Into His Keeping

by Faulkner, Gail

  “He said the guy couldn’t take me from Mom and if he became a problem to let him know. Mr. Chavez wasn’t always a mechanic, you know.” Drifter continued ominously. “There was a revolution where he comes from in South America. He used to be some sort of military. Anyway, I had him watchin’ our back.”

  “Sounds like you took care of the problem,” Holdin responded, being careful not to imply judgment one way or the other on this surprising development.

  Drifter and Holdin had sat down after the DNA test. Carol and Charles had left the waiting room to bring back some soft drinks for everyone and it was just the two of them.

  “Mom doesn’t want me to learn how to use a gun. Mr. Chavez thinks I’m ready but it scares Mom to death. He promised to teach me when I turn sixteen if she says it’s okay and I still want to.”

  “Protecting your family is very important, I agree with you.” Holdin weighed his next response. He understood the man-child’s frustration when he’d realized he wasn’t strong enough to protect his mother. That must have been a frightening insight when it occurred to him. Normally there should have been a father to fulfill that role for a boy. If everything had been as it should have been, he’d have naturally taught his son how to be his partner protecting the family.

  The personality Drifter was displaying was all too familiar. He came from people who’d come out here into the unknown west with barely more than their wits to protect them. They’d brought their families and carved a life out of the ground. Protecting home and family was imprinted on males from birth apparently. The instinct had bloomed in the boy when he was too young to have resources to handle it. But Drifter had. He’d looked around his world and made arrangements.

  Drifter nodded and glanced away as Carol and Charles returned. A few minutes later Robert Coates entered the room. The tall doctor was still in surgery scrubs, eliciting an air of confident control as he regarded them and smiled. Holdin’s first reaction was fear then relief as he rose to meet the man at eye level. He needed that small measure of control.

  “The surgery was textbook,” Coates informed them. “Jill appears fine. She’s said a few things to us in recovery when asked questions, so she’s lucid. As for her memory, there is nothing we can do now but wait and see. She’ll be out of recovery in under an hour. Then she’ll need to sleep as the drugs wear off.”

  Holdin realized he’d been unconsciously holding his breath and let it out. She was alive. That was the most important concern. Deep in his soul fear still churned in burning intensity, this news only relieved a small portion of it. Life didn’t mean she was fine. All it meant was there was hope.

  Everyone had stood up expectantly when Coates appeared in the door. Drifter walked to him. “When can I see Mom? I don’t care if she’s sleeping. I want to be with her as soon as she wakes up.”

  Robert put a hand on Drifter’s shoulder and squeezed affectionately. “I know you do. As soon as we can, I’ll get you in the room with her,” he promised.

  “What did she say?” Drifter wanted to know.

  “Nothing that tells us much more than she’s conscious and functioning. This is not the time to stress her. She can move toes and fingers, which means she’ll have full function. She can respond logically. That’s all very good news. It’s what we want to see right after surgery. She needs rest.”

  “So you’re not worried?” Drifter pressed for reassurance.

  “Son, she is alive and functioning. That was the motive for this surgery. Without it, she’d have sustained brain damage and possibly died. As her surgeon, I consider the procedure a success.” Robert sighed and glanced at the adults behind Drifter then focused his attention on the boy again. “Personally, I have no doubt that she’ll know who you are. The area of the brain the bone chip affected was not a primary memory center. Try to relax. She’ll need to know you’re okay when she wakes up.”

  There was little more Robert could tell them but Holdin had difficulty focusing on it. The bit of information Robert had been reluctant to say was huge. The doctor had used the information to soothe Drifter and obviously been unsure if the adults in the room would understand what he was saying in light of the whole case. Jill’s memory centers had not been affected by the recent trauma. Coates agreed with the original diagnosis that her loss of memory was not a medical problem. It had been due to some other cause. She’d told him when they met in the soda fountain that the doctors had “expected” her memory to return.

  The reasons someone’s subconscious “chooses” to wipe the slate clean and start over were all dramatically bad. If Jill’s mind had played that trick on her, the situation she’d told him about last night was much worse than he’d understood it to be. Damn! Holdin felt it like a hit to the torso. The new understanding of her desperate situation was shocking.

  “Now if you don’t have any more questions, I’ll get back to the patient.” Robert looked at each of them. Drifter shook his head no and Coates focused on Holdin, raising an eyebrow in unspoken question.

  “Not about the surgery,” Holdin agreed, “but I’d like some of your time later when you have a moment.”

  Robert nodded. “We’ll chat.”

  Holdin reached out to shake Robert’s hand. “Thank you.” Her life was the most important issue and this man had saved it. He’d given her back a future and Holdin would be grateful for that no matter what else occurred.

  * * * * *

  As soon as Jill was released from post-op and returned to her room, she asked for Drifter. He was the only one allowed in to see her, but when he came out he was all smiles. For him the waiting was over. His mother was still with him.

