Into His Keeping

by Faulkner, Gail

  “God, Jill,” Holdin groaned. “I’ve never forgotten one moment with you.”

  “But that night, that particular moment in our time together. Have you remembered? Have you ever held me again like you did then?” Jill whispered. Her voice trembled and a single tear slipped down her cheek.

  How did he tell her? What words did one use to express a pain so deep it had almost robbed him of life? She wanted to know if he’d ever held her again like he did that long-ago night. Had he ever stopped?

  He tried to keep the ragged torture out of his voice. “Jilly-girl, every single year, the first Saturday night in June since the one you gave me, I’ve spent with you. Only you.” He was watching her face. The track of that one tear was a glittering silver ribbon as her lashes lifted slowly.

  They looked into each other’s souls for a long moment and then she smiled a tiny, sad little smile that understood what he couldn’t find the words to say. “Thank you, Holdin. I would have been lonely without you keeping me alive.”

  “Every moment we had is mine, Jilly-girl. I never gave them up. Not to time, not to distance, not to silence. I never let you go and you were never alone.”

  Her eyes had drifted shut again but her hand tightened on his. “You were though.”

  “No. I had you. Not like…” Holdin stopped. He’d been about to say not like she’d been alone. Completely alone. Not even a memory of someone loving her. Not like she might be if tomorrow night she didn’t remember her past again. “It’s never going to be like that again. Even if you don’t remember, I will, Jilly-girl. I’ll be here this time. You will never be lost again.”

  “I know. You’re a good man, Holdin.” Her voice was a whisper.

  “Now might be a good time to tell me your real name, Jilly-girl,” Holdin suggested as softly as she’d spoken.

  Jill sighed and her eyes opened. “I suppose it would. You know I told you my father was running from bad guys? He was, but he was protecting me. I witnessed a crime. He was involved with them, that was his business. He never meant for me to be involved. It was an accident that I saw what I did. They gave him a choice. Kill me or hand me over to them. Dad couldn’t exactly go to the cops.” Jill sighed again. “So I’d like my name to stay Jill. Do you understand?”

  “Damn it! Are you still in danger? Is Drifter in danger if they figure out who you are? And if you left because they’d tracked you two down back then, remaining Jill Smith as opposed to Jill Taylor is not exactly a cover.”

  “I know. I haven’t had time to check if the players are still alive. They could already be in prison. I should have told you back then but I was afraid. I couldn’t give you up and I couldn’t fix the problem. So I ignored it. I still don’t know what to do about that. Coming to you was for Drifter. I never expected you to want me. Not like I wanted you. For me, our relationship was fresh, but I knew you’d lived in the here and now all these years. I couldn’t worry about that past. The present was too important. Our son’s future was all I could worry about.

  “I was Carmella Capizzano, daughter of Stephan and Margo Capizzano.”

  “So you’re my belladonna,” he drawled in a goofy Italian accent. They both chuckled for a moment. Then Holdin let the humor slip away. “All right, now you’ve told me. I’ll deal with that, baby. Don’t worry about it. There is something else I’ve wondered about over the years. You wouldn’t talk about your mother back then. Is there anything you’d like to tell me tonight?”

  “She died right after I was born. I have no memory of her.” Jill smiled at him. “Now you know everything.”

  Holdin kissed her hand as he looked into her face. “No. Not everything.”

  Jill’s eyes closed and she breathed in deeply again. “I think I’ll go to sleep while you hold me on a warm June evening again. Take me there, Holdin…talk to me like we did then. Pretend for me a little.”

  His voice was low and a little uneven with emotion, just as it had been that night. “Jilly-girl, come out to the foaling barn, I have something to show you.”

  * * * * *

  Fifteen years ago…

  In the barn were two new foals. Sweet, fuzzy little creatures on spindly legs. They were all big eyes and adorable wobbles. Jill was enthralled as Holdin let her in a stall with the large mare and her new babies. Delicate little noses were soft as velvet and after a moment investigating the strangers, the babies became comfortable with them and let her pet them as they did what little horses do.

