Into His Keeping

by Faulkner, Gail

  Holdin turned his gaze on Drifter. “Why are you concerned that she’s not up to this? What’s wrong with her right now?” he asked quietly in a man-to-man tone.

  He restrained the impulse to lunge across the table and gather her into his arms. It was almost overwhelming as she wilted back in her seat and closed her eyes. He forcibly reminded himself that he didn’t have the right to shelter her, nor could he. The young man sitting beside her was doing his level best to be a man and that ripped a strip off Holdin too. He was proud as hell of the spirit he saw in his son and at the same time mourned this boy’s need to answer that instinctive call to protect his mother.

  Jill opened her eyes in surprise. She’d expected questions, accusations, anger, not the calm inquiry that she’d just heard.

  “Her accident was more serious than it appeared,” Drifter answered immediately. “A very small sliver of her skull bone is lodged against her brain. They think it’s stable but they want to do surgery to remove it. They also think that’s why she remembered everything. It’s possible she’ll forget again when it’s removed. Or if it moves on its own, she could…well, they don’t know for sure what will happen. The point is, she insisted on coming here before surgery.”

  Holdin sucked in a hissing breath as he jerked in renewed shock. “What!?” He glared at Jill in obvious anger for a second then ruthlessly shut it down. Remaining calm was vitally important. Both Jill and the boy appeared ready to flee at any moment and he couldn’t allow that to happen. Perhaps it was that he didn’t really believe she was here. Whatever, he shoved his instinctive responses behind the mask he’d worn so long. “You should be in the hospital? How did you get here?” He glanced out the big window at the car parked in front. “You drove in this condition? Isn’t that dangerous?”

  “Stop yelling at me!” Jill snapped. “We drove. We live an hour away now and I needed to do this for my son. What if I wake up blank again? No memories of him even? I had to give him an option, some resource. I couldn’t make him do this alone, damn it. It’s too hard.”

  Jill leaned forward across the red tabletop. “You’re his only hope if I’m gone. I came here to beg you not to let the state take him. That’s all. I couldn’t let them cut into my brain before I knew he was safe!”

  “I can remember just fine for both of us, Mom. We don’t need to beg him for anything.” Drifter slung an arm around her shoulders. “Come on, you need to lie down. We’re done here. I’ve met him. He’s seen us. It’s enough.”

  “I agree, you need to rest, Jill. Come out to the ranch and we can get you back to the hospital in the chopper as soon as you can travel.” Holdin ignored the aggressive half of Drifter’s statement, stood and moved back, obviously waiting for them to join him.

  Drifter frowned up at the tall, stern-faced man beside him. “You have a helicopter?”

  “Yep. Much smoother ride and a lot quicker than a car.” Holdin nodded.

  “Wait a second. I’m not going out to the ranch. I had to drive here from Dallas, I felt pretty safe on paved roads but the dirt road out there is a bit risky. Besides, what about your family and everything? You’ve told us nothing and I understand it’s none of our business, but I don’t want to suddenly invade your home, Holdin. That’s not why we came and I don’t want to face that kind of stress at the moment. We’ll be fine at the motel.”

  “My family is right here, Jill.” Holdin tried to relax as he continued. “The road is paved all the way out there. It has been for several years. Things have changed. What if we need to get you back to the hospital fast? Coming out to the ranch is the safest option.”

  Holdin looked at Drifter and used the man-to-man talk again. “I know you want to take care of your mother. This is the safest option for her.”

  Drifter searched Holdin’s face worriedly. “Are you okay with us?” he asked with more insight than a boy his age should have. “You can’t hurt her anymore. I’ll not let you.”

  Jill answered before Holdin could. “Of course he won’t hurt me! I know I’ve only had a short time to tell you about your father but I thought you got him. He’d never hurt me. Never.” Jill glanced up at Holdin worriedly. “We can talk about this in the room.”

  “Mom, you’ve been in pain over him since the moment you remembered. You haven’t told me everything but I’m not an idiot. I can read between the lines. That and I can hear you crying at night. Every night, since you got home from the hospital.”

  “Oh geez, baby. No, not because…” Jill looked up at Holdin again. The man before her was so much more than the lover she’d known. He was a stranger. And yet, looking at that face, hearing his voice, all of it nearly cut her in half.

  Her memories had been brand-new. Intellectually she’d been aware they were events from fifteen years ago, but that didn’t do a thing to distance her from the pain of them. She hadn’t really had fifteen years to get over them, to coat them with the protective cushion of time. Emotionally, she’d been ripped away from the love of her young life just two weeks ago. She’d lost her father at the same time.

  Jill tried again as she turned back to her scowling son. “Try to understand. When I remembered everything, it was not fifteen years old for me.” She took a shaky breath as both sets of eyes watched her intently. “I lost my father, who I loved very much, Drifter. I’ve never mourned him. But you’re right, I also lost Holdin at the same time. For me, it all just happened and I was very much in love with your father. Then there was the urgency of everything. It’s overwhelming. I’m so sorry.” Jill’s shaking hands covered her face a moment. “I’m sorry I worried you. So sorry, baby.”

