by Muddupalani
Embracing me, enticing me, loving me …
How could I leave even if you so ordered?
Radhika, it’s futile to argue thus!
56. ‘Our covert meetings
Those delightful moments
Have you forgotten them?
One moment you’d undress in front of me
The next moment shy away coyly
Lifting me to your lap
As I gasped
Smiling at me when my eyes turned red
Using your fingers to do things unimaginable …
Have you forgotten those moments?
Warning me not to tattle to mother
You provoked desire, O lady!
And now, you desert me thus, is it fair?
57. ‘If I can stand beside you once again,
Isn’t it enough?
If your sari grazes me again,
Isn’t it enough?
If your sweet lips touch mine again,
Isn’t it enough?
I have atoned for my sins, O gorgeous beauty!
58. ‘Were I your anklets,
I would serve, resting at your feet …
Were I your sari, I would cherish
The touch of your slim waist …
Were I your blouse, I would enjoy
The proximity of your breasts …
Were I your hair falling on your forehead,
I would inhale the fragrance of your sighs …
59. ‘Why, oh why, did I get incarnated
As a fish and as a tortoise
When I could have been any of these?
Dim-witted was I not to think of these!
Futile is it to cry over the past.
60. ‘Won’t you reconsider?
Listen to my entreaties?
Look at me? Speak to me?
Come close to me? Be by my side?
Take pity on me? Love me?
I can no longer bear this,
Do forgive me, my lady!
61. ‘O lady! I went because you sent me.
What interest would I have had otherwise?’
Saying so, he knotted his hair,
Sat on the floor
Saying he would explain the truth to her,
Joining her lips to his.
62. ‘O best of women,
Flower-like maiden, the graceful one!
One who equals Rati, wife of Manmatha,
Why are you so antagonistic?
You who can love so well.’
63. Thus he prayed,
But unrelenting was she.
Krishna then said, controlling himself,
As anger and desire engulfed him:
64. ‘Manmatha is my son, the moon my brother-in-law,
I am Vishnu, my close friend is Vayu,
What harm can they do to me?
If they want my life,
I’d give it up gladly, my dear.
65. ‘My love, could I really trust you?
You with dark curly tresses
Shifty glances, crooked eyebrows and rigid breasts.
Your expression is brutal, cruel almost.
Can you understand pity, my lady?
No, probably not!
66. ‘When the arrows of Kamadeva
Struck from behind and I fell victim,
How I suffered …
And how you laughed!
67. ‘Didn’t we agree that losing a loved one was something we wouldn’t wish even on our worst enemies? Didn’t we criticize couples who lived apart? Were we not envied by all those around us? Day and night, did we not make love obsessively? But that was the past, when we had a relationship. Things change. Perhaps, one day, we will meet again when situations improve. I take your leave, my lady, allow me to depart …’
Hearing this, Radha erupted:
68. Rising like a snake who’d shed its skin
Rose Radha, throwing away her veil
Eyebrows raised and heaving breasts
Eyes ablaze, lips quivering and reddened brow
With unequalled anger, she turned
To face her errant lover:
69. ‘Who called you?
Why have you come?
Who am I and who are you?
What are we to each other?
Annoyed will your lover be
Knowing that you’re here.
Go back, go back now, it’s been a while already!
We’ll be the laughing stock if spotted together.
70. ‘Have I stopped thinking of you even for a moment,
Mesmerized by our relationship?
Nothing but unhappiness has come my way.
I thought I had Rama,
But you, you are Krishna.
How did I befriend you?
71. ‘Shrihari! That Radha was different,
That Krishna was different too,
This Radha has changed, as have you.
Why think of the past:
Those fights, those reunions …
It’s difficult, remembering those pleasures.
72. ‘Then you wanted to please me,
Close were we,
Promises made, confidences won,
I assumed you and I were one
Not knowing that you are a snake and I the frog!
73. ‘I raised you,
Worrying that ants would bite you
Mosquitoes would bother you
Everything I did, I did for you
Making you what you are …
Can it make me happy to give you up?
Tell me, slayer of Mura?
74. ‘You, friend of the poison-bearer,
You who drank poison off a woman,
You who danced atop the poisonous snake,
How can I expect you to be rid of your poisonous mind, O Krishna?
75. ‘Friendship of a fisherman
Accuracy from an accountant
The love of a prostitute, honesty amongst pimps
A male spider’s reality, a miser’s generosity
Movement in a doll, fair skin in a crow
Vysya’s truthfulness, Golla’s romance
Timidity in a womanizer, pity in a rogue
Permanence for a thief, dharma in a gambler
Hesitation in a hangman, an impotent man’s lovemaking …
76. ‘Flowers in the sky, childbirth for a barren woman
Horns on a rabbit, greatness in a Durbeeja tribe
Cleanliness amongst untouchables, kindness in a wrestler—
Are these ever possible?