  After twenty minutes, Holdin pulled her out of the stall. “I have something to show you,” he said again with his slow smile.

  Jill was confused as she glanced back at the foals. Holdin steered her up to the loft and to the back. There was a blanket spread out and beside it, a clean bucket with a couple bottles of soda along with some bottled water.

  They were kissing as they sank to the blanket. Hot and hard, they took from each other with open-mouthed greed. Jill moaned as they rolled and Holdin landed on top of her, giving her the heavy weight of him for a few minutes. She loved the feeling of him over her, surrounding her. The weight of him always turned up the excitement for her. It wasn’t that he crushed her, no, but he did firmly control her in this aggressive position.

  His mouth sealed to hers, his tongue was deep inside her as his hips bore down on hers. Naturally her legs spread for him, wrapping around him to notch his erection directly over her already burning pussy.

  Necking with Holdin was possibly the most exciting pastime this side of nirvana. He was so big and strong. His muscles flexed and strained above her as she petted him. Her hands were very busy pulling his shirt out of his jeans and skimming up his bare back. Holdin groaned into her mouth. The smooth rocking of his hips into the cradle of hers increased.

  Nimble fingers went directly to the buttons of her blouse. He lifted his head long enough to shove it off her shoulders. The blouse fell open and soft, shuddering globes spilled over the top of the cheap bra. Holdin arched up, using the powerful muscles in his back to lift his torso so he could rip his shirt off over his head as his eyes feasted on her breasts.

  “Finish it for me, Jilly-girl.” His hands landed on either side of her as he supported himself above her. “Take off the blouse and bra for me.”

  Jill’s body clenched in excitement. She loved it when he did this. He’d stop and take control of the sexual frenzy. It wasn’t as if he stopped wanting her. It seemed he wanted her more. She could see it in his face. The way he became almost harsh as he held back the desperation was such a turn-on. He’d never broken under the pressure, never lost it again to return to the abandon that started their touching. He became more demanding and oh-so sexy as he showed her how much he loved her body.

  It was his control that had allowed them to explore each other in slow detail. Their times together had become more intense as Holdin guided her, commanded and demanded she come for him over and over again. She loved touching him, making him groan in pleasure as her hands and mouth explored the hard planes and ridges of his body. Sometimes he let her do it for a long time.

  Then he’d take command again. And, oh mercy, he knew her, knew her body and its responses. Mostly he’d taught her how she could respond. He always seemed to know what would drive her that little bit more crazy than she’d ever been before. Always guiding, controlling and demanding she feel more, experience more. But there was one thing Holdin was very firm on. They’d never included intercourse in lovemaking. His reason was simple. He’d have to hurt her to do it, especially the first time.

  Jill smiled up at her lover and shrugged out of her blouse. That left the bra. Her hands cupped her breasts, caressing them as he watched. His jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. Jill slowly unclasped the front closure of the bra and peeled the cups back.

  “That’s my girl,” Holdin growled roughly as he dropped to his elbows so his hands could cup her. “Such a prefect handful you are.” His head swooped down and he roughly sucked a sensitive nipple deep into his mouth. Jill moan
ed and arched as he pinched and rolled the other nipple.

  Holdin was always careful with her, but that didn’t mean he was gentle. Jill found the more demanding he became, the more intense the connection between them. His firm tugging on her sensitive breasts sent stars spinning down to her crotch. There his stiff erection ground into her through two sets of jeans. Her hips arched up a fraction more, inviting the stimulation. Jill moaned as he let her breast pop out of his mouth.

  “Such a pretty baby. Look at you all red and swollen. Damn, I love your breasts.” He leaned in and licked around the nipple he’d been tormenting in his mouth. “We have got to get some of that edible oil. I wanna see these glistening,” he murmured as he watched himself stroke her other nipple from root to tip in a pull that stretched her.