  “Mom,” Drifter started, but Holdin interrupted him.

  “Jill, relax. It’s going to be all right. This is a huge shock to all of us.” He dropped to his haunches beside them, bringing his big body to her eye level. One large hand rested on the table, the other on the back of the bench seat where both Jill and Drifter sat. “But you did the right thing coming to me, coming here. We can get through this. Now come home so we don’t have to do this in front of the whole town.” Holdin moved his hand to place on top of Jill’s, which were flat on the table.

  The connection was warm and comforting. They hadn’t touched yet. Jill’s hands naturally turned over to grip his as she looked into his eyes and smiled a bit sadly.

  “You’re doing it.”

  “What?”

  “Taking possession of me. You did it the first time I saw you.” Jill chuckled softly as she looked around her son into the eyes of a man who wasn’t quite a stranger but wasn’t her Holdin either. “I’m not eighteen anymore. It doesn’t work that way.”

  Holdin’s head tilted to the side slightly, his grip tightened on her hand and his lips ticked up in a slight grin. “Yeah? Is that what I did?”

  “You know it is. I was barely hired here and hadn’t even stepped out of the store’s office and you had an arm around me. Mr. Blain agreed you could show me the staff room, not take possession of me.”

  “I was showing you around. As I recall, I didn’t get my arms around you for a week.” Holdin’s voice dropped as he looked into her eyes and remembered that first kiss. But she wouldn’t let him enjoy it.

  “Bullshit. You might as well have hung a sign around my neck that said Holdin’s girl,” Jill accused in soft tones that sounded of youthful embarrassment and shy pride. Her smile and voice were at odds with the words.

  “Hey, hey, can we not scar me for life?” Drifter interrupted, glancing between them. “I’m not old enough to hear this crap. We’ve all got whatchamacallits. So can we just figure this out right now? I mean what we’re gonna do in the next hour. Mom, you need to lie down somewhere.”

  Holdin chuckled in a deep rumble. His hazel eyes crinkled with new lines around them that Jill had never seen. She was fascinated. Lean cheeks had always creased with his grin, but the changes of time hadn’t detracted a thing from his heart-stopping good looks. It’d just added to it.

  “Whatchamacalli
ts?” he asked Drifter.

  “You know, that stuff talk-show people are always bleating about. Issues. Discussing those seems to take way too much time. Getting to what needs doing is more important. The deal is, we came here to meet you. That looks to be done. The reasons for doin’ it are on the table. Mom has to have the surgery and she’s scared of forgetting again so now I know who you are and there’s nothing wrong with my head. I’ll remember. I’m taking her to the motel so she can rest. The damn issues will be the same when she wakes up. No need to sling them around now.”

  “Agreed, your mother needs some rest. The ranch is twenty minutes away.” Holdin stood up. “And you can meet your grandparents while she naps.”

  “No.” Drifter slid out of the booth and stood to face Holdin. Almost six feet already, Drifter still had to look up to his father. “She wants the motel. That’s where she goes. In case you hadn’t noticed, she’s already stressed. Goin’ out to your place will add to that.”

  Identical hazel eyes sized each other up. The younger set in a defensive face while the older one’s bland expression was a mask. Jill almost held her breath. The unexpected confrontation between these two was a bit surprising. She’d known there would be tension, but the maturity of her son’s arguments was unexpected.

  Holdin nodded curtly and pulled a cell phone out of his pocket. Looking out the soda fountain window and down Main Street, he obviously dialed the motel’s number off the huge sign clearly visible from there.

  “Mrs. Parkman?” he said politely as someone answered. “This is Holdin Powell. Is the room on the end, farthest from the road available? Excellent. Does it have two beds? Good. Please open it and leave two keys on the dresser. I’ll be up to fill out the paperwork. Yes I know. No, of course not, ma’am. I have a friend in town and she’s feeling ill. It will be her and her son staying. Correct. Yes. See you then.”

  Drifter turned and held out a hand to help Jill out of the booth. “Let’s go, Mom.”

  Jill scooted out. “You’re still doing the ‘take charge’ thing, Holdin. I can rent my own room.”

  “Oh Lord, get over it, Mom. He compromised. Don’t you know anything about guys?” Drifter asked in mild male disgust.

  Holdin’s brows went up and he grinned at Drifter. Jill snorted and turned to exit the soda fountain and stopped abruptly. There were at least eight people standing near the entrance watching them. Some of the faces she vaguely recognized and names flashed through her mind but mostly embarrassment washed over her.

  “Geez,” Drifter murmured beside her.

  “Time to go.” Holdin stepped up between them. He slid an arm around Jill’s waist, his other hand rested on Drifter’s shoulder as he stepped forward. They swept through the little throng with Holdin nodding and smiling as if it were nothing to see him walking out of the department store with a boy who matched him feature for feature and the woman who’d disappeared fifteen years ago.

  The motel was a long strip of rooms that opened to the parking lot. The garish orange and teal paint was a bit more faded now and still begging for a new coat. When it was new, the hotel court was supposed to have a tropicana feel to it. But the planters had been dirt holders and nothing more for quite some time. It was exactly the same as Jill remembered.

