“I missed you, Bellie, I wanted to come see you.” Although she’s smiling, her words cut me inside, and the sadness covers me, knowing my best friend just wants to spend time with me, and I can’t give her everything she wants. It’s not like she’s being unreasonable. It’s a week since we went to the doctors, he told us she had a couple of months at best. We’ve used a week of that time already. Why, when you’re somewhere crappy, like at work, or in a dental appointment, does time go so slowly, but when all you’re wishing for is more time it whizzes by?
“What do you want to do tonight?” I ask, washing the last plate and placing it to drain. I pull up a cloth and dry my hands.
“Well, I asked the guys if they would go pick up some fast food. You do realize, the worse it is for your waistline, the better it will taste and the happier I will be. So they’re out right now, doing just that,” she says grinning and I mirror her grin. “I think they’re going to the drive thru over on South Street. I figured after food, it would be nice to settle on the big sofas with popcorn and movies. They picked the Die Hard Trilogy,” she says rolling her eyes, but I know she doesn’t mind in the slightest.
Sitting on the chair next to her, I bring my feet up resting my heels on the edge of the seat and wrapping my arms around my knees. “So, tell me. What is going on with you and Rubén? I saw the whispers over lunch, I may have been working and Danny might have been sitting at your table—”
She cuts me off. “Danny, didn’t know what day of the week it was. He was more interested in you. That guy made you feel uncomfortable. It was obvious to us all, he wasn’t happy, but he reined it in for you.”
I sigh. “Yeah, that guy’s a creep. I didn’t lay it out completely to Danny earlier, there’s no point. I need the job, it’s good money, and dealing with Malcolm is just an annoyance, one I can deal with.”
“What do you mean, you didn’t lay it all out? Tell me,” Amanda demands and I roll my eyes.
“He’s asked me out, every day since I started working there. I have no idea why? I’m an over the hill housewife, with badly dyed hair and, as Keith always pointed out, I’m at least thirty pounds overweight. Still, I’ve told him no, explained why, he just doesn’t grasp it. I think he’s just playing with me. That last shift, though, I think Mr. Cumberland saw him, I think he’s finally clicked onto the situation. Seriously, that man is lovely, but he’s an old coot, he has no real idea of what goes on in that place. Anyway, I don’t know what he said to Malcolm, but it pissed him off. He went from creepy but nice, to nasty.” I shake my head and sigh again. I don’t need another thing to deal with.
“How has he been nasty?” Amanda’s tone is gentle as she reaches over and grabs my hand.
“He told me I shouldn’t set my sights up for the likes of Danny. I mean, he doesn’t even know who Danny is. Malcolm only moved into the town five years ago to work with his uncle, so he has no idea who you, Danny, and Rubén are. But he knows of Keith and me, everyone does.” I bite my lip and pull my hand away from hers, tapping my fingers against the table.
“And? What happened?” Amanda prompts.
“He said that Danny is out of my league. When he realizes who I’m married to, he won’t want to touch a ho like me. Then, after dishing out those snipes, he turned around and said, he’d be willing to take me on.” I shudder. “I swear he creeps me out more than Declan, and he’s a nasty piece of work. But the truth is, he’s right, Danny could totally be with someone so much better. What if it’s just history pulling him to me?” There’s a thickness in my throat as nausea sweeps across me, when I utter the words out loud.
“Firstly, shut the fuck up. Whatever you think of yourself, it’s because Keith pulled you low. And incidentally, you are not, nor have you ever been even close to thirty pounds overweight. You know Danny, you know how he’s always felt about you, and on top of that, he’s not the type of man that plays with someone’s emotions. He is not that man.” I nod, knowing she’s right. If Danny says he loves me, then he does, even if I don’t understand why. “Getting back to the subject at hand. You’ve told me about Declan. If this guy is worse than that piece of trash, you’ll have to be careful.”
“I don’t get why Declan keeps on at me either? I mean when we were younger, yeah, he would try and attach himself to anything that moved. But still, after all these years? Why doesn’t he go and annoy someone else?”
