She went into the kitchen and threw her arms into the air in silent triumph. Joy all but exploded inside her. She was free, finally, finally free, and it felt good!
She turned and realized that Clark was awake, sitting up and watching her. His face was devoid of emotion, as if he’d only just awoken. She sincerely hoped that was the case.
“Clark,” she said, so excited it was all she could do to keep from telling him what had happened. He wouldn’t understand her need to see Eddie one last time. “You’re awake,” she said, hoping her voice didn’t betray her.
He nodded, and his eyes seemed to look straight through her. “I thought I heard the phone.”
She glanced down at the receiver in her hand as if she’d never seen it before. “Yes…it did ring.” Then, attempting to gauge whether he’d heard any part of the conversation, she said, “I hope I didn’t disturb you.”
He ignored that and asked, “Anyone important?”
She bit the inside of her lip, undecided how to answer. When she did, she spoke the truth. “No.”
He didn’t say anything for a long moment.
She was grateful, because it gave her time to collect her wits. “Dinner’s almost ready,” she announced, as though she were serving a culinary masterpiece. “Tuna casserole. I hope you like tuna? I would have asked, but you fell asleep and…” The words tumbled out of her mouth like bowling pins struck by a thirty-pound ball. When she realized she was talking too fast, too excitedly, she shut up.
Rubbing the sleep from his face, Clark sighed heavily. “Who was that on the phone, Carol?”
Chapter 5
“Who was that on the phone?” Carol repeated slowly, giving herself time to debate how much she should tell him. Clark deserved the truth, but she was afraid he would think less of her if he knew how she planned to take her revenge on Eddie.
“Carol?”
“A friend,” she hedged.
“You seemed to be in a good mood when I woke up,” he commented. “I looked up and saw you waving your arms as if you were celebrating something. Whoever it was must have given you good news.”
The time to tell him was now, but still she hesitated. Eventually she would explain everything. But all in good time, when they could laugh about it together. She would fill in every detail, and announce that once and for all Eddie Shapiro was out of her life. Then she would look at Clark and suggest that perhaps it was time for them to be more than friends.
The timer dinged and, grateful for the distraction, she took the tuna casserole out of the oven and set it in the middle of the table. They ate in companionable silence. If Clark was quieter than usual, she didn’t notice. Her own thoughts were humming along at high speed as she replayed the phone conversation in her mind again and again, savoring every word.
All at once, for no apparent reason, Clark leaped to his feet, almost toppling his chair.
She gasped. “Clark?”
He said nothing, only stared directly ahead, as if her cupboards contained the answers to the universe’s most complex questions.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. “What is it?”
“I’ve got to get back to work.”
“Now?”
“Now,” he said, and cast her a look so full of joy it was almost blinding. He caught her by the shoulders, half lifting her from the chair, and soundly kissed her. She was certain he’d meant it to end there. Just a happy excited kiss.
But it didn’t. Instead, he kissed her a second time, his lips hungry and urgent. She responded in kind, her inhibitions gone. Oh, this was wonderful. More than wonderful. Why had it taken her so long to discover that everything she’d ever wanted was right here within her grasp?
She clung to him, her fingers buried in his thick sweater. She felt as if she were on a carnival ride, ascending higher and higher.
At his unspoken demand, she gave him what he wanted, her tongue mating with his in an endless game of desire. A roaring sound filled her ears, and she realized it was her own blood, her own heart, racing with happiness.
They’d exchanged kisses in the past, but these were different.
She could tell that he felt it, too. He eased his mouth from hers and stared at her, his expression dazed. She herself felt winded, although somehow she continued to breathe normally. This feeling, this sensation, was new, and she reveled in it. Marveled that she could share this wonder, this excitement, with Clark.
She slid her fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck and urged his mouth back to hers. The kiss sent her senses reeling once more. After a few long moments she tore her mouth away and whispered, “Clark?” She wasn’t sure what to make of what was happening between them.
