by Ford, Shae
He said nothing about the fact that she had a chunk of meat hanging out of her mouth. He only smiled.
But it wasn’t his usual smile. The crooked ends of his lips trembled a bit, so slightly that she almost didn’t see it. She was trying to figure out what that meant when he spoke:
“I was wondering if I might talk to you for a moment.” He glanced out around the courtyard. “Someplace quiet, if that’s all right.”
She immediately dropped the food in her hands and followed him into the night. They walked until they stood just outside of the courtyard, so that the light from the fires still reached them. Kyleigh was trying to make sure she didn’t have any of the chicken stuck to her face when Kael’s fingers suddenly brushed against her cheek.
She froze.
He hardly ever touched her, and certainly not without some kind of warning. But here he was, with his fingertips balanced against her skin — making her heart beat so wildly that she wondered if he could hear it. She watched his eyes as he wiped a bit of meat off her face, and saw a steady light flickering behind them.
She knew he must have something on his mind, something worth thinking very hard about. His hand fell away and he shoved it into his pocket. The light in his eyes sharpened to a point as he gazed over her shoulder.
“I’m furious with you, I’ll have you know.”
Kyleigh was surprised. He didn’t feel furious — well, not at first. But as they stood there in the quiet, she thought she might be able to read it on his face. He wasn’t glaring, but his lips were tight. And he certainly wasn’t looking at her. “I’m sorry I let Gilderick get away, but I couldn’t leave you. I thought you might be hurt —”
“No, I’m not angry about that,” Kael said. He kept staring past her, and the other hand went into his pocket, where they both tightened into fists.
“Kael, whatever it is, just —”
“I’m angry because you left,” he said shortly.
A muscle twitched in his jaw — she could see it tightening beneath his skin. Red spread from the bridge of his nose, across his freckles, and Kyleigh knew that he was about to go off on one of his famous rants.
She also knew that she shouldn’t laugh. If Kael was angry, then it would be unkind of her to laugh at him. But … she couldn’t help it.
Once the red in his face reached the top of his head, the words would start spilling out. He’d stomp and snort, saying all kinds of ridiculous things — and generally behaving as if the whole earth had turned over on its head. He’d be mad at everybody, and mad at no one in particular. He’d be so busy ranting that he’d forget to look up.
Because had he thought to look up, he would’ve seen that he was angry over nothing: Kyleigh wasn’t gone forever. She’d come back.
It was funny to watch Kael get his knickers in a bunch — especially when it was over something so silly. He could be completely ridiculous, sometimes. He should’ve known that she would come back. Why did he always doubt her?
Those were precisely the words she intended to say, when he started his yelling. But to her great surprise, he didn’t yell. He didn’t even raise his voice. His brows slipped out of their glare, and he dropped his head.
“I have something to tell you,” he said quietly. “But first, I want you to make me a promise.”
She would promise him anything. No matter what he said or what he asked, she would do everything in her power to help him. But she thought those words might’ve been a little too strong for a human. So she simply replied: “All right.”
“Promise me you won’t leave me again — at least, not without telling me where you’re going.”
Kyleigh thought that was a fairly reasonable thing to ask. After all, she had no intention of ever leaving him. “Very well, I promise.”
“No matter what I say, you won’t leave me?”
“You can tell me anything,” Kyleigh said firmly. Though by this point, a strange feeling had begun to creep into her gut. Something was about to happen, something that she wasn’t ready for. But she pushed the feeling aside. “I promise that nothing you say will drive me off.”
He smiled again, that same strange, wavering smile. And then he looked up.
Kael never looked at her, not really. He looked through her. The few times he’d met her eyes — truly met them — she’d felt as if his gaze sunk through her skin and touched her soul. He never tried to cage her in or figure her out. His eyes didn’t paw over her, or measure her up. And he must’ve seen the wildness in her … but he never wrinkled his nose.
