
Xander raked his fingers through his hair. “Now that I’m older, I realize it wasn’t all my parents’ fault. I was stubborn and angry. Even though my mother tried to smooth things over at the holidays, I noticed my father never said a word. As such, I quit going home for the holidays. I either stayed at school or went on holiday with friends. During the summer, I would work for my grandfather—my mother’s father. He was into real estate. He would give me odd jobs of mowing lawns, painting houses, and one summer he got me a job working with a contractor. I learned a lot that summer.”
“What about your sister? She had to have missed you a lot.”
“She did. She would call and beg me to come home. When I told her I couldn’t because our father didn’t want me around, she insisted on visiting my grandparents while I was there.” Xander smiled as he remembered his sister’s insistence that they not grow apart. “She was tenacious when she wanted something.”
“And she loved her big brother.”
He nodded. His sister’s love was something that he never doubted. “She’s great—even if she can be a bit pushy at times.”
“You keep telling me that it’s not too late to repair my relationship with my parents. Why don’t you do the same?”
This was the part that hurt the most. The ache in his chest ebbed. “I can’t do that—”
“Sure you can—”
“No, I can’t. They died when I was in college. It was a car accident.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“My grandparents took in my sister. I pulled away—even from Stasia. I felt angry that I had been robbed of the chance to ever fix what had been broken between me and my parents. And I felt guilty that I’d ignored my mother’s repeated pleadings for me to come home. I knew my father would be there and I didn’t know what to say to him. And in the end, I don’t think he knew what to say to me, either.”
“I know I don’t have to say this, but I’m going to anyways. Your parents loved you. Maybe they didn’t always show you how they felt in the way you needed them to.” She squeezed his hand. “But they did until the very end. And they knew you loved them, too.”
He shook his head. He knew she meant well, but she didn’t know the entire situation. She couldn’t. She hadn’t been there. But he wasn’t going to argue with her. It wouldn’t do either of them any good.
“Why did you tell me this?” she asked.
He pulled back a little in order to look directly at her. “You know why I told you.”
“It was more than wanting to share. Were you trying to tell me how important it is for you to have a strong relationship with our child?”
How did she do it? How did she see through him so clearly?
“Yes, I suppose that was part of it. I can’t—I won’t let my child ever doubt my love for him or her.”
A big smile lit up Lea’s eyes and made her whole face glow. “You already love the baby?”
He hadn’t thought about it before. Not in those terms. Love was a word that he avoided. Until now.
He lifted his gaze until he was staring into the greenish blue depths of Lea’s eyes. It was there that he found caring and understanding instead of pity. He drew strength in her compassion.
He knew how risky it was to love someone. He knew they could betray him. They could cut him to the quick. And yet in that moment it was what he craved more than anything.
Xander continued to stare into Lea’s eyes. “Yes, I do.”
Lea’s eyes shimmered with unshed tears. She blinked repeatedly. “I’m head over heels in love with the baby, too. I never knew I could love anyone this much.”
“Enough to give up your dreams here?”
She nodded. “Yes, that much.”
In that moment, he felt a tangible connection to Lea. It was such a strong feeling that he couldn’t actually describe it, but it filled him with warmth.
With his free hand, he reached out to her and traced his finger down her silky-smooth cheek. “Do you know how amazing I find you?”
“You do?” Her voice was barely more than a whisper.
“I do.” His gaze moved to her lips. They lacked any lipstick and yet they were still rosy pink and tempting. When his gaze lifted to meet hers, he caught the spark of interest in her eyes. It made him want her all the more.
“I’m going to kiss you,” he said softly.
“And I’m wondering what’s taking you so long.”
He moved at the same time she did. Their lips met in the middle. He remembered when they’d kissed in the past. It had been full of discovery and curiosity. This time, though, his mouth moved over hers knowing what she liked.
They may have only spent a long weekend together a few months ago, but the memory of her kiss was tattooed upon his mind. Their kisses had gone on and on, partly from an unending desire and partly because he knew it would end soon and he wanted—no, he needed—to remember the way she felt in his arms and the way she tasted so sweet like ripe, red berries. But those memories were nothing compared to the real thing.
As his mouth moved over hers, coaxing her to open up to him, he realized just how much he’d missed this—missed her. He’d tried fighting it. He’d told himself it wasn’t her but the human connection that he missed. He’d told himself that he’d worked too hard for too long. He needed to spend some time away from the office.