He braced his forehead against hers and inhaled sharply, the way a drowning man gasps for air when he breaks the surface.
“That answers my question, doesn’t it?” he said softly.
“It does?” Her eyes were still closed.
“Yes. About who was on the phone.” He released her, and her eyes flew open. “Eddie Shapiro,” he continued, and she felt a sudden chill at his tone. “I know. I heard far more of the conversation than I wanted to hear. You told him you were working at Softline with the geek—who can only be me.”
He’d heard that? Oh, no! “Clark, I know what you’re thinking, but it wasn’t like that.”
“I asked, but you weren’t exactly forthcoming with information, were you? You’d rather I didn’t know you’d talked to Eddie.”
“Well, yes, but there’s a reason for that, and if you’d give me a chance, I’d—” She wanted to say more, but he cut her off.
“Isn’t there always a reason, Carol?”
“Oh, Clark, don’t make this difficult. You’re right. It was Eddie. He wants to see me and—”
“I know. I heard. He’s taking you to dinner, and he wants you to wear your blue dress. And you’re happy about it.”
She hesitated, then confessed, “Yes, but not for the reason you think.”
His laugh was short and devoid of amusement. “Carol, please, I’m not stupid. Be honest—you’re thrilled. Don’t try to fool me. I saw you dancing around the kitchen as if you’d won the lottery.
“This is what you’ve been waiting for all these months. Eddie wants you back, and you couldn’t be happier. Otherwise you’d never have responded to me the way you did just now. What was that, your swan song, to let me know what I’ve been missing?”
“No!” She was truly insulted that he’d suggested such a thing.
“Then you weren’t pleased to hear from Eddie?”
He was trapping her with logic, using her own responses against her and not allowing her to explain or untangle this mess. “Maybe in the beginning, months ago, I longed to hear from Eddie, but that’s all changed.”
“When?”
“When did it change? Heavens, I don’t know. It was a gradual thing. I’d pined after him for months, and then one day I realized I didn’t care anymore. I can’t tell you exactly when I stopped, because I don’t know.”
“That isn’t the impression I got. You sounded absolutely delighted when you realized he was on the other end of the line.”
She groaned. He was right. If she claimed otherwise, he would know she was lying. “Okay, I’ll admit when I first answered, I felt a certain excitement. I’d been hoping he would call me for months, and then it finally happened, but…my delight was more a sense of being right. Knowing that eventually he would need me, then hearing from him.”
She paused and held Clark’s gaze. “I don’t want to talk about him right now,” she said. “I want to know what happened just now between us.”
“Nothing happened.”
“Don’t kid yourself. We’ve got something precious and wonderful, I know it. I don’t want to ruin it by dragging Eddie into the middle of it.”
A sadness entered his eyes. “Yes, I know. But unfortunately, whatever it is, it’s too late. You’ve got your precious Eddie back.” Abruptly he turned away
and, without looking back, walked out the door.
Carol followed him outside, her emotions whirling like dry snow whipped by the wind. “Clark!” she called after him. A chill raced up her arms, and she folded them tightly against her abdomen. The cold that struck her had nothing to do with the temperature and everything to do with Clark. “Please listen to me. I’m only planning to see Eddie this one time!” she cried. If Clark would give her a chance to explain, then he wouldn’t be in such a hurry to walk out on her.
“Right. One time,” he said, as he opened his car door.
“Clearly you don’t, or you wouldn’t be acting this way. I need closure with Eddie. It has nothing to do with you and me.”
He climbed into his car and started the engine.
She couldn’t believe he was actually refusing to hear her out.
Her anger carried her for nearly twenty-four hours. This unreasonable side of Clark was one she’d never seen before. The man was both stubborn and irrational. He’d refused to listen. He’d heard one side of her telephone conversation and discounted everything she’d tried to tell him afterward.
