by Eva Morian
Pressing his arm to his face, he sobbed. This broke him the most. To know his son didn’t have a mother. Margaret shook in her seat as she held a balled tissue to her chest. Between her blurred vision was the sight of her son at his worst. Her bottom lip curled under and finally, she broke under the pressure and leaned into her husband’s side.
Again, he pushed through to finish what he needed. It couldn’t be left unsaid, “E-Even though you never met, when he asks me who his mommy was, I can…I can tell him what an amazing woman you were. He’ll know you. He’ll be glad to be your son and know you love him.” He whispered wiping his face with the tissue again. Leaving, he was completely wracked with emotion once he’d sat down.
Margaret pulled his head onto her shoulder and held him there, “Everything is going to be okay, my love. We will get through this together.” She whispered kissing his head.
As he cried, Simon reached out for his son. He wanted to hold him and show him the love his mother couldn’t. Before long the pastor bowed his head and said one, last prayer for Emily before the director took over, “Alright everyone, we’re going to give the chance for you all to speak to Emily and the family before we go to her final resting place.”
As mourners made their way to the front and shared their final moments with Emily, Cherish found herself in the background once again. She looked around while standing in the other room with the director. He told the guests that they’d take Emily to the mausoleum directly across the green behind the home. She turned her head and looked at the family one last time before catching her breath and leaving through the side with the crowd. Slowly, she made her way towards the long, glass doors of the first stone mausoleum.
As the room emptied, Simon wasn’t finished. He let his parents and in-laws have their moment before he approached Emily again. Her hand was cold to the touch and she didn’t move as he ran his fingertips over her hair. Before long he couldn’t see her anymore with the distortion swimming in his eyes. Clenching his jaw, he took Jr. and placed their son on her chest for a moment as he kissed her forehead. Unfortunately, Jr. didn’t know that would be the last time he’d ever be with his mother.
Knowing it was the end, Simon’s face twisted as he looked to her. He barely got the words out, “I don’t want to say goodbye, sweetheart, but we have to go. I’m so…so sorry.” He apologized. Picking Jr. up, he stepped away from her and held their son close. His feet didn’t move because he was having an incredibly hard time leaving her.
Finally, Simon turned, walked away, and strong sobs shook his body. Once he was out of the room, the funeral director’s assistant, closed Emily’s casket, and sealed her inside. The pallbearers carried her to the hearse and slid her in.
A woman, tall, clad in a black jacket, pencil skirt, and lace netting over her face approached Simon. Her high Lou Vuitton pumps clicked across the tile floor and stopped in front of him. She was almost a dead ringer for Emily with her short, styled, blonde hair and fair complexion. A familiar face and coworker he didn’t expect to attend. Dabbing at her cheeks, she nodded to Simon, “I am so sorry for your loss Simon and family. It doesn’t mean much now but I am here for you, for anything you need.” She said with a smile looking at Jr. in his arms, “He’s so precious.” She whispered as she reached over and stroked his shoulder.
Simon sighed deeply, “Thank you, Susan.” He whispered in response.
She then nodded and pulled away, “I’m going to head over with the others. Again, my deepest condolences.” She said before parting.
The funeral director approached the family quietly with his hands clasped together, “We will drive over to the mausoleum now if you all will follow us in your cars. When we enter, you all will escort Emily inside and we will lay her to rest.” He stated holding hand out patiently.
Following directions, they drove over and walked Emily inside with their hands on the top of her casket. Simon saw Cherish for the first time since they’d arrived in the crowd. A part of him wanted to ask her where she’d been, but now wasn’t the right time. A swirl of emotions came to a height for Simon. He felt sick with sadness and wanted the day to end.
