“If I mean so much to you, if you supposedly own me, then tell me why you’ve never told Declan to back off me. You can’t pretend you’ve never seen him touching me?” I growl out. I’m scared, my heart is thumping against my ribs, but still, I need to say this and I can’t go back now. I will not allow myself to be his doormat for another decade.
He steps back from me. I take him in. His anger hasn’t completely subsided as he tries to stare me down. I feel the white hot rage penetrate me. “He hasn’t… he wouldn’t. Nobody would want you these days.” His voice wavers as he continues to rein in his self-control.
“Fucking let me go then!” I scream. I can see he’s taken aback. I breathe heavily. “Just let me go.” The hushed words are ripped from somewhere inside my soul. The pain and sadness I’ve endured for years, rises to the surface, giving me the resolve I need, while causing my body to feel heavy, but strong.
“I can’t! You need me, you’re nothing without me.” His sentence ends on a sneer.
I sit on the bed and watch as his chest puffs out, he thinks he’s defeated me again. “See, Keith, that’s where you’re wrong. Look at me, take a good look. I’m not the same woman I once was. Something has happened in the last few days. I know what I’m worth, and it’s more than you. You can’t break me down anymore. I’ve done enough of that to last me a lifetime, and I finally realize what I need to do.” I stand up and take a step toward him. “I need to be alone. Keith, you don’t love me, be honest with yourself.” I haven’t stood this close to him in years, and I really look at his face. Although his looks have been lost, mainly through drinking, he could easily get them back if he took more pride in his appearance and stopped with the whiskey. His friend choice might need to be revised. But he could move on, find someone else, because if he met the right woman I have no doubt he wouldn’t be this way, this unhappy. When he says nothing, I continue filling the silence, “You could be happy with someone else. We’ve always been a mistake. I think we know that. We’ve always known. Aren’t you sick of living this life, unhappy and empty?”
I’m shocked when I watch a tear slip down his face. “I loved you.” His voice is croaky. “I really did, but I knew I wasn’t who you wanted. I wasn’t him. Even back then, I did some things I wasn’t proud of. Then when you came back to me, I knew I had to make you mine. But the truth is, you were never mine. I kept you like I’d won a prize.” He moves to sit on my bed and rubs his hand down his face, sniffing. “I treated you like crap all these years… when I should’ve treated you like a gift, because you are.” He looks up at me and I know my mouth is hanging open, I just can’t do anything to shut it. All the years I wanted to hear him say these things and now it’s too late.
“Keith...” my voice fades as my words clog in my throat.
Keith stands up pulling me into him and holding me. “Just be happy, Anabel,” he whispers in my ear. I don’t move as I listen to him leave the house. Ten minutes later I’ve packed up the small amount of things I own, and I make my way to Pastor Wilson’s house.
Knocking at the door, I wait hearing shuffling.
“Who is it?” Martha calls out through the door.
“It’s Anabel,” I say softly.
She unbolts the door and swings it open, obviously concerned as its past ten in the evening. I hold the storm door open and she looks between me and my suitcase. “Finally.” She smiles.
“Calm down, sweetheart,” Pastor Wilson tells me. Looking over at him I smile, but don’t calm down even a little bit. Amanda is arriving today. When speaking to her last week, she gave me the final dates. After I told her that I’d left Keith and she shrieked with glee non-stop for a solid three minutes, I offered to meet her at the airport. It would have taken every penny I’ve managed to save so far from my job, but it would have been worth it. Amanda told me not to worry, she was arriving with Pierre and would come to me. I wasn’t sure exactly when she was arriving, she’d been kind of sketchy on the details. I’d wondered if it was because she thought that after arrival they would be jetlagged, obviously needing a couple of days to recuperate, and maybe she was concerned that I’d be upset at not being her first stop. I mull that thought over for a second.
“What’s wrong?” Feeling Martha’s hand touch my shoulder as her words reach my ears.