For three days she didn’t hear from him. Three of the longest days of her life. Finally, deciding that this entire thing was utterly ridiculous, she stopped by his office a few minutes before quitting time on Friday.
When Mrs. Derby saw her, she smiled warmly. “Hello, Carol.”
“Hi,” Carol said, looking past the woman, hoping to catch a glimpse of Clark. She’d been miserable, and she would be leaving soon to spend the holidays with her parents. She needed to settle things between them before she left.
“I don’t suppose Clark’s around?” she asked, raising her voice, hoping he would realize she was there and come out to see her.
“Oh, sure, go right in.” It surprised her that Mrs. Derby didn’t announce her the way she did everyone else.
Carol hesitated. “How’s he doing?” Her guess was that he was still working himself to the point of exhaustion and not eating properly. Worrying about him was going to be her excuse to explain this unexpected visit, should Mrs. Derby ask.
“Mr. Rusbach’s doing much better,” Mrs. Derby surprised her by saying.
“He is?” Carol’s ego appeared to be in for a beating, along with everything else. Clark walked out on her, and it seemed he’d never been happier.
Mrs. Derby’s smile revealed her approval. “Whatever was bothering him earlier has worked itself out. He’s his old self, and I can’t credit anyone but you.”
Carol wanted to believe it, but she knew otherwise. But it didn’t matter. She needed to see him, to talk to him and tell him that she’d received a wonderful job offer—a full-time teaching position. The only problem was, she would need to move to Alaska. Still, the pay was excellent. She couldn’t afford to turn it down. She would, though, in a heartbeat, if Clark asked her to stay. And he would, wouldn’t he? He’d been tired and had overreacted, and she’d allowed things to escalate. This evening they would laugh about it, then put the problem behind them.
Wearing a smile, she walked toward his office. The door was open far enough for her to see him sitting at his desk, shuffling paperwork. She was convinced he knew she was there and had opted to ignore her.
This wasn’t looking good.
She glanced over her shoulder, and a smiling Mrs. Derby urged her forward with a wave of her hand.
“Hi, Clark,” she said.
He glanced up but revealed no emotion. “Hello, Carol.”
“I’d like to talk to you, if I could.”
“Sure.” He gestured toward an empty chair.
She sat on the edge of the seat. “I think we should discuss what happened the other night, don’t you?”
“Not particularly.”
So he wanted to make this difficult. “We can’t let this come between us, Clark. I mean, we’re friends, and—”
“I assumed we were friends, yes.”
“We are,” she insisted. “Good friends.” She couldn’t have survived the past six months without him. He’d lent her confidence and support. Held her when she’d wept, encouraged her, helped her find a job. The list was endless. “You really are the best friend I’ve ever had.”
He looked bored.
“I know you’re upset about me seeing Eddie again, but it isn’t what you think.” She smiled, convinced that once he understood, he would laugh about how silly their misunderstanding had been.
“I heard everything I needed. Spare me the details. You want to have dinner with your ex-fiancé, that’s fine. I don’t have any claim on you. I’m just the geeky guy who kept you entertained until Eddie Shapiro wanted you back.”
“That’s not true!” Knowing how much being called a geek offended him, she wanted more than anything to correct the impression. “And only Eddie called you a geek.”
“You agreed with him.”
“No, I repeated it, for which I’m very sorry. The only reason was because I didn’t want to argue with Eddie. You and I both know he’s no rocket scientist. I realize how it must have sounded from your end, but please, Clark, let’s put this behind us.” She waited for what seemed an eternity before he spoke.
“Apology accepted.”
She heaved a giant sigh of relief and planted her hand over her heart. “Thank you. You don’t know how badly I’ve felt about all this. I’ve got so much to tell you. Has it really only been three days since we talked? It feels like three years.” She paused to take a deep breath. “Clark, I was offered a teaching position.”
“That’s wonderful.”