Emily’s casket was lowered into the chamber before she workers wheeled her inside. Replacing the marble slab, the man went to work to seal her in and everyone watched in silence. Miriam had quieted down, but the destroyed look on her features never left. Jack watched every motion that locked his little girl away and it finally settled on his shoulders they’d never see her again. Simon thought he’d feel more at peace, but he was filled with an urgent bout of desperation. Emily was being stripped away from him and every cell in his body wanted to fight for her, to bring her back one last time. But, their time was finished. He didn’t move because nothing would change.
She was finally at rest.
Within twenty minutes, the worker was finished and backed away to reveal Emily’s name, date of birth, and date of death. Simon’s panic subsided and left behind a deep, empty hole where she once was. A finality that brought silence of all the lost years Emily could have lived was nothing but a void. Simon felt every bit of that chill.
Approaching her, he placed his hand over her name on the smooth surface. This was the closest they would ever get again. This is what they had to remember her by. Turning away, he exited the mausoleum with his son in his arms. One by one, other people took one final look at Emily’s grave before they too turned their backs. The funeral director spoke to the ones outside and said the family would have a reception lunch in the main dining hall. Most of the guests wandered back and were ready to celebrate Emily’s life.
Soon enough people chatted while photos and videos of Emily played along the wall in the background. People stood in line for food that volunteers doled out and a new type of normal had started. With the funeral over, the healing process was able to begin for everyone affected.
Simon had only taken a few measly bites of food, though he’d done well with the drinks. Jack and Miriam silently ate with Simon Sr. all while Margaret kept her eyes out for a certain woman they still considered family. Picking at her food, she glanced down at Jr. in her arms before she looked to her husband, “Where is Cherish?”
The lack of Cherish’s presence had made Simon feel anxious. Simon Sr. shrugged his shoulder and looked around the crowd before Simon stood and left to seek her out. He checked the bathrooms, the small prep kitchen, and the entrance. He raked his fingers through his hair as he looked from side to side and blew out. Though he didn’t want to admit it, he worried about her and thought maybe she’d decided to take off with the funeral as a guise. Like it or not, Cherish was the rock in his unstable life and he loved to wake up with Jasmine. He didn’t think he could handle another loss. With a snap, he backtracked to the car before he took a glance towards the mausoleum where he saw her last.
Trekking his way across the grass, he was about to call out for her when he saw her through the glass. Keeping his footsteps soft, he approached. Cherish was alone in a room with no one to hear her but Emily and the other deceased. She bounced Jasmine in her arms quietly while staring down at Emily’s marker. There were many emotions rumbling in her frame. Still, she didn’t feel justified to have them. As though she wasn’t allowed to mourn when there were so many others who knew Emily better than her. Biting on her bottom lip, Cherish took a step forward, “Hi Emily. I uh…don’t know if you remember me or the sound of my voice, but it’s me…Cherish. I…well, I have a daughter who, thanks to you and your wonderful family, is being taken care of. Jr. is so beautiful, and you did such a wonderful job bringing him into this world. If you didn’t know, Simon took me in because they were threatening to take Jasmine away from me. You have a good man, Emily. Neither of you deserved this. Jr. is fine and healthy, but Simon… I worry about him every day and night because I know he can’t live without you. But he must and that’s unfair. I am so sorry that I lost your number. I am so sorry that I let Todd drag me away. I wish we had more than two hours together and I wish I
had taken your offer. I know that I wouldn’t have done anything to change what has happened, but I just…wish I knew you more. I shouldn’t be the one taking care of Jr., you should. I shouldn’t be the one sleeping in your bed, you should. I don’t deserve this. I shouldn’t be here…” Cherish lowered her head and wiped the tears from her eyes, “…I shouldn’t…be here.”
Inhaling a deep breath, she rolled her eyes towards the ceiling and waited a moment, “The one thing I can do is promise to watch over Simon and Jr. for you. To repay you, Simon, Jr., your parents, Margaret, and Simon’s dad, I will do everything in my power to watch over them. For as long as they will have me. I will make sure Jr. knows you and Jasmine. Jasmine needs to know the woman who gave up her life to save her mother’s. I will forever be indebted to you, to your kindness, and your family. I will never, ever cross any lines with them. You are forever…and will be forever remembered.” She whispered.