“He just wants a piece of you,” Amanda says, curling her lip in disgust.
“Why would he want me? Why would anyone want me? I’m no prize,” I groan with annoyance, feeling my cheeks tingle.
“Yes, you are, Bellie. You’re beautiful inside and out. You have a heart of gold and the figure of a stripper—no matter what Keith ever told you. Why wouldn’t anyone want you?” Amanda tells me with a snort as she shakes her head.
“Whatever. Anyway, now I have to figure out what to do with Malcolm,” I complain wrapping my arms back around my legs and tucking my face into my knees.
“Maybe one of the guys should take you and pick you up from work, make sure you’re safe?”
“No. I can’t ask that of them,” I mumble into my knees then pull my face out to look at her. Seeing how strong she is, knowing I need to be just as strong. “I’ll work something out. Anyway, you’re getting off point. What’s going on with you and Rubén?” I question again, bringing the conversation back to her.
She grins. “We’ve gotten closer.”
Sitting up straight, I cross my arms at her answer. “And?” I ask eagerly.
“He told me that he’s always liked me.”
“We all knew that. He was just too chicken shit to do anything about it back then,” I snort.
“Yeah, he said I was so focused on getting away, moving abroad, he couldn’t see how we’d have a future,” Amanda explains.
“Cop out,” I answer with a smirk but a feeling of warmth bursts inside.
“I thought so… but then, he said, that he knew even back then if he started something with me and it ended, it would have broken him.” She blows out a harsh breath. “So he didn’t even try. Instead, he bedded every girl, having them all hanging off his arm, but never me.”
She stares down at her feet. “Hey,” I murmur, letting my feet drop from the chair and leaning forward to grab her shoulders. “What’s wrong?”
Amanda pulls her lips in-between her teeth as her eyes gather moisture. “If I get close to him Bellie, and honestly I really want to and he does too, he told me, but if I allow it to happen… he’s going to lose me. It’s not a question that doesn’t have an answer, not like the possibility of breaking up with someone. He’s going to lose me, and I can’t leave him broken, Bellie. I can’t, he means too much to me.” I watch as Amanda loses yet another tear.
“Listen to me,” I say, shaking her slightly, waiting until her eyes come to me and fighting the hot tears burning the backs of my eyes. “He’s a grown man now. He knows the situation. It’s not like he’s a teenager, unable to control his emotions, confusion constantly raging within him. No. He knows what he wants, don’t take his choice away from him. That’s not fair.” Amanda opens her mouth to speak, but I get in there first. “Moo, listen, if it were the other way around. You knew you were going to lose him.” I watch her swallow. “Would you appreciate him saying no to you, based on the fact that he’s worried how you’re gonna feel after he dies? Or would you want those memories to forever cherish, knowing you may have loved and lost, but it was the best experience you ever had? Or would you rather not know... but live with the fact that you would never get the chance to find out? Knowing you’ll be leaving him with regrets that nobody can ever fix?” Amanda hangs her head and I feel bad. “I’m sorry, honey. You need to do what you think is best.”
“No. I’m glad you put it like that. You’re right. I mean, I need to talk to him some more, make sure he really is ready to have me, even though he’s going to lose me. But it’s true, he’s a grown man, he should know what he wants from his lif
e… and if that’s me… then I’ll be so lucky to finally have the one that got away.” She lightens the mood with a wink.
“You will be lucky… but so will he. To have someone you love, even for a short time is always a blessing. Just make as many memories as you can,” I whisper.
“Hmm, maybe you should take some of your own advice?” she says it in a question, arching her eyebrow.
“I am, although it’s going slow because that’s how I feel it needs to go.”