A dragon and a woman warred inside her heart — always fighting, always trying to decide whether she would be more human or more beast. Sometimes, she wasn’t sure what she was. But when Kael looked into her eyes, she saw her reflection shining back clearly:
To him, she was simply Kyleigh.
For a long moment, he did nothing more than look at her. Then with a deep breath, he said something that she’d never expected to hear:
“I love you, Kyleigh. I know you can’t love me back,” he added. “I’ve read the story of Iden and Quicklegs — I know that shapechangers can’t love humans … but I also know that I can’t change what I feel.” As he took a step forward, his eyes held her — which was a very good thing, because otherwise she thought she might’ve lost her footing. “But if you stay, I swear I won’t mention it again. I’ll hide it so well that you’ll forget I ever said it.”
Kyleigh doubted that. She doubted it very seriously. Already, his words rang inside her heart:
He loved her. He loved her.
She never thought she would care much about love, at least not in the way the humans experienced it. She’d thought it was a rather silly idea, a word that humans seemed to throw around at every opportunity. Sometimes she felt like she’d heard it said so often that it had actually lost its meaning.
But now, quite suddenly, love was more than just a word: it was a true feeling, a deep feeling — one every bit as binding as valtas. She thought she could see it on Kael’s face. That was the look she’d been trying to figure out, the one she didn’t quite understand.
He loved her!
For one impossibly happy moment, her heart soared. She wanted to throw herself in his arms and press her lips to his, to feel his love sink into hers. But then her heart climbed down … and a reminder rang in her head:
To bond with any but your own is Abomination, and upon all Abomination, Fate will loose her brother — Death.
Shapechangers couldn’t bond with humans. Or at least, they weren’t supposed to. Was the love she felt for Kael truly an Abomination? If she ran to him now, would she be dragging him to his death?
We have a duty to protect those weaker than us — and unfortunately, that includes the humans.
The words Silas had spoken so long ago stung the insides of her ears. They slid into her chest like a knife, cutting her happiness short. Even if Death didn’t take them, Kyleigh knew the sort of path she would lead him down. She knew the emptiness that Kael would have to endure, if she took him as her mate.
She knew the truth … and because of that, she had a responsibility to protect him.
The burning in her chest was a human emotion, a pain that her dragon half accepted as a fact, but made the human in her ache. “I promise I’ll stay — as your ally, and as your friend.” She had to fight to keep her face masked as she spoke; she couldn’t let Kael see how the words hurt her. “But you would do well to guard your heart.”
His eyes dug into hers for a moment, and it took every ounce of her strength to keep the pain from pouring out. When he finally looked away, she felt as if he’d taken a large piece of her heart with him.
“Thank you,” he said quietly. As he walked past her, he reached out and clasped her shoulder.
She hadn’t been expecting this. The fires in her blood had sealed her wounds quickly: the gashes across her back were scabbed, but still a little sore. When Kael’s fingers pressed down upon her wounds, she winced — a
nd he caught her.
“I knew it. I knew it was you.” He stepped in front of her, and she looked down to avoid his eyes. “You used that dragon thing to heal me, didn’t you?” When she didn’t reply, he grabbed her arm. “Well, I won’t let you suffer for me. Come on, let’s get those wounds sealed up.”
“No!” She twisted out of his grasp. When he tried to grab her again, she leapt away.
“Don’t be ridiculous —”
“You’re being ridiculous!”
Kael looked at her incredulously. “How am I being ridiculous? I’m trying to help you —!”
“It’ll heal on its own,” Kyleigh snapped. She didn’t know why she was being short with him. All she’d wanted for so long was to be able see him again, to listen to his voice and hear that he loved her back. And now that everything she’d ever hoped for had come to pass — it was all wrong. None of it was right.
She needed some time to be alone … and to cry. She just needed to cry.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” she said, striding past him.
Somehow, she managed to make it into the cover of darkness before the tears started rolling down.