Wiping the water from her face again, Cherish released a shaken huff and continued to stare. The sky was bright blue, birds chirped, and the sun shined brightly through the glass window. She smiled to herself softly, looked around, and spoke to Emily as though she could hear her, “It’s a beautiful day. I wish you were here to see it.”
There was a shuffled footstep in the doorway which alerted Cherish. She turned around and was met face to face with Simon. Just as she was about to ask him what he was doing, her stomach dropped as she caught sight of his face. His eyes were filled with tears and he stared at her with complete trust. The look on his face alone told her he’d heard what she said, and a saddened smile crossed her cheeks while tears filled her eyes.
Taking broad steps towards her, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her with Jasmine between them. She got everything off her chest to Emily and every promise she made to his wife made him more than thankful. Cherish sounded as though she was undeserving, but she didn’t have a clue what a blessing she was. His hand pressed into her hair and brought her tighter into his chest. With her free arm, Cherish held his back and rested her forehead on his collarbone. Silent tears slipped from the corners of her eyes and down the sides of her cheeks. Crying and releasing her pent-up emotions, she wet the lapel of Simon’s jacket.
Shutting his eyes, Simon stayed with her for a long time with a steady hold on her head. It was time she had someone to support her, if even for a few minutes. By the time they’d naturally released, he looked down at her and Jasmine and a little felt better. He felt right by taking care of others and Cherish was someone he knew would return the sentiment for him and his family, “As you said, it’s a beautiful day. It only seems right to go outside.” He whispered.
Cherish’s nose was stuffed up and her face was wet, but she nodded and wiped her eyes, “Yeah. I think she’d want us to enjoy it.” she whispered with a twisted, bittersweet smile. Cherish looked to Emily one last time and swallowed the knot in her throat, “Goodbye.” She whispered before walking with Simon out of the double doors.
Sniffing, Simon led the way outside and into the sunlight. Waiting for her to move ahead of him, he looked back towards Emily’s plaque, gave a soft smile, and with a long creak, shut the gated door. His wife was immortalized within all of them and Simon could move forward safely without being alone.
Chapter 7
July.
The next four weeks were very different for Cherish and Simon. During the first week, they continued to lay around and do much of nothing. The grandparents came and went, but it was Emily’s parents who appeared every day after the funeral. They wanted to watch the babies grow and get to know Cherish. Soon, they saw what Simon’s parents spoke of and realized that she was far from disrespecting Emily. She watched every home video, the wedding tape, and commented on how beautiful every festivity was. What struck home for Miriam was how Cherish would whisper to Jr. when Emily was on the screen; even though he was too young to realize anything but her.
The family had picked and packed many of Emily’s belongings around the house aside from a few sentimental items Simon wanted to hold onto. The house had far more storage than he could remember, but it’d left an emptier space in him as they went through memories of her. He went through a few cycles of grief, but all the packing, in a sense, felt just as cleansing as it was painful.
Soon, Simon returned to a new version of life and began to help Cherish around the house more. She tried her hardest to keep the house clean, the babies cared for, and the family fed, but even he could see it was too much for her after time.
The babies were bigger, longer, and now they followed shapes and silhouettes with their eyes and heads. Jasmine would stare at Simon most days when he held her, and Jr. would grunt and stare at Cherish every time he ate. Emily’s parents had a couple of days left before they’d return home. Simon was saddened to see them go because a part of him hoped the distance wouldn’t drive a wedge between them.
One morning when the parents were downstairs with the kids, Cherish. stood in the middle of the half-emptied closet with Simon. she reached up and pulled another shoe box of Emily’s. Pulling the lid open, she blinked to find that it wasn’t filled with shoes; again. Her heavy, curly hair was tied on the top of her head and she pushed the ends out of her face, “I found another box filled with acrylic paint supplies and they’re unopened.” Cherish said showing them to him, “There’s one thing I’ve realized about this beautiful woman, she wanted to be artsy, but never did it.” She chuckled lightly shaking her head, “I’m surprised I haven’t found a pottery wheel yet.” She added.