  Holdin was relieved for his son. She was tired and wouldn’t be in any shape to speak with anyone else ‘til tomorrow but it was an incredibly good sign. However for him, the darkness of uncertainty was a roiling mass that would not settle. He needed her and there was no way to tell if she still needed him. When he had her in his arms, there was no question where she belonged. But like the last time, she’d had to go places he couldn’t go with her. That’s when she slipped away from him and he hated it. He hated not being able to take this from her, spare her in some way. It was illogical and physically impossible but that didn’t matter. He should have protected her.

  Deep grooves marked Holdin’s face as he struggled to be happy for his son. Drifter’s world was secure and that was something to hold on to.

  Shortly after Drifter came out, Holdin’s phone vibrated. He stepped away from the group to answer it. The only call he was expecting was from Moholand.

  “Yeah, what have you got?” Holdin was standing in the hall, away from the rooms on the second floor. It was a glass-enclosed walkway that was relatively quiet since it was separate from the patient activity.

  “Good news, I hope,” Moholand responded. “The information comes from location and public records only. I assumed Capizzano was involved with the crew nearest his home location. I didn’t ask questions yet because you wanted it quiet. Soon as someone starts asking about something this old, word will get out. So far, your man appeared to be involved with some heavy hitters but the leader at the time was gunned down a few years ago in some sort of dispute. His second is now the main man. Your guy is barely a speck in the past.”

  Holdin grunted in male acknowledgment and waited for the rest. There always was something else, especially when the news was good.

  “Don’t know if this means anything, but the second was arrested twenty years ago for a murder. The charges were dismissed for lack of evidence. Right now he’s a guest of the federal government in another case that’s in trial. Murder again, very high profile. The jury is out right now. If it’s guilty, he’ll be going away, possibly with a due date on his soul. It’ll probably hold up in appeal if they get him convicted.”

  “Damn, how long has the jury been out? What’s the feeling? Do they think it’s gonna stick?” Holdin wanted to know.

  “They’ve been out two days and I can’t tell you
how it’ll go. No one seems sure.”

  “Let me know as soon as it breaks.”

  “You’ll know when I do. It’ll be all over the news,” Moholand returned.

  “No, I’ll probably have no idea. Surgery was today. It looks good but I’m not going to be free here for a while. Call me.”

  “Fine, I’ll hold your hand. But I’m gonna bill ya for the effort.”

  Holdin grinned. “Those aren’t bills you send me, they’re love notes.”

  “Yeah, well, this time you get the full rate. Cuttin’ you a break seems to give you a foul mouth.”

  “Just saying, I’d rather you felt it was worth your time. Doin’ me this favor might be dangerous.”

  “Notice I figured out fast that I’d rather stick to public records? If I were you, I’d keep her face out of the media and the details on how you met sketchy. Make something up. You’re a popular guy, everyone will believe you were doin’ someone your first semester at college. Change the boy’s birthday so it matches that story. Mentioning the old girlfriend at all is a bad idea. A person being in the federal hotel doesn’t mean he can’t reach out. Don’t give him a reason to.”

  “That your professional opinion?” Holdin asked. Moholand’s words of caution said much more than the facts had. He was worried.

  “Yeah. No amount of security gizmos or bodyguards will make a shit of difference if you draw this person’s attention. These are the bastards who put the fear in professional.”

  “Then why is he hung up with the government now?”

  “Government got lucky, though I think they had some help from this guy’s real competition, the other pros.”

  “Damn.” Holdin rubbed his forehead. “Okay, buddy. Thanks. Don’t do anything else for right now. Until I know for sure that’s who we’re lookin’ at, I don’t want you stickin’ your nose in.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ve already deleted the search from my hard drive. Thinking of swapping it out and destroying the one I was using. I’m real happy to go eat donuts and look ignorant on this one.”

  “Call me,” Holdin directed before he hung up.

  Standing in the deserted hall, Holdin gazed out the glass front at the surrounding parking lot. Shit and damn! According to Moholand, no one could protect her if the past came back looking for her. Assuming her father had been just as bad as the boys he ran with, he was probably the only person who was capable and that bastard had died on her.

  Realization hit Holdin hard. With her father dead, her only chance of life had been to disappear. So she had. It’d been bothering him that she’d never even hinted anything to him back when they were together. As close as they’d been, that hadn’t made sense.

  He’d wondered about the nineteen hours before the crash too. She could have called him from a restroom. They’d have stopped once in a while. But she hadn’t called. Which meant she’d agreed with her father about leaving him cold. Made sense now. Ignorance was her only way of protecting him.

  So if her memory loss was not medical, the only reason she’d allowed herself to remember was because Drifter needed a future. She’d been just as scared for her son and had little time to make arrangements. Which meant that now that the danger to her health was past, could she slip back into the safety of anonymity? Even if she didn’t want to?

