“Hello?”
“What was the dream?” a familiar voice rumbled in her ear.
“None of your business. Does every room have its own phone number?”
“No, this is room to room, like an intercom but more private. It is my business. I think it’s all mine, baby. You’re flushed and damp, all the way to your toes,” he drawled. “Nothing could be more my business. Now tell me. What were we doing to get you so worked up?”
“Who said it was about you?” she shot back.
There was a pause. “Don’t play that game, Jilly-girl.” Holdin’s voice dropped even lower. “I know you’re lying. You looked into my eyes and blushed from head to toe. Your body blasted out a wave of sexual demand and I could smell the want in the room. It was mine, woman. Don’t hide behind another man. I’ll not stand for it.”
Jill’s back stiffened. “Lying? I don’t tell you what you want to hear and you call it lying? Then you think you can lay down some sort of command?” Jill asked in sarcastic amazement. “Aren’t you just the king of everything? Get over yourself. I’m not one of your groupies and I don’t work for you so take your judgments and orders somewhere else.”
“Wait, Jill! Don’t you—”
“Stop! Now. I’ll be down when I’m ready and I don’t intend to put up with this,” she informed him with acid in her voice. “You don’t get to order me or my son around.” She put the phone down softly.
It rang again immediately. She picked it up and didn’t bother putting it to her ear, simply held it in front of her and said, “Nor will I be bullied by this. If you insist on calling back, I’ll take it out of the wall. My door opens in two seconds and you will see the last of us, Holdin. If I have to lock my door in your house, I don’t need to stay here. We are not your possessions. If you can’t manage to respect us, we’re gone.” Jill dropped the phone back in its cradle and eyed it. It didn’t ring.
She sat on the bed five more minutes to make sure her door would not open at an awkward moment. Apparently he’d gotten the message. Acid turned in her stomach and ate at her as she shuddered in reaction. She hated confrontation. Now she began to suspect she might have overreacted.
She’d panicked when he called her a liar. Panicked because it felt like a slap from him. The emotional impact was too huge to deal with. She’d been teasing and he’d “hit” her. Well, not really, but just the fact that it’d hurt her so deeply had pitched her into a defensive shrew. One thing Jill did not do was lie. Never. Truth was too precious to her. Too difficult to see in the world around her. “God! I am a mess.”
Holdin put his phone down very gently. He reached for control and securely fastened the lock on his inner demons. Possessive rage was pointless. She was correct on a certain level. They were not his yet. He coldly analyzed their exchange and acknowledged his words had been too strong. He’d reacted to her snappy reply and the vision of her dreaming about sex with another man had flipped him right into Neanderthal mode.
Time to go to the gym. He’d skipped the session this morning to spend time with Drifter. Right now that was the only place he could safely work through his reactions. His suite of rooms came with his own exit out the back of the house. Once outside he jogged to the farthest building across the wide expanse of lawn.
It was a steel structure thrown up on a concrete slab. Not fancy in appearance but inside were all the tools a pro quarterback needed to stay in form. This retired quarterback intended to make use of every one of those if he needed to. By the time he stepped back in the house, he had to be completely able to repair his relationship. To get to that place, he needed to run the “beast” into the ground. That bastard was not going to raise its stupid head again today.
Grimly he entered his private domain. He’d built it with his first signing bonus and it had been his sanctuary in his quest to be the best so Jill could find him. This space had seen him rage over Jill, weep over her and drive himself into the ground as he pushed himself to new limits. That first pro season he’d painted her name on the ceiling so he could look up to focus on the motivation. Several years later he’d painted over it but it didn’t matter. The letters were still there, under the paint. He was always aware of them and often wondered if he should have scraped them off first but suspected that wouldn’t have worked either.
His career, his physical abilities, they all were monuments to Jill. The quest to regain her had consumed his life for so many years. His journey had often been dark, even dangerous. He’d focused on winning and that meant destroying his opponents with all the ruthless zeal of a grudge match. Every single time. This space had seen him overcome pain, exhaustion, even several concussions. Here the relentless competitor had honed himself into a weapon.
Holdin started his workout. Pressing the timer, he whipped into motion. Pushing himself against the clock was extremely effective. Time didn’t care who or what he was, it could beat an opponent without effort or emotion. Holdin needed the ruthless challenge of it right now.
And still she invaded his mind. The memory of her body poured over his last night rode him like a burr on a long-haired dog. He couldn’t untangle his mind from the sharp prickles of need. Then there was the scent of her hair and that more personal perfume he’d recognized and realized he’d forgotten in the same moment. He’d been shocked that he’d forgotten it. Recognizing it last night had rattled his core so badly that he’d thought he might come just breathing her in.
He’d spent most of the night coldly forcing himself to breathe normally and sporting a tent pole under the sheets. A big old revival meeting tent too. He could almost hear the choir singing under there but it wasn’t a hymn from the Baptist hymnal. This tune came straight from the temples of sin on Bourbon Street. The bluesy call to passion had throbbed with a thick backbeat that pounded up his veins.