“Bullshit,” her pissed off tone takes me back and my mouth hangs open. “You’re taking it slow for one reason. You’re scared.” She blows out a frustrated breath and her tone softens. “You’re so scared of him hurting you again. I get that, honestly, I do. But can’t you look at me and see time is precious honey. If there is one thing… just one, that I want you to take from me, it’s to savor every moment, good and bad. They all help make us who we are, they shape us, but they don’t define us. We do.” She looks away thoughtfully, before continuing, “We can let shit that’s hard make us give up, or we can let it light a fire under our butts. We can let the good stuff make us think we’re entitled, or we can be grateful. We define the kind of people we are and how we deal with things. You can’t let the past taint your future, Bel. Danny wants his future with you. All of it. Every. Single. Moment. You have the power to give that to him… to you. If it were me, I’d be running toward that as fast as I could.” Amanda blows out a harsh breath. “He’s always loved you, it’s not like that’s in question. I know how you’ve always felt, so what else is holding you back?”
Looking down at my feet, I weigh up how honest I want to be with her until she slaps her hand on the table. “Tell me!” she demands and it makes me chuckle. Amanda rarely gets annoyed so it can be comical when she does.
“Okay, I’ll be honest, but I already know you’re not going to like it,” I say in warning.
“What?” she asks confusion washing across her face.
“I’m scared of losing time with you,” I answer quietly.
“Huh? I don’t understand,” she replies.
“I want to devote all my time to you, not feel like I have to give half of myself to someone else,” I explain, grimacing, knowing she’s not going to be happy with my admission.
Amanda closes her eyes and shakes her head. “Jesus, he really did a number on you, didn’t he?”
“Who?”
“Keith! Oh my God woman. Any real, loving relationships make allowances, no matter how new they are. The fact that Danny is the guy makes it even easier. We spend nearly all our time with him and Rubén anyway. When it needs to be just you and me time, do you really think that he won’t give that to you?”
“I know he will. I just wanted to keep my mind clear. Amanda, I love you. You’re the most important person in my life, honey. I don’t want to fail you,” I tell her, my hands trembling.
“Bellie, you could never fail me. Never. You’ve been there through everything in my life. The only thing I ever kept from you was the cancer. I admit, I did keep Pierre and me splitting up from you too, but that was only because it was related to the cancer. I know this illness was a huge thing not to tell you, but I didn’t want to know you couldn’t do anything, you couldn’t be there for me. You think I don’t know what lengths you would’ve gone to, just to get to Paris to be with me? I know Anabel. I know. Trust me. Explore this thing with Danny, properly, wholeheartedly. Do that. For me. I want to see you two settled before my time comes. It will make me happier to know someone is looking after you. My pa, he would look out for you, but I already know once I’m gone…” her voice cracks and I reach my still trembling hand over to squeeze hers, holding tightly, “…when I’m gone, there are too many sad memories here for him. I already know he’s gonna move back to France. So you’ll be alone. Honestly, it’s one of the things I’ve had on my mind for a while now. Danny being here, with you, and knowing how he feels. It’s the light I needed to see.” She reaches across and wipes the two stray tears that I couldn’t contain from my cheeks.
“I love you, Moo. Truly. With all my soul,” I tell her, catching my words as my lungs constrict.
“Me too, Bellie. Always,” she replies. “That’s why I want you to be happy. Danny is that for you. He’s your slice of happiness, and I want you to take it all, everything he offers you. Don’t let it slip through your fingers.” I nod and hug her as the rattle of the door indicates the guys are back with food.
“So you have me alone, now what?” I ask, feeling the wine kicking in as I laze back on the sofa.
Danny smirks, just one corner of his mouth, my eyes move between his lips and the cute little dimple in his chin.
“Babe, eyes,” he demands. “I’m not sure tonight is the night to have this discussion,” he continues, humor in his voice.
“Why?” I ask.
“Because you’ve been drinking, and I want to talk about something important.”
“It’s okay… I mean, I’m okay.” I giggle.
“Hmm…”
“Oh, just tell me,” I say putting my wine glass down and crossing my arms for emphasis.
“All right,” he answers, still smirking. “I want you to leave your job.” I open and close my mouth, but no words come out. “I’ve been thinking on this a lot, Bel. It’s not a great job, and you’re capable of so much more. Also, I don’t like that douche you work with.”
“I don’t like that douche I work with either,” I mumble almost forgetting who I’m with. When my brain kicks in I widen my eyes and look to Danny, he’s staring at me with his eyebrow arched.