“It’s one of those ‘good news, bad news’ situations. I was offered a job, which is obviously the good news,” she said, gesturing freely with her hands. “But the bad news is I’d need to move to Alaska. The second-grade teacher has developed a heart problem and needs to take a medical leave, and you know me and kids—I love that age group. What do you think?”
“Think? What’s there to think about? I suggest you take it.”
“You do?” The happiness drained out of her like water swirling down a drain.
“This is what you’ve been waiting for, isn’t it?” he asked her, smiling briefly.
“But it means I’ll be leaving Seattle.” Leaving you, she added silently.
“So it seems, but that’s progress for you.”
She was on her feet but couldn’t remember standing. The room felt cold suddenly. “I guess that settles that, doesn’t it?” She forced an air of breathless enthusiasm into her voice.
“I guess so.”
“You and Eddie are more alike than I realized. Neither one of you has a clue what it means to really love someone. I…I assumed you were different, but I was wrong. Goodbye, Clark.” She was too hurt to say anything more. Clutching her purse to her side, she started to walk away.
Then her steps slowed, and with her back to him, she said, “Before I leave, I’d like to thank you. I mean that sincerely.”
Her words were followed by a painful silence. She waited a moment with her eyes closed, praying he would say or do something to stop her.
He didn’t. She had no choice but to leave.
With her head held high, she walked out of Clark’s office and out of his life.
Chapter 6
“That’s it?” Maddie asked, incredulous. “Clark actually let you leave?”
Carol nodded, and her gaze drifted across the square to the Rusbach Science Building. The bronze plaque outside the building stated that Clark Rusbach had donated the funds for the structure. He’d done well for himself. Very well. His computer company was worth millions. Fifteen years earlier he’d designed software, and these days his computer systems were known worldwide.
“How sad,” Gretchen said, and gently squeezed Carol’s hand.
Carol hadn’t known either Gretchen or Maddie well in her college days, and now she realized that had been her loss. She could have used friends like them, then and now.
Even after all this time, the
pain of that last confrontation with Clark was fresh and sharp. She’d honestly believed, naive as she’d been back then, that he had loved her. She’d believed he would take whatever measures necessary to keep her in Seattle and in his life. Instead, he’d taught her one of the most valuable lessons she’d ever learned.
“What about Eddie?”
“Yeah, Eddie,” Gretchen put in. “Did you have dinner with him after all?”
“Oh, yes,” Carol whispered, and laughed at the memory. “Only it didn’t turn out the way I’d planned.”
“The dress didn’t fit?”
“Oh, it fit just fine, but I was so miserable without Clark that it was all I could do to even look at Eddie.”
“You fell in love with Clark, didn’t you?”
“Oh, yes,” she said again. It amazed her how long it had taken her to recognize what should have been apparent. Instead, she’d allowed her experience with Eddie to cloud her judgment, and by the time she realized the truth it was too late.
“Tell me what happened when you met Eddie,” Maddie insisted. “Did he want you back?”
“I think so, but actually, I never gave him a chance to ask. The entire evening was a disaster. All I could do was talk about Clark. It was Clark this and Clark that, until Eddie tossed his napkin on the table and claimed he wasn’t going to waste his time on a woman who was hung up on another man.”
Both Gretchen and Maddie laughed.
“It serves him right,” Maddie said. “It feels good when someone who’s done you wrong gets his comeuppance.”
A silence fell between them. “Are you speaking from experience?” Gretchen asked.
“You could say that,” Maddie admitted reluctantly. “You probably remember me as something of a bad girl. I said and did some outrageous things in my college days, but I only did them to attract attention.”
Gretchen chuckled. “I seem to recall more than one of your stunts. You were crazy, girl.”
“You can say that again,” Maddie said, and smiled. “But the craziest trick I ever pulled was falling in love with John Theda.”
Gretchen remembered the rumors. It had caused quite a stir—a student capturing the heart of a faculty member!
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