  Jill pulled her Taurus into the parking space in front of the last room. Holdin’s big Dodge king cab had been on her bumper and he pulled in right beside her. He was at her car door before she could put her feet down on the cracked pavement. Her head was pounding and she smiled tightly as he took her elbow as if to steady her.

  Drifter was already at the room door, opening it. They’d all heard Holdin instruct the motel owner to leave it open. “Any bags to bring in?” Holdin asked Drifter as he gently steered Jill to the bed along the far wall.

  “Sure, I’ll get them,” Drifter answered automatically, unaware the man was directing them all.

  Holdin flung the spread back and Jill sank down on the cool sheets. Her eyes closed immediately. “I’d have lain down without the strong-arm treatment, Holdin.”

  “Yeah, but I feel better now,” he answered her mild protest as Drifter came back in with two small bags. “You guys weren’t planning on staying long.” Holdin accusingly eyed the bags.

  Jill could hear it in his tone. “We don’t have much time.”

  Neither male had flipped on the lights nor opened the drapes. As Drifter kicked the door shut, the room was suddenly plunged into a murky twilight. Jill opened her eyes a crack to find Holdin looming in the narrow space between the two double beds, hands on hips, frowning down at her.

  “You just going to stand there?” she asked.

  “Yeah, I think so.” Holdin ran a hand through his hair and shut his eyes briefly in a squeezing motion then he was gazing down at her again. “If I take my eyes off you again, you might disappear. So I can’t.”

  What he’d really been doing was resisting the urge to wrap his body around her in some useless effort to protect, shield, somehow take the weight he could feel her carrying. The emotions that this encounter had generated were all fierce. Anger was pushed to the bottom of the pile because he couldn’t afford it right now. The two he was having trouble suppressing were possessiveness and protection. Those were the ones she’d always triggered in him. Not the gentle civilized versions that would have been acceptable either. These were primal responses to Jill. They always had been.

  Drifter flopped down at the end of the other bed, his long legs dangling over the end as the huge yellow mums on the orange bedspread seemed to explode around him. Even in the dim light, the mums glowed. His hands stacked behind his head as he stared at the ceiling. “Are you two going to fight?” he asked in a deceptively disinterested tone.

  Holdin sat down on the yellow and orange bed behind his knees and relaxed back in the same position. The two of them only fit on the thing because they were at right angles to each other. “No.” Holdin sighed. “This isn’t fighting. This is issues. Fears. All that junk.”

  “You have fears?” Drifter asked in the same bored tone.

  “Yep. I was in love with your mother. One evening she was gone and I couldn’t find her. It hurt me bad. Now she’s back and I’ve met you. I guess I’m sorta terrified that if I let you guys out of my sight, I’ll not be able to find you again. Does that make sense?” Holdin asked his son conversationally.

  Drifter grunted a male sound then after a few minutes’ silence asked, “So you minded that she left?”

  “Big time,” Holdin confirmed. “Hired a private detective once. All I found out was that whatever her real name was, I didn’t know it. Made me mad as hell. But I always wanted to find her.”

  Jill listened in silence as Holdin exposed his soul to their son in fearless honesty. The abbreviated sentences and blunt expressions males used with each other were so stark. It was a nakedness women always wanted to dress up with explanations.

  She suspected Holdin was doing it deliberately. Letting Drifter ask whatever he wanted was not only bonding with the boy but explaining to her as directly as he could. Covering ground it’d take the two of them hours to go over because she was not brave enough to ask.

  “You’re not pissed? At us showing up, I mean.” Drifter sounded slightly amazed but he still managed to inject a tone of boredom with the whole subject into his voice.

  Holdin’s tone didn’t elevate or drop, he answered as calmly as the question was asked. “Hell yeah, I’m pissed. Royally. But not at you or your mom. It’s hard to tell what I’m more ticked about right now. I guess your grandfather, who I knew as John Taylor. Whatever he was running from stole your mother and you from me. How ‘bout you? You angry?”

  “Yeah, guess I am.” Drifter acknowledged the question Jill couldn’t believe Holdin had asked. “I’ve been angry at you for a while. I might have been wrong about that.”

  Holdin grunted, neither agreeing nor arguing, simply a male acknowledgment of fact.

  Holdin’s acceptance of Drifter’s emot
ions without judgment made a tear slip down Jill’s cheek. She was pretty sure they couldn’t see it. Her eyes were closed and she’d almost stopped breathing as the quiet conversation beside her unfolded.

  “So you married or anything?” Drifter asked.

  “No,” Holdin answered bluntly. “What else you pissed at?”

  “Well, the accident and all. I’m pretty sure Mom thinks she might change if she has the surgery. The doc says if she doesn’t, it could kill her. I’m glad she remembered everything and all, but I don’t want her to change or lose her.” Drifter heaved a sigh. “No offense, but I don’t wanna be shipped off to you either.”

  “None taken. You don’t know me.” Holdin helped Drifter clarify his thoughts.

  “The whole thing sorta screws with a guy’s head.” Drifter went on. “But you seem kinda cool. I was expecting an uptight bast….geek.”

  “Why’s that?”