But now, as his fingers slid down over Lea’s cheek to her neck, he knew he’d been lying to himself. He’d craved Lea all of these weeks and it had nothing to do with his workload or his lack of a social life. It had only to do with Lea and how much he’d missed her.
Her hands slipped up over his shoulders, up his neck. Her fingers combed through his hair as her nails scraped over his scalp, setting his nerve endings atingle. A moan swelled within the back of his throat. If they weren’t here on the beach in the middle of the resort, he would definitely take things further.
Before things got totally out of control, he had to stop this madness. But he made no motion to pull away from her. He needed her more than he needed oxygen—
That thought jerked him out of the clouds and brought his feet back down
to earth with a jolt. He pulled back from her. He couldn’t lose his head. Because there was absolutely no way he was falling in love. None. He’d promised himself that he would never let himself become that vulnerable again.
“What’s the matter?” Lea asked.
He shook his head and forced a smile to his lips. “Nothing. Nothing at all.” And then his gaze met her confused look. “I... I need to get going. I have to get to the dock.”
“What? But why?”
“Those men I have coming to work on the bungalow—” he checked the time “—should be here now.”
“Oh. Okay.” The look of disappointment on her face was unmistakable.
He longed to take her back in his arms and kiss away her unhappiness, but he stilled himself. To do that—to cave in to his desires—he’d give her the wrong idea. He’d give himself the wrong idea that this relationship was more than a convenience for co-parenting their child.
“I’ll talk to you later.” He turned and started to walk away. He should say something else, but what?
“I’ll see you later,” Lea called out.
He stopped and glanced back. “See you then.”
Xander walked away feeling more confused than ever. And that was a state he wasn’t familiar with. He was a planner, a decision maker. He didn’t have time in his life for indecision—until Lea stepped into his life.
Ever since that first day when his gaze had settled on Lea, he’d known something was different about her. He hadn’t been able to put it into words at the time. And even now, he couldn’t describe the effect she had over him. And he wasn’t eager to examine it too closely.
But he was even more determined to do something special for their baby. He worried about being there for the child emotionally with his own scarred past, but he could do something with his hands—something to show Lea that he cared.
CHAPTER TEN
WHAT IN THE world was that about?
It was the question Lea had been asking herself since she shared that kiss with Xander the previous afternoon. She kept telling herself she’d been trying to comfort him and it had just gone too far. But had it gone too far?
Wasn’t that kiss what she’d been dreaming about night after night? Didn’t she want him to hold her in his arms like he’d done not so long ago? The questions whirled round and round in her mind.
And then she’d waited around last evening hoping they’d have dinner together—a chance to straighten things out—but he hadn’t shown up. She’d even resorted to texting him but he hadn’t responded. When she’d gone to bed, he still hadn’t returned.
And this morning when she’d awakened, she heard the front door banging shut. She glanced at the clock to see if she’d slept in, but she hadn’t. He was up and gone with the sunrise. Was he avoiding her? Did he regret their kiss that much?
The thought of him not enjoying the kiss as much as she had sent an arrow of pain slicing into her chest. She assured herself that it was her pride being wounded and nothing more. It had to be: she knew to be careful with her emotions because people let her down—even if they didn’t mean to.
The much-anticipated arrival of maternity clothes—professional and casual—wasn’t enough to gain her full attention. Not even the little black dress she’d spent too much money on had nudged her out of her subdued mood. She told herself she’d indulged on the dress so she’d have something to wear to oversee the weddings, but she wasn’t that good a liar—she wanted to look good for Xander most of all.
Refusing to dwell on a man who was now avoiding her, she closed the box of maternity clothes and turned her attention back to the computer monitor. She had a handful of new offers to buy the island.
As she scanned the offers, thoughts of Xander came back to her. She recalled how their encounter had started. He’d been trying to talk her into contacting her parents. A part of her knew he was right. But another part of her was still trying to deal with their betrayal. How could she ever trust them again? But she didn’t want to end up like him, with no chance to right what had gone wrong.
She reached out for the phone on her desk. Her hand hovered over the receiver, but she hesitated. What would she say? Should she apologize for leaving in such a huff? But was she sorry? She loved Infinity Island and the people who lived here. If she had to do it again, she’d still make the same choice.
As her hand settled on the phone, it rang. The buzz startled her. Was it possible that it was her family? Maybe they were thinking of each other at the same time.