Margaret was in the middle of folding a few of Emily’s shirts and placed them into a plastic bin. She glanced up at Cherish and gave her a smile, “Oh no dear, that’s in the shed next to the glass blower.” She retorted.
Cherish’s expression fell and she slowly turned her head to face Simon, “I-Is she serious?” she asked.
Margaret smirked to herself and shook her head as she laughed lightly to herself. If there was one thing they learned about Cherish, it was that she was gullible at times.
Simon and his mother shared a smile at here expense. There were times where she was absolutely endearing which would drastically lighten the mood, “There’s also an eight-foot marble block just waiting to be sculpted.” He retorted.
Cherish’s eyes widened as she looked between them and caught on to their teasing, “Oh, I’m sure there is.” She said.
Margaret laughed to herself as she pressed the top on the plastic bin with a clack, “Forgive us, Cherish. We have to find laughter where we can.” She said.
Simon placed his hands on his hips and looked around the room. Aside from what they had already pulled out, there wasn’t anything else he could think of that still belonged to Emily. They’d finally packed the last box. “I think we got everything…” There was a hint of sadness in his voice. Looking at the time, Simon noted they had about an hour before needing to leave, “Your doctor appointment is soon, Cherish.” He said.
She looked to Simon slightly confused, “I have an appointment today?” Asking again, she left the closet and went towards the calendar over the dresser. There, in big red letters, written was “Cherish’s Doctor’s Appointment. DO NOT CANCEL AGAIN”. She blinked a few times as she placed a hand against the side of her face.
It was true, she’d been trying to avoid going to the doctor on Simon’s expense, but she had yet to stop bleeding fully and there were a few worries about a sore, fleshy spot she’d found. Once she told Simon about it, he demanded she go to the doctor. Cherish rubbed her lips together and watched Margaret lift the box and leave the bedroom to join the others, “I don’t even have health insurance yet.” She said looking to Simon.
Hearing this halfway down the hallway, Margaret quickly called out, “You’re going!”
There was no way Simon was going to let her weasel out of the appointment again. He lifted an eyebrow sharply at Cherish as his mother spoke for both of them, “Yes, you are.” He echoed. Stepping out, he closed t
he closet, “And we’re not going to be late either, so…” He gave a gentle pull on her arm, “…let’s go.” He stated.
Cherish squeezed her eyes shut and blew out as they twisted her arm. They took financial responsibility for her and she had to continuously tell herself they wanted to help. Nodding, she pulled her arm away and quickly grabbed her worn wallet from the dresser. The only item that Cherish was allowed to have was her social security card. She didn’t have a license, insurance, or bank cards. She truly had her name and number with nothing more.
Going down the steps, she smiled at the other four and followed Simon to the side door through the kitchen. He stopped and watched the kids from afar, “We won’t be too long.”
Jack spoke up, “Don’t worry about it. You and Cherish enjoy yourself. Go have lunch and see a movie or something nice after. When’s the last time you’ve had fun?” he asked.
Simon paused for a moment and glanced back at Cherish. They had a point, “Are you sure?” he asked aloud for them.
Miriam and Simon Sr. went through documentation and made sure everything for Emily’s estate and insurance were in order, “There are four of us, I’m sure we can handle the babies for a few hours. They’re angels.” Miriam called from the office.
Cherish gripped onto her wallet and exchanged her gaze with Simon. She slightly shook her head as though to tell him it was alright. They didn’t have to. But, she knew Simon and his track record, he always did the opposite of what she wanted. Speaking up, she turned to the others, “N-no it’s alright. We can come back, and I’ll make dinner for us all.”