Chapter Four
Holdin dragged his sweaty body back to the main house ninety minutes later. The exhaustion would pass, though he should have eaten something before working that hard. In the shower he tried to formulate an apology and decided confessing he was a witless idiot around her wouldn’t be a newsflash to anyone. It probably wasn’t the most reassuring thing he could say to her but it was honest. They had to start at honest.
Fifteen minutes later he strode into the kitchen. Even though the room was a large country kitchen, the two women sitting at the table took up all the space in the room. At least for him.
“Good morning, ladies,” he acknowledged as he went to the microwave. It was a sure bet his mother had saved him a plate of food from breakfast and left it in there. There it was and he pulled it out without warming it. At the table, he took the chair beside Jill, who was holding a mug, as was his mother. Holdin made sure he took a stealthy look at its contents as he sat down and was pleased to see that it was green tea.
“Thanks for the plate, Mom. I’m starved.” He picked up the fork that was still by Jill’s elbow to start eating.
“Wasn’t me.” Carol smiled. “Jill set that aside before we all started eating.”
“Oh?” Holdin glanced at Jill, who’d been studying her mug since he stepped in the room. “Thank you, Jilly-girl.”
Jill didn’t look up as she nodded. Then quietly, as he dug his fork into the eggs, “Holdin, I should apologize.”
Holdin stopped and carefully put his fork back down, watching the woman beside him who hadn’t lifted her eyes from her mug.
“I was rude. Um…sorry. I could have been tactful instead of reacting emotionally.”
Across the table Carol pushed back her chair and stood. “I think there’s something that needs my urgent attention. Somewhere. See you later, Jill. I’ll be in the family room and we’ll go over those things we discussed.” She smiled and left.
Holdin reached over and gently pried one of Jill’s hands off her lukewarm mug. After less than a second she let him have it. Her small hand rested on his and he drew it to his face, placing her palm against his cheek without saying a word. Pressing it th
ere, Holdin closed his eyes as he dragged it down his cheek to his mouth. Softly kissing her palm, he opened his eyes to look into hers.
“You were afraid,” he said into her flesh as their eyes met over her hand. “Still unsure if you can trust me so you reacted defensively to a hard push from me. It’s not your fault. I’m the one who needs to apologize, baby.”
Inside he felt deep relief. Her soul was reacting to his. Conflict with him was difficult, more than it would be for most women. It was that beautiful submissive in her. His need to protect the sweet spirit clawed at him. It really was his fault. Pushing her meant hurting her and he was so damn used to pushing for what he wanted.
Jill sucked in a gasp as his teeth nipped at her palm and then his tongue bathed the spot. Their eyes not leaving each other, he pulled her hand down his neck to the center of his chest. Holding the contact to him, Holdin asked quietly, “Forgive me? I have no right to question the years we were apart. I don’t want to know about the men in your life. Everything else, but not that.”
Her body was turned to face him as a little smile flickered across her lips. Even when they were sitting side by side, she had to tilt her head up to be face-to-face. Something about her leaning into him with her face tilted up moved the animal in Holdin. It was an instinctual response from eons ago, but the act of exposing her neck was so submissive a posture. It triggered the parallel aggressive response in him and he tensed to restrain the impulse to drag his tongue over the exposed creamy flesh.
His eyelids were heavy with the desire to consume and he couldn’t hide it as she looked at him with those wide eyes and her tempting lips slightly parted. Her hand over his heart had to have picked up the increase in rate. Holdin dragged in a deep breath and regretted it. She invaded his every sense with her mysterious night flower scent. Lush and round, her curves had him salivating as her supple form swayed toward him a little.
“We have so much history, so much baggage.” Jill sighed. “How do we get past it?”
Holdin leaned into her, his lips a whisper from the mouth he wanted more than life at this moment. “We can’t. We have to deal with it.”
Her body gave a slight shudder as her eyes focused on his lips. “I’m afraid. I’m not one of those perfect women you’re used to. I’m…well, me.”
“Damn it, baby girl. Don’t you get it? They were never as perfect as Jill. Not the other way around.”
“Really?” Her eyes flicked up to his as she reached for the sincerity in him.
Holdin’s head shifted a fraction to the side, tilting his mouth to match hers though not touching. “Do you feel me wanting you? Desperate for the taste of you? You make me desperate, Jill. No one else. Ever.”
“How do we do this to each other? Why do I want you so bad I burn every time I look at you? I tense up and pull back,” Jill whispered into his lips.
“I know,” he breathed. He let go of her hand to run his up the outside of her arm, around and under it to her side. Not touching her breast, he slowly stroked her rib cage. The effort not to pull her into him was a battle he was determined not to lose. “I’m not taking what I need, Jill. I’m trying not to scare you. Can you give me that? At least that?”
“What do you need?”
Holdin smiled that slow grin that had always made her catch a breath in sharply. “You know what I need, Jilly-girl. You’ve always known. But I’ll settle for a taste. Tell me I can have a taste, baby.”
