by Jennie Adams
And a chin tucked over the top of her head so that she was cuddled into him, as though he’d reached for her, put her there and hadn’t wanted to let go.
Lally’s breath caught and her senses exploded with a surge of desire and need while her emotions clamoured with the torn feelings that came from being in his arms. So many conflicted feelings; she hadn’t anticipated any of them, yet they washed all through her.
Lally tried to blame her rioting feelings on suddenly finding herself in this position. What if she’d ended up here because she had rolled into his arms, cuddled up to him quite shamelessly? What if she’d done that while he was wide awake and he’d put up with it rather than waking her? She wouldn’t have said Sam’s name in her sleep, would she?
But Lally knew she would not have done that, because it wasn’t Sam who’d filled her thoughts since the day she’d met Cameron. Sam hadn’t filled her thoughts for a long time, other than with guilt.
Cam made a contented, sensual sound in his sleep and his arms tightened their hold about her. Lally’s worries gave way to more immediate responses, and not all of those responses came out of the fact of their physical closeness.
That set it all off. She wanted his kisses and to be loved by him; she wanted his body—but she also wanted him to want her soul. Lally wanted Cameron far too much to be safe in that wanting.
‘Easy, Lally.’ Cam stroked the backs of his knuckles gently over her back. His words were slurred and relaxed, more asleep than awake. ‘It’s just rain. We’re safe. We know where we are.’
The mumbled words said so much about Cam’s attitude to feeling misplaced. ‘I wasn’t…’ Worried about that. She heaved in a breath. Given that brought them even more chest-to-chest, that didn’t exactly help. His voice had been all raspy, as though he’d been in a deep, deep sleep. ‘I know we’re safe. We’re at the B&B after our pebble collecting and dinner with your mother.’
She threw that in just in case he needed to be reminded, so he could completely orient himself.
Lally cleared her throat and whispered into the night, ‘Did you sleep like that for long?’
There was a beat of silence and then a slow, surprised, ‘Out like a light, and I must have slept for about six hours. I fell asleep listening to you sleeping. I’d still have been asleep if you hadn’t started to wake.’ His voice deepened again. ‘Not that I minded.’
There was a great deal of ‘not minding’ along with the surprise that he’d slept so well in those few words, maybe more than he’d meant to let slip.
Lally felt thrilled because she’d helped him sleep. How silly was that? He’d probably slept due to some totally different reason. Maybe rain falling helped him to sleep. Didn’t people listen to recordings of water falling and things like that, for that reason?
But he’d have tried that and be doing it all the time, if it worked for him. Cam’s hand curved against her shoulder. He barely moved it, and yet all of Lally’s body responded with a deep and demanding command to arch into his touch.
Was it the early hour of the morning and the dimmed intimacy of the room that made his words sound like the most sensual thing she had heard? His touch an invitation, a hope and a promise?
Lally tried desperately to pull herself together, but all that came out was, ‘If I snored I’m going to die.’ Her body arched into his despite herself. She stretched like a cat, right there in his arms. Lally stiffened with embarrassment and wished her emotions and responses would stop fritzing out on her.
Until Cam drew a deep, unsteady breath and went very, very still against her. ‘You breathe like a kitten. You make purring sounds in your sleep. It’s very…sexy.’
The words wrapped around her, made her feel desirable, gorgeous and lovely.
When had she stopped letting herself feel like that? Why had she stopped? The thoughts washed away as Lally registered the craving in his strong body, the desire mixed with gentleness in the fingers that stroked over her shoulder blades. They slowed as her body melted despite her, stroked to the back of her neck and oh, so softly drew her forward until his lips were a breath away from hers. ‘May I?’
Kiss her? Love her? Do whatever he wanted with her and never, ever stop?
