It occurred to me that the last time I had been truly happy was when I was in church. The happy spirits, inspirational music, and the all-around happy sensation that I felt always seemed to uplift my spirit. Now, I wasn't brought up going to church every Sunday, or even every other Sunday, so it had really been a while since I'd been to church.
I began to recollect on some of the sermons that I had listened to in the past, but had never actually taken the time to comprehend and apply them to my life. One of the sermons that I remembered was a sermon on the power of prayer. This sermon spoke on how effective and truly amazing the power of prayer is.
I had heard stories about people praying to God for his blessings and forgiveness, and also how he answers all prayers. Prayer in my life had never been completely imperative, nor at times realistic. Every once in a while I prayed over meals, but only because someone told me to; to me it was just a hassle. I had never prayed on my own free will. I never saw the point.
At that moment, I dropped to my knees and I prayed. I prayed for all of the things in my life that I felt kept me from my happiness. I prayed for my parents, I prayed for friendship, I prayed for love, self-love, and self-acceptance, but most of all, I prayed for happiness.
After my prayer, I turned on my radio, and Yolanda Adams's "Open My Heart" was on. I was bawling again. The song touched me, and I knew at that moment I needed God in my life. I knew that I wanted to give my life to Christ. I didn't know it at the time, but at that moment, God spoke to me. He told me that he would be my friend, he would wipe my tears, he would soothe my pain, he would never leave me, and most importantly, he would love me unconditionally. All I had to do was believe.
Ever since that night, my whole outlook on life has changed. The moment I accepted God into my life and my heart, I found my happiness. God shined his light in places in my life that I thought would be dark forever. He's taken away all of my pain and replaced it with joy and love. I'm not saying that I'll never hurt, and I'll never have problems. Who doesn't? It's now, through him, that I've learned how to deal with my problems in a positive way, through prayer, and with faith that everything will turn out right.
I've found that happiness is not something that is easily gained. It's something that comes deep within yourself. It's something that I believe is a blessing from God. To be truly happy, I believe that you have to learn to love and accept yourself for who and what you are, even if no one else does. God loves you, and his love is all that you'll ever need.
I encourage you today to take a look at your inner self. Are you truly happy? If not, take a look at your spirituality, and through it, look to discover your inner happiness. I found my happiness in God, and in my happiness, I've found the acceptance and love that I have been searching for.
So now, when people ask me why I'm so happy and why I'm always smiling, I put on a bright smile and say: "God is good!" I don't have a reason not to smile, because God has truly smiled on me.
—AGE 14
I'm Not Out, But I'm Still Not In
My neighborhood wasn't the poor type, but it wasn't really rich either. However, there was still enough money to go around, and we lived in one of the wealthiest counties in the United States. My elementary school was in the same county. Through my years there, plenty of new students entered the school, but by fifth grade, we all knew each other and were like a big family. Everyone knew each other, was friends, helped each other out, and that year was my greatest year of all.
I was the only one from my class in the Academically Talented program, better known as AT; I had the top grades in my class, my tests and quizzes were always the highest, and my friends and I developed an even tighter relationship than we'd ever had. I felt so good about myself.
Things went great until we started middle school. There were other kids that joined me in AT who seemed smarter than me, so I didn't feel so smart anymore. My tests and grades were still high, but I wasn't the only one with them. There were other kids getting the same grades as me, sometimes even better than mine.
But the worst thing that happened was that my friends left me for other people, new people that had come from other elementary schools. I often blame myself for that awful change. We were in classes depending on our level of capability and achievement, and coming from a lower-class school, most of my friends were in the lesser-regarded classes. They were all in the "low classes." That was how the smarter people referred to them.
Since we were all now in different classes, I didn't feel like part of their big, friendly family anymore.... I was the only one from my elementary school in the higher classes. The other girls in AT were all best friends already, so they seemed perfectly content. They were pretty, popular, smart, friendly, flirtatious, and almost everything else that I wasn't.
Despite their rare attempts to become my friend, I didn't talk to them much. I excluded myself from them and the rest of the school. Instead, I focused my life on school, making my grades go higher, higher, and higher, until I was close enough to a perfect 4.0 to almost touch it.
That wasn't what I wanted. No matter how high my grades were, I was still lonely and sad. I hardly smiled anymore, and even my family noticed. If anyone ever asked "What's the matter?" the answer was always "I'm just tired." My parents began to monitor my sleep to make sure I was getting enough, which I was. I sank deeper and deeper into despair, until I realized I could sink no deeper.
I finally decided to do something. The next day, a few of the girls in my classes tried to talk to me. Instead of brushing them off, this time I actually talked back. We began to start an interesting conversation, and soon enough I was talking and laughing with them daily. At lunch, everyone wanted to sit at their table, but there were so many people that all of their friends combined had to sit at two separate tables close to each other.
One day I walked into the lunchroom, heading for my usual corner of the room to eat with the few friends that I had remaining from elementary. They hardly talked to me, but they had still been my friends at one point, so I felt fine. There was some small talk between us often, but other than that we didn't talk. I wasn't unwelcome, but I wasn't exactly greeted with open arms and smiling faces either.
I heard a few voices calling my name. I turned and saw that the girls from my AT class were calling me. It was a total shocker, but I recovered. I didn't talk much during the meal, but it was still fun to be absorbed in their conversation, feeling like I was part of something special. I even stood with them during recess. That was the start of our friendship.
One of the girls, I noticed, kept being pushed around. Not physically, but she was often excluded from the group, pushed away as if not wanted. I wasn't in the center circle of the group myself, so I decided to talk to her, make her see that we both had something in common when it came to this situation.
Sure enough we became best friends the rest of the year and the summer. The second year of middle school, I expected things to be pretty much the same. I was wrong again. The table was less crowded so I always sat with them at lunch, but they seemed to be more flirtatious this year, even my best friend. They kept a lot of secrets and personal jokes, and whenever I asked about it, the answer was always, "It's a long story." Well, most of the stories, jokes, and secrets didn't seem that long, because they had plenty of time to tell the other people.
I just let it go unnoticed. After all, I'd spent a whole year without any friends, so I could last this year without knowing some secrets. Well, things really got out of hand. There were too many secrets, and I wasn't sure if they were talking about me. I felt really uncomfortable, but I didn't have anywhere else to go. This was the only group of people that really accepted me, I think.
It lasted a whole year, and soon I even began to cry at night because I felt so left out. My best friend had joined them in the secrets, so I had no one to lean on. I felt like a single grain of sand in a desert going unnoticed because I was no different from the rest. Besides, if they were going to keep secrets from me,
they could at least make it a little less obvious. They could be right in your face, then all of a sudden lean over and whisper something when they know you're right there.
I couldn't stand it anymore. I totally blew up. My period makes me moody, and it's during my period that I blew the cork. I got so mad that I broke fifteen elastic bands while trying to do my hair. My face was so flushed as I spoke to them, letting every bit of anger flow out like a raging river. I had so much to say that I often forgot to breathe. My mind went crazy, picking up every little word that I could think of and mixing it with my blowing anger. The whole time the girls couldn't say anything. They just sat there watching and listening to me go out of my mind.
In the end, my words didn't do much. They still do the same things, keep the same habits, but they don't do it as much. Perhaps this isn't the best approach, but it's working. They know not to overdo it, because if they do, I'll go crazy again. I hope that maybe one day this situation will improve, and we can all be better friends, but until then, I'm going a step at a time, not yet out, but not yet in.
—AGE 12
Odd Girl Speaks Out Page 13