Turning around, I drop my gaze to the floor. “I don’t know, I mean, there are things I’m worrying about…” I look back up and meet her eyes. “Things I never would’ve even considered years ago. It’s just been so long. What if the friendship we had isn’t there anymore?” Sighing, I sit back down in the chair next to the window.
“Oh, Anabel. Your feelings are understandable, you haven’t seen her for many years.” I glance out of the window again. “Still, don’t forget how you were. I know you’ve both grown up and changed, but in your soul, you’ll always be those young girls. I believe that your soul is at its truest form when you’re a child because that’s when you can be who you genuinely are, who you were always meant to be. Your souls will recognize each other, it may be awkward, but it will still be you two. You still talk every week. You still love her. She’s your sister… even if not by blood, right?”
Grabbing Martha’s hands, I squeeze them in mine and whisper, “Yes… you’re right. Thank you.”
She smiles at me as I hear a car pulling up outside, jumping up with a squeak, Martha chuckles then I run outside. The car door doesn’t even close behind Amanda as I rush her, pulling her tiny body into mine and clinging on for dear life, all the awkwardness I was worried about only moments ago completely forgotten.
“Bellie,” she whispers.
“Mandie-moo,” I reply. After holding her for what would probably be considered inappropriate if it were anyone else, I pull back taking her in. Her body is smaller, she’s lost weight, although she was always tiny, but now she seems even smaller. “You look great,” I whisper, although I’m not entirely sure if
great was the word I was searching for. She certainly looks different, though.
“You’re kind to me, Bellie,” she says blushing. “Come on, take me in to see Pastor and Mrs. Wilson.” I nod, grasping her hand as though she might disappear at any minute and drag her inside the house.
“Do you remember this place?” I glance back at Amanda, waiting for her answer.
“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” she replies stopping in her tracks.
Sighing, I take a seat on the swing. It’s really too small for me now, this registers as I try squeezing my butt in between the chains and kick one foot off the ground, starting the back and forth momentum. “You’ve just been gone so long, Amanda.” I stop talking and stare down at my feet. A shadow passes over me and my swing jolts to a stop as another pair of feet come into my eye line. I look up as Amanda crouches down in front of me.
“I’ve been gone for a long time, you’re right, but you’re in my thoughts every day. You’ve always been here,” she tells me pointing to her heart. “You know it was always you and me against the world. We have so many memories, both good and bad. They belong to us, no one can ever take them away from us, baby girl. Never forget, Anabel.” She grabs my hand. “Never forget.” Her voice is a whisper, and I close my eyes as she moves in to hold me. I take in her scent, it’s different to what she used to wear, but her signature citrus and vanilla smell still drifts from her skin, the same way it always did. The bubble of emotion I’ve been holding in for so long finally breaks within me as a sob erupts from my chest.
“I’ve missed you. I’ve been so alone.” The words are like ripping a Band-Aid from my heart.
“Shhh, it’s okay. I’m here now. I’m staying.” Amanda’s words jolt me and I lift my face from her tear-stained shoulder.
“You’re staying?” I hiccup while speaking and she smiles.
“Yeah. I gave up my job. Pierre, he’s not coming here.” She turns her face away from me and I have a sinking feeling.
“Hey,” I say softly placing my hand on her cheek and
guiding her eyes—which now hold her own tears—back to me. “What’s happened?”
“He’s having a hard time at the moment. There’s stuff that’s happened in his past, and because of that, we’re struggling. I don’t think he’s going to be joining me, but it’s okay, my pop is coming back with me,” she says with a small, lopsided smile.
“Really! Where is he? I can’t wait to see him.” My excitement washes away the sadness that surrounded us only a moment ago. My heart hasn’t felt so full in such a long time.
“Relax Bellie, he’s going to be here in a few weeks. There’s some stuff he has to settle in Paris. I have so much to tell you. First come with me, I want to take you somewhere.” Standing up from the swing, the seat comes with my butt. “Guess we should think about a new hangout now, you know, somewhere our butts fit in the seats,” Amanda tells me winking.