Knowing it was a silly notion, Lea checked the caller ID. It was Xander. For the briefest second, her heart dipped.
With an ache in her chest, she answered the phone. “Hey, we’ve been missing each other.”
“Lea, I need you to come home now.”
And then the line went dead.
What was up with that? She stared at the phone. Was something wrong? Had Xander gotten hurt? The thought sent her heart into overdrive.
She quickly dialed his number. The phone rang. And rang. But he didn’t answer. What was going on?
She raced out the door, shouting to her assistant that she’d be back later. Her assistant said something, but Lea didn’t catch the words. She kept going. Her thoughts turned to Xander and his cryptic phone call. Please let him be all right.
Lea jumped in her golf cart and set off. For the first time, she realized that living halfway across the island was a problem when there was an emergency.
The more she thought of Xander and pictured him in trouble, the harder she pressed on the accelerator. Everything would be all right. But what if it wasn’t. She floored the accelerator, wishing it would go faster.
When the cart skidded to a stop in front of the bungalow, she jumped out. She raced up the steps and swung the door open. “Xander? Xander, where are you?”
And then he stepped out from the kitchen with a dish in his hands. “I’m right here.”
Her gaze swept over him, checking for any injuries or blood, but he looked perfectly fit. Noticing her white apron slung around his neck, she glanced at the stove to see if something had caught fire, but all looked to be fine.
“What’s the emergency?” she asked.
“What emergency?” He moved to the dining room and placed the covered dish on the table where there was already a bottle of wine, fresh flowers and a candle.
She was so confused. “When you called, you said I had to rush home. I thought something was wrong. I thought...” She stopped herself, not wanting to admit how worried she’d been when she thought something had happened to him. “I didn’t know what to think when you hung up on me. And then you didn’t answer when I called back.”
“Sorry about that. I was worried that lunch was going to burn.”
She stepped closer to the table, taking in the perfectly made up table. “You did all of this for me?”
He turned to her. “Yes. I did.”
She suspected he was up to something. But what? He’d avoided her since their kiss and now he was cooking for her? And picking flowers?
Part of her wanted to go with the moment and just enjoy the gesture. But another part of her wanted to understand Xander’s motives. Her mother had taught her that if something appeared to be too good to be true, then it most likely was.
Xander lifted the bottle of wine as though to open it and then paused. “What was I thinking? You can’t have this.” He started for the kitchen. “I’ll get something else.”
She followed him. “Xander, what are you up to?”
“Why do I have to be up to something?”
“Because...”
He removed some fruit punch and club soda from the fridge. “Because what?”
“Because after you kissed me yesterday, you’ve been avoiding me. And as sweet as lunch is, I have to wonder what changed your mind.”
He approa
ched her. “First, I haven’t been avoiding you.”
“It sure seems like it to me.”
He shook his head. “Remember I brought in a crew to work on the bungalow?” When she nodded, he continued. “I’d heard there was a big wedding this weekend and you might not have enough space. So I worked with the crew late into the night and this morning we finished up.”
“You did?” Wow! A big smile pulled at her lips. She recalled that there was a lot of work to be done on the bungalow.
He returned the smile. “I thought it would please you.”
“It does.” Her natural instinct was to hug him for being so awesome, but she refrained, unsure it was the right thing to do under the circumstances. “Thank you. But you shouldn’t have gone to all that trouble.”
“You’re welcome. And since I can’t help you carry the baby, I’m trying to help in other ways.”
This thoughtful side of Xander was not something she would have expected of the astute businessman she’d met a few months back. But during his stay on the island, she was getting to see a different side of him—a side she really liked.
And that made her wonder if he was also becoming more invested in the baby—if he was thinking of playing a more prominent role in its life. Lea hoped that was the case, but she knew a life-changing decision like that would take time to adjust to.
“Have you thought about the baby?” she asked. “You know, whether you’re hoping for a boy? Or a girl?”
He shook his head. “Honestly, either is fine by me. But a little girl that looked just like her mother would be nice.”
“Or a stubborn little boy with those amazing brown eyes like his father’s would be so adorable.”
A smile pulled at Xander’s lips. “I’m not as stubborn as the baby’s mother.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“When will you know if it’s a boy or girl?”
“I guess any time now, but I was thinking of waiting to find out the sex.” She wondered how Xander would feel about her decision.
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