Drifter skidded back into the room with Jill’s purse and a manila envelope. Carol honked the horn outside the back door. “Let’s go. Hold the door, will ya, son?”
Jill wasn’t clear on anything much until they were in the air. She was lying on a bed, she supposed, it was hard to tell. Holdin had an arm wrapped around her head preventing it from moving since she couldn’t seem to do that herself. Drifter was clutching her hand on the other side. No one said anything except Holdin. He kept forcing her to talk. Asking her about stupid stuff like were the bills being forwarded from her apartment? Did her boss know she was not going to be in for a while?
“Who cares?” Jill whispered in frustration. “I think I’m going to take that nap now.”
“No! You will stay with me, woman!” Holdin barked. “Do you understand me? You are not allowed to pass out, slip into a coma or any other damn stupid thing.” His face was mere inches from her face as he snarled the words. “And if you can’t manage it for me, your son needs you to remain awake, Jill. You will do it for him!”
Holdin glanced at Drifter. Tear tracks streaked his cheeks but he was breathing normally. Holdin knew he hadn’t told Drifter she couldn’t see. It seemed he didn’t need to. Young lion allowed no indication of his emotional distress to show in anything she could hear.
“How did you come up with Drifter’s name anyway? Why did you name him Drifter?”
“Yeah, Mom,” Drifter agreed in a surprisingly strong voice. “You promised you’d explain it to me.”
Up front the radio crackled as Charles spoke to airport towers about flight paths and then he was put in touch with the hospital ER. Emergency transport jargon flowed out of his mouth and it was clear he’d flown rescue many times. Carol sat close by, her face a resolute mask as she watched the struggle to keep Jill talking. There was pain and strength in her.
Jill’s voice was barely a thread as a smile flitted across her lips. “I’ve apologized for that, brat.”
“So, explain.” Drifter leaned down as he demanded she speak to him. A tear dropped on her cheek and Drifter gently wiped it off.
“I was kinda a kid, you know,” Jill started. She spoke in short, jerky sentences around the effort to breathe. “We were alone, you and I. No one was coming for us. That’s what we were—drifters in time. No past, no future. So it stuck. Drifter, my beautiful traveling companion. You and I were the only people I knew. We’d been together from the beginning. So. That’s it. I know, sorta silly.”
Chapter Seven
The emergency team was waiting on the helipad when Charles set down the helicopter. They immediately took over in what seemed like controlled chaos of clipped questions on her condition and abbreviated instructions to each other filled with initials and medical talk that sounded like code. The white-clad group was a polite blur as they efficiently transferred Jill to a gurney and then she was gone in a flurry of activity. Holdin, Drifter and Carol hurried after them. Inside the hospital doors a young lady with a hospital ID identifying her as a student nurse met them and ushered them into a waiting room.
“Dr. Coates will be in as soon as he can. It might be some time though. He’s evaluating Ms. Smith’s condition. There are snack machines around the corner and of course the cafeteria if you need anything. You’ll find a phone over there if you need to make calls.” She turned to leave.
“Wait!” Drifter barked in a firm voice. “Where have they taken my mother?”
The nurse hesitated as she glanced between the large scowling man standing behind the young scowling face. “She will need to have several tests before surgery. I really don’t know which one the doctor ordered first. Dr. Coates is an excellent doctor. He’ll be doing the right thing.”
The young woman’s eyes kept darting to Holdin as she talked to Drifter. It could have been natural respect because though Drifter had asked the question, he was the adult male in the room. Holdin didn’t think that was it though.
“I have to go. The doctor will be in shortly.” The young nurse smiled and this time did hurry off.
Carol slipped an arm around Drifter’s waist. “Come, sit down. I’m sure your Dr. Coates will be here soon.” She pulled him to a sofa and Drifter went with her without protest. He was still clutching Jill’s purse and the envelope. Carol gently took them out of his hands and set them on the floor beside her.
Holdin felt frozen. A deep February cold bloomed in his chest and radiated out. Suddenly everything around him faded as the reality that he didn’t know where Jill was slammed into him. Old and icy, it was a familiar pain. This time it came with crushing guilt. Had he done this? He’d pushed her, demanded her body respond. His selfish need to connect with her had driven him with harsh determination. Damn it! He’d been pushing her from the moment his eyes landed on her bent head in the soda fountain.
How fucking self-involved was he?! Holdin shot a dark glance at Drifter and Carol and turned to stalk to the wide window. Standing with his back to the room, his legs spread in a stiff brace with his arms crossed over his chest, he glared blindly out the window.
Bitter self-disgust ate through his body with an acid kick of fear. Instead of listening to her and providing what she’d come to him for, he’d taken control and worked his own agenda. She had explained the situation upfront. How fucking plainer could she have made it? Drifter had kept trying to tell him how fragile she was and he’d not paid enough attention. He’d seen an opportunity to get the girl back instead of finding a way to ease her mind as gently as possible.