“Yeah, that would be great. Although it has been just as nice coming here,” I tell her, looking back to the park as we walk away. “You know, in all honesty, I’ve avoided all of our places as much as possible over the years. When you left, my heart broke,” I admit and Amanda reaches over grabbing my hand briefly.
“I hated leaving you, I wanted to drag you with me.” She shrugs her shoulders and the corner of her mouth twitches.
“I know, but you were making a better life for yourself,” I reply. “I wanted that for you. It’s just… you’ve been my sister, not just my best friend since we were born. Our parents, then us, your dad is like an uncle,” I explain wrapping my arms around myself protectively. “It was harder after Mom and Pop died, because you came back, and left again.” I look up at the sky thinking about my parents momentarily, then shake my head and look back at Amanda’s face. “Sorry… I sound like I’m complaining and I’m totally not. It’s just, I’ve never loved someone in the way I love you.” I chuckle to myself sadly. “When you’re here for me to talk to at any time my world sits straight. Having you to hug, or for me to make things better for you. For us to laugh and joke and have fun. Even talking about boys or the bitchy girls like we used to. Without you, my world is tilted. I’ve been tilted.” Releasing my arms, I thread my fingers through hers. “You give me strength and make me more like I’m worth something. I’ve gotten so heavy and you’ve only been back for a few hours.” I giggle and watch as a tear escapes down her face, over her perfect cheekbone and resting at her chin before falling to the floor.
She takes my free hand in hers. “You were the first person outside of my parents that I loved Bellie, that’ll never change. I’m sorry I’ve been gone so long, but I’m here now, so let’s make up for it, yeah?” I nod and watch her smile, then she leads me to her car.
“Where are we going?” I ask once we’re on the road again.
“You’ll see.” She turns and winks before facing forward. “I put some music together,” Amanda says and I can hear the happiness in her tone, which in turn makes me happy. She fiddles with some buttons then suddenly Cover Girl by New Kids on the Block blasts from the speakers. Amanda laughs then throws one hand up hooting, before singing the song to me, while glancing over and pointing at me, in-between watching the road. Laughing, I join her in singing the song. We both loved NKOTB. We were total fangirls. We had our favorites, Donnie being Amanda’s, Joe being mine. This song was supposed to be for a boy to sing to his girlfriend, but Amanda and I always sang it to each other, just a little way in which we said how much we loved each other. I’m guessing from her beaming smile, she still loves me just as much as I love her. As I study her the realization hits me, I have no idea how I’ve lived all these years without her by my side.
Twenty minutes later and we’re pulling into a road I’ve avoided for over a decade. “What are we doing here, Moo?” I ask, using the nickname I gave her in third grade.
“When I say I’m coming back… I mean right back. Right to the beginning.” Her words stop as we pull up outside her childhood home. The only home I’ve ever known sits nestled next to it. I look between the two houses and feel a swirl of emotion burn in my chest. I haven’t been back to either of these houses since my mom passed. I left Keith to deal with everything after I took what sentimental things I wanted. The only place I’ve ever actively visited is the store. Staring at the houses means I miss it when Amanda gets out of the car. But a moment later she’s swinging my door open and looking down at me. “Come on. I want to see how much my old home has changed.” Amanda’s smile lights up her whole face and I immediately drop my fear and take her hand, knowing when we’re together we can conquer anything.
“Hurry up, slow poke!” Amanda’s voice carries up the stairs and I rush to put my lipstick on. After an emotional day spent at her new... um, old house—something I haven’t even begun to process yet—we visited our old school and the beach. Then we went to some of the other places we used to spend time at, like the skate park. Now we’re about to head out to dinner at a nice restaurant the next town over. Having all my belongings—which isn’t much—in suitcases at the Wilson’s is proving to be a pain. But I can’t afford rent at the moment, and Pastor Wilson says that paying for a hotel is money down the drain, when I could, instead, stay with them and save for a deposit and the first month’s rent. Applying a light dab of pink on my lips and grabbing my purse, I hurry downstairs.