Her whispered, ‘Yes,’ ended in a sigh as his lips covered hers. Lally justified that it was only a kiss, one kiss, while rain fell on the roof above them. Cam tugged the sheet and blanket with his fist until it was wrapped around them, then she was snuggled hard against his chest while his mouth explored hers and their bodies pressed against each other.
There was always a point when the choice was made, a cut-off point, a chance to draw back; Lally and Cam pushed straight through that barrier with this one single kiss. He opened his mouth and offered her his tongue. She claimed him, exploring his mouth, letting their tongues brush, and to that claim she yielded herself.
‘You’re so beautiful.’ Cam’s hands skimmed over her upper arms. His fingers splayed over the side of her neck and speared into her hair. He buried his nose against her scalp, closed his eyes and inhaled, and his body tightened.
He pressed fully against her, tangled his legs with hers, and his muscles locked. ‘I don’t want to hurt you, Lally—emo tion ally. There are things I can’t give you. In my past, I’ve proved that. This can’t be…’
‘I know.’ And she did know. If Lally had thought about anything, it was that neither of them wanted to get twisted up in something that they couldn’t walk away from.
If her heart hurt a little at that thought, it was probably because she’d once had a lot more faith in her ability in relationships.
But that was then, and this was now, and she liked to think that she and Cam were friends; in some ways, wasn’t that far steadier and more special than a lot of other things might be? If they both had histories that held them back emo tion ally now, well, maybe that meant this was okay for her with him: no false expectations, no surprises.
Just this. Now.
‘I don’t want it to be anything other than this.’ Not more than right now; she didn’t want the complication. Lally told herself this and tried not to notice the thoughts in the back of her mind that clamoured for so much more. ‘We’re just two people reaching for each other out of friendship and mutual desire. That’s all it is. And it’s allowed to be that.’
It was safe to take that, and to give it. It wasn’t the same as thinking she’d fallen deeply in love, only to discover the man of her dreams had deceived her and that a marriage had failed as a result of their association.
She’d thought she was in love back then, but it had got a lot worse than even that marriage failure.
Cam searched her eyes in the dimness. She searched his too, though she didn’t know what she was looking for and didn’t know what he would find.
After a long moment, he stroked his fingers over her jaw.
Then she didn’t think any more because he was kissing her with slow kisses and touching her oh, so gently.
Lally eased into those kisses and touches. She couldn’t have said when they built to need, and when need became more need, until it consumed her and her emotions flared and rushed through her, even though she’d thought she knew what they were all about; now she didn’t.
Sensation crowded through her too. Her mouth melted beneath his, yielded parts of her that she hadn’t known were shut inside, hadn’t imagined she would give to him because this shouldn’t have been about that.
In a few short words, they’d laid down their rules. Tangled feelings, overwhelming feelings, were not part of this, yet she felt them pushing from inside to try to come out.
Lally could have panicked then but she didn’t get a chance. Cam brushed her hair away from her face. Their clothes had disappeared; now he brought her to a place of desperate neediness. He eased her closer still and kissed her mouth.
Though he smiled and his eyes were calm, they were also full of heat, and his heart was thundering against her chest. His body quaked against hers and his finge
rs trembled as he stroked her face and slowly entered her. ‘Lally.’ His mouth closed over hers, worshipping her lips with the sweetest of kisses.
Lally’s eyes fell slowly shut, and opened again as her body adjusted to his presence. How could she explain the sense of rightness, the feeling that their bodies had been made for each other, for this moment together? She looked into his eyes and didn’t know why she needed this the way she did. How could she think about that question when all she could do was feel with her body, her senses and her emotions?
‘Are you all right?’ He kissed her lips. His body rested against hers, stilled within hers, as he waited for her answer.
‘Yes.’ She drew a breath. ‘Yes.’ And she was. Lally just knew that; she accepted it and let her worries go.
He loved her gently, loved her thoroughly, until every sense and nerve ending was tuned to him and only him. With whispered encouragement he helped her climb towards completion. His gaze locked with hers and he gave her all his pleasure and tenderness.