So how can I blame you, O Krishna?
77. ‘Aren’t there other men who kiss women?
Aren’t there men who never leave their lovers?
Aren’t there men who experience ecstasy with their wives?
Do they all proclaim it loudly to the world like you?
78. ‘My mother-in-law is a tigress disguised as a cow
I don’t respond to my sister-in-law
My husband is furious and angry
And my father-in-law worse
My elder brother-in-law heaves like a ferocious tiger
The younger one brandishes knives
My sister-in-law is scathing
My neighbours are like Yama’s dutas
My own brothers are like tigers disguised as sheep …
79. ‘Deceiving them, despite them,
I met you, craving your love,
And now you, rogue Gopala,
You behave so?
Serves me right!
80. ‘Throwing caution to the winds
Breaking all boundaries
Disregarding obstacles,
I loved you.
So many difficulties I experienced,
But come to think of it,
A friendship with a Golla
Has never benefited any woman, has it?
81. ‘Once earlier, a maiden who approached you got her nose cut.
Knowing this, I loved you.
So, why blame you now?
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br /> In the days of yore, we lived
In a wonderful joyous world,
Indescribable now.
For a while we merged ecstatically as one,
Then we were two,
Still in love, meeting when we could
But now we are three,
The laughing stock amongst four people,
Our lives divided.
82. ‘Where has the joy gone?
How can I live hereafter?
Your words are like waves on water,
Mocked by people all around …
Should I still be on this earth, O Souri?
83. ‘Thinking, with boundless love, you’d come,
I stood waiting all day.
Thinking, with beaming smiles, you’d come,
I sought good omens.
Thinking, you’d return,
I prayed to the gods.
Thinking, one day soon you’ll be mine,
I kept myself alive.
84. ‘So, now that I’ve seen you
And heard all that you’ve said
Indeed you may leave,
Don’t attempt to recreate the life past
I say, go back to your Ila, O lotus-eyed one.
85. ‘If your lover kisses you,
Why should my heart hurt?
If your favourite caresses your cheeks,
Why should my heart burn?
If your sweet girl plays with you,
Why should my heart be saddened?
If your wife makes love to you,
Why should my body suffer?
If your lover holds you against her breasts,
Why should I feel so bad?
I wouldn’t wish love like this to even my foes, Krishna!
86. ‘Having met you
And then living without you
Has been miserable.
I cannot once again be with you,
Experiencing ecstasy, only to lose you again.
I can’t bear the suffering, Gopala!
87. ‘I see now,
Clearly,
What I never saw before.
You’ve given your all to Ila,
How can I still hope, Murari
88. ‘With tears like Kaveri streaming
With no one to wipe them away
My body suffering unbearably
With no one to offer solace
Crushed have I been
If I tried to take my life,
Would there be anyone to stop me?
My heart burns with love and desire
And there’s no one to console me and allay my fears.
89. ‘Drowning in desire
Suffocating
Suffered I alone
You weren’t there then, Gopala,
So why now? It’s too late!
90. ‘Self-respect is a treasure, a boon
Self-esteem the jewel of proud women
Once it’s gone,
Why stay alive, O lotus-eyed one?’
91. Hearing this and all that the embittered Radhika had to say, the slayer of Mura addressed her respectfully, ‘O lady! A slave’s mistake should be forgiven without remonstration.’ Saying so, the Lord who wears peacock feathers on his head, bowed and fell at her lotus-like feet like a swarm of buzzing bees …
92. And as he fell at her feet,
She raised her left leg, anklets resounding loudly,
And with brute force
Kicked
The head adorned with peacock feathers
Revered and prayed by
Brahma, Shiva and sages wise,
As though training him
For Satyabhama’s ire
In the future.
93. Unperturbed and yet composed he rose,
The great Yadava king,
Putting out his hands, said he gently:
‘Beautiful lady, blessed am I now,
But I hope your feet don’t hurt
Hitting against my solid head,
My dearest Radhe!
94. ‘Dear maiden, your thighs thundered
Your sari slipped, your breasts heaved,
And your anklets trembled,
As your foot struck my head.
But my body trembled with ecstasy,
How can I describe this euphoria?
95. ‘Your hands may shine,
But the grace of your slim waist is greater.
Your breasts may be firm,
But the allure of your buttocks is better.
Your eyebrows may be finely arched,
But the swell of your stomach is greater.
Words from your red lips are pleasant,
But the unspoken feelings speak volumes.
96. ‘Your flying sari is the sky
The liquid pouring into me is the Ganga
O beauty! The lines on your stomach are clouds
Your embrace is like rain on parched earth.