  “Holdin,” Jill moaned to get his attention back in the present.

  “Patience, Jilly-girl.” He smiled as he shifted to his knees beside her. He knelt there, hands casually resting on his thighs, elbows pointed away from his body. The position emphasized the width of a very developed male chest and shoulders, outlining his torso as the lines undulated down to tight hips and then the hard mass of powerful thighs jutting out widely as he rested on his heels. “Shuck off the pants for me,” he commanded softly.

  Jill stood and toed off her shoes then slowly unzipped her jeans. His command to strip for him wasn’t new, but it was one that swamped her with conflicting emotions. She felt shrinking shyness battling with screaming excitement. The shyness always lost the major battle and Jill did as he’d directed, but she couldn’t look at him as she did it.

  Panting in short breaths to deal with this, she slid her hands down her hips, dragging panties and jeans off. Stepping out of them, she stood before him. Hands fidgeting in front of her, her legs slightly spread, she thrilled to the burn of his eyes moving over her as he knelt looking up. He should have looked like a supplicant at her feet but he didn’t. He was too hard and big, too perfect.

  “Come here.” His voice was guttural, a low rumble of command that shot reaction through her lower abdomen.

  Jill knew what he wanted. She stepped in front of him, placing her feet on either side of his thighs, spreading her legs for his inspection. Exposing herself to him sent a gushing spike of excitement and embarrassment through her. The intoxicating mix took her to an edge that balanced her between the conflicting emotions, yet it would be impossible to do anything else. Submitting to his intimate attention was emotionally binding for Jill. For Holdin she’d do anything, it seemed.

  Big, rough hands glided up the backs of her legs to cup her bottom, squeezing gently as he pulled her hips forward. His mouth moved over her belly, licking, tasting, and gliding over the tremors his attention induced. He turned his cheek to rub the short, soft curls of her mound over it as his growls of pleasure surrounded them. He’d trimmed her there himself, showing her how he liked it. His intimate attention to the details of her body had been shocking at first but he’d explained it to her so well.

  First he’d asked her, “Are you my girl?”

  “Yes.” She’d frowned at the question.

  “Then this pretty mound is mine. I’d like to see it shaved but for now this is fine. There is no shame in this, Jilly-girl. I take care of what’s mine.”

  Indeed he did. There seemed no detail of her life he wasn’t interested in. His attention enveloped her, cushioned her life in ways both dreamy and exciting. Like now as he nuzzled her intimately and his tongue pushed between outer lips to nudge her clit with light licks. The act of forcing her folds apart heightened the sensation of him invading her. He was entering the damp portals of her body. Jill moaned, her hands sinking in his hair as his approval rumbled around the prize he’d found.

  Heat swarmed over her as his tongue teased. Her legs trembled and his hands on her butt tightened in warning. He wanted her right where she was, not collapsing. The force of his will shot another thrill through her. She didn’t know why, but the feel of him like this was such a high. Her knees started to buckle and he supported her weight ‘til she gathered enough control to do it herself. His ability to gently but forcefully command her compliance was as much a turn-on.

  His mouth was open as his tongue ran up and down the valley between plump outer lips. Reaching under her from behind, two fingers swirled through the cream gushing out of her opening. Jill trembled in mounting anticipation as he coated those digits while licking over the bundle of nerves above them. He wasn’t giving her the touch to push her over, just building the sensations. Knowing what was coming increased her need and she pressed into his face, bending her knees slightly to widen herself for him.

  Holdin’s tongue flicked over her as those fingers circled and stroked in repeated demand. Jill moaned. He was taking so long. Playing with her while she was already on the edge. Finally he gave her the touch she’d been waiting for.

  His fingers dragged liquid back over sensitive skin to tenderly circle her anus. Jill was gasping at the dual sensations as he told her with his fingers that he intended to have her there as well. It was both the wicked, forbidden embarrassment of his intentions and knowledge that she wanted him demanding this from her that wound her to a new level of anticipation and desperation.