“No.” Jill pulled back and stood as Holden clenched his jaw and immediately took his hands off her. His eyes narrowed as he gazed up at her standing beside him.
“Testing me?” he asked tightly.
“Stand up, Holdin. I’m not having my first kiss over a plate of eggs and bacon. I want to feel you hold me. All of me.”
Holdin’s chair crashed backward on the floor. His big body was directly in front of hers as his hands rested lightly on her hips. His head bent and their lips were again a breath apart. “Meet me halfway, Jill. Don’t make me take. Please, baby, don’t push me that far,” he growled fiercely, and stood still waiting for her.
Looking up into his amazing eyes as he literally vibrated with restrained tension, Jill let her hands rest lightly on his upper chest. Warm, breathing steel met her touch. His nostrils flared and she watched him endure the pleasure of her touch. As her hands glided up to his shoulders, his eyes changed, going dark and almost glassy. Jill noted each change as very slowly her fingers traveled his corded neck to tunnel under that golden crown of hair and cup the back of his skull.
“Could I step away now?” Jill questioned in a breathless whisper.
That’s when she felt living steel tremble. His eyes squeezed shut and his lips brushing hers, he surrendered his strength to her. “No. My Jill would never be that cruel,” he told her softly.
“No.” Jill paused as he opened his eyes—no, she couldn’t be that cruel to herself. “Please kiss me, Holdin.”
His mouth came the millimeter to her lips. Slowly he brushed back and forth as both of them opened. His arms tightened around her to bring her body firmly against him as a hand slid to the small of her back. The other traveled up her spine to press her into him. Firmly, like a man savors the taste of fine food, he licked across her lower lip. His hand at her back moved up her neck to cradle the back of her head as he dragged his tongue over her top lip. He seemed in no hurry but the feel of his clenched body pressed into hers couldn’t lie.
Jill moaned and closed her eyes. The hand low on her back moved down in a long, hard caress to span her bottom and press her hips firmly into his. He burned her through her jeans as that large hand pressed into her and went even lower to cup her curves. His middle finger had traveled the crease of her cheeks and now his fingers curled under to intimately press the ridge in the crotch of her jeans up into damp panties and suddenly engorged folds.
His mouth moved over hers, not pressing into her, sampling her in long licks and featherlight brushes. They were both open-mouthed and panting but he still didn’t accept that damp invitation. His fist closed in her hair to hold her head firmly beneath him, but he didn’t kiss her.
“Holdin!” sobbed out of her as he held her there. She felt surrounded, suspended in a hellish middle ground of razor-sharp touches that cut her with pleasure. Drowning in the emotional intensity of his tantalizing touch, her hands turned into claws as she tried to bring his mouth to hers. He had no trouble resisting and might not have noticed. “Holdin!”
“Right here, baby,” he murmured into her mouth.
“No! More. Now!”
“I can’t.” His hand rocked between her legs from behind, shooting blistering sparks up her body as his fist in her hair turned her head fractionally so his open mouth could glaze over her cheek to her ear. “I need you too much, Jilly-girl,” he confessed in rumbling growls, his mouth moving over her as if he needed to sample every inch of her for taste. “Don’t let it scare you, baby. I promise, nothing happens you don’t want. Nothing.”
“I want, Holdin. I want already!”
His mouth moved around the base of her neck in nipping kisses and then he seemed to get stuck over her pulse, sucking tender skin into his mouth to bathe it with his tongue. Jill raked her fingers down to his shoulders as the beast in her arms ate at her flesh in maddeningly tender nibbles and shattering kisses. He was sucking her neck and he’d found the spot with a mysterious bundle of nerves just under her skin. Jill groaned loudly and her hips moved as if his lips had them on puppet strings.
“Oh God, don’t! Holdin, please,” Jill sobbed as he let go of the spot and licked it tenderly.
“Don’t what?” he asked softly.
“Don’t make me like this. You know where, how to touch me. Don’t hurt me with it.”
“Jesus, baby.” His head lifted to look at the woman who inhabited his soul. “Why would you think that? This is me, Holdin. I’d rather lose a limb than hurt you.”
Jill looked into his face. Her body trembled in his arms and her h
ands dug into his shoulders. “I’m afraid of wanting you this much. You haven’t even really kissed me and I’m lost. What happens next? I’ve never been this lost since being with you and that was so long ago. I’m not young and firm. I’m not that uninhibited anymore. I can’t handle this. I don’t know what to do.”
Holdin let go of her hair and wrapped both arms around her in a hug that was suddenly more comfort than seduction. He folded her into his body as she buried her face in his chest, her arms now linked around his neck as she clung to him. “Shhhhh, Jilly-girl. Shhhh. You’re so afraid, little one. Try to remember you’re safe with me. Safe in me. I want you any way I can get you. God, I can’t believe you’re worried about this body. You’re going to have to let me prove something to you.”
Holdin shifted a step to put his back to the door. “But we’ll have to prove it later. I believe company is on the way.”
Into His Keeping Page 8