“Finally!” Amanda moans.
“Stop complaining. God, I remember this, always hurrying me,” I reply.
“Well, I wouldn’t have to if you were ever ready on time!” she shoots back. We stop and look at each other before both dissolving into giggles. “Ah! I’ve missed this!” she squeaks excitedly.
“Yeah, me too, Moo… me too.” Sighing I grab her arm, threading mine through hers. “Come on, take me in your carriage and feed me, woman,” I demand and she grins. I glance back to Martha. “I might not be back tonight, so please don’t leave the door unlocked. If it gets too late, I’ll sleep in Amanda’s double bed at the hotel.”
“Don’t worry dear, you just go and enjoy yourself. Heaven knows you need it!” Smiling at Martha’s words I move to kiss both her and then Pastor Wilson on the cheek before Amanda ushers us outside and onto our journey.
“Do you remember the time that Declan got drunk, then tried it on with you?” Amanda asks.
“Vaguely,” I reply.
“Yes, you know, he tried it on, said he was a great kisser and that you needed to give him a test run. You shot him down. Poof!” Amanda shoots an imaginary gun with her fingers and giggles. Having had quite a few to drink, I can only assume she’s trying to beat back the sadness she must feel at whatever’s going on with Pierre. “Then Jenny sidled up to him, but even in his drunken state, he turned her down. She was not happy. Like a cat in a bath, she got those claws out.” Amanda giggles again, obviously remembering a funnier version than me. “Then she tried to be nasty to you, but Danny shut her down… like immediately.” My body locks at the mention of his name, but she doesn’t realize. Instead, looking past me and signaling the barman. We’ve been here a while. We ate, laughed, caught up, and honestly, it’s like she never went away. I’m once again feeling thankful that we have such a genuinely amazing relationship. After dinner, Amanda wanted to sit at the bar, so that’s where we’ve been. She’s been drinking like it’s going out of fashion, which made me decide to remain sober. “I wonder what happened to him.” Although her words are directed at me, she isn’t. “Can I have another?” she asks the barman, holding her empty glass in the air. He nods and sets about topping up her vodka.
“I saw him,” I tell her and watch as she sobers up in a matter of seconds.
“You did,” The whispered surprise in her tone makes me smile, then she leans forward and grabs my arm. “Tell me everything.”
I think about Danny for a moment. “God, I never stopped loving him, Moo.” I release the words I’ve been avoiding even thinking to myself for so many years. “He kissed me.” Her eyes widen at my statement. “He bought my pop’s ice cream store.” Her jaw drops.
“He wants to be with me… I think. I mean, he hasn’t said those exact words, but he did say he’s felt broken without me every day since he let me walk out of that barn.”
“Wow,” Amanda murmurs.
“Yeah. The thing is, I want to be with him. I do. I just can’t yet.”
“Why not?” she asks shaking her head at me.
“I… I don’t know. I guess before it was because I was still with Keith—”
She cuts me off. “Bellie, you haven’t been with Keith for years.”
“Yes, but I’m still his wife.”
“So what?” she argues. “He hasn’t treated you like it. You owe him nothing! For goodness sake, even the Pastor and his wife wanted you to leave him. It’s not like you got out of one relationship and into another within a week. You haven’t been in any kind of relationship with Keith for years, but you’ve loved Danny Quinn since you were thirteen years old. Give yourself a break!” I let her words sink in. “I want to see him. I’ve missed him. We were once, all, really close. We just need Rubén now to make up our foursome.” She winks at me.
“Okay, I’ll sort it out. But go easy on me. I’ve only seen him a couple of times so far.”
Nodding she grabs my hand. “I’ll give you my strength.” I smile and hold on to her, just like I always did.
“If I have to read another report on suitable locations for a new restaurant again, I’m likely to give up on the whole idea,” I growl at Layla.
“Sorry sir, it’s unfortunate that Ms. Tinder cannot look for real estate anymore.”
Finally Unbroken Page 8