  “That’s my girl,” he approved softly between licks. Her knees bent farther as she helplessly thrust her hips into his face. “Yes, pretty baby. So ready.” His deep voice crooned as he resumed flicking her clit in maddening licks. The fingers circling behind her dipped in a bit, gently pressing her anus but not entering.

  Recently he’d introduced her to this sensation, painting her with her body’s lubricant while pleasuring her to madness with his tongue. He’d forbidden her to come unless he’d entered her ass with those slick fingers. The first time it was only one finger and he’d taken so long teasing and eating her, as soon as the thick digit slipped into her body, she’d crashed into orgasm. Those new sensations of invasion and the tiny burn had mixed with the shattering pleasure and become addictive. She’d come so hard, her muscles ached with strain.

  She’d been shocked after but he’d smiled his lazy smile as he held her still trembling body, “Aw, Jilly-girl,” he’d soothed her. “You’re mine. All of you. It’s not wrong or dirty to give me all of you. Did it feel bad?”

  She remembered she’d blushed wildly that late spring evening, which was silly considering on that occasion she had been lying in the back of his pickup with him, on a blanket and naked as the day she was born. “No,” Jill had whispered.

  He’d chuckled softly. “Just no? Aren’t you the brazen wench who just screamed for me? I was sorta concerned we’d draw attention even though we’re twenty miles out,” he teased gently.

  That night she’d learned how to make him bellow in pleasure. Actually he’d taught her after she’d insisted, determined to be woman enough for him. It seemed her mouth could make him as crazy as he made her.

  Since then she’d found she craved the new sensations. How did he know what sweet, aching pleasure it was? His command of her response in that way made her feel even more his. Then he’d instructed her how to accept him. Now she complied with his touch as if it were a command.

  By now the sensation of his fingers circling her bottom entrance triggered another level of excitement. She gasped and willfully relaxed for him. His hands left her for a few seconds and she knew he was slipping a condom over his two fingers. It made cleanup easier and ensured he never injured her with fingernails when inside her body.

  Jill’s body tightened in anticipation as his mouth never left her sensitized folds. He was relentless, sucking her with hard pulls then releasing and petting her with his tongue. The muscles in her legs trembled as she held her knees slightly bent, feet pointed away from her body and tilted her pelvis to his mouth.

  Holdin lifted his head from the center of her need and kissed down a straining thigh, he glanced behind her. “Move back. Hook your arms over the beam.” He instructed softly.

  Behind her
was a divider, a few boards nailed to the support posts and stretching back to the exterior wall. The center board was just the right height for her to hook her arms over behind her and lean her upper back against it. Jill stepped back and adjusted her position. The support helped but now she felt somehow restrained with her arms behind her to hold on to the beam.

  “Spread for me, baby,” Holdin growled as he watched her. “That’s my good girl. Look at you. So beautiful.”

  He’d followed her body and was still kneeling between her legs. His hands pushed her knees farther apart as his wide shoulders inserted between them. Again his mouth sucked her in but this time he was fierce, almost snarling into her as he nipped and licked over exposed flesh. His coated fingers dragged through the liquid surrender between her legs. He teased her by playing around her pussy opening for long minutes before moving back to the other entrance.

  Jill’s head fell back on the beam as Holdin sucked her clit into his mouth and pushed two fingers into her ass. Powerful, burning pleasure shot through her. It was a potent mix of emotion and sensation. The complete surrender of the new position had already excited her with its subtle bondage and the way Holdin’s entire body had reacted to his view of her. His cheeks had sucked in as his nostrils flared. He’d bared his teeth in a grimacing growl and fell on her like a slightly wild beast. She wasn’t afraid of him, but she was very aware of his fierce desire and the control he exerted at all times. His muscles bunched and clenched but he never crushed her, his touch was often firm but never painful.