“Is there something you need to share, Bel?” he asks and I shake my head. “Listen, you want to spend more time with Amanda, I know she wants to spend as much time with you as possible, she told us that today. There’s something else… I was thinking on the possibility of reviving your parents shop.”
I feel my lips part as my mouth gapes at his words. “You were?” I whisper, as happiness and nostalgia bursts inside me.
Danny nods. “It makes smart business sense. I’ll never sell it for any decent money. It’s already set up as an ice cream store, it just needs a refurb, and I have contacts as I own a few restaurants. Plus Bel, who would be better to run that shop than you?” he asks with a smile.
“Me?” I breathe out, now feeling completely sober. It feels as if Danny is laying the world at my feet, if he could only offer a miracle cure for Amanda, my life would be complete.
“There would be no one better, Bel. You’ve worked it before, okay many years ago, but you know the layout, you know most of the people who live here and you know how to manage this kind of venture. I’m aware you were running things before your pop passing, so I’m pretty sure you can cover the ordering and accounts too—”
I cut him off, “Yes.”
His head tilts, it’s very slight, but I notice. He’s surprised. “Yes?”
“Well… yes,” I answer again.
“I thought I was going to have more resistance from you. Glad I don’t.” He stops and rubs his chin, then his eyes flare when he continues, “Although, I would have enjoyed putting you over my knee.” Heat infuses every part of me and I bite my lip. Danny’s eyes drop to my mouth. “Fuck it,” he growls before grabbing the back of my head and crashing his lips down onto mine. He kisses me—no, he possesses me—as he works wonders with his tongue, all the while guiding me low until I’m laying back on the sofa and Danny is covering me like he owns me. He pulls back and looks at me. “Fuck… what you do to me. It’s hard to keep control,” he says biting his lip and it’s enough to make me lose any indecision that was still swimming in my mind.
“So don’t,” I whisper, pulling his head back down to me, once again crashing our lips together. He takes over again, making this kiss slower, allowing me to savor the feeling of his soft lips and hot tongue caressing me. I tingle as one of his hands slides up the inside of my pajama top, running against my ribs and gliding over my bra cupping my b
reast. I groan in his mouth and he rips the cup down, exposing me to his hand. Danny’s thumb rubs over my hard nipple and I’m vaguely aware that I haven’t been touched like this for years. Suddenly, he pulls away from my mouth, leaving me dazed, then before I realize what’s happening, he pulls up my PJ top and his mouth descends quickly capturing my nipple, his other hand slips into my pajama bottoms and runs straight through my folds. It doesn’t take much, just a couple of minutes later, I’m experiencing my first orgasm—not from my own hand—in years. What’s even better, is this is the first orgasm Danny Quinn has ever given me, and it’s better than all my previous orgasms rolled together. I open my eyes while panting and find Danny smiling down at me.
“If I lost my sight right now, I’d deal with it, by replaying the way you look when I give you that pleasure over and over in my mind, babe,” he tells me. Then before I can react, he leans back down and kisses me again. Gentle, soft, loving. I feel the emotion clogging my throat before the tears come, trailing down my cheek. He leans down and kisses them away.
Not really sure what to do, having been so long for me since I’ve done this, but feeling like it’s my turn to give Danny something. I sit up, staring at him. “I should—”
Danny cuts me off before I can really say anything. “You should just sit here in my arms and watch the film, I’m pretty sure that Rubén will be up there all night,” he says pointing up to where Rubén and Amanda disappeared to earlier before sitting back on the sofa, his attention back to the television. “Just chill, Bel. I’m gonna stay. You want me on the sofa, that’s fine. I’ll tell you now, though, I want to be in your bed beside you,” he continues.
My mouth opens and closes a couple of times, then I pull myself together and whisper, “You can sleep in my bed with me.”
“Right. Don’t worry, babe, there’s nothing more than some making out happening for a while. Slow. I’m good with that. Anyway, we missed out on this part all those years ago.” He turns to me smiling and it warms me.
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