He deserved to have his ass kicked into next week—repeatedly. She shouldn’t be the one in pain. It was his fault. He’d had her back in his life and been blinded by his own witless needs. He should have been taking care of her needs.
And he was damn well doing it again! Holdin turned to look at his son. Jill had literally risked her life to bring Drifter to him and he was standing here wallowing in his guilt. The only person in the room acting like a man barely shaved yet.
Drifter was squeezing Carol’s hand and assuring her that Robert was the best doctor. Holdin took himself over to their seating arrangement and joined them. “You think a lot of the doctor. It’d help us trust him if you explained how you know him. What makes you trust him?”
Drifter still held Carol’s hand and Holdin was aware his mother knew the boy needed to comfort her more than she needed comforting. Carol would have taken charge in an instant but she was no dummy. In some things, Drifter was a carbon copy of her other two men.
Drifter tried to smile but it was more of a grimace. “Robert is a friend of Dr. Tams, Mom’s boss. Last year Dr. Tams let Mom have a few of his football season tickets so we could go when he wouldn’t be in town. Robert’s seats are right next to Dr. Tams’ and he knew we had to be friends of Tams to be sitting there. He introduced himself. By the way, I saw you in three games last season.” Drifter managed a real grin.
“Damn. Pointless to say I wish I’d known.” Holdin smiled. “So you all met at the games. Kinda ironic.”
“Yeah, we went twice on Dr. Tams’ tickets and the last time Robert invited us. He’s a great guy. I kinda told him about Mom’s problem and he wanted to look at her files. She wouldn’t let him. Said it’d be imposing and junk. She was mad at me for telling him when she was in the restroom. He took us to some basketball games too.” Drifter shrugged. “Just a real stand-up guy. All polite and careful of Mom and fun to hang around with. I knew he was really smart and stuff but I didn’t realize he was the best in his business until Mom had her accident. He knew what to do and everything.”
“You’re lucky to have a friend like that.” Holdin looked Drifter in the eye, trying to reassure him that he wasn’t going to lose it over the doctor. “They wouldn’t let him wear the cool green outfit if he wasn’t all right.”
“Where is Mr. Charles?” Drifter asked Carol.
Holdin was amused at the way Drifter had chosen to address his grandparents. It was a compromise between stranger and grandparents. Unde
rstandable in the circumstances.
“He had to go park the helicopter,” Carol responded. “Since they don’t have a chopper parking lot here, he went over to Holdin’s place with it. He’ll drive back in one of the vehicles Holdin keeps at the house and be here in a little bit.”
Dr. Robert Coates entered the room. He was perhaps six feet two inches, dressed in casual dress pants and a polo shirt under the white coat. He was a poster boy for relaxed confidence from his light brown eyes to the tips of the comfortable but stylish leather shoes.
His chin was so square the dimple in it just had to be there. Straight black hair was meticulously cut to stay right where he combed it, which was almost straight back from a high forehead. His gaze was direct and self-assured. His nose might have been too big except it was perfectly formed to complement his features. He was handsome in a well-groomed way that spoke of affluence, education and intelligence. The dark hair at his temples was slightly frosted, giving him an even more pronounced air of reliability.
Wide shoulders and narrow hips spoke of a personal trainer who knew all about body sculpting. He was Clark Kent in a doctor’s coat. Holdin actually checked the V of his shirt for the telltale blue Superman suit.
Immediately everyone stood. Robert reached for Drifter who naturally moved toward him with desperate questions written across a young face. The tall doctor hugged the boy very briefly and then smiled into his face when Drifter stepped back. “Your mother is going to be all right. I’m seeing to it like I said I would.” The doctor reassured Drifter while still grasping his shoulder and looking directly into the boy’s eyes.
“Yes, sir, you did make that promise. I ‘spect you’ll be keeping it.”
“Absolutely.” Robert glanced up at the two other adults in the room and Drifter made the introductions smoothly.
“This is my grandmother Mrs. Powell and my father Holdin Powell.”
“My pleasure, Mrs. Powell. Nice to meet you, Powell.” Robert nodded at Holdin and included them all as he reported Jill’s condition. “I don’t have a lot of news right now. Jill is having tests done that will show us if the chip moved and if so, where. Depending on those results, we’ll know if we have to go in today. It’ll be over an hour, maybe several hours before I know for sure what we’re going to do. I’d rather wait ‘til tomorrow for surgery so we can monitor her condition overnight. Right now she’s worried and a little freaked, which is natural, but not how I’d like her to be for the surgery.”
Looking directly at Drifter, Robert continued. “I need a favor from you, buddy. When she gets out of the test they are doing right now, could you see her while they’re takin’ blood and things? I’d like her as calm as possible and looking at you is the only way that’ll happen.”
“Yes, sir. I’d like that,” Drifter responded seriously.
“Good. I need you to be confident and cheerful for her. Your mom needs all the positive reinforcement we can give her. You have to let me know if you can do this. If you’re feeling shaky emotional, I’ll get you out of there. She can’t be worried about anything, okay?”
“I get it,” Drifter assured him.