At the last moment he splayed his hand across her shoulder blades and pressed them heart to heart; he kissed her as she shattered in his arms, and he shat tered with her.
When Lally thought it was over, he kissed her neck and shoulders, and used his hands to massage the muscles in her back, waist and over her hips until her body arched. He whispered her name and they made love a second time.
Dawn came and went as she lay in his arms, drifting between contentment, completion, half-consciousness and sleep. Thoughts didn’t exist. How could they when all she could feel was the soft stroke of his fingers on her skin? When all she could hear was the even tenor of his breath against her ear? Lally let go and allowed herself to sleep once again.
Cam held Lally while she drifted on the edges of consciousness, and eventually as he gentled her with his touch she drifted all the way over and gave way to sleep. He kissed the top of her head and let himself tuck her close, then come to terms with feeling as though he held the most incredible treasure in his hands, treasure that he didn’t want to let go of.
Had he done the wrong thing by her with this? When he’d woken with her in his arms, it had been too easy to reach for what he’d known deep down they both wanted.
But had that been best for her? And for him? Cam sighed and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. He pressed his lips to her temple and gave her the softest but ter fly kiss. Where did all this tenderness in him for her come from? Cam hadn’t been tender in his life like this. He hadn’t wanted to wrap a woman up gently in his arms, hold her softly, cuddle her for as long as she needed, and then cuddle her some more because he needed it.
He didn’t understand such feelings and he couldn’t begin to imagine where he should try to go with them. There was no place he could go with them. Lally was his employee, his temporary housekeeper. Even that wasn’t going to last. And Cam wouldn’t last in an ongoing relationship with her, would never be able to settle, stick with it and focus on it, be committed to it.
He spent most of his time warring with his inability to sleep, filling his life and his world with way too much work to make the long hours pass. Yes, he’d slept in Lally’s arms, but that wasn’t normal for him. It had probably happened for some random reason, or because he’d become so totally exhausted that his body had finally allowed him to take that rest that he’d so desperately needed.
Cam knew his limits. He shouldn’t have allowed this to happen, but he had, and how would they deal with this now?
Cam sighed, forced himself to let her go, and then he climbed out of bed. He’d take a shower and get dressed, and maybe then he would think about all of this more clearly.
She’d said she didn’t expect more than what they had shared. Cam had ended up feeling that they had shared a great deal more than he had expected. But exactly what had they shared? What made him feel this experience was different, deeper, so much more? And what did he do about any of that?
He had no answers.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
‘LALLY. About last night.’
‘It was special; a gift. I’m choosing to see it as a gift and think of it as that.’ Lally’s rounded chin tipped up and her eyes glittered with determination.
She didn’t quite meet Cam’s eyes, not fully.
He couldn’t blame her. Instead, he admired her so much for this show of strength when they both felt awkward and uncertain. Cam felt uncertain, and Lally looked uncertain beneath the façade of control and wilful good-cheer.
Cam should be thanking Lally for the gift. Nothing he’d experienced in his life had come close to what they’d shared last night. She’d brought him peace, sleep, rest and then the most moving intimacy he had ever experienced. ‘I don’t know what to say to you. It was—I’ve never; I can’t explain.’
‘You don’t have to, Cam. You don’t have to explain anything.’ She kept her head facing forward.
They were in the convertible, headed for the first beach on their list for the day. A part of Cam had wanted to call the rest of their pebble-searching off and head straight back to Adelaide. But what would that solve? Nothing.
Yet Cam couldn’t find the words to explain what was inside him. So he brought up one thing that should have been dis cussed last night—before they’d made love. ‘Is there a chance you could end up…?’
‘No.’ She shook her head and warm heat flooded her face beneath the tan of her skin. ‘I’m on the Pill—irregular periods.’