Chapter 48
A New Plan
A few days passed as they waited for their companions’ wounds to mend. Once the pirates were healed up enough to walk, they began packing for the journey home. And then came a day of farewells.
The mots left with the dawn, their packs heavy with gifts from the plains. Kyleigh watched their backs for a full minute before she realized that Nadine wasn’t among them. Instead of returning home, the desert woman had materialized at her side.
“When we left the motlands, Hessa told me we would not see each other again in this life,” Nadine explained quietly. Her eyes were light as she watched the mots depart. “I thought it was because I would die in battle, but now I see that it is because she wishes me to find a new life. I have lost Tahir, and Hessa has grown wise beyond my guidance. So my purpose in the motlands is ended. Perhaps in this strange Kingdom of yours, I will find a new purpose.” She turned to Kyleigh, and her face brightened with her smile. “Do you need a servant?”
Kyleigh shook her head. “No — but I could always use a friend.” She took Nadine about the shoulders and led her over to the shipbuilders. “Listen up, you lot — we’re going to have our first guest in Roost. So I expect you all to be on your best behavior.”
Shamus grinned. “Oh, of course we will! I’ll have a room cleaned out for her first thing. Eh, she might have to stay in the guard’s quarters for a bit, just until we can get the roof patched up. But don’t you worry, Lady Kyleigh — we’ll make sure she’s comfortable.”
“Why does he call you a lady?” Nadine whispered.
“Because I can’t convince him to stop,” Kyleigh said with a sigh.
She left Nadine and Shamus to discuss her living arrangements and went in search of Kael. She’d spent a few days wandering through the quiet of the Fields, trying to understand all of the many voices crying from her heart. But in the end, she still couldn’t figure it out.
How could something so beautiful be an abomination? Was Fate truly that heartless? And if their love was forbidden — why did they share the valtas?
Human love could be explained away as desire, but the valtas was much deeper: it wasn’t a conscious choice, nothing she could want with her body or decide upon with her mind. Only her soul understood the valtas. And for whatever reason, her soul had chosen Kael.
Kyleigh didn’t know what to do. Had she been a cleverer creature, she might’ve been able to figure it out. But instead, the facts and feelings were so jumbled together that she knew she had no hope of ever being able to sort them. Perhaps Kael might’ve been able to tell her what to do …
But she could never tell him.
If he didn’t know she loved him back, then perhaps he would heal. Humans often did that. If they couldn’t have one mate, they could always find another. Though it made her sick to think it, she knew she would rather him find love somewhere else, than have to live with a broken heart.
She knew that pain all too well. It was a lonely, miserable sting.
Kyleigh knew she would never get anything accomplished, if she sat around and felt sorry for herself. So instead, she focused on the good things: Kael was here, he was alive. She could speak to him, if she wanted. But first, she had to find him.
After a bit of searching, she stuck her head into one of the barns and found Kael in a heated discussion with Declan and Brend.
“It’s too late for that,” Brend said with a smirk. “The wee pirate captain’s already told me everything. And you said you wanted our friendship — so, you’ve got it.”
Kael glared at him. “Friends don’t have to fight for each other. I won’t have your people die in my war —”
“You helped us reclaim our lands, and we intend to help you reclaim yours. Though,” he added with a snort, “I can’t imagine what you’d want them for. Mightily sparse things, the mountains.”
“Exactly. So why would you bother fighting —?”
“Because that’s what friends do, wee Kael,” Declan cut in.
Brend nodded. “Well that, and it’s the best way I can think to settle the debt between us.” He batted Kael in the shoulder, stumbling him a few steps sideways. “You can count the giants on your side. I’ll send my general to you, once you’ve got everything schemed up.”
As he said this, he looked pointedly at Declan — whose deep brows rose in surprise. “You can’t mean me,” he said, when Brend kept staring at him. “I’m not fit to lead — I can’t even smell a fight without the whole world going dark! How do you expect me to command an army?”