  No, she had to know that memory loss now would endanger Drifter by taking away her ability to protect him with knowledge. So now she would be even more afraid for her baby. Holdin had to reassure Jill that he had a plan to keep her detached from the young woman on the run she’d been before she came up with some plan on her own to distance herself from him and their past again. She’d already created a pattern of trying to bury his connection to the person she’d been. It was how she would try to protect both Drifter and him again. And most likely why she’d tried to keep him at arm’s length before the surgery.

  The thing that gave him hope was her inability to stay away from him emotionally, even when she was fighting it. They’d made love at the ranch. Nothing about what they’d shared had been as simple as sex. She was his and both of them had known it.

  Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed her, but in a sense he’d had no choice. Just as she’d not been able to deny what they were together. The relationship between them was not entirely physical but it was expressed that way between them. If he were better with the words, perhaps things would be different but he doubted it.

  Holdin turned and strode back to her room. He had to get to her fast. Tell her about the new story they were going to use and reassure her that he’d be protecting both her and Drifter. There would be no running from him. This time they’d have a future together, he’d make sure of it. If this plan didn’t work, he had another one in mind. One he grimly hoped he wouldn’t have to use.

  It was suppertime and Holdin asked his parents if they’d take Drifter out for a meal. He didn’t want them to know he needed a few minutes alone with Jill, even if she was groggy.

  Drifter had been reluctant to go but Holdin promised to call if anything changed. He waited until they were out of sight before slipping in her room.

  She was lying so still and apparently sleeping as he gazed down at her. Tubes went in her nose. There was a catheter, an IV ran into her arm and she was hooked up to what seemed like a ridiculous number of monitors. Once again the light was dim and shadows crept around the walls of the room. The summer sun was up in the early evening outside but here the drapes were drawn and night seemed a stalker slowly drawing nearer with eager intent.

  His primitive core was crawling the walls in aggressive fervor at the knowledge that she was in danger. Even though he felt the threat was distant, it was difficult to tolerate the possibility. But that was nothing compared to the deep, piercing pain of knowing she’d sacrificed so much to protect him.

  Turning her back on her past had been for her own protection as well but he’d bet the memory loss had been because she didn’t trust herself to remain anonymous. She knew the effort to keep away from him would become too great in a weak moment and she’d been unwilling to allow herself even the possibility of endangering him. He wasn’t flattering himself that she would miss the sex that much. It was her natural, submissive need for security that would do it. It would not have been possible for him to keep away from her if the positions had been reversed. He knew that for a fact.

  Holdin pulled a chair up and took her free hand. “Jill?”

  Her eyes opened but her face didn’t change as she regarded him silently. Holdin refused to let her lack of welcome bother him. She was trying to protect him again and he simply was not having it.

  “Hi, Jilly-girl.” He smiled and lifted her hand to his lips for a second, needing the intimate contact. Even if it was only a kiss to her palm. “How’s my girl?”

  “I have a hole in my head,” Jill informed him in a husky whisper. “Things could be better.”

  “I know, baby. There is something that is better. Just listen to me for a minute. Can you manage that?”

  “Sure. If I fall asleep, don’t take it personally. It’s the hole in the head. Things fall out.” Jill smiled faintly at her own joke.

  “Hush and listen. You’re not supposed to be a smart-ass already.” Holdin kissed her hand again because he had to then got to the problem and his solution.

  “I know why you had to stay away. Why it was so important that you protect both of us by not remembering us. Don’t get upset, I haven’t been digging around your past in a way anyone would notice. There’s good news though. The man who was the head of your father’s gang is dead. His second-in-command is currently in jail for a murder two years ago. They aren’t a threat.” Holdin studied her as he went on. “Even so, we’ll change the facts about when we met. All we have to do is move Drifter’s birth date a couple months. I can make sure anyone who knows different is silent. It’s not a problem this time.”

  Holdin had absolutely no difficulty withholding some of the information from her. Jill needed to re
lax and concentrate on recovering. It was his job to worry about everything else. When they were younger, he might not have had the tools to protect her, that didn’t apply anymore. He was not going to lose her again, not to her efforts to protect him and certainly not to some fucking thug. Nor was he going to let said thug have one more minute of his life. That bastard had stolen the future from them once.

  If the Feds couldn’t take care of business, he’d see that someone did. He knew that sounded as if he were willing to take out a hit on the man and he supposed basically that was exactly what he’d be doing.

  He was perfectly willing to use the services of a little-known company out of Miami that was in the business of security. Holdin had met the owner some years ago. That man was the definition of scary bastard. Holdin had immediately recognized a cunning predator walking in the skin of a man, a familiar spirit.

  The meeting had been a chance one, both at the same place for different reasons, but they had been comfortable with each other immediately. This was one dominant male who had no need to prove anything to the pro quarterback. Holdin had enjoyed the interaction as they were in the company of a mutual friend.