97. ‘Degrade me,
Cast piercing glances or order me away,
Whether you talk or don’t,
Bathe me in milk or water
Or even throw me out!
Tell me you don’t need my love,
Whatever you say or do,
I won’t go away, O Radhika!’
98. And as he spoke thus, she wept:
‘O my lotus-eyed Lord!
At last, at long last, you confess
That’s enough, more than enough.
Nothing’s more important than self-respect,’
She said, expressing love and anger, distrust and envy.
99. Slumped, holding her sari ends against her face,
As Souri looked on,
The moon-faced lady wept,
Tears streaming down her high breasts,
Like waterfalls cascading down the Meru.
100. As she wept, Hari bent again
And held her feet,
‘My love, why do you weep?
Am I greater than you?
If you’re still angry, I’m yours
To do as you wish … completely,’
He stood, clasping her tightly to his chest.
101. Then the maiden gave herself up
Completely to his love
He brushed her lips and stroked her cheeks
He touched her whilst she kissed him back
He caressed her stomach
And as the Love God looked on indulgently,
The lady and her lover engaged in the battle of love.
102. Flushed, in the rapturous afterglow of making love, they collapsed into each other’s arms, delighting in each other’s fragrances. Joking and laughing at each other’s antics, they indulged each other, pretending and playing. She coyly prevented him from kissing her, stopping him from touching her radiant cheeks, not letting him play with her long tresses, preventing him from touching her lips. Her embroidered blouse, heavily embellished with pearls and precious stones, was unable to withstand her heaving breasts and rent apart. Struggling with each other, locked in a tight embrace, breathless, him getting on top of her, kissing her lips, gently slapping her cheeks, they continued their fierce lovemaking. The bed creaked, floral and bodily scents pervaded the room, as sparrows and swans, nightingales and parrots looked on, chirping loudly and egging them on. ‘Don’t leave me, don’t stop, don’t leave an inch between us, hold me tight, fill me …’ Whispering sweet nothings, their bodies making sounds that reverberated through the house … she reciprocated, thrust for thrust, into her whole being she pressed him, body melting into body, cheek against cheek, drinking nectar from each other lips, they made love, until exhausted, they retired.
103. Appearing like Kamadeva’s tent,
Her tresses, covering her face
Created darkness.
Bruised jaji flowers pressed against her face
Looked like tired, collapsed stars
The glistening sweat on her delicate forehead
Brilliant smiles radiant like moonbeams.
104. Her celeb
rated beauty arousing desires,
Loving smiles emanating like moonlight
Like Krishna paksha,
The dark-haired lovely
Fell on Krishna, indulging in intercourse.
105. Like flower petals dropping,
She fell on him.
Like breeze circulating,
She spun him around.
Like a mechanized ball,
She bounced around.
Like the spinning top,
Giddily she played him with gusto.
She posed and preened
Slapping his cheeks
Chiding him lovingly
Kissing him incessantly
Touching his organ
Caressing him slowly
They made love,
Bala Hari and his Radhika.
106. As the lotus-bodied beauty embraced Hari, the pearl necklaces and ruby jewels fell off one by one, like the flower-tipped arrows of Manmatha, dropping to the floor. Then the father of the Love God, looking at his lady awash with desire, said teasingly:
107. ‘What are those marks on your breasts, Radha?’
‘As if you don’t know O lotus-eyed one!’
‘Why the bruised lips, Radha?’
‘As if you don’t know, O Lord of the gods!’
‘And the smudged kajal, Radha?’
‘As if you don’t know, O God of gods!’
‘And where’s all the gold gone, Radha?
‘As if you don’t know, O father of the Love God!’
108. Chatting and touching
Teasing and pleasing
They talked and indulged
Desire engulfing them
Like free soaring birds
Indulging in Manmatha’s game of love.
109. In the delightful gardens of Vrindavan
On the Govardhana hills
In the splendidly decorated palaces
In the valleys of beauty
Within the enchanting parijata bowers
In the painted pleasure houses
Besides the flowering bushes
Near the riverbeds of Bheema
Under the overgrown thickets
In the moon-drenched town
The great Lord with his Radhika
Lived on …
In love.
110. Riches will be bestowed,
And all desires fulfilled
On one who reads, possesses, recites or listens
To Radhika Santawanam,
As the lotus-eyed god himself gives his blessings.
111. Like a shimmering bee on Lakshmi’s face
Like magnificent rain-laden clouds
Compassionate, taking avataras
To bring errant beings to book
Gloriously lying on the ksheerasagara
Playing on the banks of the mighty Kalindi
Slayer of demons like Kamsa
Your lotus feet shining with the glow from the serpent Kalindi
Saviour of the Pandavas
Hail to thee!
112. O Gadadhari, holder of the mace