“Oh, you’ll do just fine,” Brend said with a wave of his hand. “Our army didn’t need to be commanded the other day: it needed courage. And you gave them that. To see one giant stand before an army, with naught but the scythe in his hands …” He whistled. “Well, that gave us all the orders we needed. They’ll follow you to the depths, General.” Brend clapped Declan heartily on the shoulder. “Now, let’s go and give them the good news!”
The giants made for the door, and Kael stepped aside to let them pass — which Kyleigh thought was rather odd. If Kael ever felt strongly about something, he would never let it go without a fight. He’d defend himself like a badger in his den.
The fact that he’d let the giants go so easily put Kyleigh on edge. “What are you up to?”
Kael didn’t always use his mouth to smile: sometimes, she could read the smile in his eyes. Now, it looked as if he smiled rather broadly. “Nothing,” he said with a shrug.
It wasn’t a very convincing lie. He wasn’t very good at lying.
“So, I hear you’re the lady of Copperdock. Shamus told me,” he explained, when he saw her surprised look. “He told me everything, and it only took a few tankards of ale. You really ought to keep him away from that stuff, if you want to keep any of your secrets.”
Kyleigh was deciding whether to be cross or amused when she noticed the look on Kael’s face. There had always been a softness to him — something that he tried desperately to keep hidden behind his glares. But it wasn’t hidden any longer: she could see it across the angles of his face, down his nose, in the set of his lips.
And she had a difficult time not stepping closer. “Yes, I’m afraid they’re trying to turn me into some sort of ruler,” she managed to say. She had to look away from him then, or she thought she was in real danger of losing her resolve. “I just came to tell you that I’ll be in Copperdock, should you need me. Though I suspect you’ll want to stay in the Bay.”
She glanced back in time to catch his nod. Now he was the one not looking at her. “If we mean to attack Titus, then I’ve got a lot to plan for. And Morris still has plenty to teach me,” he added, with a hard look. “I don’t want to make any more mistakes.”
Kyleigh could feel him slipping off into his thoughts, but she didn’t want to lose him, just
yet. So she wrapped her fingers around his wrist. “There’ll be time to figure that out later. For now, let’s go bid our friends farewell.”
One the giants had stuffed their packs full of provisions, they stood in a line to see them off. It was difficult to leave Jonathan behind: he could be a bit ridiculous, but Kyleigh knew she would miss the lightness his spirit brought to their party.
Jonathan let go of Clairy just long enough to give them all a hug goodbye, then his arms went back around her waist. When Kyleigh saw how they grinned at each other, she knew they’d have many happy years ahead of them — though she cringed to think about the sort of mischief they might get into.
Declan emerged from one of the barns with a small clay pot in his hands, and he went straight for Aerilyn. “I planted one of the seeds from Noah’s tree in here. It’ll grow better under a woman’s care,” he explained, when she looked confused. “Peaches need a gentle touch — at least, that’s what the Grovers say. I only really know horses.” He pressed the pot into her hands. “Give it to Noah’s mother … that way she’ll always have a piece of him.”
Aerilyn hugged Declan tightly, promising that she would.
They left with the sun rising at their backs: the pirates and the shipbuilders, along with Nadine, Jake, and Silas — who somehow caught wind of their plan to attack the mountains, and seemed to think that he was invited.
“Now you can finally pay me back for all of my work, dragoness,” he said as they walked along. “My mountains will be free once again!”
Some of Gilderick’s slaves were men and women of the seas, and most were eager to return to their families — though Lysander did manage to convince a small number of them to join him as pirates. Much to their surprise, Eveningwing had also insisted on becoming a pirate. Now he soared high above them, screeching happily as he guided them towards the seas. Occasionally, he’d even dip down to bat Lysander across the head.
As they left the plains, Kyleigh wore a wide smile that she could do absolutely nothing about. She didn’t know if it was the happiness in the air or her own excitement that made her heart so light: Kael walked beside her the whole way.