Right, well, that was good, then. No chance of a baby. Cam blew out a breath that had to be relief. He couldn’t explain why the relief made his chest feel tight. His hands clenched around the steering wheel and he tried to relax them. ‘Uh, this is the beach, just here.’
After stating the abundantly obvious, he pulled the car to a stop and they both climbed out.
It went like that all morning. They picked up pebbles, moved on to the next beach, picked up more pebbles. They were un comfortable together, completely conscious of what had passed between them last night, silent about it, while unspoken further words screamed between them.
They finally finished finding pebbles and drove to the next town. They bought gourmet deli-sandwiches filled with prawns and other seafood on long rolls; they could eat them straight away, and they did, because it seemed the thing to do.
‘We’ll make good time back to Adelaide.’ Lally got up from the park bench where they’d been sitting and brushed crumbs from her skirt.
Cam stood too, and his brow furrowed as he noted the shadows beneath her eyes. Those could have come from unhappiness or strain as easily as they could come from tiredness.
Lally stared at him as though willing him to just get them into the car so they could go. He returned her stare and dredged for words to say; he fought the need to hold her, and a wave of emotion rolled through him.
‘Yes, we’ll make good time,’ Cam acknowledged, and Lally drew a shaky breath and headed for the car with such relief that he couldn’t say another word. Not now. Not when she seemed so fragile.
And not when he didn’t know what to say.
Cam just…didn’t know.
‘I’ll let the supplier know we won’t take the pavers, then.’ Jordan, the site boss, shrugged his shoulders. ‘My opinion stands. I’m sure the pebble mosaic will look great, and I’ll help out with anything that’s needed for it. But I think for the commercial plans you have for this place leaving the existing pavers down is going to make it look a little too comfy—like a big home, rather than a newly refurbished apartment-complex, albeit one created within an old building. Over all I don’t think that’s going to best serve the place.’
‘And I respect your opinion, but I’ll stick with the plans that I have for the mosaic and the existing paving of the courtyard area.’ Cam shoved a hand through his hair. ‘I have to go with my instinct on this. It feels right to do the area this way.’
Lally stood at Cam’s side. It was afternoon. They’d arrived back, stepped out of the car an
d Jordan had asked for a few minutes to go over various matters. The courtyard area and a chance to get new pavers for it at a bargain price had topped the list.
Cam went on now. ‘Lally’s going to put in her mosaic, and you’ll go ahead with the plans to get the garden surrounds into good order, but that’s all that needs doing.’
‘Okay. It’s your call.’
The two men ended their discussion and the site boss walked away with no hard feelings.
That left Lally, Cam, a car full of pebbles, a few things that had been said and some that hadn’t. Such as all the thoughts inside her head that Lally wasn’t sure she wanted to examine. And the emotions that wrapped around the time she had spent in Cam’s arms, how special that had been for her.
She wanted to walk away and never come back, to run and not stop running. At the same time, she wanted to step forward into Cam’s arms, hold him, be held tight by him and never, ever let go. She hadn’t been able to talk any more about it.
Lally had done what she’d promised herself she wouldn’t do: she had let her feelings get involved. Now she had to un-involve them—somehow. She didn’t know how.
Lally didn’t know how she would get through the rest of her time with him at all. There were things inside her, deep, emotional things to do with them making love and the sur render to him that had somehow happened deep within her. Lally couldn’t let herself think about those things, not if she wanted to get through this. Not with her past. With Cam, she’d taken something she had no right to. That was what kept coming to her.
‘Lally.’ Cam cleared his throat.
‘There’s nothing to say, Cam. Please, can we just forget it?’
‘I’m not sure if I can forget.’ He hesitated, then said on a short burst, ‘I fell asleep with you. I didn’t believe I was capable of doing that. Maybe it was a one-off…’ Doubt filled his words. ‘I can’t be settled. I’m a man who will never be able to stop in one place. I don’t know how to be in a normal, loving relationship. I tried; I made a total wreck of it. And my mother…’