“Is there someone you need to call? Or are you okay with the Powells?” Robert asked directly.
Drifter glanced at Holdin then reached over and took Carol’s hand. “I’m fine,” he stated firmly.
Holdin felt his heart expand painfully. His son made him proud and he’d had nothing to do with creating the amazing young man who could reach out to his grandmother so kindly.
“Dr. Coates, his folks are here for him. You don’t have to worry.” Carol smiled at the handsome doctor and squeezed Drifter’s hand. “Is there anything else you can tell us about Jill?”
“Glad to hear it, ma’am. I do think you should let Dr. Tams know, Drifter. He’s been concerned. There is no more news until these tests are done.” Coates looked at his watch. “It’ll be another forty-five minutes at least for the one she’s doing now.” He paused then put his hand on Drifter’s shoulder again and squeezed lightly. “Don’t worry, I got this.”
Drifter chuckled. “You’re way too white and too old to say that.”
“Yeah? Well, it’s true. I’ll see you later.” Robert Coates nodded at Holdin and left. They all watched him disappear down the hall, a nurse hurrying to his side with a chart in hand.
* * * * *
Eleven p.m. and the hospital wasn’t exactly quiet but it seemed calmer. Holdin slipped into her room. Jill was a lump beneath the hospital blanket and sheet. Her head and shoulders were restrained in a cushioned brace that seemed to swallow her. Holdin silently moved across the private room to the far wall, away from the door.
The light was indirect and shadows cloaked her in murky twilight. Around her machines blinked and glared into the night with red numbers and blinking points of garish electronic medical speak. Holdin leaned against the wall, ignoring the chair beside him. Somehow it was wrong to be even a little comfortable while she lay there beneath the IV and monitors. The needles puncturing her skin were obscene to him. They were the cruel teeth of the machines looming over her.
Tomorrow they would cut into her. It would be cold in the operating room. A sterile cold room full of strangers and steel equipment. She’d be alone again. Holdin had to breathe in deeply to suppress a groan of pain.
“You went home hours ago.” Her soft voice floated up from the brace.
“I came back,” he returned quietly. “Go to sleep, baby.”
“You’re worried.” She was only whispering but he heard her clearly.
“I’m concerned.” Holdin sighed and tried to smile. Her nature demanded she try to comfort him and he really wasn’t up to her being brave for him. He needed her to relax and sleep. Let him watch over her. Just for a bit.
There was silence for a long moment. The noises from the hall were muffled but constant reminders of where they were.
“Would you mind holding my hand?”
“Will you try to sleep?” Holdin shoved the chair over beside her and sat, taking her hand in both of his. Being careful not to bend or move her arm because of the tubes, he cradled her small-looking hand in his. It felt slightly cold so he covered it with his other hand.
“I was thinking. Do you remember the first time?” Her gentle tones were both soothing and an insidious knife, paring away bits of his soul. Light as dust motes in the summer sun, her hushed voice lashed him with guilt.
“Which first time, baby girl?”
“That first weekend in June.”
He knew exactly what she was talking about.
“Can’t really call it the first time you made love to me,” she murmured with a smile in her voice. “You made love to me so many times before that. Every time you touched me you taught me a new way to feel pleasure.”
Holdin had to hide his face from her. He laid his cheek in her palm and closed his eyes, struggling to reply in a normal voice. “Yes, I remember. I’ll always remember.” His voice deepened with the effort to stay normal. He couldn’t help it as the emptiness of those memories scraped over his soul.
Since Jill, he’d spent the first Saturday night in June alone because he couldn’t forget. Every single year. He’d tried to ignore it several times but realized that was impossible. Those had been the darkest nights of his life. The first few years his drive to remain visible so she could find him had kept the demons at bay and he’d spent the entire night working his body past exhaustion in his private hell, the gym, either on the ranch or wherever he was. The last eight years had been worse. He’d lost a little more hope with each passing June. But he couldn’t escape his memories. Especially that night.
“Do you remember what I asked you then?” she wanted to know.
“Yes.” He couldn’t keep pain out of his voice. The gloom surrounding them was nothing compared to where he’d been with the memory she focused on now.
“Aw, Holdin.” Her fingers petted his cheek. He couldn’t raise his head from them. “I asked you
to love me enough to allow me the pain of loving you. I’d have been a virgin for the rest of my life if it were up to you.” She was smiling again, her soft voice overflowing with amusement.
“Well, probably not the rest of your life.” Holden kissed her palm then lifted his head to smile with her. “As I recall, I had a plan to take care of that.”
“Mmm,” Jill agreed with him, and they were quiet again for a long while.
Holdin thought she’d gone to sleep. Her little body was still beneath the sheet and her hand rested lightly in his. Out in the hall footsteps squeaked by and hospital employees spoke in what seemed like loud voices.
Then very softly her voice curled around him again. “I think that’s my favorite memory. I’ve missed it. Have you thought of it over the years? It’d seem sad if you haven’t. Like it was abandoned. As lost in nothingness as I was.”
Into His Keeping Page 14